Celebrity Jukebox #143: Tom Lehrer

A quick shout out to the great Tom Lehrer who died a week or so ago at the grand old age of 97. Famous for his satirical songs with a sharp and cynical wit, like this...

Tom Lehrer - Poisoning Pigeons In The Park

And this...

Tom Lehrer - The Masochism Tango

He's also the man who famously set the Periodic Table to song, via Gilbert & Sullivan...

Tom Lehrer - The Element Song

I couldn't find any lyrical mentions, although Randy Newman was obviously a fan, once saying, "He's one of the great American songwriters without a doubt, right up there with everybody, the top guys. As a lyricist, as good as there's been in the last half of the 20th century." Weird Al Yankovic and Donald Fagen were also appreciative of his work. 

Tom Lehrer also, following on from last week's Snapshots, had at least three songs banned by the BBC... including this one.

Whichever heaven he's gone to, Tom Lehrer will be giving the person in charge hell!

My Top Ten Pigeon Songs

And so we reach my Top Ten Pigeon Songs, a post I wrote over a year ago... but I've been holding it back in reserve for the moment when I finally ran out of time to write any new ones. Luckily, it's half term next week, so hopefully I'll have a little more time to stockpile blogposts until Christmas. Otherwise... it may go a little quiet round here for awhile.

Anyway: pigeons. I like pigeons. Although I do seem to be in the minority. Here's ten odes to "rats with wings", some of them decidedly unpleasant...

Special mentions to The Pigeon Detectives and Lieutenant Pigeon.


10. Blur - The Woodpigeon Song

Obscure b-side... and, let's be honest, lads, it sounds like one.

9. The Uncle Devil Show - Sidelong Glances of a Pigeon Kicker

A one-off side project for Del Amitri's Justin Currie, this bizarre Beatles-esque pop tune was one of a handful of songs released by The Uncle Devil Show around ten years back. You could spot Currie's cynical tone a mile off...

A bird on the wing is a beautiful thing
With the exception of species whose speciality's faeces
So here's permission to land under the half brick
In my hand, in my hand...

8.  Genesis - Pigeons

Amazingly, this is post-Gabriel Genesis. Can't help but feel they were trying a little too hard to out-weird their former leader. From the Spot The Pigeon EP, which brings us nicely to...

7. Dick Dastardly & Mutley - Stop The Pigeon

Someone else who isn't a pigeon fancier. But how could I leave this out?

Mutley, you snickering,
Floppy-eared hound
When courage is needed,
You're never around.
Those medals you wear on
Your moth-eaten chest
Should be there for bungling
At which you are best.

6. John Prine - Clay Pigeons

I'm tired of running round looking for answers to questions I already know.

Written by Blaze Foley - now there's a great name for a country singer... or a burnt out detective.

5. Tom Lehrer - Poisoning Pigeons In The Park

Another classic slice of comic misanthropy... and pigeonthropy.

4. Cyndi Lauper - Sally's Pigeons

Cyndi recalls a childhood friend who's no longer with us.

Watch out for a young Julia Stiles playing teenage Cyndi in the video.

3. Kid Creole & The Coconuts - Stool Pigeon

Now if you wanna squeal, said the FBI
We can make a deal, make it worth your while...

Not about your feathered variety of pigeons, obviously. Kid Creole was cool.

2. The Handsome Family - Passenger Pigeons

Once upon a time, the Passenger Pigeon was one of the most abundant species of bird on earth. It was hunted to extinction at the beginning of the 20th Century... probably by the likes of Justin Currie, Tom Lehrer and Dick Dastardly.

Once there were a billion passenger pigeons
So many flew by, they darkened the sky
But they were clubbed and shot
Netted, Gassed, and Burned
Until there was nothing left
But vines of empty nests
I can't believe how easily
A billion birds can disappear

1. The Unthanks - King of Rome

Dave Sudbury's song tells the true story of Charlie Hudson, whose racing pigeon was entered into a 1913 race from Rome back to its home in Derby. But...

On the day o' the big race a storm blew in 
A thousand birds were swept away and never seen again

...and Charlie's bird was feared lost with them. But then, a miracle happened.

I was off with me mates for a pint or two 
When I saw a wing flash up in the blue 
"Charlie, it's the King of Rome 
Come back to his West End home 
Come outside quick, he's perched up on your roof"

Originally recorded by Sudbury, made famous by June Tabor... but this glorious version by the Unthanks and the Brighouse & Rastrick Brass Band takes some beating.




Ten pigeons set flying... but which one will win your race?

My Top Ten Park Songs

Fancy a walk in the park...?


Special mention to Maxïmo Park, Van Dyke Parks, South Park and Ray Parker Jr. Of course.


10. Dubstar - Cathedral Park

I always thought Dubstar was a rubbish name for a band, particularly a band with very little dub in their sound. I always liked the fact that you could hear Sarah Blackwood's northern accent in her vocals though.

The interweb tells me Dubstar are recording again and soon to release a new record. Ooh... 

9. The Auteurs - After Murder Park

A song about dead children to cheer your dark winter days. Could have been worse (?) - I could have gone with Tom Lehrer - Poisoning Pigeons In The Park.

8. Feist - The Park

Feist thinks she's seen an old love in the park... it's unlikely she'll see him there again.

Beautiful song. 

7. Georgie Fame - Sitting In the Park

Or you may prefer the original by Billy Stewart, which I only just discovered, but it is rather fine. 

6. Cinerama - Barefoot In The Park

Named after the old Jane Fonda / Robert Redford movie, this is David Gedge going all romantic on us again. Hardly the sort of thing you'd hear on Steve Wright's Sunday Love Songs, but perhaps it ought to be...

Yes it's because you're just sublime
That I think about you all the time
Don't ask me if it's true
Because how could anybody not love you?

5. Blur - Park Life

You may have expected this nearer the top... but in retrospect, isn't it just the teeniest bit annoying? Great single, but still... a bit annoying. Actually, I'm not sure who's more annoying, Damon or Phil Daniels. Probably Damon... Phil's just playing a part.

For something slightly less annoying from the Blur boys (but not half as catchy), try Trailer Park.

4. Bruce Springsteen - 4th of July, Asbury Park

Look, I'm not going to apologise for the amount of times Bruce makes My Tops Tens... but I should probably apologise that this one only got to #4. In any other chart... Number One With A Bullet.

And me, I just got tired of hangin' in them dusty arcades
Bangin' them pleasure machines
Chasin' the factory girls underneath the boardwalk
Where they all promise to unsnap their jeans
And you know that tilt-a-whirl down on the south beach drag
I got on it last night and my shirt got caught
And they kept me spinnin', dear, didn't think I'd ever get off

3.  Billy Bragg - Tank Park Salute

One of Billy's most heartbreaking songs, about a young boy coming to terms with the death of his father. Sends a shiver down my spine.  

For a much younger, much more raucous Billy, you might try: Riff Raff - Barking Park Lake.

2. Small Faces - Itchycoo Park

I feel inclined to blow my mind
Get hung up, feed the ducks with a bun
They all come out to groove about
Be nice and have fun in the sun

What did you do there?

I got high!

You don't say...

1.  Richard Harris - MacArthur Park

Yes, I could have gone with the Donna Summer version, the Glen Campbell version... or even Jimmy Webb's own version... but Richard Harris did it first, and most famously. This song gets a lot of stick, partly because as a singer, Richard Harris was a great actor... and partly because nobody can really agree on what the lyrics are about. Hell to all that - it's a metaphor, deal with it.

Classic.



Those were my favourite park songs, but... which one leaves your cake out in the rain?

My Top Ten Carol Songs

Because it's almost Christmas... here's ten Carols.

No Carolines though, there's a whole other Top Ten in them.

10. Tom Lehrer - A Christmas Carol

Getting us all in the Christmas spirit... kind of.

On Christmas Day you can't get sore,
Your fellow man you must adore,
There's time to rob him all the more
The other three hundred and sixty-four.

9. The Polyphonic Spree - Carol of the Bells

 Or, if you prefer a slightly less cynical Christmas Carol... (well, it's also mercifully short).

8. Nadeah - Scary Carol

In which Nadeah gets kidnapped by a green polar bear. Things get weirder from there.

7. Chuck Berry - Carol

Can't beat a bit of Chuck. Great guitar on this song.

6. Modesty Blaise - Carol Mountain

80s indie band who the internet appears to know very little about. Shame: this is a jaunty little number.

5. Morrissey - When I Last Spoke To Carol

Morrissey goes Mariachi. Again. And growls like a tiger. Don't ask me.

4. Manfred Mann's Earth Band -  Don't Kill It, Carol

This Carol doesn't have exactly green fingers. Oy! Carol! Leave that rose alone!

3. Jeff Buckley - Corpus Christi Carol

It's easy to forget just what a cracking album Grace was. Then you listen to something like this again and... woah, momma.

2. Neil Sedaka - Oh Carol

It's a classic, but it might not have made it so high on this countdown if it wasn't for the talky bit.

I'm always a sucker for talky bits: the more earnest, the better.

Written for Carole King, back when she and Neil worked together in the Brill Building.

1. Flight of the Conchords - Carol Brown

One of their very best. Lyrics so good... proves they're more than just a comedy band.

Shut up, girlfriends from the past!

Those were my favourite Carols... which one is your Vorderman?