A light bulb goes out so you have to replace it, then the hoover needs charging, then the sound on your computer won't work so you have to reboot it, then the cat pukes up a furball on the bedroom carpet, then the wind blows your bin over, then...
Life just seems like an endless stream of things going wrong.
At least the Buzzcocks understand...
Walking Bertie on Sunday morning, we crossed a field of freshly mown grass... the smell of it caused a huge emotional flashback to my youth when everyone would gather to do the haymaking. I'd be up on the back of the trailer with the job of stacking the bales as my dad, my brother and my brother-in-law tossed them up at me. Like brickwork, the first layer went in rows, then columns. Sometimes columns down the outside of the layer, rows in between. If you didn't stack them right, they'd all tumble off on the way back to the barn.
It's getting on for 40 years since I did the haymaking - eventually my dad replaced rectangular bales with those big tubular ones wrapped in plastic, and when that happened, I wasn't needed any more.
Amazing how much sensory memory was contained in the smell of that grass though, like a time machine taking me back to my youth in a way that a visual image just couldn't do. Never underestimate the power of your nose.
This post was inspired by a new song from Stephen Wilson Jr., an Americana artist I’ve only recently discovered. He’s worthy of further investigation if this sort of thing is your bag.
Anyway, the chorus informs us, “There ain't a
lot of boys named Gary these days”, a reminder of how birth names fall in and
out of fashion. (Amusingly, they’ve got the actor Gary Sinise to star in the
video… although it doesn’t end well for him.) This got me thinking about
the names of the kids Sam goes to school with… versus the ones I went to school
with.
I have a nephew called Gary. He’s about ten or twelve years
younger than me. But there are no Garys in Sam’s school. Neither is there a
Neil or a Sean, the names of my other nephews.
I started to think about the most common names of kids I
grew up with.
Sam doesn’t know any Richards. No Ricks or Rickys either.
And while he probably knows a few dicks… there are definitely no Dicks.
He also doesn’t go to school with anyone called Paul.
Steven? Stephen? Steve? Stevie? Not a one.
Andrew… he knows one Andy. There must have been a dozen in
my school.
Fantastic Negrito – A Boy Named Andrew
Most shocking of all though… Sam doesn’t know anyone called
David.
No Daves!?!
Everyone knows a Dave – surely?! Two of my best mates are
called Dave – and I only have three and a half friends.
No Darrens, no Phils, no Jasons, no Brians, and definitely no Kevins.
The Undertones - My Perfect Cousin
He does know a heck of a lot of Georges though… he told me
he could count 15, but he might have been exaggerating. Slightly.
Edwyn Collins - Gorgeous George
Other common boys’ names in Sam’s school?
Harry.
Arthur.
Albert.
Isaac.
Frank.
The Monochrome Set - He's Frank (Slight Return)
Eli.
Three Dog Night - Eli's Coming
Alfie.
(Sorry, Cilla's version goes right through me.)
The weird thing is, I didn’t go to school with a single one
of those. In fact, if you’d asked me when I was a kid, I would have told you
they were all old men names. Harry Bamforth was an old farmer who lived across
the fields from us. So was Arthur Lockwood. And Frank Shaw. Albert Tatlock and
Alf Roberts were old blokes on Coronation Street. Eli and Isaac were names I
only read about in Old Testament RE lessons.
I wonder if, in another 20 years’ time, the classrooms will be full of Garys, Darrens and Daves again? There probably won't be many Donalds... but I could be wrong.
A final word today from Nigel (no Nigels in Sam's school either)...
In case you're wondering - yes, there will be a follow-up to this post about girl's names.
Probably next week some time.
I'm a big fan of the cartoonist Stephen Collins who does a regular strip in the Saturday Guardian and also wrote the excellent graphic novel The Giant Beard That Was Evil. Above is one of his more recent strips, which I figured might draw some nods of existential approval. I'm hoping you can click on the image to see a larger, readable version. But I'm sure you'll let me know if you can't.
And here's another song from Bowling For Soup, in a similar vein...
Martin has written quite a bit about the horrors of AI recently, and I'm with him a hundred per cent. It's frightening that pop music of the next couple of decades looks like it'll be dominated by robot singers performing robot songs... until the Human Uprising of 2051, at least.
JC has also experimented with AI - and been unfairly lambasted for it, although I will admit to being one of the lambasters.
I was made aware of an amusing AI-related piece of nonsense recently though. Apparently, if you're still listing CDs for sale on eBay (and why you'd do that, since eBay started adding 85p onto the sale price of every CD for "Buyer Insurance", is anybody's guess), and you can't be bothered writing a description (or stealing one from discogs), you can let the eBay AI do it for you. With hilarious results. Here's a few I tried...
The Jam - All Mod Cons
The product is a CD featuring a compilation of Mod music with all the modern conveniences. This collection of songs embodies the style and energy of the Mod movement, providing listeners with a nostalgic trip back to the heyday of this influential music genre. perfect for fans of Mod music looking to enjoy the classic sounds in a convenient and high-quality format.
The Jam - Down In The Tube Station At Midnight
The Wedding Present - George Best
The "George Best Wedding Present" is a unique and thoughtful gift for a wedding occasion, presented in the form of a CD. This gift is likely to contain music that holds sentimental value to the couple, making it a special addition to their wedding day. The CD format makes it a convenient and versatile present that can be enjoyed by the couple at any time, serving as a lasting reminder of the special day.
The Wedding Present - Everyone Thinks He Looks Daft
Belle & Sebastian - The Boy With The Arab Strap
The product is a CD by Belle & Sebastian titled "Boy with the Arab Strap." The album features a mix of indie pop and alternative rock music, with lyrics written in English and Arabic. The unique blending of languages and musical styles reflects the band's distinctive sound and cultural influences. Fans of indie music and those interested in exploring music that incorporates different languages will enjoy this album.
Yes, I was disappointed that the AI didn't know what an Arab Strap is.
Belle & Sebastian - The Boy With The Arab Strap
This one is my favourite...
Half Man Half Biscuit - Achtung Bono
The product is a CD titled "Half Man Half Biscuit – Achtung Bono." This music CD features a mix of songs from the Irish rock band U2, reimagined as if performed by a half-man, half-biscuit hybrid character. The unique and playful concept of this CD is likely to appeal to fans of U2 and those who enjoy experimental or humorous music. With a CD format, listeners can enjoy the unconventional and entertaining sound that this album has to offer.
Half Man Half Biscuit - For What Is Chatteris...
But I saved this for last because I'd never seen the video before. DAVID THEWLIS! Top work, lads.
Yard Act - Where's My Utopia
The "Yard Act: Where's My Utopia" CD by the artist Utopia, released under the record label Act, offers a musical journey exploring themes of idealism and reality. With a unique blend of melodies and lyrics, this album challenges listeners to question their perceptions of a perfect world. Dive into the imaginative realm crafted by Utopia and discover a sound that is both captivating and thought-provoking.
Todd Rundgren fans might be a little confused if they buy this CD...
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During Sam's football match at the weekend, we got word that one of the other dads - who hadn't attended that morning, though his child was on the pitch playing - had died suddenly of a heart attack.
I feel like I ought to write about this, but I don't know how. I've known the dad in question for the past five years or so, only really to say hi to or have a quick chat with, nothing more... but getting that news, in that moment, it really shook me. Yet it feels wrong to talk about my own reaction given what his wife and children must be dealing with right now, and will have to deal with from now on.
My heart goes out to them, not that that'll make any difference.
I tried to think of a song to accompany this post, and this was the only thing I came up with.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Byrsdy jangle of Librarians With Hickeys.
