Snapshots #462: Songs About Parts Of A House

From the Doors, all around the house... here's some songs you might hear if an estate agent is showing you round.

15. Cromwell flattened them.

English Civil War history lesson required.

The Levellers - This Garden

14. Sweet transvestite.

Frank N Furter himself...

Tim Curry - Paradise Garage

13. I'll give you half a dozen to sweeten the deal, fella.

Six to the Sugar, man.

Sixto Rodriguez - Halfway Up The Stairs

12. Found inside the Eiffel Tower.

Eiffel Tower.

Felt - Don't Die On My Doorstep

The tube of you directed me towards the Samaritans when I tried to find that song.

11. The rooster raced away from Duane and Floyd.

The cock ran from two Eddies.

Eddie Cochran - Sittin' In The Balcony

10. Disrupting the proton laws.

"Proton laws" was an anagram.

Snow Patrol - Crack the Shutters

9. Playing bass in That Irish Band makes him very happy.

Adam Clayton plays bass in That Irish Band. God knows how he manages to stay Merry, working with those other twonks.

Merry Clayton - The Doorbell Rings

8. Milk, sugar, cornflour.

The ingredients of a...

Blancmange - Living On The Ceiling

7. Is that the best that you can do, Faith and Ant?

"The best that you can do" is the subtitle of Arthur's Theme. Faith and Ant are Adams.

Arthur Adams - You've Got The Floor

6. Small erasers.

The Rubettes - Under One Roof

5. Card-carrying and paid up.

The Members - Rat Up A Drainpipe

4. She has a Clown... and keeps in with Mr. Brown (for his money).

Cathy's Clown meets Dennis "Money In My Pocket" Brown.

Cathy Dennis - Too Many Walls

3. Moving Number 10 from London to Manchester might cause this...

Northern Uproar - From A Window

2. Angelic boss is also loaded.

Charlie Rich - Behind Closed Doors

1. JFK commission unmasks German Numero Uno. 

The people investigating JFK's assassination were the Warren Commission. A German Number One might be "Ze von!" (in a really bad German accent, with apologies to Walter).

Indisputably today's best song...

Warren Zevon - Desperados Under The Eaves

Get back in the Snapshots house next Saturday.

Celebrity Jukebox #59: Jean Shrimpton

I hadn’t planned on doing a post on Jean Shrimpton, even though her name came up while I was looking into Terence Stamp’s murky past a couple of weeks back. But then, as fate would have it, I heard a song in the car that mentioned her… and that’s often a trigger to start me digging.

Iffypedia tells me that back in the swinging 60s, Jean Shrimpton was dubbed the “most famous”, “most photographed”, “most beautiful” and consequently “highest paid” model in the world. She has said she owes her career to photographer David Bailey, with whom she had a 4 year romance (prior to Terry Stamp), although Bailey also called her his muse and claimed her photos helped his own rise to fame.

Here’s a song named after Jean, from the appropriately named Close Ups, a cartoon band from 2006 in the manner of The Archies and Gorillaz…

The Close-Ups – Jean Shrimpton

When I saw the name Shark Inferno, I got very excited, imagining a ridiculous disaster B-movie starring Tiffany, Debbie Gibson and some flying CGI sharks with flame-throwers. Sadly, the reality was a low-key backing track with a bit of “Ohhh”-ing over the top.

Shark Inferno – Jean Shrimpton Boogie

Hardly a song befitting “the most beautiful girl in the world”, is it? So here’s Prince instead.

Prince – The Most Beautiful Girl In The World

And, just because I can…

Charlie Rich – The Most Beautiful Girl In The World

Neither of those songs are specifically about Jean Shrimpton, and I’ve set the bar way too high now. But here’s the man who wrote Taylor Dayne’s Tell It To My Heart with something far less annoying than his big hit. A lovely little tune that mention Jean, David Bailey and someone called Paul McCartney in its seemingly unrelated coda…

Seth Swirsky – Watercolour Day

“Never mind all that, Rol!” I hear you cry. “What was that song you heard in the car!?!”

Only New Jersey’s 11^th best rock band*, The Smithereens, with their 1986 UK Indie Chart “hit”, Behind The Wall Of Sleep, a consummation devoutly to be wished.

(*Estimated.)

Best of all, this track doesn’t just mention Jean… but also former Rolling Stone and your French teacher’s worst nightmare*, Bill “Interesting” Wyman…

She had hair like Jeannie Shrimpton back in 1965…

…and she stood just like Bill Wyman
Now I’m her biggest fan

Sounds like a winning combo to me.

(Because of the way he mangled the language in Je Suis Un Rock Star, nothing more salacious than that.)

Saturday Snapshots #69 - The Answers

Steady on, now ladies of a certain age... if you're Looking Through The Eyes of Love this morning, now's not the time to become a Daydreamer. We have serious business here - namely, the answers to yesterday morning's Saturday Snapshots.

Very quick recap today as I feel proper done in on Saturday night, so no time for the usual shout-outs, I'm afraid, other than to say 'Welcome back, Lynchie' and apologise to Chris if this was a hard one. Every week somebody different says it's a hard one, so that must be variety, eclecticism or maybe I'm just running out of 'easy ones'.

If I Didn't Care, I'd wouldn't reveal the answers right now...



10. Inheriting the chocolate factory made him a millionaire... now all he needs is the perfect woman!

Charlie & The Chocolate Factory.

Millionaires are rich.

Remember: beauty is in the eye of the beholder!

Charlie Rich - The Most Beautiful Girl In The World

9. New York card game presided over by Dylan & Steve.

Bob Dylan.

Steve Earle.

Bob & Earl - Harlem Shuffle

8. Frank & Cilla's children refuse to instruct disco partners.

Frank & Cilla would have...

Black Kids - I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How To Dance With You

7. Cool daddio, this would be a groovy place... if it wasn't for those chuffing chimps!

Cool daddio, are you digging my scene?

Not with blowing monkeys!

The Blow Monkeys - Digging Your Scene

6. A load of nutters love the rain.

10,000 Maniacs - Like The Weather

5. Throw away two-faced champions and switch on the idiot box.

Disposable Heroes of Hiphoprisy - Television (The Drug of the Nation)

4. Big beach lured by tasty chucky.

Giant Sand - Temptation of Egg

3. Use a crowbar to break into Peter Pan's house... but it might not topple easily.

Jimmy your way into Cliff's house...

Jimmy Cliff - The Harder They Fall

2. Lost your valentine? Try the carousel.

Fairground Attraction - Find My Love

1. Enlarge General to solve cardiac problems.

Enlarge & General are both anagrams.

Al Green - How Can You Mend A Broken Heart?



Cherish these songs until next Saturday. How Can I Be Sure you'll be back? Well, Breaking Up Is Hard To Do...