Celebrity Jukebox #14: Joan Fontaine & Olivia de Havilland

Another of George's challenges today. "What about Joan Fontaine (or her equally famous sister)?" 

Well, Joan I had an answer for immediately. Olivia, on the other hand, took some digging.

First, a little background. 

By all accounts, Joan Fontaine and Olivia de Havilland hated each other. Olivia was only 15 months older than Joan, but their feud started in childhood and only ended when they were both dead. Joan died in 2013, aged 96, but Olivia had the last laugh, reaching the grand age of 104 before dying in 2020. It's amazing they both lasted that long, since Joan allegedly fantasised of killing her sister when she was 9, and later broke Olivia's collarbone in a scrap. When they were both nominated for the Best Actress Oscar in 1942 and Joan won, she was convinced her sister would finish her off. 

Who wins the musical tribute contest though?

Well, I did find a contemporary musical artiste called De Havilland, though I can't find out anything about them, including whether they took their name from Olivia or not.

De Havilland - The Disease

Meanwhile, the only lyrical mention I uncovered for Olivia was this rather charming number from Norwegian rock band Major Parkinson...

Seven o'clock the sun is up

And like a bullet in a china shop

In these anachronistic hours of today

The belly of the moon is grey

Now there's nobody here but Fred Astaire

Frank Sinatra, Doris Day

Oh Olivia de Havilland my bride

I'll keep you by my side...

So how does Joan fair in comparison?

Well, you could argue that The Fabulous Fontaines, Richmond Fontaine and Fontaines DC all keep the Fontaine flag flying, but I'm not sure any of them were thinking of Joan when they chose their name.

What about lyrical mentions then?

Well, Flagpole Sittas Harvey Danger don't exactly put her in the best of company...

Once I had a sweetheart;

She kind of looked like Joan Fontaine

She made mediocre art

But had a fascinating brain

Harvey Danger - I Missed It

While Paul's lad has a nicer comparison to make...

She's got the style of Paulette Goddard

And the smile of Joan Fontaine

And she drives a Karmann Ghia

Through the streets of Silver Lake

Harper Simon - Berkeley Girl

But it's neither of these that make Joan the winner. Oh no... it's this little beauty, from another of George's favourites, The Boss. Admittedly, it's from his debut album, before he developed his own lyrical voice and was more into aping Mr. Dylan, but still. We love it anyway.

Hey bus driver, keep the change

Bless your children, give them names

Don't trust men who walk with canes

Drink this and you'll grow wings on your feet

Broadway Mary, Joan Fontaine

Advertiser on a downtown train

Oh, Christmas crier bustin' cane

He's in love again

My Top Ten Carrie Fisher Songs

I don't really want to turn this blog into an obit list: the world is forcing that upon me. I've had no time to catch my breath after my tributes to Rick Parfitt and George Michael, but I still wanted to write something for Carrie Fisher, because she was my first real heroine. I was six when I saw Star Wars for the first time and Carrie taught me from a very young age that girls can be just as tough and heroic as boys (arguably more so, because they have to fight against centuries of patriarchal oppression while they're doing it... and when your dad's Darth Vader, they don't get much more patriarchal or oppressive). But Princess Leia was never Dale Arden. She never screamed for the chistle-jawed hero to come save her. She stood up to Vader, acted tougher than Luke from the outset, and took none of Han's bullshit. Of course, Carrie was much more than Leia: but she'll always be Leia to me.

Here's ten songs in tribute...


10. Carrie Fisher - Princess Leia Life Day Song

George has tried his best to bury the ill-advised Star Wars holiday special, and having sat through it once on a dodgy pirate copy many years ago, I can understand why. It's still arguably a better piece of entertainment than Chapters I, II or III... and Carrie does her very best to keep a straight face while singing the awful lyrics that have been scored over John Williams' classic theme.

9. Jimmy Buffett - I Love The Now

Who knew Carrie was a parrothead? Turns out she co-wrote the lyrics for this lesser-known Jimmy Buffett tune...

8. Harper Simon - The Shine

...and also contributed lyrics to Harper Simon's The Shine. (I understand her ex, Harper's Dad, might have had a hand in this one too. But more of him later.)

7. Debbie Reynolds - Tammy

Sadly, we must also take a moment to remember Carrie's mum, who died just a day after her daughter. Although mostly known as an actress, she started out as a nightclub singer and had a number of hit records from the musicals she appeared in during the 50s.

6. Eddie Fisher - On The Street Where You Live

And a nod to her dad, who died a few years back, but was a huge teen idol in the 50s and sold more pre-rock 'n' roll pop singles in the first half of that decade than just about anyone else.

5. blink-182 - A New Hope

Princess Leia, where are you tonight?
And who's laying there by your side?
Every night I fall asleep with you
And I wake up alone

And even though I'm not as cool as Han
I still want to be your man
You're exactly the kind of
Alderranian that I need

'Nuff said.

4. Neon Neon - I Told Her On Alderaan

 Super Furry Star Wars fans pay tribute to Princess Leia's home planet.

3. Paul Simon - She Moves On

The first of three from Carrie's former / only husband. They were apparently together (on and off) for many years but only stayed married for 11 months. I guess this one was written when it was finally over.

I know the reason I
Feel so blessed
My heart still splashes
Inside my chest, but she
She is like a top
She cannot stop
She moves on

2. Paul Simon - Renee & Georgette Magritte With Their Dog After The War

I used to work with a DJ who always said "stupid name for a dog" when he played his song.

Recorded while Paul & Carrie were together: she appears in the video, though it's pretty hard to tell because it's appropriately surreal.

1. Paul Simon - Hearts & Bones

The big one that Paul wrote about his relationship with Carrie. A classic.

One and one-half wandering Jews
Returned to their natural coasts
To resume old acquaintances
Step out occasionally
And speculate who had been damaged the most
Easy time will determine if these consolations
Will be their reward
The arc of a love affair
Waiting to be restored
You take two bodies and you twirl them into one
Their hearts and their bones
And they won't come undone

Let's hope this is the last one of these I have to write in 2016...