Snapshots #459: Songs About Writing (or Groups of Words)

Time to write down your answers for this week's quiz...

 

15. Real twats will have nothing to do with him.

"Real twats" was an unfortunate anagram.

Al Stewart - Time Passages

14. Subordinate T-Rex. 

Dinosaur Jr - The Post

The thing that most of us spend a lot of time writing.

13. Finger, hob, Jimmy.

The Nails - 88 Lines About 44 Women

12. Love - Latest Flame - Eamonn. 

Courtney Love, Marie's the Name, Eamonn Andrews.

Courtney Marie Andrews - On My Page

11. What if Johnny and Andrew formed a band?

Johnny Marr and Andrew Marr might have called their band The...

MARRS - Pump Up The Volume 

10. There'll be times when my crimes will seem almost unforgivable...

That's the opening line to Strangelove by Depeche Mode.

Strangelove - Extract From A Journal: Nov 17th 1997

9. Oh my god - they killed the doubter!

Oh my god - they killed Kenny! Probably for being a Doubting Thomas.

Kenny Thomas - Piece By Piece

8. Elvis finds rhymes in a blizzard.

King Gizzard And The Lizard Wizard - The Book

Kenny Thomas to King Gizzard And The Lizard Wizard. That's what this blog is all about.

7. He's neither tool nor dogfight. 

"Tool nor dogfight" was an anagram.

Gordon Lightfoot - Canadian Railroad Trilogy

6. Where Flanders puts Homer's work waste.

Ned's Atomic Dustbin - Sentence

5. Still... Peanuts.

Still D.R.E. And Snoopy.

Dr. Dre featuring Snoop Dogg - The Next Episode

4. Derek (sic) and his Finetime Fools.

"Derek (sic)" was an anagram. Cast sang Finetime.

Rick Dees & His Cast Of Idiots - Disco Duck (Part One)

3. These Charm-ing Men.

Lucky Charms for The Smiths.

The Lucksmiths - The Chapter In Your Life Entitled San Francisco

Rick Dees to The Lucksmiths. That's what this blog is all about.

2. Hey hey, puff, wheeze, we're the... gasp, pant...

Hey hey, we're the out of breath Monkees. Must be all that blowing.

Blow Monkeys - Digging Your Scene

1. Lovely... Calvin (30).

Lovely Rita and Calvin Coolidge, the 30th POTUS.

Rita Coolidge - Words

I'll write more soon.

Snapshots Spillover: More W-onderful Places

More places beginning with W, following on from this week's Snapshots.

Let's start where Alice ended up... no, not in a Big Country.

Next we go to the current World Capital of Corruption and Idiocracy...

The Magnetic Fields – Washington DC

Hopefully that won't always be the case... though there is a worry that Michael Martin Murphey might be correct...

Michael Martin Murphey – The Wild West Is Going To Get Wilder

And back home to a Country whose name appears in far too few song titles...

The Wedding Present - Wales

Drive East from there and you might end up here...

The Capital Letters - Wolverhampton

Or even here...

Go Kart Mozart - West Brom Blues

And if you were going South East, you could be going towards...

Bleech – The Worthing Song

And on the way, you might call in here..

The Candy Skins - Wembley

Just don't stop at the services - they charge a fortune!

Roy Harper - Watford Gap

Meanwhile... yesterday, Andy Bell sang us a lovely song about Weston-Super-Mare. Just be grateful I chose that rather than...

The Wurzels - Sunny Weston-Super-Mare

Now before we head back across the pond, how about a word about one of the oldest cities in northern Europe?

Porridge Radio - Worms

Ask Walter if you don't believe me.

So then, we finish our travels back in "the land of the free"... although these guys are from Melbourne, so what do they know about it?

The Lucksmiths - Wyoming

Now Winnemucca is clearly the best place name beginning with W. Sadly, I couldn't find any songs about it... but Richmond Fontaine did name a whole after after it.

Richmond Fontaine - Out Of State (from Winnemucca)

Then there's Waco, a town famous for its infamous siege... 

The Indelicates - Something's Goin' Down In Waco

Although other things have happened there.

Ethel Cain – Waco, Texas 

Charley Crockett – The Man From Waco

I had to finish today back in Canada though. Not exactly the best tune you'll hear today... but definitely the best song title.

Celebrity Jukebox #105: Agatha Christie

We've had her under surveillance since the beginning of the 20th Century. She's implicated in all manner of crimes, including being the best-selling fiction-writer of all time, writing over 80 books, and being responsible for the world's longest running stage play. But what evidence could we find to help convict her?

Let's look at the witness statements, starting with a Knight of the Realm...

Oh, in her two pound coat

She really thinks she's cloaked in mystery

She's actin' like some character from Agatha Christie

I got a pain in my shoes and all I wanna do is dance

The Boomtown Rats - Keep It Up

Ah, so it appears we can rhyme Christie with Mystery. Can any other witnesses back that up?

It's not a mystery, Agatha Christie

Dizzee Rascal - Body Loose

And there's more where he came from...

I never wanted to be 

A man of mystery

My life's an open book

by James Joyce and Agatha Christie 

Jimmy Buffet - If It All Falls Down

Not sure that particular beach bum is a trusty source. Here's someone a little more trustworthy...

In my parallel life I could solve this mystery

Like Agatha Christie I'd have a clue

Alice Peacock - Parallel Life

Now who let this bunch of reprobates into the court room?

We can stand naked on the corner of Main Street, baby, and

Let everybody slow down and take a look

You can drive your Cadillac to the library, baby, and maybe read the

Last ten pages of an Agatha Christie book

You can feed my cat to my dog

And turn around and feed my dog to my horse

You can screw the whole damn royal family, baby, until they

All get a divorce

The Dead Milkmen - The Blues Song

Clearly there are a lot of questions surrounding our suspect today. For example...

Life and Agatha Christie in a Trailway back from New Orleans
Who dunnit, who carried you?

Malcolm Holcombe - Who Carried You?

And more importantly...

The CIA?
The KGB?
Agatha Christie?
Whodunnit? Whodunnit? Whodunnit?

Glaxo Babies - Who Killed Bruce Lee?

In truth, they're queuing up to testify in this case, for both the defence and the prosecution...

Steve Hackett - Carry On Up The Vicarage (A Musical Tribute To Agatha Christie)

The Devil - Agatha Christie

(Proof, if proof be needed, that he doesn't have all the best tunes.)

Negative Nancies - Agatha Christie

The Deep Freeze Mice - Reading An Agatha Christie

...although I'm not sure I'd trust any of that lot.

Thank heavens then for a reliable witness in the shape of our old friends, The Lucksmiths...

I love her but she loves Agatha Christie

And she's so wrapped up in the English Murder Mystery

I was nowhere near the scene of the crime

I was nowhere around at the time

Someone dropped arsenic in Mr Robinson's wine

Getting angry doesn't suit her

Says her English Literature tutor

Case closed.

Celebrity Jukebox #6: Barbara Stanwyck

When I first announced this series, George set me a little challenge.

Well, actually he set me three.

The first one, I failed miserably at. To be honest, I had to google Mercedes McCambridge, just to make sure she wasn't a delusion of George's fevered imagination. Turns out she's not. This is her in Giant, one of the only three films James Dean ever made...

And this is her (uncredited) in The Exorcist. Really. Google it if you don't believe me.

But there were absolutely no songs (that I could find) which mention her name. The closest I got was this...

Paul Revere & The Raiders - Powder Blue Mercedes Queen

I had more luck with George's second suggestion though. The lady at the top of the page is Barbara Stanwyck, who, back in 1944, was the highest paid actress in the USA. Which probably made her the highest paid actress in the world. Unless the Lithuanian film industry was especially lucrative at the time.

Here she is in perhaps her most famous role, Double Indemnity. Well, it's the only one I could think of, besides The Thorn Birds.

This is Quella, a contemporary Prog-Punk-Metal band from Brighton. I bet they'll be right up George's street...

You've taken it all

And in my quiet panic

I channel Barbara Stanwyck

And there's fire in my eyes

 

Personally, I prefer this, from one of my favourite Aussie bands, The Lucksmiths...

But honey, there's no hurry

I would hate to make you panic

I feel like Fred MacMurray

And you look like Barbara Stanwyck

As to George's third suggestion... we'll save her for another day. Because I need more space...

 

Saturday Snapshots #120 - The Answers

I blame Billy Joel for the fact that I can't ever think about Grace Kelly without also thinking about trouble in the Suez. Damn him. I'll never be part of High Society.

Anyway, before it gets to High Noon, here are this week's answers...

10. Invasion of the... couch potatoes.

Invasion of the Bodysnatchers.

Being a couch potato is a pretty easy life.

The Bodysnatchers - Easy Life

9. Rhythm & Blues writes to problematic girl, mourning conjunction.

R 'n' B without the conjunction is RB. Mourning is grieving.

How do you solve a problem like Maria?

R.B. Greaves - Take A Letter, Maria

For years, I thought this was a song about a scoundrel leaving his wife and shamelessly copping off with his secretary. Then I listened a bit more closely and realised his missus was at it first. So I guess that serves her right.

Excellent video.

8. Weeping fox.

Vixen - Crying

You love it.

Don't pretend you don't.

7. Ask Daniele for a more upbeat reaction to bad weather than Don & Phil had.

"Ask Daniele" is an anagram.

The Everly Brothers were Crying In The Rain.

Neil Sedaka - Laughter In The Rain

6. Dancer's dog mourned by Lee, Lynne and Luke Sky.

Jerry Lee, Jeff Lynne & Luke Sky... Walker.

The dancer's dog was Mr. Bojangles.

Tissues at the ready...

Jerry Jeff Walker - Mr. Bojangles

5. Bake-off final: mercy for Hergé.

Duffy sang Mercy.

I've never watched Bake Off, but I presume that in the final they put the icing on the cake.

Stephen Tin Tin Duffy - Icing On The Cake

4. Alloy writer romanticised by fortunate Queen killers.

The Smiths sang The Queen Is Dead.

Breaking into the palace with a sponge and a rusty spanner now seems quite mild as Morrissey's crimes go.

The romantic alloy writer would be Danielle Steel.

The Lucksmiths - Danielle Steel

3. On hold for conventional candy.

Vanilla Fudge - You Keep Me Hanging On

I should have saved this one for a Cover Me Monday.

2. Romantic Shakespearean text found in smallest room.

A book found in the smallest room would be a loo read.

Lou Reed - Romeo Had Juliet

1. The sound...of a brand-new world. Predictably.

Hey, radio head!

The sound...of a brand-new world.

So sang Talking Heads.

A world without surprises would be very predictable.



It's pure coincidence that this track featured here on Thursday. I compiled this
edition of Saturday Snapshots weeks ago. I could have changed it, but I wanted to see if anyone was paying attention.

Don't worry, Saturday Snapshots will be back next week. No need to Dial M For Murder.

My Top Ten "Don't Judge A Book By Its Cover" Songs

Sound advice, I'm sure you'd agree. Here's ten songs that remind us not to do it...

10. Stevie Wonder - You Can't Judge A Book By Its Cover

I'm not going to make the obvious remark here, because it would be crass.

9. Rupert Holmes - Nearsighted

I've been listening beyond Escape & Him. It's all part of my mid-life crisis that I feel the need to dig into 70s MOR whenever life gets too much. Here's Rupert Holmes singing a song about - literally - being nearsighted. Sounds a lot like Barry Manilow on this one.

I don't judge a friend or lover

By a first or second look

Nor a book just by its cover

I can't even see the book

8. The Castiles - You Can't Judge A Book

A rough around the edges live bar-room cover of a Bo Diddley classic. Hardly a great recording, but their guitarist shows promise. He could go far.

7. Dolly Parton - Backwoods Barbie

From the heart...

I've always been misunderstood because of how I look.

Don't judge me by the cover 'cause I'm a real good book.

So read into it what you will, but see me as I am.

The way I look is just a country girl's idea of glam.

6. Inspiral Carpets - Directing Traffik

You can't judge a man by his skin

Or a book by the cover it's in

But I can't help feel it's true

The devil's got a hand on you

Ray Manzarek, Clint Boon. That's how you start a list of the most distinctive keyboard players in the history of rock.

5. The Hawk - Don't Judge A Book By Its Cover (feat. Little Hannah Collins)

Must admit, I stumbled across this one by accident... but it's bloody good.

4. The Lucksmiths - Danielle Steele

She'd look beautiful in a tea towel

But she's dressed up to the nines

She's covered herself in make-up

But she can't make up her mind

She's a damsel in distress

She feels a damn fool in this dress

She lives alone

And I know how she feels

She has the mind of Sharon Stone

And the heart of Danielle Steel

Genius lyrics here.

Spends hours in front of the bookcase

A beast with two paperbacks in bed

She's read them all from go to woe

And arranged them from A to Z

And you can judge a book by it's cover

A kingdom for a horse, a condom for a lover

3. The Temptations - Beauty Is Only Skin Deep

A pretty face you may not possess

But what I like about you is your tenderness

A pretty face maybe some guys taste

But I'll take lovin' in it's place

Charming! You're no oil painting yourself, mate.

2. Aerosmith - Dude (Looks Like A Lady)

Legend has it that Steven Tyler walked into a bar, spotted Vince Neil from Mötley Crüe from behind and was about to go chat him up until he realised his mistake.

So never judge a book by its cover

Or who you gonna love by your lover

Love put me wise to her love in disguise

She had the body of a Venus

Lord, imagine my surprise!

1. ABC - The Look Of Love

If you judge a book by the cover

Then you judge the look by the lover

I hope you'll soon recover

Me I go from one extreme to another

I'm not sure that really makes sense, but Martin Fry's lyrics never really did stand up to much analysis. Fortunately, his tunes were solid gold.


If you judged any of my suggestions too harshly... feel free to supply alternatives.

My Top Ten Southern Songs

I'm a proud Northerner through and through, but I don't have anything against any Soft Southern Jessies who might be reading this blog. And to prove it, here's ten songs just for you...


10. The Lucksmiths - Southernmost

You can't get much further south than the Lucksmiths, from Melbourne, Australia. This is a beautiful short story song of southern summer nights, swimming pools and falling asleep to the sound of a walkman.

9. John Murry - Southern Skies

The devil's paintbrush
Holds just one color

John Murry is one scary dude.

8. Crosby, Stills & Nash - Southern Cross

CSN sail south to Tahiti, perhaps searching for their erstwhile fourth member. (A clue: you'll find him higher up this chart.)

7. Albert Hammond - It Never Rains In Southern California

Albert Hammond's greatest creation... if you don't count his son, Jr., that guy in the Strokes. Despite all that, Al Sr.'s actually a Brit. He also co-wrote When I Need You for Leo Sayer. Is there anything he can't do?

6. Brad Paisley - Southern Comfort Zone

Never one to shy away from a cheesy pun or a comedy video, here Brad uses a tractor for percussion before running around the world in a single T-shirt, only to conclude "there's no place like Tennessee". Still my favourite contemporary country singer.

5. Glen Campbell - Southern Nights


Allen Toussaint's tribute to Louisiana. Not every classic Glen Campbell song was written by Jimmy Webb...

4. Boy & Bear - Southern Sun

More Aussies, from a little further north than the Lucksmiths. One of my best new musical discoveries of 2014 (so far), I'm currently saving up for their latest album, Harlequin Dream. (Money's pretty tight this month or I'd have already bought it.)

3. Tom Petty - Southern Accents

Florida's Tom Petty sings a romantic ode to the Orlando orange groves of his youth.

2. Luke Haines - English Southern Man

Oddly, the only Southern song in my list actually dedicated to the south of England. Luke Haines has spent a good part of his career taking good-natured swipes at us Thick Northerners, but I'll let him off... even if God's Own Country could never be on the south coast, Luke.

Luke's title, of course, was inspired by this...

1. Neil Young - Southern Man

Neil's vitriolic attack on Deep South racism, which may (or may not*) have inspired Lynyrd Skynyrd to fire back with Sweet Home Alabama. That surely earns it a Number One placing in any Southern chart.

(*Young himself claims that despite the reference to both himself and "Southern Man" in Sweet Home Alabama, Skynyrd were actually responding to the lyrics of another song, Alabama... which he no longer stands behind, anyway. So Neil & the Skynyrd boys ended up pals after all.)




Which is your Southern Superman?

My Top Ten San Francisco Songs

It's a while since I took a stop on my American music tour... so let's take a drive across the Golden Gate Bridge...


10. Train - Save Me, San Francisco

The bloke from Train looks like a Hollywood version of David Gedge. Doesn't sound quite as good...but there are far worse ways to spend 4 minutes of your life.

9. The Flower Pot Men - Let's Go To San Francisco

This is spookier than I remember it. I'm getting acid flashbacks from the video, and I never did acid in my life. 

8. Scott McKenzie - San Francisco

If you're going, be sure to wear some flowers in your hair.

7. Rufus Wainwright - San Francisco

Rufus does Judy Garland. Classic.

6. The Lucksmiths - The Chapter in Your Life Entitled San Francisco

Probably my favourite song by The Lucksmiths. If you've never heard them before and you're wondering what they sound like, the fact that they also have a song called There Is A Boy That Never Goes Out might give you a clue to their influences...

5. Tony Bennett - I Left My Heart in San Francisco

There appear to be numerous comedy routines which lead exhaustively to the punchline, "I left me harp in Sam Clam's Disco". I advise you to ignore them all.

4. American Music Club - All The Lost Souls Welcome You To San Francisco

Being that they hail from the city by the bay, it's no wonder that Mark Eitzel and co. have written a few songs about it (they even named an album after it).

A city built by fire trucks!
Dirty old bastards drunk on love
And mean old queens who never forgive
The compromises they made to live

3. Magnetic Fields - Come Back from San Francisco

One of Stephin Merritt's most beautiful love songs, as performed by Shirley Simms on the majestic 69 Love Songs...

Come back from San Francisco and kiss me; I've quit smoking.
I miss doing the wild thing with you.
Will you stay? I don't think so, but all I do is worry, 
Pack bags, call cabs, and hurry home to me.

2. Arctic Monkeys - Fake Tales Of San Francisco

You're not from New York City, you're from Rotherham...

...is probably the lyric that made me fall in love with the Arctic Monkeys way back when. 

Sad to hear that in the video edit, they replaced the line, ""The band were fucking wank
And I'm not having a nice time." with the far less interesting, "The band weren't very good..."

1. Chris Isaak - San Francisco Days

Probably my favourite Chris Isaak record, there's a real aching melancholy to his voice.





Special mention to Weightless Again by the Handsome Family...

This is why people OD on pills and jump from the Golden Gate Bridge. 
Anything to feel weightless again.

But which San Francisco song makes you feel weightless again?