Friday, 23 June 2017

My Top Ten Innuendo Songs (Volume 1)

That's Gary there. He's getting down to business, apparently. Like this.  Kind of reminds me of Jermaine in Flight of the Conchords. It was Business Time For Him too. But only on a Wednesday.

When I were a lad, pop songs used to allude to matters sexual. Subtly. You know, like My Ding-A-Ling. Subtle. You listen to what the young people are listening to these days and they're doing it in the kitchen, in the hall, in the back of a Vauxhall Astra... they've got no shame. And they just come right out and say it! Where's the fun in that? Where's the phnarr? Honestly, things were so much better back in the day...

Anyway, here's ten songs that would have Kenneth Williams crying, "Matron!"

10. Adam Ant - Goody Two Shoes
You don't drink,
Don't smoke,
What do you do?
Subtle innuendos follow...
There must be something inside
All very well, Adam, but I'm not sure how subtle it is if you have to tell us it's a bloody innuendo!

9. Diana Ross - Chain Reaction

I'm really not sure I believe this one or if it's all just an internet myth, but apparently, the lyrics to Chain Reaction are really, really smutty. Barry? Maurice? Robin? DIANA!?

Say it ain't so...

(Investigate this one at your peril.)

Cards on the table though, I love Chain Reaction.

The song. I mean the song!

8. Aerosmith - Love In An Elevator

The opening to this song / video is puerile, offensive and ridiculous. I feel ashamed for admitting it makes me laugh every time I hear / see it. Actually, there's very little innuendo here, it's just pure smut. But Steven Tyler is such a rock star caricature, it's hard to be offended by it.

7. The Who - Squeeze Box
Mama's got a squeeze box
She wears on her chest
And when daddy comes home
He never gets no rest
'Cause she's playing all night
And the music's all right
Mama's got a squeeze box
Daddy never sleeps at night
From the same band who were just looking at their Pictures of Lily, nothing else.

6. Prince - Chocolate Box

Not one to use an innuendo when he can be Prince (Gett Off, Cream, Come, etc. etc. etc.), Chocolate Box is actually Prince at his most restrained. It's not about a box of chocolates.

5. Billy Bragg (via Woody Guthrie) - Ingrid Bergman

Who knew Woody Guthrie was such a dirty old man?

4. Grace Jones - Pull Up To The Bumper

I will hold my hand up and say that for years, I had absolutely no idea there was anything remotely sordid about this track. It's just about a traffic jam, isn't it? Isn't it?

3. Cinerama - Quick, Before It Melts

David Gedge is on about a one night stand here, not an ice cream. And the perils of doing that when you've reached a certain age... or had too much beer, I guess.

He stole the title from a dodgy 60s farce, by the way...

2. Alison Moyet - Love Resurrection

One of those songs which got away with it for years because nobody really listened to what Alison was singing.
Show me one direction
I will not question again
For a warm injection
Is all I need to calm the pain

What seed must I sow
To replenish this barren land
Teach me to harvest,
I want you to grow in my hand

Let's be optimistic,
Let's say that we won't toil in vain
If we pull together
We'll never fall apart again...
Phew. Cold flannel, anyone?

1. Squeeze - Pullin' Mussels From A Shell

What goes on behind the chalets should stay behind the chalets.

Everybody knows that this is a nudge-nudge, wink-wink song... but have you EVER heard anyone use the title as innuendo in real life? Iffypedia tells us, "the phrase 'pulling mussels' is British slang for sexual intercourse, mainly used in England". Really? Not where I live, mate.

I have a load more big ones if anybody wants to see them.

Your suggestions are always welcome...


  1. Not where I come from either, and I'm from Dan Souff...

    How about Come On Eileen, by Dexy's.

    Or Picadilly Palare from Moz?

    Or anything by Ivor Biggun...

  2. Ooh, I do love a bit of innuendo, having been brought up on the traditional British diet of Carry On and Are You Being Served that's probably no surprise. I was surprised by some of these lyrics though, having not paid attention before (oh, Alison!) so quite a revelation. There was a time in my early adolescence when my friends and I could not say or hear the two words 'doing' and 'it' next to each other, in any completely innocent context, without blushing and collapsing into giggles, prompting bewildered looks from all around us who couldn't understand what on earth we found so funny.
    Funnily enough, Mr SDS and I were talking about innuendo in songs just the other day and he flagged up one I'd never have known, from Slade's 'Far Far Away': "I've had a red light of the wrist, without me even gettin' kissed". What could Noddy possibly be referring to?

  3. Call me naive, but I'd never cottoned on to the Alison Moyet song either. And as for Noddy Holder C - I'll never listen to a Slade track in the same way again!
    I'm glad to see that this is merely Volume 1 of what could conceivably be a multi-volume series, particularly if you dive into the worlds of the Blues and early R&B. Julia Lee and Wynonie Harris could probably qualify for individual Innuendo Top Tens to themselves.

  4. Funnily enough, until I started my blog last year, I had lived in blissful ignorance about the innuendo laden lyrics of so many songs - I now blush at my naivety. Wrote recently about Afternoon Delight by The Starland Vocal Band but needless to say first time around it was wasted on me not having embarked on delight of any kind at that point in my life - I know, too much information, but I have now checked out the Chain Reaction lyrics and you are right, not what I expected at all!

    Yes it was Chuck Berry and Benny Hill when I was young - "Ernie had his cocoa there, three times every week" - Simpler times.

  5. In Portugual Quim Barreiros has made a decades long career of making innuendo-filled albums. Such as A Cabritinha, which has this as the chorus:
    Eu gosto de mamar Nos peitos da cabritinha Eu gosto de mamar Nos peitos da cabritinha

    Gosto means I like, peitos are breasts mamar is suck, cabritinha is a little goat, but not in this song..........

  6. My Big 10 Inch by Bullmoose Jackson springs to mind
    Oh Matron!

  7. AC/DC - Big Balls
    That's about a man who organises dances and social events. No?

    Meri Wilson - Telephone Man
    A song about the difficulties encountered on getting a new phone installed, and all the possible locations for it. No?

  8. Spoonful by Howlin' Wolf springs to mind. And anything by Whitesnake - Slide it in, anyone?

  9. Rol
    Tried to contact you via your web site but all I got was a page of Adidas shoes.
    Just to let you know that Noisetrade are streaming a collection of Thea Gilmore songs and I know you area big fan


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