My Top Ten Stalker Songs (Volume 2)

Still not featuring this one, but its time will come.

As promised, I'm following you home again tonight.

In case you missed it, Volume 1 is here.



10. Robyn - Dancing On My Own

Seriously, you wouldn't mess around on Robyn. She would mess you up.

Somebody said you got a new friend
Does she love you better than I can?
There's a big black sky over my town
I know where you're at, I bet she's around
Yeah, I know it's stupid
I just gotta see it for myself
I'm in the corner, watching you kiss her, ohh
I'm right over here, why can't you see me, ohh
I'm giving it my all, but I'm not the girl you're taking home,
I keep dancing on my own

9. Randy Newman - Suzanne

Randy finds a girl's name & number graffitied in a telephone box and decides she's the one for him...

And when you go to the pictures
And I know you do
Don't take no one with you
'Cause I'll be there, too

8. Eminem - Stan

I realise there are many out there who hate the fact that Marshall gave Dido a career as a result of this track, but if you can get past that it's both scary and hilarious. Plus it's the record that proves once and for all that Eminem is a Phil Collins fan...

Dear Mr. I'm-Too-Good-to-Call-or-Write-My-Fans
This'll be the last package I ever send your ass
It's been six months and still no word – I don't deserve it?
I know you got my last two letters
I wrote the addresses on 'em perfect
So this is my cassette I'm sending you, I hope you hear it
I'm in the car right now, I'm doing 90 on the freeway
Hey, Slim, I drank a fifth of vodka, you dare me to drive?
You know the song by Phil Collins
"In the Air of the Night" about that guy who could've saved that other guy from drownin'
But didn't, then Phil saw it all, then at a show he found him?
That's kinda how this is
You could've rescued me from drowning
Now it's too late, I'm on a thousand downers now, I'm drowsy
And all I wanted was a lousy letter or a call
I hope you know I ripped all of your pictures off the wall
I loved you, Slim, we could've been together – think about it!

And of course, I can't post that without also posting this*, which I still find hilarious. Your mileage may vary. (*Enjoy your holiday, Jez.)

7. Heart - Alone

It doesn't get more 80s than this. I was 15 when this song came out. It soundtracked my teenage desperation...

You don't know how long I have wanted
To touch your lips and hold you tight, oh
You don't know how long I have waited
And I was going to tell you tonight
But the secret is still my own
And my love for you is still unknown
Alone

You've no idea how much those lyrics still make the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

6. Morrissey - The More You Ignore Me, The Closer I Get

I was reading a US article the other day that called Morrissey a "one hit wonder" and cited this track as said hit. What a bizarre world.

That aside, can you imagine anything more bizarre than being stalked by Mozzer? "Call the cops!", as Shaun Ryder would say.

Oh, by the way, while I like the new Morrissey single a lot and am looking forward to the album, I do wish he'd keep his mouth shut while promoting it.

5. The Wedding Present - Bewitched

Actually, I could probably devote a whole Top Ten to Wedding Present Songs wherein David Gedge ends up stalking someone. Here's one of the best.

Why do my steps get this small
When I reach your front door
And I wait outside for you to come back out
And your light goes out
You don't know me but I'm still here
And God the last time I saw you
You were, oh, this near
And there's a thousand things I wished I'd said and done
But the moment's gone...

4. Tommy Tutone - Jenny (867-5309)

The guys from Tommy Tutone employ a very similar pick-up strategy to Randy Newman.

Jenny, Jenny you're the girl for me
You don't know me but you make me so happy
I tried to call you before, but I lost my nerve
I tried my imagination but I was disturbed

3. Jens Lekman - Psychogirl

Jens gets stalked by a girl from the post office. They all fall for him, psychogirls.

She sent me an SMS
But it felt more like an SOS, a cry for help
I know your life has been a mess
You cried yourself to sleep as a child
In your mommy's dress and your summerdress
But stop following me, psychogirl
I have enough problems to deal with on my own
Just turn around now, psychogirl
Your eyes are like knives, cutting into my bones
And if I'd be your psychologist, who would be the psychologist's psychologist?

2. Blondie - One Way Or Another

Line up her if you'd like Debbie Harry as a stalker...

I'll walk down the mall, stand over by the wall
Where I can see it all, find out who ya' call
Lead you to the supermarket checkout, some specials and rat food
Get lost in the crowd...

1. Elvis Costello - I Want You 

Genuinely one of the scariest songs ever written. So good, they made a film out of it.

It's the stupid details that my heart is breaking for 
It's the way your shoulders shake and what they're shaking for 
I want you 
It's knowing that he knows you now after only guessing 
It's the thought of him undressing you or you undressing

There is plenty for a third volume. If I'm not arrested first.