Saturday Snapshots #50 - The Answers

Welcome, creeps and weirdoes, to the answers to yesterday's Saturday Snapshots. Oh, don't be such a Paranoid Android - I wasn't talking about you!

Thank you all for playing along, and for your nice comments about Saturday Snapshots. Alyson returned to take the victory with some excellent detective work this week. 

Here are the answers. No surprises here...

20. Vigorous bloke wins lottery.

Vigour is verve.

A lucky man would win the lottery.

The Verve - Lucky Man

19. Exciting experiences with no adverts! Slow down.

Exciting experiences would be adventures, minus the ads.

The Ventures - Walk Don't Run

18. Vocal coaches for everyone! We've just started looking.

The New Seekers - I'd Like To Teach The World To Sing

(Yes, I went there.)

17. Would you rather study the early days of the Hebrides... or see an Olivia Newton-John movie?

The Mull Historical Society - Watching Xanadu

16. Are you fond of my curves?

The Contours - Do You Love Me?

15. That baked helianthus is as old as Taylor Swift.

A helianthus is a sunflower.

Baked beans.

Taylor Swift sang about being 22.

Sunflower Bean - Twentytwo

14. WWI soldier discovers ska punk and gets the number for one of Brandon Flowers' friends.

WWI soldiers were Tommies.

Ska-punk was Two-Tone.

The Killers (Brandon Flowers) sang Jenny Was A Friend Of Mine.

Tommy Tutone - 867-5309 / Jenny

13. Grisly ghouls from every tomb get canonised with paracetamol.

Vincent Price famously rapped about "grisly ghouls from every tomb" in Thriller.

Saints get canonised.

Paracetamol are pills.

St. Vincent - Pills

12. Bloody cheek - coming over here, desperately needing the loo!

Bloody foreigners!

Foreigner - Urgent

11. Peter Wyngarde tries to find the Vapour Rub at work.

Peter Wyngarde was Jason King who worked for Department S.

Vicks make Vapour Rub.

Department S - Is Vic There?

10. Smash a window with a big piece of chicken.

Superchunk - Break The Glass

9. White walrus attacks blokes saying hi on a Rio beach.

Barry White was The Walrus of Love.

Blokes saying hi would be Man-ello!

A beach in Rio is the Copacabana.

Barry Manilow - Copacabana

8. Lad from London tries to remember his pincode. May an early year of rock 'n' roll help?

A lad from London would be a City Boy.

An early year of rock n roll = 57. May = 05.

City Boy - 5705

7. Chubby Checker's relative refuses to put up with all that dancing anymore.

Chubby Checker's dance was The Twist.

His relative is his sister.

If she refuses to put up with it...

Twisted Sister - We're Not Gonna Take It

6. 12 years of hard labour brightens up the capital.

12 years a slave.

The Slaves - Cheer Up, London!

(It's a toss up for Video of the Week between this and Twisted Sister.)

5. Lee Harvey Oswald gets chivalrous all across the States.

Lee Harvey Oswald claimed he was a patsy.

Chivalrous = gallant.

Patsy Gallant - From New York To LA

4. Stomach ache caused by a late encounter with Jerry Dammers.

Stomach ache would feel like a lead belly.

Jerry Dammers was in the Specials.

Leadbelly - The Midnight Special

3. A bunch of converted apostles get surrounded by water.

The Brady Bunch.

Paul was a converted apostle.

Islands are surrounded by water.

Paul Brady - The Island

2. Emergency treatment for cloudy optimists.

First Aid Kit - My Silver Lining

1. Redial Tim - he's all confused by the lack of action.

Redial Tim is an anagram.



More next week... Karma Police permitting.

My Top Ten Stalker Songs (Volume 2)

Still not featuring this one, but its time will come.

As promised, I'm following you home again tonight.

In case you missed it, Volume 1 is here.



10. Robyn - Dancing On My Own

Seriously, you wouldn't mess around on Robyn. She would mess you up.

Somebody said you got a new friend
Does she love you better than I can?
There's a big black sky over my town
I know where you're at, I bet she's around
Yeah, I know it's stupid
I just gotta see it for myself
I'm in the corner, watching you kiss her, ohh
I'm right over here, why can't you see me, ohh
I'm giving it my all, but I'm not the girl you're taking home,
I keep dancing on my own

9. Randy Newman - Suzanne

Randy finds a girl's name & number graffitied in a telephone box and decides she's the one for him...

And when you go to the pictures
And I know you do
Don't take no one with you
'Cause I'll be there, too

8. Eminem - Stan

I realise there are many out there who hate the fact that Marshall gave Dido a career as a result of this track, but if you can get past that it's both scary and hilarious. Plus it's the record that proves once and for all that Eminem is a Phil Collins fan...

Dear Mr. I'm-Too-Good-to-Call-or-Write-My-Fans
This'll be the last package I ever send your ass
It's been six months and still no word – I don't deserve it?
I know you got my last two letters
I wrote the addresses on 'em perfect
So this is my cassette I'm sending you, I hope you hear it
I'm in the car right now, I'm doing 90 on the freeway
Hey, Slim, I drank a fifth of vodka, you dare me to drive?
You know the song by Phil Collins
"In the Air of the Night" about that guy who could've saved that other guy from drownin'
But didn't, then Phil saw it all, then at a show he found him?
That's kinda how this is
You could've rescued me from drowning
Now it's too late, I'm on a thousand downers now, I'm drowsy
And all I wanted was a lousy letter or a call
I hope you know I ripped all of your pictures off the wall
I loved you, Slim, we could've been together – think about it!

And of course, I can't post that without also posting this*, which I still find hilarious. Your mileage may vary. (*Enjoy your holiday, Jez.)

7. Heart - Alone

It doesn't get more 80s than this. I was 15 when this song came out. It soundtracked my teenage desperation...

You don't know how long I have wanted
To touch your lips and hold you tight, oh
You don't know how long I have waited
And I was going to tell you tonight
But the secret is still my own
And my love for you is still unknown
Alone

You've no idea how much those lyrics still make the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

6. Morrissey - The More You Ignore Me, The Closer I Get

I was reading a US article the other day that called Morrissey a "one hit wonder" and cited this track as said hit. What a bizarre world.

That aside, can you imagine anything more bizarre than being stalked by Mozzer? "Call the cops!", as Shaun Ryder would say.

Oh, by the way, while I like the new Morrissey single a lot and am looking forward to the album, I do wish he'd keep his mouth shut while promoting it.

5. The Wedding Present - Bewitched

Actually, I could probably devote a whole Top Ten to Wedding Present Songs wherein David Gedge ends up stalking someone. Here's one of the best.

Why do my steps get this small
When I reach your front door
And I wait outside for you to come back out
And your light goes out
You don't know me but I'm still here
And God the last time I saw you
You were, oh, this near
And there's a thousand things I wished I'd said and done
But the moment's gone...

4. Tommy Tutone - Jenny (867-5309)

The guys from Tommy Tutone employ a very similar pick-up strategy to Randy Newman.

Jenny, Jenny you're the girl for me
You don't know me but you make me so happy
I tried to call you before, but I lost my nerve
I tried my imagination but I was disturbed

3. Jens Lekman - Psychogirl

Jens gets stalked by a girl from the post office. They all fall for him, psychogirls.

She sent me an SMS
But it felt more like an SOS, a cry for help
I know your life has been a mess
You cried yourself to sleep as a child
In your mommy's dress and your summerdress
But stop following me, psychogirl
I have enough problems to deal with on my own
Just turn around now, psychogirl
Your eyes are like knives, cutting into my bones
And if I'd be your psychologist, who would be the psychologist's psychologist?

2. Blondie - One Way Or Another

Line up her if you'd like Debbie Harry as a stalker...

I'll walk down the mall, stand over by the wall
Where I can see it all, find out who ya' call
Lead you to the supermarket checkout, some specials and rat food
Get lost in the crowd...

1. Elvis Costello - I Want You 

Genuinely one of the scariest songs ever written. So good, they made a film out of it.

It's the stupid details that my heart is breaking for 
It's the way your shoulders shake and what they're shaking for 
I want you 
It's knowing that he knows you now after only guessing 
It's the thought of him undressing you or you undressing

There is plenty for a third volume. If I'm not arrested first.

My Top Ten Phone Number Songs (Vol. 2)

Volume 1 featured songs about getting someone's number... this time, it's songs that feature actual phone numbers. Mostly in the title; occasionally, prominently within the chorus.

Start dialling now...

10. Tommy Tutone - 867-5309

A big American hit in 1982... I wasn't in American in 1982. I've never been to America. Maybe I heard Rick Dees or the Emperor Roscoe play it?

9. Hawkshaw Hawkins - Lonesome 7-7203

Hawkshank changes his number when his other half leaves because the only callers he gets are asking for her. He leaves his new number out there though... just in case that special lady ever wants him back.

Hawkshank died in the same plane crash that took Patsy Cline from us. 

8. The Kinks - Long Tall Shorty (424-689)

Well, girls, if you get lonely
Dial 424-689
And your troubles will be over
I'll even give you back you dime

What a gentleman!

7. Squeeze - 853-5937

Could also have made it into my Top Ten Answering Machine Songs, but seemed more appropriate here.

Squeeze were shrunk down to microscopic size to record the video for this song inside an actual telephone.

6. The B52s - 6060-842

Tina finds this number scrawled on the wall of the lady's room. And she actually calls it. Serves her right if Fred Schneider answers. Phew - the number's been disconnected!

5. The Marvelettes  - Beechwood 4-5789

You can call her up and have a date any old time. Alternatively, you could call Karen Carpenter on the same number.

4. AC/DC - Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap (362436)

If you're havin' trouble with your high school head
He's givin' you the blues
You wanna graduate but not in 'is bed 
Here's what you gotta do
Pick up the phone, I'm always home
Call me anytime
Just ring: 362436, hey
I lead a life of crime

AC/DC, so the story goes, were sued by an American couple who were getting hundreds of prank calls as a result of "their phone number" being included in this song. But anyone calling was mishearing the lyrics of the song - hearing the "hey" as an "8" to complete the couple's actual phone number.

3. City Boy - 5705

If City Boy were from Birmingham (UK), why were they paying for their calls with a dime?

2. The Glenn Miller Orchestra - Pennsylvania 6-5000

If you don't already consider this a classic, I suggested you watch what it does to Leland Palmer in Twin Peaks...

1. Wilson Pickett - 634-5789 (Soulsville, U.S.A.)

If you need a little lovin', call up the Wicked Pickett - he'll be there as soon as he can.




Which one will you be calling next time you're lonely?