Inevitably, this week's Snapshots threw up a plethora of possibilities. Here's a few I couldn't find room for, starting with one about the lady above...
Those of you who are paying attention will realise that I also featured that song on Friday. It merits the double-exposure.
While we're with the girl groups, here's an important question to live your life by...
And I've got enough of these for another post, so that's Wednesday covered. Let's finish today with old Blog favourites Bowling For Soup, and a song about the biggest female pop star in the world right now...
Chuck Norris was once bitten by a king cobra; after ten excruciating minutes, the cobra died.
Ben messaged me midway through Friday afternoon to pass on the news that Chuck Norris had passed. My immediate reaction?
No. Way.
There would have been an expletive in the middle of that, but I was at work.
When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he doesn't push himself up, he pushes the Earth down.
I can't say I was ever a fan of Chuck Norris, but I'm still glad he existed. I do have fond memories of seeing his movies every Saturday afternoon in the local video shop. The ACTION MOVIES shelf was right next to the HORROR MOVIES shelf. My attention was always focused solely on the latter - unless I'd decided I wanted to watch Back To The Future or Ferris Bueller's Day Off again. Beyond Die Hard and Lethal Weapon, I didn't have much interest in the action films.
If you have $5 and Chuck Norris has $5, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
Back in the early days of the internet, Chuck Norris Facts became one of the first memes. They may have originated with a writer called Ian Spector who eventually published a series of collections, but many were just made up by people online. They played up to the idea that Chuck Norris was the toughest guy on the planet, and although Norris himself downplayed their significance, it's clear they played a big part in turning an average B-movie into a living, breathing icon.
Chuck Norris didn't dial the wrong number. You picked up the wrong phone.
This one was always my favourite.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity… twice.
Speaking of counting, I broke the lyrics search engine when I asked it to suggest songs with Chuck Norris in them. There are literally THOUSANDS of them. Most of them are rap songs, because toughness by association is a number one device in rap lyrics. Most of them weren't very good either. Chuck Norris deserved better.
Here are a couple I liked...
I could never die, I'm Chuck Norris Fuck the government and fuck Boris
Chuck Norris's Social Security number is the last nine digits of pi.
And here's one I've actually been listening to lately, from the world's best pop-punk pranksters, Bowling For Soup. This is a song about a woman who's got an abusive boyfriend, and what B4S would like to do to him...
I wish Bruce Lee was here right now (With his fists of fury) With his trusty nun- Chuck Norris is still alive So let's call up Walker, Texas Ranger All the dudes from Danger Danger Let's get the A-Team, 50-Cent with his bling-bling And a couple of prison guards...
Sam started High School on Tuesday. It's easy to forget what a big leap this is, but early signs are good. He's catching the bus to and from school, so I'm no longer required to pick him up and drop him off from wraparound club. Seeing him in his uniform that first day rather choked me up - so big, so grown up, what happened to my little boy, etc. etc.
Sam appears to be taking it all in his stride. He's very resilient young man. He certainly doesn't get that from his dad. I hope he has a better time in High School than I did.
I'm a big fan of the cartoonist Stephen Collins who does a regular strip in the Saturday Guardian and also wrote the excellent graphic novel The Giant Beard That Was Evil. Above is one of his more recent strips, which I figured might draw some nods of existential approval. I'm hoping you can click on the image to see a larger, readable version. But I'm sure you'll let me know if you can't.
And here's another song from Bowling For Soup, in a similar vein...
We used run wild in the streets now we complain When cars drive to fast and the music is insanely loud All the movies are cartoons and remakes of shit That was better when we played our music too loud Now our memories are fading away
After all these years of myth-making, the TV show, the family, the self-mockery and the colossal caricature (not to mention biting the head off that bat), I readily accept that there are two types of people who know much more about Ozzy than I ever will: the dedicated heavy rock fans (I dabble, but I'm not a connoisseur) and those who know very little about music at all... but just enjoyed the Show. (And by that, I don't just mean The Osbornes.)
I'll let you in on a little secret through... whenever I come across an old Ozzy track I've not heard before, like the one above, I dig it. Because I've always had a soft spot for metal that isn't too metal. Really, it's just pop music with louder guitars.
If nothing else, Ozzy was a Show. And beyond that, he was the very best kind of rock star: one who never took himself too seriously... or at all seriously. That's the way he came across to me, anyway.
As is customary in this feature, I went looking for songs that might mention the dearly departed. And only then did I realise just how far Ozzy's influence stretches... and how much bigger he was in the States than in his home country. As you'd expect, some of these songs are quite loud...
And while I'm pretty sure this reggae hit from the 70s wasn't about The Prince of Darkness... it would be nice to imagine he might have been an influence.
When it came to choosing my favourite Ozzy tribute song though, there was no contest. Especially as the lead singer of this band once left a comment on my blog. Here's B4S with a song about the passing of time, and all its sickening crimes...
He was Batman, a good enough Batman, in a not-that-great Batman movie.
He even played the voice of KITT the car in a Knight Rider remake.
*In Oliver Stone's The Doors, Val did an excellent Jim Morrison impression, in looks, speech and song...
(**In Tony Scott's film of Quentin Tarantino's True Romance.)
Val Kilmer had a huge screen presence when I was growing up. His star has dwindled and he's been fighting throat cancer in recent years (reluctant to engage with medical procedures due to his religious beliefs), but his death, at only 65, still comes as a shock.
On hearing of his passing, I immediately remembered Father John Misty name-dropping him in this story of faded Hollywood glamour from his 2022 LP Chloë and the Next 20th Century.
Val Kilmer had a wall length Mirror just over there Well, I'm sure he's someone else now But he was Batman when he lived here
Next up: Lee Majors. Not that one! This Lee Majors was a rapper in Da Bush Babees, but he also teamed up with Green for this little ditty from Scritti...
I swear I bring the Heat to tracks like Val Kilmer
Hundreds of rappers namedrop Val in their lyrics, probably because of his tough guy / take no shit image, but rap will never be my specialist subject, so I'll close today with our old friends Bowling For Soup... even if they do think Val "sucked as Batman". You can't please all the people all the time.
My knowledge of Mary Tyler Moore is somewhat second-hand as I was just too young to have watched her groundbreaking sitcoms, though I do remember watching spin-offs such as Rhoda and Lou Grant with my mum. Mary's reputation as a feminist icon appears well-deserved though: as one of the most successful female stars in American TV, the joint head of the production company that gave us everything from Newhart to Hill Street Blues, a prominent campaigner for social rights... and the woman who put Dick Van Dyke in his place long before Julie Andrews.... MTM is clearly a legend.
Her jukebox legacy is pretty legendary too, starting with Prince...
Skip the Remy and let me have some Mary Tyler Moore of that new power soul
Comin' from the Midwest passin' every test with a fuzz tone remote control
This blog's only claim to fame is that, many years ago, the lead singer of Bowling For Soup once left a comment here. This is BFS's version of the Mary Tyler Moore theme tune... which REM have also played live, but I can't find their version anywhere on the interweb.
The Hold Steady are firm favourites here at Top Ten Towers, and they've got a new album out this week. Here's one from their 2005 classic Separation Sunday...
I was half dead then I got born again
I got lost in all the lights but it was okay in the end
And when we hit the Twin Cities, I didn't know that much about it
I knew Mary Tyler Moore and I knew Profane Existence
And now, from the "Never Heard Of 'Em But Still Not Bad" file, here's a San Francisco band "that plays original indie rock music with hints of progressive"...
Yes, I guess the true proof of a legendary hit single comes when other bands start referencing your song in their own tunes. There was only ever going to be one winner today... but the question is, did Mary ever meet Buddy in real life?
And the answer is... no, though she was apparently a fan. MTM began appearing in The Dick Van Dyke Show shortly after Buddy's death in 1961, and when she got her own show, Sonny Curtis from the Crickets was given the job of writing and performing the theme tune we discussed earlier.
So that answers that. The only question remaining... What's with these homies, dissing my girl?
No, I've no idea what the record above is, but it's got an 85 in the title so its appropriate this week as our numerical countdown of songs reaches... erm, the year I became a teenager.
Sadly, I'm still trying to keep away from year songs unless absolutely desperate... otherwise this would be a clear winner:
(A long time ago, on a previous blog, I posted a Top Ten which featured a Bowling For Soup song. When I posted the link on twitter... as I used to do but can't be bothered doing any more... the lead singer from BFS responded to my tweet asking which his band wasn't #1 in the Top Ten. I replied that if I ever did a Top Ten 1985 Songs, they would be Number One. At the time, I didn't realise their version was a cover... but he liked my response anyway. I feel like I should call Shaun Keaveny's Small Claims Court with that story one day.)
Anyway, I'll let Rigid Digit tell you about this week's most popular suggestion...
The Bay City Rollers - when Les McKeown left, and Tam Paton was "relieved of his duties", the Tartan Terrors shortened their name to the toughr sounding The Rollers, played their own instruments, and changed their sound from teenyboppop to a slightly tougher new wave-y sounding style. No success followed. What's that got to do with 85? Their second album with abbreviated name (called Voxx) contained the song 85
He adds...
(a possible first mention for this band?)
Definite.
(I've got it on a ropy compilation, but can't find it on t'interweb)
Me neither. So I'll have to take your... and Alyson's... word over its greatness.
Other than that, only Chris had any suggestions to offer, two of which I will ignore... because the third is this week's winner! Last week we had 86 TVs, this week it's 85 Videos by dreamy Danish indie band Mew. Quite lovely it is too...
Next week: 84. Nothing Orwellian allowed. I bet one of you will guess the winner though... I think it may well have featured his quite recently.
With the exception of Kenny Wednesdays, I haven't done a first name Top Ten in quite a while. So...
There are actually very few Emilies in my record collection. The only artists I could find were Emily Robinson from the Dixie Chicks; French singer Emily Loizeau, whose songs appear to have been recorded by everybody from Shelby Lynne to The Mountain Goats; Emily Barker & The Red Clay Halo; Emily Kinney (above), who you might recognise as Beth from The Walking Dead, but she writes some pretty cool songs too; and a not-half-bad cover of Asleep by The Smiths by Australian actress Emily Browning, from the soundtracker of Sucker Punch.
But when it came to songs about Emilies... there were LOADS!
I feel like I'm contractually obliged to include this. Not being a true muso, I never really got The Floyd. Nothing against them, I just never really saw what all the fuss was about. I probably appreciate the Syd Barrett stuff a bit more... although I prefer the David Bowie and Martha Wainwright versions of this song, if I'm totally honest.
Emily Shore was a young English woman who died of consumptiom at the age of 19 in the early 1800s. Her diaries were published over 50 years later, and a century or so after that they inspired Brett and Rennie Sparks.
Excellent track from Luke's 2005 album, Broken (And Other Rogue States). Great live version I found on youtube in which Luke duets with his wife, Melissa Mclelland.
Art goes solo on this one: peerless romantic nostalgia from Paul.
I wandered empty streets Down past the shop displays. I heard cathedral bells Tripping down the alley ways, As I walked on. And when you ran to me Your cheeks flushed with the night. We walked on frosted fields of juniper and lamplight, I held your hand.
John Grant did an excellent cover of this with The Czars.
Second best song I own about a long lost teenage girlfriend called Emily... from the former Rialto frontman.
Took off our ties straight after school For lager and limes and shooting pool Underhand cigarettes to compilation cassettes...
1. Art Brut - Emily Kane
I miss Eddie Argos. I don't know what he's up to these days, but we need him back.
I don't even know where she lives.
I've not seen her in 10 years, 9 months, 3 weeks, 4 days, 6 hours, 13 minutes, 5 seconds. Other girls went and other girls came,
I can't get over my old flame. All my friends think I'm insane,
I'm still in love with Emily Kane. There's a beast in my soul that can't be tamed,
I'm still in love with Emily Kane.
Those were my ten favourites (well, nine and one contractual obligation), but I easily had enough Emily songs for a Top Twenty-Five. Perhaps I'll do a volume 2... once I've covered every other name in my Big Book of Baby Names. Suggestions are always welcomed...
Not done one of my US road trip Top Tens for awhile. Wasn't sure I could get a whole post out of songs about the Buckeye State, but it's amazing what you find when you start digging around in your music library...
The funkiest Ohio band ever, these guys were together in one guise or another for over 40 years, scoring a pair of US Number Ones in the mid-70s, Fire and Love Rollercoaster (covered in the 90s by the Red Hot Chilli Peppers who had a minor UK hit with it). O.H.I.O. isn't their greatest moment, but it is the one that spells out their state of origin.
Sycamore trees blowing green in the distance
She sucked on her thumb in her beautiful jail
A sentence to serve as her dynasty blows up inside her balloon
Salty Maureen had a bun in the oven
The daughters of charity let out a sigh
As she suffered they pleaded for mercy she needed a long time ago
You have to wonder whether professional British miserablist David Shah has ever set foot in Ohio. Sometimes I wonder if he ever sets foot out of his house. Still, more power to him as long as he keeps recording tunes like this one, free to download from the band's website at the link above.
I also just discovered they released a new album last year - available to buy from the Indelicates' Corporate Records site. I look forward to giving that a spin.
A traditional folk song murder ballad covered by everyone from Johnny Cash to Olivia Newton John (in, of all places, a Cliff Richard movie). But the Handsome Family always win in the Murder Ballad Olympics as far as I'm concerned.
A Randy Newman song (here's the original), but the Harry Nilsson version is preferable... because it's Harry bloody-beautiful Nilsson.
Sing a song of long ago
When things were green and movin' slow
And people'd stop to say hello
Or they'd say "hi" to you
"Would you like to come over for tea
With the missus and me?"
It's a real nice way
To spend the day
In Dayton, Ohio
On a lazy Sunday afternoon in 1903
The National get carried to Ohio in a swarm of bees. Just another day at the office for them guys.
1. Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young - Ohio
Neil Young's scream of protest against the Kent State massacre was banned by American radio for pointing the finger of blame at Richard Nixon. It remains one of the most powerful protest songs ever written.
Those were my Buckeyed Best... but which is your champion conker*?
(*On investigation, I discovered that the Buckeye is a tree which produces conkers similar to our own Horse Chestnut. See, we're not only about the obscure pop records here.)
