Celebrity Jukebox #67: Brigitte Bardot (Part 2)

More songs about Bridgette... we'll start with a lovely one that was recommended by C.

Is it too late for Christmas songs? Not if they sound as gorgeous as that.

Here are a few more titular mentions...

Jorge Veiga - Brigitte Bardot

Mina - Brigitte Bardot

Relick - Brigitte Bardot

The Rave-Ups - Brigitte Bardot

Mike Campbell & [His Backing Band] - Brigitte Bardot 

And a selection of interesting lyrical nods...

Like Brigitte Bardot

In Godard's Les Mepris

I can't love you enough

To make you complete

You appear in my dreams

With some new courtier

You need me there to see

What you need to convey

The Who - It's Not Enough

Quiet on the set please

We'll take it one more time

Shoot her at close range

A little more flesh

I know she wouldn't mind

Cruise with his shirt off

And Bardot on her wall

No, you can't survive with a quiet hit

Sometimes you've gotta show it all

Sharon O'Neill - Poster Girl

I dreamt last night that Brigitte Bardot

Was drowning in the clutches of a big undertow

And guess who the lifeguard, her only salvation

That mouth to mouth resuscitation

John Hartford - Mouth to Mouth Resuscitation

I going talk to Brigitte Bardot

And tell her, "Miss Bardot take it slow"

All the men think they're Casanova

When they see that she's bare foot all over

Even old men out in Topeka

Find their hearts getting weaker and weaker

So we must ask her for your sake and mine

At least wear her earrings part a' the time

Harry Belafonte - Zombie Jamboree (Back to Back)

Where have you gone, Betty Crocker?

Come back, Brigitte Bardot, Eddie was in for a shocker

How was he supposed to know

About the secret life of Eddie's first wife?

Gretchen Peters - Eddie's First Wife

Pyjama party, pyjama party party

I asked Brigitte Bardot and Fred Astaire

But they didn't show, no no no

Can't say I'm surprised, given Sailor's reputation.

Sailor - Pyjama Party

End of the road

Remember singing along

To Bridgette Bardot

Je t'aime de toute mon âme

Dan Rico - Hit And Run

Elton, meanwhile, mentions her in two separate songs. I'm guessing Bernie must be a fan.

I'd make an exception

If you want to save my life

Brigitte Bardot gotta come

And see me every night

Elton John - I Think I'm Going To Kill Myself

Marlene Dietrich

Marilyn Monroe

Brigitte Bardot

Doris Day

Billie Jean

Samantha Fox

Joan Collins

Kiki Dee...

And that list goes on and on (on the album version, at least).

Elton John & George Michael - Wrap Her Up

Another list from Rick...

Sophia Loren, Bridgitte Bardot, Jean Harlowe

Marilyn Monroe and Marlene Deitrich

But Greta, you're better than any I've seen

Yes, you were a real beauty queen

Rick Springfield - Born Out Of Time

Whereas Rod's in two minds about Brigitte...

I had a crush on Bardot

Fell in love with Monroe

Read about 'em in the nationals

All the juicy little scandals

But I never saw 'em dancin' at the county hall

With the short fat guy's prematurely bald

Rod Stewart - Blondes (Have More Fun)

You can keep your Streisands

Bardots and Lorens

You're my everything

Rod Stewart - Fool For You

Let's get a bit more down to earth with Ian...

You're not Bridget Bardot, I'm not Jack Palance

I'm not Shirley Temple by any circumstance

Or Fred Astaire

Ian Dury & The Blockheads - Common as Muck

Let's finish today with Ms. Bardot herself, with Serge of course, on her Harley...

 

But that's not the end of our Bardot tribute. Come back tomorrow for even more!

Wait a minute, Rol, tomorrow's Tuesday! Yep...

Snapshots #404: Superman Songs

There's a new Superman film out this weekend... and although I haven't seen it yet, I can confidently predict it will be better than the last few, because Zack Snyder isn't involved. Maybe not quite up to Christopher Reeve's standards, but miracles don't happen that often.

Anyway, here are some Super Songs to celebrate...

15. UN diary reveals they're all a bunch of squares.

"UN diary" was an anagram.

Ian Dury and The Blockheads - Sueperman's Big Sister

14. Kafka in Rio.

Franz Kafka meets Rio Ferdinand.

Franz Ferdinand - Lois Lane

13. Bond villain found by Ash.

Ash did a song called Goldfinger, after Auric...

Goldfinger - Superman

12. Blue eyes gets a shiner.

Frank Sinatra was old blue eyes... a shiner turns them black.

Frank Black - Man Of Steel

11. Protective, instrumental, elementary.

A Johnny is protective, a guitar is an instrument, Watson was... my dear.

Johnny Guitar Watson - Superman Lover

10. Taking an E helped John Wayne and Prince Edward get really, really high.

XTC, under their alias...

Dukes Of Stratosphere - Braniac's Daughter

Sadly, I couldn't find any songs about Lex Luthor. So Braniac will have to do.

Although I would also have allowed...

XTC - That's Really Super, Supergirl 

9. Close knit friends who won't let you join in.

The Clique - Superman

You may be more familiar with this cover version...

REM - Superman

8. Melatives?

What Mel Gibson calls his brothers...

The Gibson Brothers - Metropolis

7. Posh erections can be bewildering.

"Posh erections" was an anagram.

Stereophonics - Superman

6. Alastair Campbell, Charlie Whelan.

They were both...

Spin Doctors - Jimmy Olsen's Blues

5. Hair straighteners required.

The Kinks - (Wish I Could Fly Like) Superman

4. Neighbours, but not immediate.

3 Doors Down - Kryptonite

3. She enables pens to write her name.

"Enables pens" was an anagram...

Ann Peebles - He's My Superman

2. Most pop songs are about them.

Love - The Daily Planet

1. Goes hand in hand with Bloody Cheek!

The Flaming Lips - (Waiting For A) Superman

More Super Snapshots next Saturday...

Product Placement Friday #14: Razzle

(Other, more recent, covers were considered and rejected, for obvious reasons.)

Inspired by John Medd's recent post about Playboy (which is "burlesque", in case you're casting aspersions John's way), I figured I would reach up to the top shelf for this week's Product Placement.

I would like to start by saying that I have never in my life bought a copy of Razzle, so my knowledge of said publication comes only from school-boy sniggering. We did once find a battered copy of something that might have been Razzle, stuffed inside a tree trunk in the local woods, but it was missing its cover so I can't be 100% sure. In this era of wall-to-wall internet porn, I even find myself nostalgic for scraps of yellowed, rain-damaged nudie books; they were like Blackbeard's treasure to 80's school kids.   

When I worked in radio advertising, there was a small newsagent's kiosk outside the building where staff would go to buy snacks. The guy who ran it was called Keith, and his top shelf magazines came in tasteful wrappers. One day, some of my colleagues got into one of those "Do you remember Spangles?" conversations that disrupt productivity in workplaces all across the country. The office wag began waxing lyrical about Razzles. "I used to love a good Razzle myself," making out that it was a chocolate bar from his youth. He then convinced the office junior to go ask Keith if he still sold Razzles. The office junior duly obliged, only to come back a few moments later with a confused look on their face... "Keith says you're winding me up?"

You may have laughed at that story. I laughed at the time. Would you think differently if I told you the office junior in question was a young woman? I've felt guilty about playing along with that joke over the years, wondering if I crossed the line into toxic masculinity for a moment. This was 20 years ago, and the young woman in question remained blissfully ignorant... although I guess she might have found out later. I still feel bad about it.

Well, that brought the mood down, didn't it? Let's cheer ourselves up with some songs about Razzle... not including any of the following...

Bill Haley - Razzle Dazzle

Shirley Bassey - Razzle Dazzle

Slade - Razzle Dazzle Man

No, none of those have anything to do with the infamous top shelf magazine.

This sounds like it might do...

Today it is my birthday so me and my friends
Took ourselves a trip to an old drive-in
Played some 80s hits on an old cassette
Bought a couple Razzles and some Raisinets

Summer Salt - Another Piece of the Cake

But since Summer Salt are from Austin, Texas, I think it's unlikely.

Martin has remarked repeatedly about this feature that he loves it when he knows for sure what song is coming at the end just from the blog post title. Some of you may think you've got today's final tune figured, and if so, I'm guessing it's this one...

Ian Dury - Razzle In My Pocket

No bout adoubt it, the b-side to Sex & Drugs & Rock & Roll is a very amusing tune. But it wasn't actually the inspiration for today's post... and neither was John Medd! 

No, the song that sent me down this particularly sordid rabbit hole comes instead from an artist I only discovered last year (thanks to Khayem). This is from her latest album, one I've been enjoying a lot over the past couple of months, and the lyric in question sums up her style particularly well. It's what I'd call "faded debauchery"... Jarvis would approve, I'm sure.

You're cruising the cosmos, and I'm lying in bed
You're writing a novel, and I'm surfing the web
But I'm biding my time, you ain't seen nothing yet
I was a copy of Razzle, now I'm the Book of the Dead

Celebrity Jukebox #86: Wee Willie Harris

They called him The Wild Man of Rock 'n' Roll, his TV performances were accused of "promoting teenage decadence", and when he played in Liverpool in 1958, both John Lennon and Paul McCartney queued up to get his autograph. Wee Willie Harris might never have had any hit records, but he deserves to be remembered. 

Willie died at the end of April, aged 90, but thanks to Ian Dury, his name will live on forever...

Health service glasses, gigolos and brasses

Round or skinny... bottoms

Take your mum to Paris, lighting up a chalice

Wee Willie Harris!

Well, that's at least one reason to be cheerful this Bank Holiday Monday...

Wilko

I’m not going to pretend to be the world’s biggest expert on Wilko Johnson – a quick glance through the archives of this blog, and I doubt you’ll find his name mentioned more than once or twice. I only really know him from the obvious Dr. Feelgood tracks (although he'd left the band by the time of Milk & Alcohol). However, when I heard about his death last week and read a little bit more of his story, I was tempted to dip my ears into the swirling pool of the interweb and see what random nuggets might surface. I didn’t do this with a post in mind, but I found some pretty groovy tunes to share, so why not?

Wilko Johnson – Ice On The Motorway

Think about the girls in California
I tell you man, I’d rather stay at home

I spend a lot of my time trying to survive the motorway, so I was naturally drawn to this one.

There's also a version of this on Wilko's collaboration with Roger Daltrey, a double act that appears to have got together purely to use the radio shorthand Roger Wilko... and then not actually used it.

Wilko Johnson & Roger Daltrey - Ice On The Motorway

This next one was co-written by Wilko...

Ian Dury & The Blockheads – Sueperman’s Big Sister

I presume the spelling was to avoid a lawsuit from Friedrich Nietzsche.

You know she’s Superman’s big sister
Her X-Ray eyes see through my silly ways
Superman’s big sister, superior skin and blister
It doesn’t seem surprising nowadays

Which leads us to this entertaining weirdo...

Mick Farren – I Want A Drink

One of three tracks Wilko played guitar on from Mick’s 1978 album Vampires Stole My Lunch Money. The lyrics speak for themselves.

And here's one for any Celias out there... 

Celia & The Mutations – You Better Believe Me

Written by Celia, along with Wilko, Jean-Jacques Burnel and Terry Williams, who would go on to play the drums in Dire Straits.

Let's close with a track from when Wilko was still in Dr. Feelgood, and one he wrote too...

Celebrity Jukebox #50: Jerry Lee Lewis

It struck me that I haven’t yet marked the passing of the last of the original rock n rollers, Jerry Lee Lewis. Chuck, Buddy, Gene, Eddie, Elvis… all the rest are long gone. Some died very young (I often find myself wondering what Buddy Holly would have done next), but only Jerry Lee got to really grow old disgracefully. A controversial figure, to be sure, but there’s no denying the power of his music. 

For songs that mention Jerry Lee by name, we need look no further than Jerry Lee himself. Here are just a few…

Jerry Lee Lewis - A Damned Good Country Song 

Well, I’ve took enough pills for big Memphis town
Ol’ Jerry Lee's drank enough whiskey to lift any ship off the ground
I’ll be the first to admit
Sure do wish these people would quit it
You know it’s tough enough
To straighten up
When these idiots won’t leave you alone
Jerry Lee Lewis’s life would make a damned good country song

Jerry Lee Lewis - Trouble In Mind 

Troubled in mind, I’m so blue
But I won’t be blue always
Cause that ol’ sun’s gonna shine
On ol' Jerry's back doorstep someday

Jerry Lee Lewis -  Rockin’ My Life Away 

I’m just rockin’ and rollin’ my life away
My name’s Jerry Lee Lewis and I’m darn sure here to stay

Jerry Lee Lewis - Better Not Look Down 

In which Jerry Lee gives advice to the Queen. Curious that they both left us within just a couple of months of each other. 

And did you know that Jerry Lee Lewis invented Jive Bunny? He might as well have…

Jerry Lee Lewis – The Return Of Jerry Lee 

Finally, and perhaps most apt…

Jerry Lee Lewis - When I Take My Vacation In Heaven

Jerry Lee is going to spend his vacation in Heaven
With loved ones gone on before Jerry Lee
It’ll be Jesus, my saviour
Forever and ever
Please spend your vacation with me

See? He’s not really gone. Just taking an extended vacation.

What about other songwriters? What do they have to say about Jerry Lee?

Let’s start with Ray…

The Kinks – One Of The Survivors

He digs Jerry Lee Lewis, Dion and The Belmonts, 
And Johnny and The Hurricanes.

In case you’re keeping score, Johnny Paris died in 2006. Dion DiMucci, on the other hand, is still with us. I guess he might be the last man standing now. (Unless we count Willie Nelson, 6 years older than Dion and still going strong.)

The late Ian Dury also placed Jerry Lee in some very fine company…

Ian Dury & The Blockheads – Dance of the Crackpots

From Rosemary Clooney to Jerry Lee Lewis
From Debussy to Thelonious Monk
It’s the modern art of the human heart
The shape of things to funk, funk, funk

And here’s a song that name-drops everyone from Creedence to Otis to Missy Elliott to Korn. Chances are this one will pop up again.

Racket County – The Truth

One more of those, Paul Heaton’s celebration of jukebox records…

Paul Heaton & Jacqui Abbott – 7” Singles

However, we must remember that Jerry Lee Lewis wasn’t exactly a paragon of virtue. For example…

Big Audio Dynamite – BAD

Jerry Lee Lewis had a child bride
Only thirteen, but he said he's justified

Indie rocker Ike Reilly writes lyrics more suited to a rap song, but though he’s been described as “rude, crude and lewd”, he also has something to say, and does so in quite a clever way.

The Ike Reilly Assassination – I Don’t Want What You Got (Goin’ On)

Chuck Berry, Cadillac, Ludacris, Cadillac
Jerry Lee Lewis with his balls on fire 
In the back of a Rocket 88
With an out-of-state plate and an underage date
Cars and girls and drinks and songs
Leave that shit in the middle of the road
What about love and what about trust?

And that’s not the only trouble Jerry Lee got into. Remember the time he shot his bass player? (It was an accident, apparently, but he still got sued.)

Reverend Horton Heat - Death Metal Guys

Jerry Lee Lewis shot his bass player down
Down to the ground
But death metal guys would have eaten his brain
And people call Jerry Lee Lewis insane!

There’s no denying Jerry Lee had a bit of a reputation… but was he really evil?

Ministry – Jesus Built My Hotrod 

"Soon I discovered that this rock thing was true
Jerry Lee Lewis was the devil
Jesus was an architect previous to his career as a prophet
All of a sudden, I found myself in love with the world
So there was only one thing that I could do
Was ding a ding dang my dang a long ling long"

Then again, you could argue that’s what made him interesting! More interesting than a lot of young rock stars these days…

The Stone Coyotes – American Child

Somebody tell me
What’s going on?
Where are the wild ones?
Where have they gone?
Give me Jerry Lee Lewis
Give me Joey Ramone

Some of these new boys
They say they want to fight
But it takes them three days
To get the drum sound right

In truth, there were far more records that mentioned Jerry Lee than I’ve got time or inclination to feature here. But here are just a few of them…

Mac Davis – Hooked On Music

Ringo Starr – I’ll Be Fine Anywhere

Apple – Doctor Rock

Johnny Hallyday – Excusez-moi de chanter encore du rock and roll

Drive-By Truckers – Demonic Possession

Eddy Mitchell – Les Filles de Jerry Lee Lewis

Kid Rock & Eminem – Fuck Off

Miranda Lambert & The B52s – Music City Queen

Van Morrison – In The Days Before Rock n Roll

But this is the song I chose to close with today. Because Frank Turner understands the spirit of rock n roll that Jerry embodied. And just like I do, Frank still believes…

And I still believe
In the saints
Yeah, in Jerry Lee and in Johnny
And all the greats

Reasons To Be Cheerful (i)

There's been plenty of moaning and misery on this blog over the last few years. In an effort to turn that around, here's a new occasional feature wherein I post three things that cheer me up, along with related tunes. If this blog were a radio show, I'd introduce this feature with a short burst of Ian Dury.

Might be extremely occasional, depending on how things go...

1. That first sip of coffee in a morning

I make myself a coffee before I leave the house and take it in the car with me in a travel mug. It takes it a while to cool to a temperature that's drinkable (bearing in mind that good coffee should always be on the verge of burning your mouth), and I usually take my first sip just as I hit the traffic jams on the outskirts of Leeds. That first sip is always amazing.

Here's someone else who likes his coffee hot. Useful when you're driving through the snow to the Overlook Hotel...

2. Sunrise 

My commute is an hour on a good day. Half an hour to the motorway, half an hour on the motorway and into the city centre. After driving most of that in the darkness for the past few weeks, I'm starting to see daybreak along the way. Last week, the sun was fully out by the time I hit the motorway. Even before I took that first sip of coffee, I was feeling good.

No question which song I was going to choose here...

3. The new job.

'Nuff said, really. Everything I hear from The Bad Place confirm that things have got even worse since I left. (My replacement went off on long term sick after a few months. Two other English teachers left, and they can't replace them because nobody is applying for the money they're offering. Etc. Etc. Etc.)

It still feels weird to not spend most of my weekend dreading Monday morning, to actually look forward to going back into work...

The late Mark Sandman (that appears to be his real name, which is amazing) was the lead singer of Morphine. Treat Her Right was another band he played in. Their rule was: "Keep it simple at all costs. Resist the temptation to add. If you're going to do something to a song, subtract."

Snapshots #222: A Top Ten London Underground Songs

I'm sure you left no Stone unturned in solving this week's quiz, so I'm going to award you all an Easy A. Next stop: the answers...

10. Achieved a first class grade in culinary school.

Kitchens of Distinction - On Tooting Broadway Station

9. Often seen on the corner of Sinatra Street.

Frank, turning the corner...

Frank Turner - The Angel Islington

8. Titanic confrontation.

Clash of the Titans!

Take your pick between...

White Man - (White Man) in Hammersmith Palais

Or...

The Clash - Guns Of Brixton

7. Political dove opponent resembles a slice of pig.

Hawks oppose doves. Ham-ish.

Hamish Hawk - Bakerloo, Unbecoming

I listened to that track on repeat for the entire (1 hour plus) journey home earlier this week. 

And it sounds strange

Coming from

The oldest flame at evensong

I'm no righteous type

Don't get me wrong

But how do you get off

If you never got on?

6. Sounds like something you might find in the trial of the Moors Murderers.

That would be an Ian (Brady) Jury.

Ian Dury - Plaistow Patricia

5. It's fear that makes them jingle.

The Trembling Bells - Marble Arch

4. Remember the REM LP Up? These guys have mixed feelings about it.

LP Up? Anagram!

Pulp - Mile End

3. Canadian Kathleen knew more than one, Johnny and Bobby.

Kathleen Edwards + Johnny & Bobby Ball.

The photo above is Edward Ball when he was a member of the Television Personalities. This is what he sounded like as a solo artist in the mid-90s...

Apparently Mill Hill is London Underground's least used station. And it's not even under ground! No wonder it hates itself.

Edward Ball - The Mill Hill Self Hate Club

2. Grey fart fryer.

Anagram! (No disrespect meant to the late Mr. Rafferty. Or Bob Holness.)

Gerry Rafferty - Baker Street

1.  First sign of male pattern baldness.

Apparently one of the first signs of male pattern baldness is kinks in the hair.

There was almost a very big clue in the photo, which I had to edit out before posting this yesterday. (Check the drumkit.)

Abba featured last week, so it was Ray had to take the top spot. (Also, this song is actually about the station, rather than the place where Napoleon fell.)

The Kinks - Waterloo Sunset

I won't be Cruella... Snapshots will be back next Saturday.

My Top Ten Gene Songs

No, this isn't my Top Ten Songs by the band Gene... although I was tempted, because they were amazing. (And isn't it about time Martin Rossiter released another solo album? The first one was a belter.)

Instead, it's the logical (to me, anyway) conclusion of my Jean / Jeans / Gene trilogy. Most of the songs below are about blokes called Gene or Eugene... a couple of them might be a bit more genetic.

Special mentions to Gene (obviously), Genelab, Geneva, Gene Kelly, Gene Pitney, Gene Watson and... er, Genesis. Plus a number of the gentlemen mentioned below...



10. Foil - Reviver Gene

OK, so it might not be about a bloke called Gene, but it's a forgotten Britpop gem and I wanted to give it a quick play.

Can't find much out about Foil other than that they came from Edinburgh and made a good racket. What else do you need to know?

9. Sufjan Stevens - Eugene

A starkly beautiful cut from Stevens' latest record, the autobiographical Carrie & Lowell.

Emerald Park, wonders never cease
The man who taught me to swim, he couldn't quite say my first name
Like a Father he led community water on my head
And he called me “Subaru”
And now I want to be near you

8. The Monkees - Papa Gene's Blues

Unlike a lot of Monkees songs which were written by other people (including Neil Diamond and Carole King), this is an original Mike Nesmith composition. Nesmith went on to have quite an impressive solo career post-Monkees... I hesitate to say he was the Gary Barlow of his day, because, obviously, he wasn't a wet git.

7. Walter Becker - Selfish Gene

The Steely man who isn't Donald Fagen pokes playful fun at a particular selfish Gene, with typically arch Dan-esque lyrics.

6. Catatonia - My Selfish Gene

Oh, Cerys - such a voice. Heartbreak in every breath.

OK, strictly speaking, this one isn't about a bloke called Gene either... but it is glorious.

5. Teenage Fanclub - Gene Clark

The Fannies pay their dues to Gene Clark, chief songwriter of The Byrds, one of the band's biggest influences. Some fantastic guitar work on this one... ironically, with nary a Byrdsy jangle in sight.

4. Johnny Cash - Daddy, Who's Gene Autry?

To answer Johnny Cash Jr.'s question, his dad reveals that Gene Autry was the singing cowboy... an actor who made almost 100 singing cowboy films between 1934 and 1953. Although he retired in the early 60s, he enjoyed a good old retirement, living until 1998 when he died at the grand age of 91.

Fun fact: the guitar Johnny plays in the video of his gutwrenching version of Hurt was signed by Gene Autry. 

3. Ian Dury & The Blockheads - Sweet Gene Vincent

We discussed Gene Vincent in the Top Ten Jeans Songs - and here's Ian Dury mourning his decline with some Thunderbird wine: possibly the sweetest thing Ian ever recorded... for the first minute twenty... until the rock 'n' roll kicks in. Vincent died in 1971 and has been immortalised in a number of tribute records, including Gene & Eddie by the Stray Cats and Luke Haines' masterful Gene Vincent (Rock 'n' Roll Mums and Rock 'n' Roll Dads).

2. Pink Martini - Hey Eugene

I have to confess that Hey Eugene is the only song I know by Pink Martini - and although it's a cracker, I kinda thought they were one "hit wonders until I did a little digging for this post. Turns out they've released 7 albums since 1997.

Hey Eugene do you remember me?
I'm that chick you danced with two times through the Rufus album Friday night at that party on avenue A:
Where your skinhead friend passed out for several hours on the bathroom floor and you told me
You weren't that drunk, and that I was your favourite Salsa dancer you had ever come across in New York city..

I obviously need to investigate further...

1. Frank Turner - Wherefore Art Thou, Gene Simmons?

As Frank explains in his intro here, he was inspired to write this tribute to the elastic-tongued Kiss frontman after reading his biography and discovering that The Demon (real name Chaim Witz) claims to have slept with 4600 women... and taken a photo of every one. What a... Romeo.

A mother said, "Beware of boys in bands
And certainly don't let them write you songs
For they will come to you on bended knee and kiss your pretty hands
When the singing's done, and the suns up they'll be gone."
While her mother has a point, I might resent the implication.
That every boy who plays guitar plays women like Gene Simmons.

Though, as Frank confesses later in the song, he's not entirely innocent himself...





Which is your Gene Hackman?

My Top Ten Songs With Reasons

I have ten good reasons why you should listen to this blog post...


10. Franz Ferdinand - You're the Reason I'm Leaving

Was it something I said? (Was it 'cos I told you the band's name is pronounced R-E-M, not "Rem", you bunch of idiot-twits?)

9. The Unbelievable Truth - Higher Than Reason

OK, I'm stretching the criteria to include this one, but it's a lost classic from a songwriter who deserves to be remembered as more than just Thom Yorke's younger brother.

8. Loretta Lynn & Conway Twitty - You're The Reason Our Kids Are Ugly

I was introduced to this via the excellent Indelicates cover, which manages somehow to be even more bitchy. Sadly, it's also too ugly for youtube.

7. Jeff Klein - Five Good Reasons

Jeff's got five good reasons why he never sleeps alone. One of them being: he writes some lovely songs.

6. Half Man Half Biscuit - Reasons to be Miserable (Part 10)

Of course, Nigel Blackwell has hundreds of reasons to be miserable. He's built a career writing songs around them. That's why we love him.

See also Paradise Lost (You're The Reason Why).

5. Roddy Frame - Reason To Live

Wow. Forgotten how good this one was.

4. My Life Story - 12 Reasons Why I Love Her

Ah, Jake Shillingford. Where are you now?


Reason #11 is the one I couldn't get down with. She leaves the pie but always eats her greens? Who the heck leaves pie?

3. Tim Hardin - Reason To Believe

Or, you may have reasons to prefer Rod's version. Nothing wrong with that. I, of course, have a very special place in my heart for Bruce's song of the same name... philosophy from roadkill.

2. Frank Turner - Reasons Not To Be An Idiot

Reasons why I love Frank Turner #84.

So why are you sat at home?
You're not designed to be alone
You just got used to saying "no"
So get up and get down and get outside
Cos it's a lovely sunny day
But you hide yourself away
You've only got yourself to blame
Get up and get down and get outside

1. Ian Dury & The Blockheads - Reasons To Be Cheerful (Part 3)

If you're struggling to find reasons to be cheerful... any of these should suffice:

Something nice to study
Phoning up a buddy
Being in my nuddy
Saying hokey-dokey 
Singalonga Smokey
Coming out of chokey

Be reasonable - don't just tell me your favourite. Tell me your reasons...