Yesterday's post started with James Hetfield from Metallica. Today, because I couldn't find any pictures of Lemmy or the dudes from Megadeth taking a photo, here's Ozzy.
And here are ten LOUD songs... sort of.
10. Joel makes a good impression... but he's not a footballer.
Billy Joel combines with the impressionist Rory Bremner to give the name of a Scottish footballer. And the former Rockpile member (also Scottish) responsible for this 1981 classic...
10. Song about writing about songs, written by a songwriter who sounds like a songwriter who writes the songs... with a bit missing.
Let's start from the back.
Barry Manilow sang I Write The Songs. (Although, rather ironically, he didn't write it. It was written by Beach Boy Bruce Johnson.)
Take a bit off and you're left with Barry Mann, one half of the Mann/Weil songwriting duo (with his wife, Cynthia Weil). Before that though, he sang some of his own songs... including this one, which is all about writing songs.
It seems apt that on the day I'm guest-posting over at JC's place, I end up doing a Bonus Post... after all, he's one of the only bloggers I know who sometimes manages two posts in the same day. (Jez is the other one, but he doesn't post every day like JC.)
Anyway, you've probably all seen this meme over on facebook. It's been doing the rounds. I had to have a go, of course, and I thought I'd post my response here in case you wanted to have a guess.
Ten bands/artists I've seen live. One of them is a lie.
By
the way, I haven't chosen any of the OBVIOUS acts you all KNOW I've seen
live. If this list was made up of Springsteen, Billy Bragg, Elvis
Costello, Lloyd Cole, Morrissey et al, it would be far too easy.
1. Depeche Mode 2. Suzanne Vega 3. Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers 4. Guns n Roses 5. Alison Krauss & Union Station 6. Bon Jovi 7. Oasis 8. Hayseed Dixie 9. James Brown 10. Nearly Dan (Steely Dan tribute act)
One final clue: 8 of the true ones were really, really good. The ninth really, really wasn't.
Fatal Attraction, boil a bunny while I breakdance
Fart in my hotpants in a crowded theatre at Sundance (must have been the hot ranch)
...here's Princess Superstar to kill the mood. I like my rappers with a wicked sense of humour, and PS flips more puns than Eminem. This is the same song where she confesses:
Ahh, enough of this, I killed Snuffalufagus
With pills and made a snuff film to prove to Big Bird he exists (See he is real!)
Which is top quality rhyming, whichever way you cut it.
Saying
this sounds like every other James Brown jam is kinda missing the
point. I think for a large part of his career (and with a few obvious
exceptions such as It's A Man's Man's Man's World), James Brown pretty
much released the same record. When I saw
him live about 20 years ago, the whole show felt like one long song
(and The Godfather didn't even come on stage for the first half hour!). Still, it's funky in all the right places: that's what counts.
Back in 1964 when they formed, The Dramatics were originally called The Dynamics. There was a printing error on their third record though and I guess it was cheaper to change the name of the band than get all those labels reprinted...
And the main lesson to be had here: even if you want his advice on hotpants, don't accept a ride in Jarvis Cocker's cab.
4. Prince - Peach
Uh-oh... here she comes with those gold hot pants on again...
Sexist guff of the highest order, of course. And yet, because it was Prince, somehow he got away with it...
The thing is, while even Prince was pushing it here, it's far less offensive than the majority of modern day r 'n' b which seems to have set objectification to eleven to the point that everyone takes it for granted. I joke about the 70s, but the way women are portrayed (or even choose to portray themselves) in mainstream pop these days is far worse than it was in the 70s... because we should know better by now.
So says an old stick in the mud who's been teaching media studies as a sideline for the last couple of years and can't get his head round what the kids take for granted these days.
A
rarity in pop music: a song that objectifies both women and men in
equal measure. Gotta give Fred and Kate credit for that...
(Fred:) I'm in shippin', if you're receivin' 'Cause what I see I ain't believin' The longest legs in the shortest pants You got me doin' a matin' dance
(Kate:) Sap's up spring's on the rise I'm bustin' out my tube top tonight Workin' the night shift, I get off at three Breakin' out of that factory Thunder thighs-hangin' out! Moon beams, dancin' about (Both:) If you would be so kind Put on those red hot pants and take a stroll through my mind
Don't wear hotpants around the Donnas, and certainly don't try it on with their blokes... just a friendly warning.
Hey little girl, you're tryin to get with my guy
I've got two words: hands off, or baby I'll make you cry
I don't pull hair and I don't fight dirty
But piss me off at 9 and you're lunchmeat by 9:30
1. Loretta Lynn - The Pill
If you want to find the toughest, sassiest, "girl power" recording artists of the last 50 years, country music would be a great place to start looking. Dolly, Tammy, Loretta... these ladies took no shit and told it like it was. The Pill is a 1975 hit by the Coal Miner's Daughter, although it was recorded three years earlier: the record company were just too chicken to put it out. Even when they did, half the country stations in America refused to play it.
The Pill tells of a wife who's sick of being pregnant over and over again (Loretta herself had 6 kids; three before she was 19!) so is proud to switch to birth control when it becomes widley available so she can enjoy a little of the freedom her husband's been relishing. If you thought this post was destined to end up sexist... here's to Loretta's hotpants!
All these years I've stayed at home while you had all your fun
And every years that's gone by, another baby's come
There's gonna be some changes made right here on nursery hill
You've set this chicken your last time cause now I've got the pill
This old maternity dress I've got is going in the garbage
The clothes I'm wearing from now on won't take up so much yardage
Miniskirts, hot pants and a few little fancy frills
Yeah, I'm making up for all those years since I've got the pill
Final word goes to the B52s this time...
Who says hot pants are dead and gone? Wait'll they see what you've got on Yeah, I never saw nothin' so doggone hot You belong in Ripley's Believe It Or Not!
Which one gets you screaming, "Supercalihalitosis, oooh that outfit's the absolute mostest!"
If you're in any doubt, check out the video in which Paul King wanders round an old quarry with a can of spray paint wearing a green suit, red boots and a raven on his head before teaching a bunch of kids how to breakdance. It cost 50p to film and they still had change for a bag of chips.
He's presentable, well looked after
He's domestically disastrous
He's adorable - Mother's Pride
Maternal versus paternal influence... and it does seem Paul Heaton thinks you're better off taking after your mum.
He'll always roam the yard looking for a fight
He'll pick on all the kids who're twice his height
He's the reason dinner ladies toss and turn at night
Teacher's Blight - Father's Pride
Kevin Rowland reclaims the notion of national pride from the fascists and the politicians in a deeply touching ode from the woefully under-appreciated Don't Stand Me Down album.
I've denied my beautiful heritage
Gone away from my roots and come back home again
I gave away my individuality
And listened to the "now" generation
When really I'm not one of those
But love has brought me closer to the truth and right now
I couldn't be any closer
To love your father is a fulfilling thing
My national pride is a personal pride
Batley Bob goes reggae with an amusing tale about a guy who loses his woman to the gym.
You want her attention
Well, you’ll have to wait
She’s in the gymnasium
Reducing weight
In shorts of a leotard
Despite her age
The girl’s gonna exercise
Your life away
See, I'm not going to apologise for thinking that Dean Friedman is an under-appreciated genius. And his voice is still so good, even on the tiny stages he plays thirty years after his peak.
The whole world's going home with blue plastic bags,
6 bottles of Stella, Jacobs's Creek and twenty fags And you know there is no shame 'Cus we're are all doing the same, Staying in is the new going out, No one's even coming round, We'll have toy fights in the hall...
Written by Manfred Mann's Mike D'Abo, originally recorded by Chris Farlowe, used as the theme tune of The Office, slaughtered by Kelly Jones... but it's Rod's version I favour. Whatever else you might think of Rod, you can't deny that voice.
I was lucky enough to see James Brown live back in the late 90s. I'm pretty sure he did this... once he eventually arrived on stage. Longest build up to an entrance ever, each member of the band got their own intro song before The Godfather finally appeared. Worth the wait though.
I had high hopes for Wheatus after this song, a cracking self-pitying loser-rock single. They followed it up with - of all things - an Erasure cover... then promptly disappeared off the face of the earth.
Hey I was walking my bag
Through a 20 story non stop snow storm
Pirelli calender girls wrestling in body lotion
My head's swimming with poetry and prose
Excuse me one moment whilst I powder my nose...
No prizes for guessing what was in Lloyd's bag on the final Commotions album.
1. Pixies - Bag Boy
A new entry, in at Number One with a silver bullet. First new Pixies material in some time (minus Kim, sadly) and it's a classic. Download it free from their website.
Cover your breath... polish your teeth.
I was surprised how many great bag songs there were in my collection - could easily have gone another ten. But I thought I'd leave some room for you guys... what's in your bag?
