Emergency Questions #8: Museum Trip

Mark Lanegan - Museum

Richard Herring's question of the week, from his excellent book Emergency Questions...

What's the best museum you've ever been to? 

Rich's answer to this is the Keswick Pencil Museum, which I have to say takes some beating. He's probably being sarcastic, although maybe not, because I'm sure he appreciates a good pencil like the rest of us. Having been there myself, I can highly recommend it.

Styrofoam Winos - Stuck In A Museum

The photo at the top of the page was taken in the Weston Park Museum in Sheffield, which was probably the first museum we ever took Sam to... but we still enjoy visiting it today. The woolly rhino is worth the price of admission on its own... or it would be, if admission wasn't free.

Aimee Mann - At The Frick Museum

Michael Knight - Fright at the Museum

A more local museum that we still pop into from time to time, even though it'll only kill half an hour or so is the Tolson Musuem in Ravensknowle Hall, Huddersfield. There are a few old cars, an old trolleybus and... best of all, a horse that has been cut in half to reveal its skeleton. From one side, it's a horse, from the other... brrr! 

Lonely Tourist - Museum of Childhood

Muse - Muscle Museum

The South Yorkshire Aircraft Museum has also become a regular summer stop for Sam and I. An excellent collection of old planes and helicopters, some that you can sit in and pretend you're a pilot.

Michael Hall - The Museum Of Giant Puppets, PA

Paul Weller - The Strange Museum

I like a museum that allows you to step back in time and see the world as it was in days gone by. One of the best of these is Ryedale Folk Museum in North Yorkshire; it's like wandering around an old village and you can go into the old shops, farm buildings and cottages and really feel like you've gone back in time.

Tiny Ruins - Me At The Museum, You In The Wintergardens

Finally, there's the National Science and Media Museum in Bradford - formerly known (back when I worked in the city) as the National Museum of Photography, Film and Television. They have lots of ever-changing interactive exhibits, but the best thing is the Hall of Mirrors. They were closed last year for extensive renovation, so I'm looking forward to seeing what's new in the summer holidays.

Robyn Hitchcock & The Venus 3 - Museum of Sex

Graham Parker - Museum of Stupidity

Having listed some of the best museums Sam and I have visited over the years, I still haven't answer Richard Herring's question. My favourite museum? Well, it'd have to be this one...

Do you know the history of the trench coat?
What it represents and who it's for?
What I want to know is who would want a coat
So close to the floor?
I went to the Trench Coat Museum to see 'em
A thousand different cuts
Like pelts from another dream
Stuffed and bursting at the seams
Cause I'm fishing for a theme
If it's somewhere in between
A day's honest graft and constantly fleeing the crime scene...

Do you have a favourite museum?

Snapshots #392: A Colourful Bouquet of Songs About Flowers

Twenty floral songs to brighten up your Easter Sunday... though I'm sure we could have easily found another twenty...

20. His head's in a constant spin.

He wasn't only Dizzy...

Tommy Roe - Sweet Pea

19. Murder in the home of a long-dead Stone.

The Brian Jonestown Massacre - Anemone

18. Polar knitwear comes undone.

"Polar knitwear" was an anagram...

Karine Polwart - Azalea Flower

17. Heaven's Green Patio.

(Knock knock knockin' on....) Heaven's door. Green door. Patio doors.

The Doors - Hyacinth House

16. Chandler's finest.

Raymond Chandler's finest book (although he wrote a great many fine books) was...

The Big Sleep - Bluebell Wood

15. They will check your spelling.

English Teacher - Nearly Daffodils

14. By Willard Manus!

Willard Manus was the author of the book Mott The Hoople, from which these guys stole their name...

Mott The Hoople - Jerkin' Crocus

13. Essex man without forgotten secret agent. 

David Essex, sans (Jason) Bourne...

David Sanborn - Lotus Blossom

12. In a hurricane, pets get blown about.

"Hurricane, pets" was an anagram...

Patrice Rushen - Forget Me Nots

11. Stop the Tories from messaging you on social media. 

Block that party!

Bloc Party - Tulips

10. Shorter than an operetta, longer than Jim.

Etta is shorter than an operetta. James is longer than Jim.

Etta James - Wallflower

9. Bogart takes to sea with once-yearly books about boy detectives.

Humphrey Bogart, in the ocean, with a Hardy Boys annual. Obviously!

Tough one this. Give yourself extra marks if you remembered these guys. (They're very Stiff.)

Humphrey Ocean & The Hardy Annuals - Whoops A Daisy

8. Catch the Longdancing Tourist and add some sweet sax.

The Longdancers and The Tourists were two bands that Dave Stewart was in before he formed the Eurythmics. Candy Dulfer played some sweet sax.

Dave A Stewart featuring Candy Dulfer - Lily Was Here

7. Play it again, Sam... and again... and again...

Humphrey Bogart (again) didn't actually say "play it again, Sam". He said, "You Played it for her, you can play it for me". Anyway, when he said that, he was talking to Dooley Wilson...

The Dooleys - A Rose Has To Die

I got the Dooleys in here. I can probably retire now.

6. New York punks ooze everywhere.

The New York Dolls, full of Goo and more Goo.

Goo Goo Dolls - Iris

5. Happened later, for Nick Drake.

For Nick, it was Brighter Later...

Brighter - Poppy Day

4. Found in a closed window on a Eurostar railway carriage. 

Found in a closED WINdow on a EuroSTAR Railway carriage

Edwin Starr - Ruby Begonia

3. Oy, Bezos! Arrange for Hazlewood to play at my party, will you?

Jeff! Book Lee, will you?

Jeff Buckley - Lilac Wine

Lilac Wine has been recorded by everyone from Nina Simone to Elkie Brooks... but that's my favourite version.

2. Upper class ankle socks.

Bobby sox for the gentry.

Bobbie Gentry - Sweet Peony 

...or you could have had...

Bobbie Gentry - Marigolds & Tangerines

1. We pull Earl all over the place.

"We pull Earl" was an anagram.

Paul Weller - Sunflower

And for completeness-sake, I would also have allowed...

The Jam - Carnation

Enjoy the rest of your Easter. Snapshots will be back next Saturday.

Snapshots #368 - A Top Ten Mythical Creature Songs

I didn't really know what to call this week's Top Ten, and I only really settled on "Mythical Creatures" under protest... since clearly everyone knows Bigfoot isn't a myth. 

Apologies, all you sceptics, but I'm 100% Fox Mulder: I want to believe. The alternative is a much more boring world.

Anyway, here are ten songs about creatures I'm willing to be convinced are just as real as you or I...

10. Half a dozen English immigrants.

New Colony Six - Ballad Of The Wingbat Marmaduke (Elf Song)

OK, I'm not saying I believed in Wingbat Marmadukes... but Elves, why not?

9. Bony Beth.

Thin Lizzy - Banshee

8. Blackburn / Ely Riot.

Tony Blackburn and Joe Ely get involved in a White Riot.

Tony Joe White - Even Trolls Love Rock 'n' Roll

7. 15/3.

The 15th of March is the Ides...

Ides Of March - Ogre

6. Influential director and blinking bloke. 

An Auteur and a bloke known for his Rapid Eye Movement...

Luke Haines & Peter Buck - Last of the Legendary Bigfoot Hunters

5. Third Netflix Queen just might...

Three actresses played The Queen on Netflix, the third being Imelda Staunton. 

Imelda May - Little Pixie

4. Conservative Councillor. 

He was in a Conserve (Jam) and also a Council (Style).

Paul Weller - Mermaids

3. They'll give you the hump.

Camel - Sasquatch

2. Logic, Radiator, Guerilla.

Their first three albums were Fuzzy Logic, Radiator and Guerilla...

Super Furry Animals - Hometown Unicorn

...and I would have accepted...

Super Furry Animals - Chupacabras

1. Ya ba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dum.

That's the chorus of If I Were A Richman, of course...

Again, two answers would have been acceptable. Firstly, this...

Jonathan Richman & The Modern Lovers - Rockin' Rockin' Leprechauns

And, more obviously, this...

Jonathan Richman & The Modern Lovers - Abominable Snowman In The Supermarket

Hard to believe, I know, but Saturday Snapshots will return next week...

Memory Mixtape #25: Mushy Peas Are Evil

I wasn't a fussy eater as a kid, and I generally loved school dinners. I had no problem with cleaning my plate... except on Fridays.

Fridays was usually fish and chips, which would have been a firm favourite, had they not been served with a huge dollop of that most detestable of food-stuffs: mushy peas. If ever there was a metaphor for the destructive tendencies of the human race and how we have to ruin everything we touch... who else would take the sweetest and tastiest vegetable on god's green earth and turn it into grey sludge? Why would anyone choose to eat mushy peas when you can have the real thing? I mean, even the adjective is disgusting. Let's look at some of its closest synonyms... pulpy, pappy, slushy, squelchy, gloopy... not to mention that mushy can also be defined as mawkish, cloying, sickly and icky. They look like puke on a plate, only that would be slightly more appetising. 

And yet... every Friday, there I was, shuddering in the dinner queue, my voice cracking as I asked the serving ladies for a "very very very small" portion of mushy peas, please. But even when they looked kindly on me, I was still the last one in the school dining hall, pushing cold mushy peas around on my plate, unable to go out and join my friends in the playground until Mrs. Brown, the head School Dinner Nazi, had watched me eat them all. They wouldn't allow kids to be treated like that these days... but this was the late 70s and early 80s when sadism was still part of the National Curriculum. 

When I looked for songs featuring mushy peas, I found them championed by the worst examples of musical depravity: The Macc Ladds, K*nt & The Gang*, U2 (are you completely unaware of the fact that I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For is about Bono going around every chip shop in town, trying to find the best place to buy mushy peas?). Not one song (worth listening to) leapt to their defence. Real peas, however, turn up in all kinds of wonderful tunes...

(*This is an actual band that I keep coming across when I do lyric searches. I normally ignore the hell out of them, but it seemed appropriate to give them a mention today. The asterisk is mine, not theirs.)

The JB's - Pass The Peas

Paul Weller - Sweet Pea, My Sweet Pea

Pine Hill Haints - Pea Ridge Blues

Count Basie - Mama Don't Want No Peas 'N' Rice 'N' Coconut Oil

If you still believe there is any merit to mushy peas after reading this post, I will leave the final word to my expert witness from The Sugarhill Gang. Tell it like it is, Wonder Mike... 

Have you ever went over a friend's house to eat

And the food just ain't no good?

I mean the macaroni's soggy, the peas are mushed

And the chicken tastes like wood

Minus points for anyone who quotes John Lennon in the comment box.

Earworms #1: Get Down

Hey, Gilbert, where's your berry vest?

I've been listening to lots of cool music lately that I really should be writing about here, when I can find the energy. But I'm also suffering from a repetitive earworm that has been drilling into my cranium for the past couple of weeks and I've no idea where it came from or how to get shut of it.

Get Down is not one of my favourite Gilbert O'Sullivan songs. It's from the self-consciously wacky side of his catalogue that also brought us Ooh Wakka Day and Mr Moody's Garden. The same Gilbert who thought it would be a good idea to call his Greatest Hits album "The Berry Vest..." (do you see what he did there?)

The thing is... (as Sam would say, only for me to continue "...a member of the Fantastic Four"), when he's not being wacky, Gilbert can break you heart into a million pieces. Case in point, two of the saddest songs of the 70s... Alone Again (Naturally) and Nothing Rhymed. If you don't believe me, ask Paul Weller, who called them, "two of my favourite songs, great lyrics, great tunes".

In an effort to remove my earworm then, I'm going to play these two on loop for a couple of hours, and wallow in the blissful misery of them...

Snapshots #192: A Top Ten Wild Songs

Here comes the WILDEST Top Ten ever. Hope you got them all...

10. Simon's shampoo?

Paul Simon prefers Wella...

Paul Weller - Wildwood

9. Opening for Boy George's band.

The opening four letters of CULTure Club...

The Cult - Wild Flower

Or you could have had..

The Cult - Wild-Hearted Son

8. Amazed by tiny rapper.

The tiny rapper would be Lil Bow Wow... who makes us all go Wow!

Bow Wow Wow - Go Wild In The Country

7. Strong boned office worker.

Vitamin D gives you strong bones.

A clerk works in an office.

Dee Clark - Ride A Wild Horse

6. Sounds like a right silly.

Dwight Twilley - Wild Dogs

5. School leaders chatting.

Talking Heads - Wild Wild Life

4. Key ring.

The musical key will affect the tone of the tune... but a key also opens a lock. You can also have a ring tone.

Tone Loc - Wild Thing

(The Troggs would have been too easy.)

3. Quiz at ours.

Anagram!

Suzi Quatro - The Wild One

2. Operate on that piggy!

Iggy Pop - Real Wild Child

1. ...outside Jerry's mousehole?

Tom Waits very patiently, but Jerry is too smart to come out.

Some of the greatest lyrics ever set to vinyl...

Never could stand that dog.

More next week...