Conversations With Ben #20: M&S or S&M?

Ben: Are they threatening me?

Rol: I'm more interested to know what X Bite is. Some weird S&M shit?

Boardgame website.

Can't have M&Ms, they're not vegan.

We bought a car yesterday.

Just a little nipper run around.

It's a Chevy.

Now I need to work out what the levy is and how to push it there.

Wrong answers only, please.

Wasn't he the lead singer of the Four Tops?

Billy Bragg made him cry.

We're currently calling it Eugene.

After this...?

Although it's more likely you named it after Sufjan or Kevin... or maybe the Beastie Boys.

Eugene Levy... Chevy!

Is it a...?

No.

Hang on, here's a Top Ten...

10. Alabama Shakes - Heavy Chevy

9. The Beat Farmers - Blue Chevrolet

8. The Barracudas - Chevy Baby

7. Deer Tick - Chevy Express

6. Foghat - Chevrolet

5. Patrick Gammon - Yo Chevy

4. ZZ Top - Chevrolet

3. Mickey Jupp - Chevrolet

2. Sammy Johns - Chevy Van

1. The Mountain Goats - New Chevrolet In Flames

I hope it's not that last one.

I'm fully aware you won't listen to any of those, but it kept me entertained for an hour or so.

They all came from my music library. I could have put Chevy into a streaming service and come up with a hundred more, but that would have been fake.

They are all phenomenal actually

I will make a CD with them on for it.

Once I get a CD recorder.

Or a CD drive for a laptop.

There's no need to be sarcastic.

I wasn't.

I genuinely appreciated them.

One more then...

I think you should go into work on your last day dressed in Fubu, pretending that that's who you were all along.

I had to google Fubu.

For Us By Us.

I thought it was like Fubar

Or Snafu.

Or just another one of your S&M things.

I only get my bits from M&S, not the full shop.

Have you been tested for dyslexia?

Yes. By the Marquis de Sade. (M de S.) It was a pretty grueling test.

I'm concerned about the company you're keeping.

You stay away from that boy, he's a bad influence.

I thought he was a Smooth Operator.

Did you have a special meal as a celebration for leaving the job?

Or just jam sandwiches?

That's how I picture all your meals.

Maybe the odd ham salad sandwich.

But mainly jam sandwiches and a coffee.

Breakfast, it's jam on toast.

Lunch: jam sandwiches.

Tea: confiture en croute.

I don't like jam sandwiches. I prefer my jam on scones.

So, jam on toast. Ham salad sandwich, scone for tea.

Clotted cream only at weekend.

Or Friday nights.

I eat blueberries too.

I like real blueberries. I prefer rhubarb jam.

As long as we agree quince is the king of jams.

It would be Top 5.

We stopped at a Farm Shop the other day. They're normally a good source of interesting jams. All they had was Strawberry and Raspberry. I burnt the place to the ground.

I'd leave them a two star review on Google.

Because you're a millennial. We did things properly in Gen X.

Joined the NF?

Yes! The New Frontier...

Would you consider this a Large Americano?

Small.

Regular at a push.

I'd finish that and then take the cup to the counter and say you're ready for the other half of your large coffee.

 It was a thimble.

Surely that's a war crime.

Luckily. I carry my matches with me at all times.

I'd get the UN involved.

I prefer to keep my protests apolitical.

Boutros Boutros-Ghali would be furious at that comment.

I call him Al. He always chuckles at that.

I said Boutros Boutros-Ghali... not Chevy Chase.

I know they sound the same.

It's pronounced Gar Lee. Not Gull Lee.

Al-Boutros!

Jesus. Do I have to spell it out for you?

Well, I spelt it correctly.

Again, have you ever been tested for dyslexia?

Yesterday's Next Big Things #1: Spector

Because one can never have too many sporadic series that fizzle out and then crop up again when you least expect them, I present: Yesterday's Next Big Things. Bands that those-in-the-know tipped to be huge... who then promptly fizzled away into nothing. Because, as Elvis sang...

You better speak up now, it won't mean a thing later

Yesterday's news is tomorrow's fish and chip paper

I thought I'd start with Spector, a band with the dubious rock 'n' roll chops to name themselves after a musical genius... and murdering psychopath. Well, it's one better than Mansun.

Back in 2012, the Grauniad described Spector as "somewhere between Roxy Music and the Strokes, The Killers and Kanye West, Pulp and Frank Sinatra". Come on, muso-critics: why not chuck Jesus Christ, Buddah and Shirley Bassey in there while you're at it?

I quite liked the band's first album, although they doomed themselves by calling it 'Enjoy It While It Lasts', because after "storming" into the UK album chart at Number 11, they promptly disappeared into semi-obscurity. The follow-up arrived with little fanfare in 2015... so little fanfare that writing this post is the first I'd heard of it. They're still in the go, apparently, but so far have yet to scratch their way into the pop consciousness the way the artists mentioned above did. Still, I like to think there's still time.

Anyway, because it'd Friday... have this. Don't listen too closely to the lyrics... they might also be seen as prophesying a fast fade out.