If any of you have access to the Disney+ streaming service, can I recommend the Australian TV show Mr. Inbetween? It's got nothing to do with this song, but it is very worth watching. Only 25 minute episodes too, so they're easy to get through before you fall asleep at the end of the day.
The coffee in my travel mug tasted off. Maybe I hadn’t
rinsed the Fairy Liquid out properly, or maybe it was just that off-tasting
water you get in the kettle sometimes, no real explanation for
it. Whatever the cause, I couldn’t handle the commute without a coffee, so I
decided to stop at the Co-Op petrol station and get a machine Costa. It was
Friday morning, the roads were quiet and Google Maps was telling me the journey
would only take an hour today, not 75 minutes, so an extortionately priced
“Signature Blend” was, if not exactly enticing, then at least better than
washing up water.
As I walked across the forecourt, a grubby-looking White Van
Man sprinted past me, clearly eager to pay for his petrol and be about his day,
ogling young women, driving aggressively close to other motorists, and
screaming obscenities at both. Except… that wasn’t why he was in such a rush.
Oh no. He wanted to get to the coffee machine first. Clearly he’d seen the look
on my face, assessed my need, and decided his was greater. Either that or he
was just an arsehole.
And so, I had to waste my time pretending to scour the Meal
Deal sandwiches, while standing just close enough behind him to be in a sort of
queue if anyone else with a desperate murder-you need for caffeine should try
to butt in. And of course, White Van Man didn’t just want one machine coffee,
he wanted three. My life was slowly ebbing away. And then he was done. At last,
I stepped up to the machine to order my elixir… and that’s when I noticed.
No big cups.
Only the small ones.
I stormed out of the Co-Op in a huff, back to my car, and my
off-tasting travel mug. Which didn’t taste so bad now, to be honest. Actually,
it was all right.
Laurie Shaw is another artist I discovered through compiling
those interminable posts about songs that randomly mention pop culture
ephemera. He’s from the Wirral but currently resides in Cork. He’s incredibly
prolific, having recorded over 100 albums according to bandcamp (7 of which
were released in 2022), and the one with the best title is If You’re So Good,
Then Why Haven’t I Heard Of You? Lately I've been very much enjoying Weird
Weekends, which sounds a lot like pre-fame Pulp. Slightly sordid tales of
yearning adolescent misadventures set to a lo-fi indie soundtrack. He’s even
mastered the Jarvis yelp. Quite wonderful. He's a wonderfully natural storyteller...
We were in your room And we were listening to your mum’s old records You put the White Album on And said this was their magnum opus I didn’t know what you meant But I could see down your vest And then the grooves got out of focus
“There’s a party on on Saturday night, You should come” I said “I’d love to, but the lift in’s a pain For my mum” She said “well, you could stay at mine And it might coincide with my mum Doing nights in the hospital”
If you’ve not caught it yet, Poker Face is very good. It’s
by the guy he does the Knives Out movies and it's basically Columbo for the 21st
Century. Natasha Lyonne brings her typically ramshackle Top Cat chutzpah to the
role of a human lie detector on the run, stumbling across murders wherever she
goes, then bumbling her way to delivering some kind of justice. Highly implausible, but
very entertaining, and Lyonne is a natural successor to the legendary Peter
Falk. Good soundtrack too, including…
My brother lost his wallet in the pub last week. I don’t
talk about my brother much, but here’s all you need to know to understand this
story: he’s a retired builder. Now when I tell you that there was £700 cash in
his wallet when he lost it… well, I just need to refer you back to the previous
sentence.
When he realised his wallet was missing, he returned to the
hostelry in question and asked if anyone had handed it in. They hadn’t, but the
staff were happy to take a look at the CCTV. Sure enough, there was my brother
enjoying his meal, and – whoops! – there goes his wallet onto the floor. Fast
forward to after he’s left the pub and another couple take his table. And… oh,
look, what’s this on the floor? Oh, it’s a wallet. I wonder what’s inside?
Well, we better keep that safe… tell you what, why not put in your handbag just
in case anyone unscrupulous should find it?
The police were informed, but my brother’s partner also
decided to enlist the help of the Local Vigilante Action Syndicate (aka
Facebook), posting a CCTV still of the woman with the wallet and asking if
anyone could identify her.
A few hours later, they received a private message.
“That’s my sister. We haven’t spoken in 20 years since she
shacked up with a former MP who’s also a paedophile, but she still lives next
door to me. Here’s the address…”
Rather than pass this information onto the police (see
paragraph #1), my brother instead chose to drive round to the address in
question… but there was nobody in. So he put a note through the door with his
phone number. I don’t know what the note said exactly, but something along the
lines of “Give me my wallet back and I won’t shop you to the bizzies.” Not that
my brother’s a Scouser, I just miss Jimmy Corkhill. A little while later he
received a phone call and was invited round for tea.
Well, not tea, but he did get his wallet and all its
contents back. When asked why the couple hadn’t handed it in to the bar, they
replied, “Oh, we didn’t like the look of the bar staff.”
Don’t ask me why, but I’ve been listening to Grand Funk
Railroad’s Greatest Hits lately. They’re a good time rock ‘n’ roll band, not
quite up there with Steve Miller’s lot, but ploughing a similar furrow. For
some reason, I always thought they were from Canada, which doesn’t make any
sense since their biggest hit was We’re An American Band, but logic was
never my forte. Here’s my favourite track from the compilation, originally
taken from the album 1974 album All The Girls In The World Beware!! Ah, the
70s…
The most prominent fact I knew about Tuesday Weld was that
there was a band named after her. And rather a good band too…
Although I’m unlikely to feature them in Namesakes any time
soon, those guys are not the only band to take Tuesday’s monicker. Here’s a
German combo from the 90s…
Whatever: I figured this would be a quick one. Then I started
digging, and soon discovered that Tuesday (real name Susan) crops up in quite a
few tunes, possibly due to her reputation for playing “impulsive and reckless
women acting out sexually”. A former model and child star, Tuesday turned down
the chance to play Lolita in the Stanley Kubrick film because, “I didn’t have
to play it. I was Lolita.” She also turned down starring roles in Bonnie &
Clyde, Rosemary’s Baby and True Grit, apparently because she knew they would be
big hits and didn’t want the pressure. Perhaps that’s why she dated Elvis but
married Dudley Moore.
There’s a lot more to Tuesday’s story, but you didn’t come
here for the biog. You came for the songs. (Yes, you did.)
Matthew Sweet included a photo of Tuesday Weld on one of his
album covers. Initially the album was called “Nothing Lasts” but apparently
Tuesday didn’t like the inference, so Sweet changed the title to Girlfriend.
In a similar genre to Matthew, here are Doublepluspop, a band
who formed in the late 90s, recorded a bunch of power pop gems, then put them
in the cupboard for a couple of decades, finally releasing them in 2020.
She was Marilyn, Tuesday Weld
We were just 13, but what the hell?
In case you’re wondering, it was an unrequited romance…
She wore a pin for a college boy
Life’s cruel to me
She couldn’t care for the kid with dirty knees
There’s this thing called a sponge? I’m pretty sure they had
those back in the 70s too, City Boy.
Tuesday also gets mentioned in the soundtrack to Hair
alongside Andy Warhol, Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton, and Popeye. Pretty
good company to keep.
If I only owned the Pennsylvania Railroad
And if Tuesday Weld would only be my wife (Oh, Tiny!)
If I could only stay sixteen forever
Then I'd know that I'd be satisfied with life.
70s rock dude Walter Egan is the only songwriter I found to
have named a song after Tuesday…
Never mind Sandra Dee and Yvette Mimieux
Forget Carol Lynley, ‘cos she will never do
If you see Connie Stevens, just take her away
‘Cos she can’t hold a candle to, to, to, to
Tuesday!
Although they don’t mention her surname, Swan Dive
took Ms. Weld as inspiration for this catchy little tune…
She’s groovy like it’s 1969
Gives me peace and love
Makes me feel so fine
She’s got some crazy notions
But I don’t mind at all
‘Cos each time she comes around, I fall
For Groovy Tuesday
The male vocalist in Swan Dive was Bill DeMain, a regular
guest on Ricky Ross’s Radio Scotland show, where he provides musical updates
from his home town of Nashville.
I did find a few other lyrical references to Tuesday Weld,
but none of them were really worthy of keeping company with any of the fine
tunes listed above. And they certainly weren’t in the same class as today's final tune, from
a truly classic 80s album…
Introduce me to that big blonde
She’s got a touch of Tuesday Weld
She’s wearing Ambush and a French Twist
She’s got us wild and she can tell
She loves to limbo, that much is clear
She’s got the right dynamic for the New Frontier
I'm fully aware you won't listen to any of those, but it kept me entertained for an hour or so.
They all came from my music library. I could have put Chevy into a streaming service and come up with a hundred more, but that would have been fake.
They are all phenomenal actually
I will make a CD with them on for it.
Once I get a CD recorder.
Or a CD drive for a laptop.
There's no need to be sarcastic.
I wasn't.
I genuinely appreciated them.
One more then...
I think you should go into work on your last day dressed in Fubu, pretending that that's who you were all along.
I had to google Fubu.
For Us By Us.
I thought it was like Fubar
Or Snafu.
Or just another one of your S&M things.
I only get my bits from M&S, not the full shop.
Have you been tested for dyslexia?
Yes. By the Marquis de Sade. (M de S.) It was a pretty grueling test.
I'm concerned about the company you're keeping.
You stay away from that boy, he's a bad influence.
I thought he was a Smooth Operator.
Did you have a special meal as a celebration for leaving the job?
Or just jam sandwiches?
That's how I picture all your meals.
Maybe the odd ham salad sandwich.
But mainly jam sandwiches and a coffee.
Breakfast, it's jam on toast.
Lunch: jam sandwiches.
Tea: confiture en croute.
I don't like jam sandwiches. I prefer my jam on scones.
So, jam on toast. Ham salad sandwich, scone for tea.
Clotted cream only at weekend.
Or Friday nights.
I eat blueberries too.
I like real blueberries. I prefer rhubarb jam.
As long as we agree quince is the king of jams.
It would be Top 5.
We stopped at a Farm Shop the other day. They're normally a good source of interesting jams. All they had was Strawberry and Raspberry. I burnt the place to the ground.
I'd leave them a two star review on Google.
Because you're a millennial. We did things properly in Gen X.
Joined the NF?
Yes! The New Frontier...
Would you consider this a Large Americano?
Small.
Regular at a push.
I'd finish that and then take the cup to the counter and say you're ready for the other half of your large coffee.
It was a thimble.
Surely that's a war crime.
Luckily. I carry my matches with me at all times.
I'd get the UN involved.
I prefer to keep my protests apolitical.
Boutros Boutros-Ghali would be furious at that comment.
It seems impossible, after everything that has happened in the past 4 years, that Trump will be re-elected next Tuesday. But it seemed impossible that he'd be elected in the first place. And it seems impossible that he hasn't been impeached and thrown in jail a long time ago. It seems impossible than anyone would still vote for him.
He's a demagogue Check out his rise He's a demagogue He's fatally famous He's a demagogue He plays with my fears A demagogue My shadow side dreaming The demagogue It feels so good to be dumb
From the wall straight to la cuenta Those pussy grabbing fingers Won't let go of me now Demagogue The demagogue
He's coming down the escalator With a girl from east of here He wants to make the country greater We've got nothing left to fear
Because the man in the tin foil hat Is sitting on the throne tonight It kinda feels like a coup d'etat But it's gonna be great, tremendous, amazing and all that
'Cause the man in the tin foil hat Is tweeting like a teenage girl He puts the Pluto in plutocrat But it's gonna be a huge huge huge new world He hasn't got the time for losers Unless they do as he commands He's writing checks to his accusers With those tiny little hands
'Cause the man in the tin foil hat Is gonna drain the swamp tonight And fill it up with alternative facts And it's gonna be great, tremendous, amazing and all that
Oh and I don't believe in the devil But you might make me go and change my mind You can see this whole damn world get leveled and not even lose track of time Inside your gilded walls that shine
Well another group of kids in high schools dead But you're still at your golf course teeing off at nine People marching in the streets trying to find a little peace You sit around spouting awful shit online
Well you've always been the same You ain't ever gonna change But I know it's gonna all catch up with you in time And there's a pot of gold from all the dreams you stole Inside your gilded walls that shine
On May 11th 1930, Mary Anne Macleod, from Tong on The Isle of Lewis, boarded the RMS Transylvania from Glasgow to New York City, in search of a better life. There, she fell in love with Frederick, whose father had come to America from Germany as a 16 year old barber.
The couple raised five children.
Mary Anne’s middle son would return years later to Scotland, home of his MacLeod ancestors, whose clan motto is: I burn but I am not consumed. And here - in the name of progress and profit - and executive golf - he would pit himself against time and tide. In his wake, the shifting sands at Balmedie in Aberdeenshire would never be the same.
That son of Mary Anne MacLeod is powerful.
So too is The North Sea.
The marbled, metamorphic rock of Lewis is two-thirds the age of Earth - amongst the very oldest found on our planet. It knows about power. It’s seen a lot. And so I wondered: what might that rock of Lewis have to say about the Inauguration - tomorrow in Washington DC - of the 45th President of the United States of America - Mary Anne’s middle son? This is what the rock told me.
I never meant to cause you any sorrow
I never meant to cause you any pain
I only wanted to one time to see you laughing
And solving Snapshots in the purple rain.
Blimey - working out the scores from yesterday's quiz took a bit of work. I had to take my shoes and socks off. Lots of half marks flying around too, but as I write this it looks like a draw between Alyson and Rigid Digit... although nobody's solved #9 yet, so that could change.
Anyway, here are the answers...
10. My latest car has no gearstick and runs on flower power... but it wins the race and holds the secret to getting me a better job.
I loved the suggestion for this, from Happy Mondays to U2... I'd love to know how the clues led you to those guys. Bit obscure, but somebody gave me this song on a mixtape about 20-odd years ago and it's been a favourite ever since...
4. Frank smokes a joint with Strangers in the Night, headphones on.
In Strangers In The Night, Frank memorably sang "doobie doobie doo", which wasn't anything to do with drugs but might have inspired a ghost-hunting pooch.
