Monday 3 September 2018

DIY Songs #1: Handyman Blues


I'm not a fan of DIY. When you're a home-owner though - unless you're super-wealthy - it's a necessity. When we got together, Louise thought I'd be a natural handyman. I come from a family of builders, plumbers, joiners and fitters. My dad's first job was building coffins for the local undertakers. He was a joiner for many years before becoming a car auctioneer (not to mention being a farmer on the side), then when he retired from the auctions, he went back into joinering part-time. My parents house has always had a lot of fine woodwork and my dad could turn his hand to most jobs around the house.

But Louise was wrong to put her faith in me having picked up any genetic skills for DIY. I've learned a few basics over the 7 years we've lived together, and my dad's taught me a few things, but I'll never be a natural. (Oh, and if she also thought "at least he'll have someone in the family who can do it", she's been doubly disappointed... getting family to help is even harder than getting me to do it!)

The point of all this... I was doing some DIY over the weekend, and I realised that the only thing that makes it bearable for me is that I get to listen to lots of music while I'm doing it. So I decided to create a (hopefully very) occasional series dedicated to the music I listen to while I'm DIY-ing. Every time I do a job, I'll write a post after to tell you what I did and what it bearable.

We'll get to the job I did this weekend - and what I listened to while doing it - in post #2. First though, I had to give this one a spin. Number #1 in My Top Ten DIY Songs from way back in June 2013. Once again, Billy hits the nail on the head. Metaphorically, if not literally...

I'm never gonna be the handyman around the house my father was
So don't be asking me to hang a curtain rail for you, because
Screwdriver business just gets me confused
It takes me half an hour to change a fuse
And when I flicked the switch the lights all blew
I'm not your handyman

Don't be expecting me to put up shelves or build a garden shed
But I can write a song that tells the world how much I love you instead
I'm not any good at pottery so let's lose the 't' and just shift back the 'e'
And I'll find a way to make my poetry build a roof over our heads
I know it looks like I'm just reading the paper
But these ideas I'll turn to gold dust later
Cause I'm a writer not a decorator
I'm not your handyman




6 comments:

  1. In the early 1960s, Dad and his brother read a couple of books on the subject, then ripped out, built new and replaced every window in the house. That's an example of the dogged determination he showed towards self sufficiency that I absolutely lack in every measurable degree. It's a wonder I've made it this far really.

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  2. Hadn't seen that video before. Great cast turning out for Mr Bragg. Thanks for that. As for DIY, the older I get, the worse my attempts at home improvements have become. I'm at an age now where I couldn't care less if my flat looks like a tip.

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  3. I am the world's worse DIY exponent. Tried to sort out the sealant round the bath and ended up making it ten times worse and had to get a grown up in to sort it.

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  4. One of my favourites. IIRC my fellow St Helener Johnny Vegas directed that star studded video, which would explain how he bagged the poetry/pottery line - given his familiarity with the potter's wheel

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  5. And yes, I have none of my dad's DIY skills either. In fact I hung a picture frame yesterday and was chuffed with myself for hours after!

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  6. I'm very good at DIY tea-making....

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