My p-p-p-pick of the Penguins comes from 1954 when it was originally released as a B-side to a forgotten tune, Hey Señorita. DJs began flipping it and playing the B-side and a million-selling record was born... one that iffypedia informs me, "became the first independent label release to appear on Billboard's national pop charts". Does that mean it was the first ever indie record? The band never had another hit, but a lot of lawyers made a lot of money out of various court cases regarding who actually wrote the song (among other contentious issues).
I, like many children of the 80s, first heard Earth Angel performed by Marvin Berry & The Starlighters (with Marty McFly on guitar) as the dramatic climax of the movie Back To The Future. That's when I fell in love with the tune... although it took me a while to finally hear the original...
Alan Arkin was one of those actors who made a movie better whenever his name was added to the cast list. Fans of Catch 22 will remember him as the Sisyphean pilot Yossarian, a man trapped by the paradoxical logic of the military intelligence machine. He also had memorable roles in The Heart Is A Lonely Hunter, Grosse Point Blank and one of my favourite moves, David Mamet's Glengarry Glen Ross. And in his latter years, he became the archetypal Grumpy Old Man, with Michael Douglas in The Kominsky Method and in Little Miss Sunshine, a performance which earned him an Oscar.
As young man, Arkin started out as a singer and guitarist in two 50s folk groups, firstly supporting Vince Martin in The Tarriers, then as one of The Baby Sitters, a group which also featured his wife Barbara and 8 year old son Adam (who would later follow dad into acting). And he even released a solo record...
I could only find two lyrical reference to the late, great Alan Arkin, but fortunately one of them was pretty good. First though, he's MC Mantra...
Ain't got no gats in the crew, but if you're asking to lose
You can Catch like Alan Arkin
We chase the light, but roam into the darkness
If home is where the heart is, then we'll open up your carcass
You'll be disappointed to hear that I couldn't find that anywhere on the tube of you. Luckily, I could find this, a song I featured here a while back. Drip Drip Drip by The Tragically Hip is dedicated to Alan Arkin and Madeline Kahn. But why? To answer that, I had to consult The Hip Museum...
[In his] memoir, "An Improvised Life," released in 2011: "Arkin recounts how he once asked a friend and colleague, the late, ferociously talented comedian, singer and musician Madeline Kahn, what she first wanted to do as a kid: Sing? Play the piano? Make people laugh? She answered that she used to listen to a lot of music; then she thought for a while and added, "I wanted to be the music."
I was a big fan of Madeline Kahn when I was a teenager. I
probably liked her more than the movies she appeared in. I was never quite on
the right comedy wavelength to appreciate Mel Brooks movies (I hated the
farting sequence in Blazing Saddles, but loved the meta ending), however
Madeline Kahn was great in it. I also remember loving What’s Up, Doc?, in which
she appeared alongside Ryan O’Neal and Barbra Streisand. I haven’t seen that
movie in over 30 years. I should watch it again.
Madeline had a great singing voice too. Although you might not know it, because she often sang in character and purposely out of tune. Her most famous song
from Blazing Saddles was even released as a 7” single…
If that doesn’t tickle your fancy, then you might be more
taken with this “indie / country” outfit who quote surf rock, Ennio Morricone
and Elvis Costello among their influences.
The song’s about adultery, but the title they chose is a
reference to Madeline Kahn’s character in the movie Clue. (Yes, they made a movie
about Cluedo. It goes without saying that Madeline Kahn was the best thing in
it.)
My pick of the day comes from John Grant, who can always be
relied upon to throw the name of cool actors and actresses into his songs. Here
he laments the untimely passing of today’s star, who sadly died of ovarian
cancer in 1999.
Upper class, middle class, lower class, Sassafras,
Everybody these days thinks they’re a bad ass
How am I supposed to live in a world with no Madeline Kahn?
My favourite girl is gone
There was another One D... band I could have chosen to illustrate the final edition in the Hot 100 Countdown... fortunately, Swiss Adam saved me from having to go there when he suggested One Dove.
I've been dreading this week since I started this countdown, way way back in January 2018. (Yes, I've been at this for more than two years.)
Partly because I knew there would be thousands of potential ONE songs.
Partly because I knew it'd be impossible to find them amidst all the BlutONES and UndertONES songs, and all the songs about bones and phones; everyone, anyone and no one; money and baloney.
I didn't dread it because I wondered what the winner would be though. I've known that since January 2018.
Before you dismiss it completely, let's not forget that it was written by Nik Kershaw, and came from a movie in which Roger Daltrey played Chezzer's dad.
And, while we're on the subject of Ones & Only... and Only Ones, for that matter... I may as well re-direct you back to this, from way back in 2013...
George will be disappointed to see that Huey Lewis only got to #2 in that countdown. And he was beaten by The Charlatans, for Pete's sake... what was I thinking?
I think it's fair to say I haven't heard that since 1982. However, I was 10 in 1982, and I seem to recall being quite a fan. If you'd asked me, I'd have said this actually won Eurovision that year, but it didn't. It was beaten by Nicole. Still, neither of them were in the same league as the 1981 winners. Witness my nascent sexual awakening at 1 minute 32 seconds on that video.
You may have noticed I'm holding off on the lists this week, folks. There's a reason for that. Over to C...
Blimey Rol, incredible stuff. This must be like a full-time job - perhaps you should charge us for your services to blogging? I'm not even going to add anything, happy just to see what comes up.
The truth is, C, last week nearly broke me. And the prospect of copying and pasting all the one suggestions... and then finding links for the bloody things... I just couldn't take it!
And then Lynchie said this...
Rol - I think you should turn this series into a book.
I would ask who'd read it... but I guess you guys have answered that question over the past two and a half years. For which, I will be eternally grateful... but not so grateful that I could face the colossal workload of this final post.
And then, after whittling his shortlist down to 600, The Swede came to my rescue...
Here's what's left from my hard-drives. Sorry there are so many - for gawd's sake don't post them all!
Do you know what, Swede? That's the best advice I've been given in all my blogging career.
What I'm going to do instead is choose ONE song from each contributor... beyond the ones suggested above.
If anybody cares to see the full list of suggestions, you can do so here.
(Part of me thinks I should have instituted a filtration policy such as this weeks ago.)
Finally, as seems only fitting, here's my Number One contributor... at least in terms of the number of suggestions he's submitted during the lifetime of this series... The Swede.
Just pitching the one this week, mostly because it must surely be the winner...
How right you are, Martin.
(Special mention to Lynchie who guessed the original version, a worthy runner-up.)
As I said at the start, I knew this song would be the winner of the final week of my Hot 100 even before I published the first post. It is, quite simply, perfect...
Which brings us to the end of this feature.
I sometimes wondered if I'd ever reach the end, but I'm glad I did. Chalk it up as another of life's little accomplishments... and thank you all again for playing along. It wouldn't have been half as much fun... and I definitely wouldn't have made it this far... without your contributions.
Final word goes to The Swede...
A thought occurred whilst mulling... I trust you'll be doing a final entry the week after next for zeroes?
Now I don't like to be one to disappoint, Swede, but I just can't face that right now. (Neither can I face "Half Songs" or "Quarter Songs" or anything else, for that matter. If I never see another number again, it'll be too soon.)
However - that's not to say I won't welcome your contributions. If anyone wants to compile a Top Ten Zero Songs and submit it for Guest Post Thursday, I will be happy to let you have the space.
I have got an idea for a feature to replace this one, and I'll be kicking that off in a couple of weeks' time. I've been itching to get to it for at least a year now... and it will require your suggestions (though I'm hoping it won't lead to quite so many as the last few weeks of the Hot 100 has). I hope you'll join me and play along...
You may know him better as the lead singer of the Georgia Satellites.
8. Moorland flowers explode like stars... just like Caine.
Heather goes nova.
Jules: First I'm gonna deliver this case to Marcellus, then, basically, I'm just gonna walk the earth. Vincent: What'cha mean walk the earth? Jules: You know, like Caine in Kung Fu. Walk from place to place, meet people... get into adventures.
38 Special are a Southern rock band formed by Donnie Van Zant, the younger brother of Lynyrd Skynyrd singer Ronnie.
As Martin identified in last week's comments, loads of songs make mention of the Smith & Wesson .38 Special, and though he chose not to mention them "in the spirit of gun control", that didn't stop the rest of you! I was metaphorically blown away by the following fully-loaded suggestions from...
All roads lead back to Nick Lowe. Going with "Me and My .38" by Carlene Carter off of 'Blue Nun' from 1981. This one was co-written and produced by then husband Lowe. She's backed by Lowe's band at the time... Paul Carrack, Martin Belmont, James Eller and Bobby Irwin. Love this album. Tough broad. When she leaves the key under the mat, you better show up or you'll have a double date with her and her .38.
I wish I could find that somewhere online, Brian, because it sounds like a cracker. Sadly, the internet let me down. However, I'll see your Nick Lowe suggestion and raise you this...
I'm not putting that into google translate, but I bet it's mucky.
Back to Martin then, who clearly thinks he's identified a smart way of winning this game: just choose songs by my favourite artists. (Although Lynchie's still smarting that this tactic didn't work for him last week.)
(Yeah, I know that last one would get quickly disqualified if one of you suggested it, but it's still a belter if you like Jeff Lynne shamelessly ripping off the Beatles.)
But, I'm sure it comes with great relief that Douglas saved you all from having to listen to Jon Bon Jovi's boob-inspired lyrics this week by suggesting this cracking story song from his oft-requested Canadian heroes, The Tragically Hip. I have a weakness for story songs, particularly when they involve breaking out of prison.
Only one band could illustrate the moment that Life Begins in our Hot 100 Countdown (even though, like Benjamin Button and the hero of Martin Amis's Time's Arrow, we're aging backwards). I was never s huge UB40 fan, and I prefer the Neil Diamond original of the above song to their hit version, but I always quite liked their famous "I'm a prima donna" mondegreen. (Apparently they sing "Ivory Madonna"... but I don't believe it for a second.)
...which is always welcome here because it features Leonard Nimoy in the video. And if you're wondering how The Bangles know what a UB40 is/was, they probably didn't. The original was by Katrina & The Waves.)
Anyway, as you can imagine, there were a hell of a lot of songs with the number 40 in the title. I'm not even getting onto lyrical nods this week, unless you guys specifically brought them up. Let's see how quickly we can rattle through the list...
Starting, as if often the case, with The Swede, who kicked us off with a serious contender...
Longtime readers will know that I've always got time for Jimmy B - I may even be a parrothead. As with many of Jimmy's songs, this one has a nautical theme... yet it also tackles the mid-life crisis in a beautiful way.
Yes I am a pirate, two hundred years too late
The cannons don't thunder, there's nothing to plunder
I'm an over-forty victim of fate
Arriving too late, arriving too late
Ian McNabb does a pretty cool version of that too, but sadly I can't find it on the interweb and don't have time to upload it right now.
Onto The Swede's other fine suggestions, the last of which opens up a whole avenue of possibilities...
And now I shall hand you over to our Canadian correspondent, Douglas McLaren, making a welcome return this week with a whole bunch of fine suggestions...
I felt like I had to keep up the Canadian side once again when we hit 40. A fun one, for starters, is by Canada's (former) house band...
Then there is, of course, the granddaddy of Canadian folk rock, Gordon Lightfoot, who can teach you how to be an Auctioneer. And no, we don't actually have a forty-five dollar bill here in Canada.
Perhaps that's because the original came from the USA, Douglas (it's featured here before as my dad used to be an auctioneer when I was a boy).
From Canada we then journeyed halfway round the world to Australia, with another welcome
return from my old pal Deano who's just about to celebrate a rather relevant birthday. Remember, Deano - "life begins!" Cough cough.
He describes his first offering as "a silly, but oh so much fun, one hit wonder from New Zealand." Sounds perfect!
Next, "a Tasmanian-via California-via Nashville country singer
that I have really started to enjoy recently. She’s lived those forty
years (“I got battle scars around my eyes. I got old boyfriends with
bitchy wives. I look back and I wonder why.I’m forty.”) Sadly, she died
young after a cancer
Deano's final offering comes from a classic country songwriter: "In the process of discovering Tom
T Hall at the moment, and enjoying every moment of it. What a
songwriter. In this one, he talks about a funeral, and reflects on the
fact that the dead guy owed him $40."
All of which leaves me with just a handful of my own selections that nobody else mentioned, so I thought I'd make this post even longer by counting down my Top Five 40 Songs. I actually did a Top Ten 40 Songs seven years ago when I did turn 40 and three of these (as well as a bunch of your suggestions) featured there. That was on the old blog though which exists now only in my archives, so no link, I'm afraid.
AKB48 are a Japanese girl-band with 134 members who have sold 56 million records. And you thought five Spice Girls were too many!
Welcome back. You know the drill by now. Every week we count down another number, you provide lots of useful suggestions for songs that mention that number, and then I either bow to public pressure and go with one of your choices... or choose some obscure bit of nonsense that nobody else likes because I'm weird that way.
Last week, I suggested that I had "an obvious cool answer and an obvious slightly-less-cool answer for 48".
C was first to identify the "obvious cool" answer...
...which might have been this week's winner if I were more cool myself. But I'm not.
The Swede was convinced that the above (or "the obvious slightly-less-cool answer", which we'll come to in a moment) would be this week's winner, but that didn't stop him stumping up the following...
In truth, 48 proved a tougher number than most - even Martin struggled to find anything beyond the obvious two suggestions, although he did eventually identify another one from my library...
A few more lyrical offerings from my own collection, starting with this week's token car song...
When I was a young boy,
It weren't too late,
I had me a Buick, was a '48
Yeah, tons and tons of rollin' steel
With a long black hood and four big wheels.
But in the end, it came down to either The Clash... or this week's "slightly less cool" winner, which actually got more votes, and not just from the middle-aged men in the audience... George, The Swede, Martin, Rigid Digit and Charity Chic, who went all googly-eyed and starting sighing like a lovestruck teenager. Not just them, because Alyson voted for this feminist icon too..
Take it away, Suzie Q...
Next Tuesday I will be 47. Your messages of condolence will be much appreciated.
By a wild coincidence, that's also the day we hit 47 on the Hot 100 Countdown. It's almost like I planned it that way... but who'd believe that?
Anyway, your suggestions for songs featuring the number 47 will be gratefully received...
That's 50 Cent, Fiddy to his mates, introducing us to the second half of our countdown of songs relating to numbers. Here's what you had for me this week...
When Sting is finally called to answer for his many, many crimes against songwriting, this is one of those tunes that will spend quite some time in the witness box, particularly these lines...
I'm sure there are hundreds more songs that drop a lyrical mention to the decade that spawned rock 'n' roll, but we haven't got time to go fishing for them, so I'll finish with this... which doesn't appear to have much to do with the decade at all, but - as with 99% of all other Wedding Present tunes - is actually about screwed up relationships...
(Surprisingly, The Swede didn't suggest that last one though he did suggest another Mark E. Smith tunes, Masquerade, for these cheery lyrics: '...like a fish dish the grim visage altered again and again, the fifty percent interest ran out today, account altered...')
And then there was this... my runner-up this week... a clear winner most other weeks. Aimee Mann's debut album takes some beating...
...and with songs like that, Douglas, you're welcome back here anytime.
However, sometimes I just have to go for the obvious choice... so here it is, a tune I've always had a great fondness for.
King of Pedantry Rigid Digit pointed out that Paul Simon only actually names 5 of the 50 Ways To Leave Your Lover...
Just slip out the back, Jack, make a new plan, Stan
Don't need to be coy, Roy, just listen to me
Hop on the bus, Gus, don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee, and get yourself free
...and both he and Alyson wondered what the other 45 may be.
To answer that question, I can direct you towards Carol Brown by Flight of the Conchords, in which Jermaine Clement gives you at least another 19, including...
Loretta broke my heart in a letter
She told me she was leaving and her life would be better
Joan broke it off over the phone
After the tone she left me alone
Jen said she'd never ever see me again
When I saw her again, she said it again
Jan met another man
Liza got amnesia, just forgot who I am
Felicity said there was no electricity
Emily, no chemistry
Fran, ran, Bruce turned out to be a man
Flo had to go, I couldn't go with the flow
Carol Brown just took the bus out of town
But I'm hoping that you'll stick around
Mimi will no longer see me
Brittany, Brittany hit me
Paula, Persephone, Stella, and Stephanie
There must be fifty ways that lovers have left me
Mona, you told me you were in a coma
Tiffany, you said that you had an epiphany
(Bruce is my favourite.)
And while I can't name the other 26 off the top of my head, I can also direct you Okkervil River's Plus Ones, a very fine song which reveals #51 (as well as revealing what happens to the 97th tear and the 100th luftballoon, among others)...
51st way to leave your lover
Admittedly, it doesn't seem to be as gentle
Or as clean as all the others
Still. The problem is all inside your head, it seems to me...
49 next week. I have a feeling these posts are about to get longer and longer...
The movie Bohemian Rhapsody has received mixed reviews from the critics - but then, so did the song it was based on. It is a film made by fans for fans, and as such it was a success for me. Yes, there are some creaky bits where you can sense the hand of messrs. May & Taylor bigging themselves up as script editors, and the Mike Myers cameo belongs in a different movie. A very bad am-dram movie. But put these aside, and this is a film Queen fans will cheer - not just for Remi Malik's star-making turn as Freddie, but for the note-perfect performances of the other band members too - Brian "nice but dull" May, Roger "cocky knob" Taylor and John "quietly witty" Deakin. I believed every one of them was the band member they played, and I was a bit of a Queen aficionado in my teenage years.
There'd been criticism of the film beforehand for glossing over the more sordid elements of Freddie's life, so I was surprised to find it pulled few punches. Yes, it could have been more graphic and sleazy, but I thought the filmmakers chose the right tone - hinting at such debauchery without needing to splash it all over. The final scene, at Live Aid, gave the film its musical climax, but it was the scene prior to that (Mercury visiting his parents and introducing them to his new "friend", while his dad quietly came to terms with everything that his son was) which broke me. It made me realise why I always connected with Freddie as a teenager - the outrageous glamour was just a cover for his loneliness, and we connected with that. Anybody who's ever cried while listening to Queen's finest moment will know that Freddie understood. That was the message I took away from the film, the tragedy of Freddie... he wasn't looking for fame and glamour and excess, all he really wanted was a family and a "friend". Don't we all?
I wouldn't recommend Bohemian Rhapsody to non-Queen fans. It won't convert you, it'll probably just annoy you even more. But for the fans... it was everything we needed.
Here's ten songs by ten fans... well, nine fans and one who's not quite sure.
The song Elton wrote after hearing Freddie had died. Typical late-stage Elton, so there could have been a much better tribute, but at least it's from the heart.
Interesting one this. Songwriter Reece Toper wrote it about his own ignorance and bigotry as a teenager, a Queen fan who "turned his back on Freddie Mercury" when he found out he was gay and had died of AIDS. I imagine quite a lot of serious Queen fans did the same. At least this guy wised up when he was older.
This'll be one that will irk the musos, I know the comments I got the last time I featured Train here... so their rip-off of We Didn't Start The Fire will probably go down like a lead balloon! Like that's gonna stop me...
Over the years, there have been many imitators wanting to grab a seat on Freddie's throne and Mika looked to be giving it a good try with this single... but he really didn't have the legs.
But on the day I die, I'll say at least I fucking tried.
That's the only eulogy I need.
1. Freddie Mercury - Mr. Bad Guy
Much is made in the film of Freddie's foolhardy attempt at a solo career, and his return to Queen, tail between his legs because the new musicians he was working with "did exactly what I told them" rather than pushing back against him, that friction being said to have created better art. Whether that's another example of May & Taylor having a little too much input into the script or not, it's fair to say that Mr. Bad Guy, his first solo album for CBS, wasn't a classic, although it did have its moments - notably the single I Was Born To Love You and this, the title track in which Freddie gives Morrissey a run for his money in the self-pity stakes...
I'm Mr Bad Guy
Yes I'm everybody's Mr Bad Guy
Can't you see I'm Mr Mercury
Oh spread your wings and fly away with me
I'm Mr Bad Guy
They're all afraid of me
I can ruin people's lives
Mr. Bad Guy they're all afraid of me
It's the only way to be
That's my destiny
Mr. Bad Guy
Oh, and just to Brian doesn't feel left out... here's a song about him:
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