Celebrity Jukebox #32: Claudette Colbert

On Monday, I returned to work after the summer holidays. Normally, this would be the worst day of the year and I would have spent the last two weeks in a massive funk. But in the new job, going back to work was really no hardship (they even bought us pastries to welcome us back!), so the only real problem was when I realised I probably wouldn't have as much time as usual to put together the next Celebrity Jukebox post. I better pick someone with not many songs to their name.

That's not as easy as you think. Hedy Lamarr? On hold. Cyd Charisse? Postponed indefinitely. Surely there can't be more than one song that mentions Claudette Colbert? OK, the American Film Institute named her the 12th-greatest female star of classic Hollywood cinema... but that means there are 11 more lyric-worthy stars for pop stars to name drop, surely? Then again, she made 65 films during her career (top of the bill in 48 of them), she was Cleopatra before Elizabeth Taylor even got out of nappies and showed Clark Gable a thing or two in It Happened One Night. And she could sing too. 

There's no such thing as an easy win in this series. I was, at least, grateful to confirm that Claudette by The Everly Brothers wasn't dedicated to her, but that Roy Orbison penned the tune for his wife who was also called Claudette. Which I'm sure you knew, because you're smart that way.

I did find one tune named after Claudette Colbert, but with only 16 plays on youtube, it hardly seems worth a mention.

Much more interesting was this one from Michael Franks, "king of Quiet Storm" pop-jazz. You might shudder at the very idea, but I'm adding some Michael Franks to my late-night chill out compilations tout de suite. Deal with it. (Actually, this is from his early singer-songwriter days, and his eponymous debut album is really worth a listen.)

Those in the know will nod sagely when I add: this isn't even the best tune I know named after a certain 1948 Bogart flick. Anyway, Claudette shares good company here, with Bogie and Bacall, Fred Astaire and even Melvin Douglas... I'd be amazed if he ever turns up here again.

Me in my pleats like Fred Astaire

You in your curls like Claudette Colbert

Ain't we 'bout as cool as Iceland, baby?

And that would have done me, to be honest. Mission accomplished. I was just about to turn off the computer and go to bed when the interweb offered up another song littered with old movie stars, including Greta Garbo, Heddy Lamar, Vivian Lee, Charles Boyer and...

When they took her away she didn't put up a fight

She was Claudette Colbert in It Happened One Night

It happened one night in a Hollywood Hollywood

She was Outre Lorraine...

I can't find out anything about Richard John Wallace other than that he released one album in 1999 and then disappeared into obscurity. But damn it, if the rest of that album's as good as this, he's going on the bloody list.