Snapshots #455: Self-Improvement Songs

Yesterday it was Sting, today it's Gwyneth: two celebrities who love to bang on about personal development and self-improvement, yada yada yada.

Here are some songs that instruct us how to become better people...

15. What Zoolander plays in the pub.

Derek Zoolander likes to play dominos.

Derek & The Dominoes - Tell The Truth

14. Scottish Bob meets Arnold's brother.

Whutcha talkin' about, Robert the Bruce?

Bruce Willis - Respect Yourself

13. It appears they need tying up.

Loose Ends - Don't Be A Fool

12. Japanese plod collective.

Tokyo Police Club - Be Good

11. The Pogues' favourite cars.

The Fiestas - Think Smart

10. Long DJ meets Ragtime King.

Janice Long meets Scott Joplin.

Janis Joplin - Try (Just a Little Bit Harder)

9. Petrified Peter.

Frightened Rabbit - Be Less Rude

8. Dolls.

Pussycat - Smile

7. Often heard to crow, "your hair is beautiful"... but only when he's with his mates. 

"Your hair is beautiful," is from Atomic. Roosters crow. This guy was the guitarist with Atomic Rooster, but he also had a solo hit with the tune below...

John Du Cann - Don't Be A Dummy

6. What made Bret Anderson snap? 

The Suede Crocodiles - Paint Yourself A Rainbow

5. Clearly sir Toby was confused.

"Clearly sir Toby" was an anagram.

Bay City Rollers - Give A Little Love

4. Backwards German remake of English composer Ralph.

Ralph Vaughan Williams, backwards, with DE in the middle...

William DeVaughn - Be Thankful For What You Got

3. Jefferson, Jackson, Johnson...

They were all...

Presidents of the United States of America - Love Everybody

2. The fashion of an estranged prince.

Prince Harry Styles!

Harry Styles - Treat People With Kindness

Whatever you might think of Harry Styles, that's a great pop song.

1. Warning: in a Fury, he could break a man's arm.

Billy Fury gets in a fight with a swan.

Hopefully, you now know how to live a better life, just like Sting and Gwyneth.

More nonsense next Saturday.

Celebrity Jukebox #74: Chip Taylor

It's been a busy week, so this is the earliest opportunity I've had to pay tribute to singer and songwriter Chip Taylor who died towards the end of March. I write a lot of these eulogies lately, and every one of them affects me in some way or other (otherwise, I wouldn't write them), but even then... the news of Chip's death hit me hard. Because through the songs he wrote in the latter part of his career, I felt like I knew him. Whenever I listened to one of his new records, it began to feel like I was catching up with an old friend. I felt like we had a certain simpatico, even though he was thirty years older than me and lived half a world away. I knew where he was coming from. 

I only really discovered Chip Taylor in 2019 when I heard the above song on the radio. But it turned out that I'd known his songs much, much longer.

Because back in 1965, Chip wrote this...

The Troggs - Wild Thing

And then, a couple of years later, he wrote this, a song I became very familiar with as a child because the 1981 version by Juice Newton was a firm favourite of my old friend Tel...

Juice Newton - Angel of the Morning

 Along the way, Chip also wrote many other fine records...

Janis Joplin - Try (Just a Little Bit Harder)

Waylon Jennings - Sweet Dream Woman

The American Breed - Step Out Of Your Mind

Billy Vera & Judy Clay - Country Girl-City Man

Emmylou Harris - Son Of A Rotten Gambler

Lee Hazelwood & Nancy Sinatra - Storybook Children

The Hollies - I Can't Let Go

Arthur & Mary – Is That You

Peggy Lee – Sneakin' Up On You

Madeline Bell - Picture Me Gone

Chip released a number of solo albums in the 70s, and then apparently spent most of the 80s playing blackjack and betting on horse races, only curing himself of that particular addiction following the death of his mother in the mid-90s. After that, he returned to recording and released some wonderfully individual and idiosyncratic solo records, as well as a string of excellent collaborations.

Chip Taylor - On The Radio

Chip Taylor - Black & Blue America

Chip Taylor & Carrie Rodriguez - Sweet Tequila Blues

Chip Taylor & John Prine - Sixteen Angels Dancing 'Cross the Moon

But I always come back to this one in the end. Thank you, Chip. Rest easy, fella. Thank god you weren't one of the perfect people...

My Top Ten Bob Songs

My sister's old sheepdog, Bob, passed away last week. He was a good dog.

This is my tribute...


10. Columbo - Rockabilly Bob

A lost classic indie-dance crossover from the 90s. I think Norman Cook might have had something to do with it, but I can't find anything online to confirm that.

9. Half Man Half Biscuit - Bob Wilson, Anchorman

See also: 99% of Gargoyles Look Like Bob Todd. 

If you ever wondered how you get triangles from a cow
You need butter, milk and cheese
And an equilateral chainsaw

We can never get enough HMHB round these parts.

8. Happy Mondays - Bob's Yer Uncle

A song that's all about sex. Which is fine unless you picture it performed by Shaun Ryder.

7. Pulp - Bob Lind

Jarvis's tribute to the Elusive Butterfly of American folk.

6. Banarama - Robert De Niro's Waiting

Yes, if Girl's Aloud recorded this for the first time in 2012, I would have no interest in it at all. I am a child of the 80s, unashamedly.

5. Nick Cave - The Ballad of Robert Moore and Betty Coltrane

Top slice of Nick Cave storytelling; b-side of his Kylie duet, Where The Wild Roses Grow.

4. Mark Germino & The Sluggers - Rex Bob Lowenstein

Rex Bob is a rebel DJ who refuses to stick to the playlist... and ends up locking himself in the studio in a stand-off with The Man.

Classic story song about the soulless evil of the commercial radio industry.

3. Janis Joplin - Me and Bobby McGee

Written by Kris Kristofferson, whose original recording is just as good. 

2. Prince - Bob George

Probably the darkest record Prince ever recorded, his bleakly funny piss-take of violent and misogynist gangster rap, from the legendary Black Album. The live version on youtube doesn't really do the track justice, but this being Prince, you won't find the album version there.

1. Bruce Springsteen - Bobby Jean

Back in the 80s, at the height of his success, Bruce had a big falling out with his best friend, Steve Van Zandt (star of The Sopranos and the excellent Lilyhammer). Many believe this song was about their break-up. (They're friends again now, and Stevie's back with the E Street Band.)

Now you hung with me when all the others turned away, turned up their nose
We liked the same music, we liked the same bands, we liked the same clothes
We told each other that we were the wildest, the wildest things we'd ever seen
Now I wished you would have told me, I wished I could have talked to you
Just to say goodbye, Bobby Jean

For Bob, RIP.

Which is your bobby dazzler?