Teachers love their Awareness Days' Calendar. Black History
Month. World Environment Day. International Literacy Day. There’s always
something to build a lesson on if you go searching.
Along the way, I’ve come across some truly ridiculous
awareness days… and so… you can guess the rest.
What better day to start than January 16th?
It's National
Nothing Day!
National Nothing Day is an "un-event" created in
1972 by newspaper columnist Harold Pullman Coffin and observed in the United
States annually on January 16 since 1973.
Its aim is “to provide Americans with one National Day when
they can just sit without celebrating, observing or honouring anything”.
We need this day in the UK too!
Here are some sweets nothings to help us celebrate….
"Wondering who else is going to pop up in this series now," said Alyson in last week's comments. "I know of one song where Peter Lorre is mentioned but surely there can't be many more. Maybe time to prove me wrong."
Well, I do like a challenge. And Casablanca was on TV this weekend... though Lorre has a better role in The Maltese Falcon, in my humble opinion. He and Bogie were mates, apparently.
Let's see if I can find the song Alyson was referring to...
You wake up in the morning and you're feelin' blue
Because Vicki is gone and your money is too
She's more sinister than Peter Lorre
And this is just two of 8 million stories
Probably not the one Alyson was referring to though. Are there any songs actually named after Mr. Lorre? Turn out: yes... this one even has 80 views on youtube!
This one, however, actually comes from my own record collection...
Peter Lorre, Peter Lorre
He's a brick, he's a brick
You can count on him in trouble
Even if it's really thick
Any crisis, he'll be there
Like a little squidgy bear
Peter Lorre, Peter Lorre
He's a brick
Peter Lorre, Peter Lorre
Runs a nightclub way downtown
Peter Lorre, Peter Lorre
Always wears a evil frown
Don't spit on his shoes
Or mess up his hair
Or he will shoot you dead
And go back upstairs
A real gentleman
Never bad and never rude
Never mad and never crude
Just like Sydney Greenstreet
Just like Sydney... Green...street
In any crisis he'll be there
Like a little squidgy bear
That's Peter Lorre, not Sydney Greenstreet
You know I'm going to declare that today's winner, don't you? Even though it's not the song Alyson was referring to. Let's call that a worthy runner-up...
On a morning from a Bogart movie
In a country where they turn back time
You go strolling through the crowd like Peter Lorre
My old friend Sally bought me the above book many years ago when we worked in the same commercial production department. We shared a love of morbid songs that got us through the horrors of that job. (I now look back fondly on the "horrors" of that job, of course: further proof that life only gets worse.)
The book tells the story of some of the most depressing songs ever written - from Tell Laura I Love Her to One by Metallica. Alone Again (Naturally), Seasons In The Sun, Hurt... a great read, though it always rankled that the author hadn't chosen a Smiths track. Bruce is in there though, with The River, and Billy Joel, with Captain Jack, which I always thought was about masturbation, but the author insists is a drugs dirge. Anyway, it's a fun read - the author keeps his tongue firmly in his cheek throughout, and it has persuaded me to hear a fair few tunes with fresh ears over the years.
The other day I stumbled across a song I'd never heard before, but I immediately had to send it to Sally. It's by Bobby Goldsboro, who does make the above book with Honey... although the song below takes the melodramatic misery to a whole different level. Like Ruby (also chosen by Tom Reynolds), it's the story of a soldier who comes back from war, no longer the man he once was.
Tissues at the ready...
No, no, wait for the talky bit... the talky bit will always get you... if only for its needless exposition...
I'm thinking of starting a feature on the blog called Conversations With Ben.
Part of me doesn't want to tell you this because I don't want you acting up for the cameras, but I figure it's pretty sleazy to not ask your permission, and also you might sue me for using your intellectual copyright or something.
Since your guest post, most people are convinced I made you up anyway.
Ben:
I don't act up for anyone. My wit is and always shall be as sharp as those 70s pencil sharpeners on the teacher's desk that mangled the pencil. Use whatever, I'm not precious about what's said or used. I don't say anything I don't stand behind, and even when joking, there's not enough identifying info out there that people could use to discredit me. So go for it.
As I know you have a penchant for Mr Lewis. It's actually really well done the whole way through...
James Hetfield sees that and realises how his whole life has been a sham. Look at what you could have won...
They could make a new supergroup. Better Be True mixed with Nothing Else Matters.
Well, the News do need a new singer now that Huey has been struck down with Menieres. Which I still consider a tragedy. Meanwhile, Sting is fine.
Is he really, though?
I sat through The Bee Movie with Sam the other day. Awful. Sting had a cameo.
The only adequate thing Sting ever did was be The Face in Quadrophenia. And that was amateurish at best.
Rumoured to be based on a WWI marching song, the hit version was written by the two Rogers: British songwriters Cook & Greenaway. There was no Whistling Jack Smith, and some debate over who actually did the whistling. On the album version, someone shouts "Oi!" near the end, but this was "cleaned up" for the single release and changed to "Hey!" instead.
Those crazy 60s also brought us The Royal Guardsman - Snoopy Vs. The Red about Baron von Richthofen, Germany's infamous Red Baron airman. Charlie Brown's cartoon pooch Snoopy often imagined himself fighting The Red Baron in the war.
Definitely the scariest song on this list... perhaps because (unlike Metallica's usual fare) it's a million miles away from the sunshiny pop of She's Not There.
Written by Scots-Aussie Eric Bogle (whose other big WWI tune was The Green Fields of France), but Shane and the boys did the definitive version for me...
When I was a young man I carried my pack
And I lived the free life of a rover
From the Murray's green basin to the dusty outback
I waltzed my Matilda all over
Then in nineteen fifteen my country said, "Son
It's time to stop rambling 'cause there's work to be done"
So they gave me a tin hat and they gave me a gun
And they sent me away to the war
And the band played Waltzing Matilda
As we sailed away from the quay
And amidst all the tears and the shouts and the cheers
This is a World War I song.
World War I fascinates me because it was such a shock to the world.
Nothing before or since has come close.
It was a horrible, horrible event.
It was modern weaponry and cavalry and then tanks.
They fought for four years over a hundred yards, some ridiculously small amount of ground.
It's the stupidest event in history.
This is one of those songs that I just can't sing - it's right in one of the cracks in my range.
So we did it to approximate what a recording of that era would sound like.
I know Mitchell's going to get blamed in some review for using all these effects, but we did it because I simply can't sing the thing.
1. The Farm - Altogether Now
I was nineteen when this record came out and I had no idea what it was about. I guess I just didn't listen to the lyrics...
Remember boy that your forefather's died
Lost in millions for a country's pride
But they never mention the trenches of Belgium
When they stopped fighting and they were one
A spirit stronger than war was at work that night
December 1914 cold, clear and bright
Countries' borders were right out of sight
When they joined together and decided not to fight
All together now
All together now
All together now, in no man's land
The same old story again
All those tears shed in vain
Nothing learned and nothing gained
Only hope remains
All together now
All together now
All together now
In no man's land
The boys had their say they said no
Stop the slaughter let's go home, let's go, let's go
It's Halloween - the night we all dread because the scariest creatures on earth roam the streets spreading terror and mayhem. No, not ghosts, vampires and zombies - children! Give me a werewolf any day over a belligerent teenager in joke shop fangs with a table cover of his head and a couple of sachets of ketchup. Like most sane people, we turned off the lights and hid behind the sofa till it was safe to come out.
While there, I realised that every year at this time I usually post a horror-related Top Ten... and I'd completely forgotten to compile on this year. So here - in conjunction with my Songs About Actors series - are ten songs which feature famous scary movie stars in one way or another...
You've got to either start or finish with this one, haven't you? I never quite got the appeal, but it's OK once a year. Chvrches do an interesting cover though. As do Nouvelle Vague.
Stumbled across this song about one of my favourite horror movies - John Carpenter's Halloween - and its star, the original scream queen, Jamie Lee Curtis. The Ramones have a lot to answer for.
The Hunchback of Notre Dame is one of the saddest films I've ever seen.
Oh Lon Chaney, What's to hold you back? The Wolfman's dead And the old black cat is gone, Like a memory faded from your past. You look so sad, With a face of stone, Just skin and bone. You're all alone, With a hunchback's eye you live.
Cult genius or worst actor / director ever? I always had a fondness for Ed Wood, largely driven by the Tim Burton / Johnny Depp film which led me to seek out some of his work. Jack Lukeman does an excellent spooky tribute.
Those scary aliens gave Sigourney no trouble at all.
And I feel just like Sigourney Weaver
When she had to kill those aliens.
And one guy tried to get them back to the Earth.
And she couldn't believe her ears.
And there's a shout out to Winona Ryder in the second verse too: the scariest thing in Francis Ford Coppola's Dracula was her English accent...
I feel just like Winona Ryder
In that movie about vampires.
And she couldn't get that accent right;
Neither could that other guy.
1. Warren Zevon - Werewolves Of London
Lon Chaney AND Lon Chaney Jr. - in the same song! And they're both walking with the queen...
Your suggestions always welcome. Just don't knock on my door with them tonight.
