Snapshots #419 - Legs & Feet Songs

This is Betty Grable. You can't see her legs, but she had them insured for a million bucks. That was back when a million bucks was worth something.

Here are ten songs that go below the waistline...

15. I'm sick of quiche for tea - and so is Woody!

Flan again, mum? 

Flanagan & Allen - Underneath The Arches

14. Second Greatest Showman and Sex Machine unite.

The Greatest Showman starred Hugh Jackman. His sidekick in that movie was Zac Efron. James Brown was the sex machine.

Zac Brown Band - Toes

13. They mate for life - and never stray too far.

Lobsters mate for life - according to Phoebe in Friends, anyway.

Close Lobsters - Knee Trembler

12. Trump had one... so did Babel.

Tower Of Power - What Is Hip?

I'm sure there will be some debate as to whether the hip bone is too high up the body, but the thigh bone is connected to it, so I'm using that as my excuse.

11. Introducing Michael Knight’s car!

As I'm sure you're all aware, Michael Knight drove the Knight Industries Two Thousand... KITT.

This Is The Kit - Creeping Up Our Shins

10. You know you want to!

The Persuaders - Thigh Spy

Might save that one for the CCCC.

9. The Holly and… another famous Plant.

Holly Johnson, not Ivy. And Robert Plant.

Robert Johnson – Milkcow’s Calf Blues

8. In a tangle? Learn how to Offset Arrears.

"Offset Arrears" was an anagram.

Tears For Fears - Head Over Heels

And he'd be arrested for harassing that librarian in this day and age.

7. Napoleon, perhaps?

Was Napoleon France's Nero? Well, they were both Emperors...

Frances Nero - Footsteps Following Me

6. Found inside puzzling octopuses.

PuZZling ocTOPuses.

ZZ Top - Legs

Another one for the Committee.

5. Scott & T-Bone hit the road.

Scott and T-Bone Walker hit the Street.

Streetwalkers - Toenail Draggin'

4. Sensible, Wellington, Attack.

Captain Sensible, Beef Wellington, Heart Attack...

Captain Beefheart - I Wanna Find a Woman That'll Hold My Big Toe Till I Have To Go

3. Half a Catwoman makes a cake...

Julie Newmar was a Catwoman. Half of that is Julie N. A baker makes cakes.

Julien Baker – Sprained Ankle

2. The Portia VAT leaves you flummoxed.

"Portia VAT" was an anagram...

Pavarotti – O Sole Mio

1. You’re always on the run now.

Lyrics from Gloria by Laura Branigan.

If Ernie guessed the link yesterday in double quick time, it may well be that the idea was already in his head.

When he emailed me with the idea for last week's SS, he mentioned he'd been trying to put together a Legs and Feet Snapshots, but went with the Left Right one instead. I almost replied, "Glad you did - because I've got a Legs & Feet Snapshots ready to go... and then I thought, "D'oh, if you do that, you'll give him the answer!" So I kept schtum. But great minds and all that...

More of this nonsense next week...

 

Snapshots #319: A Top Ten Between Songs

Here's the Cure for your Sunday morning blues. Ten songs to get in-between.

10. Trump & Twist.

Donald Trump and Fagin from Oliver Twist gives you...#

Donald Fagen - Walk Between The Raindrops

9. One of the lonely people, enjoys her patty in hot oil.

Eleanor Rigby was one of the lonely people. 

This particular Eleanor enjoys a fried burger.

Eleanor Friedberger - In Between Stars

8. Lewis and Harris.

Lewis and Harris is the Hebridean island where you will find Stornoway.

Stornoway - Between The Saltmarsh And The Sea

7. Swanky police club.

In America, a billy club is what the police used instead of a truncheon. A swanky person likes to brag.

Billy Bragg - Between The Wars

6. Ah, go on. Go on, go on, go on.

They're very persuasive.

The Persuaders - Thin Line Between Love & Hate

5. Rosy sprites.

The Pink Fairies - Between The Lines

4. Zzzzzzzz.

Sleeper - Inbetweener

3. Levis rub him up the wrong way.

"Levis rub" is an anagram.

If any of you have access to the Disney+ streaming service, can I recommend the Australian TV show Mr. Inbetween? It's got nothing to do with this song, but it is very worth watching. Only 25 minute episodes too, so they're easy to get through before you fall asleep at the end of the day.

Burl Ives - Call Me Mr. In-Between

2. Ewan marries a virgin.

Ewan McGregor + The Virgin Mary =

Mary McGregor - Torn Between Two Lovers

1. Will reoccur every six weeks, inside.

Will reoccur every six weeks...

Try to survive the days between now and next Saturday - your reward will be more Snapshots.

Saturday Snapshots #158 - The Answers

 

I already had an appropriate picture of Eddie Van Halen... but I didn't expect to find one with Johnny Nash and a camera. The internet has some uses.

Here are the answers. Hopefully you can all see clearly now the clues have gone...

10. Even the Stranglers would struggle to eat these... but they'd have the whole world to help them (except one person).

The Stranglers sang about Peaches.

But these peaches a moldy bunch - yuck!

The Moldy Peaches - Anyone Else But You

The Moldy Peaches were Adam Green (George's favourite) and Kimya Dawson. This track was popular due to its inclusion in the soundtrack to the movie Juno.

9. Running medal at revolving discotheque.

Gold medal turns to runny liquid...

Liquid Gold - Dance Yourself Dizzy

No shame.

8. Inspired to write twice as much on the opposite sex... but scared of MC Hammer.

This proved tricky - and even had Mrs. Brian tearing her hair out... though she cracked it in the end.

It was suggested twice during the run of The Hot 100 though.

Who would be scared of MC Hammer?

The Nails - 88 Lines About 44 Women 

7. Waking up James Dean, before Richard and after Gordon... it's imperative you join me.

James Dean was a rebel - time to rouse him.

Cliff comes before Richard, Bennett follows Gordon.

Cliff Bennett & The Rebel Rousers - Got To Get You Into My Life

6. Lonely burger seeks kingly distraction.

A loveless patty?

Patty Loveless - I Try To Think About Elvis

5. Powerful weed, huge cock.

Get your mind out of the gutter,

Supergrass - Mansize Rooster

4. Moore & Curtis: ♡/卐.

The Persuaders - Thin Line Between Love & Hate

3. Formula One? Balderdash!

Malcolm McLaren - Double Dutch

2. Remember the halfwits.

Simple Minds - Don't You (Forget About Me)

A rare appearance from Juan (Spanish for Jim) Kerr on this blog. 

(OK, I know Juan is Spanish for John. But then the gag doesn't work.)

1. Lions? Puma? Reverend Green. 

Lions? Puma? Anagram!

The Reverend Al Green. (Not the one in Cluedo.)

Still love this video...

More next week...

My Top Ten Spy Songs

Last week, when Alyson revealed that she had 83 blog post ideas pending, I was forced to check my own drafts folder. I was ashamed to discover 345 posts waiting to be completed. Some of them are no more than a title and a couple of songs, others are drafts of posts I've already published (so they need deleting) and others I've been reluctant to tackle because I was finding it hard to narrow the list of songs down to just 10.

Well, I'm going to try and tackle a few of these over the summer, to see if I can cut my drafts down to a least... I dunno, 330? Let's start with ten songs about spies... with a special mention, of course, to the very first Billy Bragg album, Life's A Riot With Spy Vs. Spy, from which this is a superb way to kick off your recording career...



And now, onto the real spy songs. Be careful... they're watching you!


10. Coldplay - Spies

Oh no - he started with a Coldplay song! The horror.

Surely that first album's allowed though? Even in spy circles? 

9. T'Pau - Bridge of Spies

Quick, Rol, restore you cred after Coldplay!

Oh, forget it.

8. Jamo Thomas & His Party Brothers Orchestra - I Spy (For The FBI)

Phew! Cred saved. (Just.)

7. Was (Not Was) - Spy In The House Of Love

They didn't just walk dinosaurs, you know.

See also The Doors - The Spy (In The House Of Love)

And even Blue Öyster Cult - Spy In The House of Night.

6. King Creosote - Spystick

She's one of a dozen
Yet you've seen the state
Of the other eleven
So hold onto her
Stay focused
Don't let your eyes stray low
And watch her with interest
Keep the springtime at bay

5. Super Furry Animals - She's Got Spies

She's got spies and they're looking out for me
But it's not like the KGB, it's just a game we play
She's got hooks meant for catching fish at sea
And she's casting them out and about to catch me unaware

Some kind of kinky role play thing going on there.

4. Paul McCartney - Spies Like Us

Oh no! As if Coldplay wasn't bad enough... here's Macca taking the soundtrack dollar!

I loved this song back in 1985 though, even though I never really cared for the film.

3. Gene - Spy in the Clubs

That Martin Rossiter could be a bit creepy at times...

Honey are you listening?
I'll make you stay at home
Can't afford the risk
I want us to go on
As a sign of my love
I've a spy in the clubs
So I'll know if you go
I will know

...then again, he was probably just trying to keep his lady safe from this lot...

2. The Persuaders - Thigh Spy

You wouldn't get away with that nowadays, lads.

1. Pulp - I Spy

It has to be said that Pulp's ultimate Spying Song is Babies, in which Jarvis hides in the wardrobe of his mate's sister and spies on her until she discovers him. There are a couple more twists in that story.

But I Spy is pretty special too. And once again, only Jarvis Cocker could get away with lyrics like these...

And it's just like in the old days
I used to compose my own critical notices in my head
"The crowd gasp at Cocker's masterful control of the bicycle
Skilfully avoiding the dog turd next to the corner shop"

Imagining a blue plaque
Above the place I first ever touched a girl's chest

But hold on
You've got to wait for the best
You see, you should take me seriously

Very seriously indeed.

Cause I've been sleeping with your wife for the past sixteen weeks
Smoking your cigarettes
Drinking your brandy
Messing up the bed that you chose together

And in all that time I just wanted you to come home unexpectedly one afternoon
And catch us at it in the front room

You see I spy for a living
And I specialize in revenge
On taking the things I know will cause you pain
I can't help it
I was dragged up

My favorite parks are car parks
Grass is something you smoke
Birds are something you shag
Take your "Year in Provence" and shove it up your ass!

As mentioned earlier, I could easily have gone another ten of those. Which top secret tunes would you have included?

My Top Ten 5am Songs

So there I was, just a few weeks back, complaining about having to get up at 6am. I should have remembered that in the summer, when the wood pigeon outside my bedroom window gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning, 6am is a lie in...

Here's ten bleary-eyed tunes to celebrate the light mornings.



10. Blur - Tracy Jacks

As with much of Parklife-era Blur, I loved Tracy Jacks at the time... but I find Damon's barking gets on my nerves these days. Still, for the good old days, it's worth pointing out that Tracy left home at 5 o'clock in the morning. And the bits where Damon sings rather than shouting are still quite nice.

From the same era (but aging slight better), I also offer Kenickie - 5 a.m.

9. The Village People - Five O'Clock In The Morning

In the early 80s, even The Village People had to accept that disco was dead. Their new wave change of direction (minus their signature costumes and camp) was greeted by derision (yeah, I know the idea of The Village People being treated with derision is hard to grasp) with one critic commenting the album was "simply an embarrassment that never should have seen the light of day." I've not heard the rest of the record, but I do like this song. Which only goes to prove that critics are... and I am... The video is brilliant.

8. Charlotte Gainsbourg - 5:55

You'd never guess that Charlotte was Serge and Jane's daughter. Not from watching this video, anyway. No siree. Maybe there was a mix-up on the maternity ward.

Sarcasm aside, you can pretty much imagine what she gets up to at 5:55. She's not doing the ironing.

Where do the French get their energy from? That's what I want to know.

7. Aphrodite's Child - Five O'Clock

Greek prog with Demis Roussos. I'll play this one for The Swede. Imagine A Whiter Shade Of Pale sung by the Go Compare man. And yet, I love it.

6. Mark Knopfler - 5.15 a.m.

Mark goes back to his Geordie roots. He will mostly be remembered as an axe-man. His lyrics deserve more attention.

The one armed bandit man Came north to fill his boots Came up from cockneyland
E-type jags and flashy suits Put your money in
Pull the levers Watch them spin Cash cows in all the pubs But he preferred the new nightclubs

5. Michelle Shocked - 5 am In Amsterdam

How does Michelle tell the time in the Netherlands? Listen to find out.

4. The Persuaders - A Thin Line Between Love & Hate

A soul classic which is also a hilarious tale of hell having no fury like a woman scorned. When he gets home at five, his lady is all sweetness and light, even offering to make him some toast. Cut to the next verse...

Here  am in the hospital
Bandaged from fee to head
In a state of shock
Just that much from being dead
Didn't think my woman would do something like this
Didn't think my girl had the nerve
Well, here I am
I guess actions speak louder than words...

Hitchcock would be happy with that twist.

3. Lily Allen - Who'd Have Known?

And this is why Lily Allen deserves to be mentioned in the same sentence as Kirsty MacColl.

My Top Ten: proud to have been irking the musos since before 2012.

2. Billy Bragg & Cara Tivey - She's Leaving Home

Apparently this was originally recorded by some obscure 60s combo: sadly I'm not enough of a muso to be familiar with their outfit and obviously their version couldn't have been as good as Billy and Cara's because it didn't even make the chart, unlike this smash hit Number One from 1988.

I'm sorry... Wet Wet Who?

1. Rialto - Monday Morning, 5.19

One of a clutch of classic Rialto singles from the Britpop era which has aged far better than Tracy Jacks. Heartbreaking too.




Which one sounds better than a 5am wood pigeon?