Coffee Break #3: Dead Pheasant

Sinéad O'Connor - Black Coffee

I drink my coffee black, because that's how I prefer it. Despite my previously discussed aversion to cold milk, I can have milk in coffee... I just don't like it. Also, less calories, so it's win/win for me. I also don't have sugar, because... why would you? 

Matthew Jay - Sweet Black Coffee

Apparently there are two calories in double shot Americano and one if you only have a single shot. But why would you only have a single shot?

Redhouse Gasoline - Strong Black Coffee

If you really must increase your calorie intake, you could try it with some toast. But I wouldn't recommend stopping at Mike Pedicin's cafe...

Mike Pedicin - Burnt Toast And Black Coffee

You'd be much better off at Tim Booth's house...

James - Coffee & Toast

Just watch he doesn't try to sneak some milk in. 

All Saints - Black Coffee

The song at the top of this post, by Sinéad, was written by Sonny Burke and Paul Francis Webster back in the late 1940s. This is the original version...

Sarah Vaughan - Black Coffee

...but it's also been recorded by all the usual suspects: Frank, Ella, Petula... Tricky. 

Back when I drank tea, I used to take it black with no sugar as well. I couldn't find any songs about Black Tea, so here's some Pennyroyal Tea for you tea drinkers. 

Give me a Leonard Cohen afterworld

So I can sigh eternally

I'm so tired I can't sleep

I'm a liar and a thief

Sit and drink Pennyroyal Tea

I'm anaemic royalty

(Be warned though, although Pennyroyal leaf extracts are relatively harmless, Pennyroyal Oil can cause syncope, seizures, coma, cardiopulmonary collapse, acute liver injury, renal insufficiency and multiorgan failure. You might be better sticking with a nice cup of coffee.)

The big question is... why did I call this post “Dead Pheasant”? Not because the pheasant had been eating from the Pennyroyal plant, I assure you.

Tommy Tsunami - Are You an Angry Pheasant?

No, this comes from an amusing story my mum told me at the weekend, about the time my dad hit a pheasant with his car on his way home from work. If you drive the country lanes round here, kamikaze pheasants are a constant risk. They really are the stupidest of birds, and appear to have a pathological desire to run out in front of oncoming traffic. Watch them run and you can also see how they’re clearly descended from dinosaurs. Although thankfully, they do less damage to your car than hitting a velociraptor. 

Josh Rouse - Pheasant Feather

Anyway, my dad hit the pheasant, and being a Yorkshire farmer, he brought it home for tea. Waste not, want not. “I lit some candles,” Mum told me, “and we had a nice romantic meal.”

Bill Maynard - Pheasant Plucker's Son

I hope they washed it down with a nice cup of coffee. Black, of course. 

I like it black, just black as night

It keeps me up, it keeps me tight

It don't matter the size of the cup

Just as long as you fill it up

With black caffeine

Keeps me lean

You can hear me scream

Give me black caffeine

TV On The Radio #10: Coronation Street (Part 1)

For somewhere between ten and fifteen years of my life, I watched Coronation Street religiously. It was just you did. To be fair, it was only on twice a week back then, rather than every night and twice on Sundays, or whatever it is nowadays. I saw the lorry crash into the Rover's Return and the fire a few years later that nearly burnt the pub to the ground. I saw Brian Tilsley stabbed outside a nightclub and Alan Bradley hit by a tram while chasing after Rita in Blackpool. I saw Deirdre Barlow have her affair with Mike Baldwin and Ken's terrifying reaction (William Roache almost had to act that day!). And then I discovered Brookside and Corrie seemed twee in comparison. That's the thing with soap operas - one minute you're addicted, the next you're onto the next drug. It's funny though - I just mentioned the big tragedies that happened on the Street while I was watching it... but it seems they happen on a weekly basis these days, rather than once every few years. At least that's the impression I get from the front cover of the TV Times. 

Coronation Street's been on TV for 63 years now, and particularly in the 60s, 70s and 80s, everybody watched it. So if you were a pop star growing up in those days, it's no wonder you might have dropped a reference into one of your songs. 

We'll start today with a new discovery. Michael Knight. How could I not love a band named after the hero of Knight Rider, as played by The Hoff? Furthermore, this is from an album called I'm Not Entirely Sure How I Ended Up Like This. Which seems apt. It's not the easiest listen, but there's something about it I liked enough to buy their entire discography from Bandcamp, so I'll let you know about the rest of their output... 

I suppose I’ll soon tire of her charm
Unless first she grows tired of me
Our love will shine eternally
Though I guess there’re her gossip mags
And her beloved TV
It’s time for Coronation Street

Michael Knight - Coronation Street

Next up, the always-worth-a-listen Clifford T. Ward, who also likes to name-drop himself, with the T. included...

She likes her television
'Crossroads', 'Coronation Street'
And Robin Day's bow tie
She likes the quiz shows
Where people win a lot of money
And that makes sense to her
She likes to listen to the radio
Music, Clifford T., She says he's nice
He's flattered

Clifford T Ward - All Modern Conveniences

Watford's Sad Lovers & Giants have been doing their thing since 1980. Here they put forward a rather frightening notion...

The Martians have stolen my television
But they left my poetry
They're learning about our condition
By watching Coronation Street

Sad Lovers & Giants - Life Will Ill Us

No wonder the aliens never come to visit. They probably think we'll push them down the stairs and then hide their body in a disused building site round the back of the Rover's.

Richard Thompson sees TV as the new religion...

Jerusalem on the Jukebox, they talk in tongues on Coronation Street
Heaven help the Pharisee whose halo has slipped down to his feet
A thousand satellite comedians have died for your sins
Jerusalem on the jukebox, little angels, beat your wings

Richard Thompson - Jerusalem On The Jukebox

...while Stephen Randall is doing his best to get on Product Placement Friday...

Wake me up with cup of Tetley
A slice of Hovis
Eggs, bacon and beans
But the rain is falling down
It's falling down, it's falling down
On Coronation Street

Stephen Randall - England Back (Like Ray Davies Sings)

Especially for C, here's some more Crass...

The army occupy Ireland, but the boot will never fit.
Was it Coronation Street? Or was it Londonderry?
Oh it doesn't fucking matter, Paul Daniels'll keep us merry.

Crass - Nineteen Eighty Bore 

Not fans then, boys? Not like the Toy Dolls anyway, who seem obsessed with Corrie...

Sitting watching Coronation Street
You decide to put your feet up, just about comfy in your seat
And she says, I'm feeling hungry
If she sends you out for a bag of fish'n'chips
You'll know it is time to say

The Toy Dolls - Cheerio & Toodle Pip

That's just one example. We'll look at another next week.

Laurie Shaw is one of those musicians I discovered through doing features such as this. He reminds me of Jarvis at times. He has (according to Bandcamp) released over 100 albums. The ones I've heard are all worth a listen, but I doubt I'll ever have time to hear them all.

I was ill with jealousy
All through Coronation Street
But then I was fine
After a bit, I was alright

Laurie Shaw - Forest Floor

Redhouse Gasoline are from Finland. Yet they appear to know quite a bit about British culture...

When Cynthia’s eyes met Reg’s
He felt just like he’d known her for ages
His chat-up line was really short and sweet
Said she was glamorous enough to be on Coronation Street
She never did her GCEs
Her mum got sick she had to work at the factory
All she ever wanted was for someone to hold her
At the pictures late one night Reg slipped his arm round her shoulder

Redhouse Gasoline - Brighton Pier Ever After

All of which leads us to Billy, still banging on about the British press...

If this does not reflect your view, you should understand
That those who own the papers also own this land
And they'd rather you believed
In Coronation Street capers
In the war of circulation, it sells newspapers
Could it be an infringement
Of the freedom of the press
To print pictures of women in states of undress?

Those are the best songs I could find that mentioned Coronation Street by name. However, there are many more which mention some of the street's iconic residents. Next week, we'll take a listen to some of those. I've got quite a few stacked up, but if you know of any songs that namedrops a legend from the street, do let me know.