Snapshots #344: A Top Ten Songs For Tradespeople

Yesterday, we had a picture of Whoopi Goldberg at the top of the post. Today, it's Sean Connery. What do they have in common? Before they were famous, they both worked as bricklayers. Imagine living in a house that Whoopi or Sean built.

In celebration of the humble (but extremely well-paid in a lot of cases) tradespeople, here are ten songs than can build you a house and unblock your drains in one go...

10. Large blob and Scottish monster in abundant supply. 

A blob is a Splodge. The monster is from Loch Ness. Abounds means "in abundant supply".

Splodgenessabounds - I Fell in Love With a Female Plumber from Harlesden NW10

9. Tell her I love her before she changes direction suddenly.

Tell Laura I love her, before she veers off in another direction...

Laura Viers - Bricklayer

8. Did you ever listen to Porker Klan FM? The reception was terrible.

"Porker Klan FM" was a badly heard anagram...

Mark Knopfler - The Scaffolder's Wife

You can't build anything without scaffolding these days.

7. I Know Someone Who Knows Someone Who Knows Alan McGee Quite Well.

The clue is the title of an excellent song by the Pooh Sticks. But Alan McGee, of course, is the head of Creation Records...

The Creation - Painter Man

6. What you get if you spill bleach on your tortoise.

Blondshell - Joiner

5. Relatively pedestrian.

The Walker Brothers - The Electrician

4. I'm pretty sure the fare's too high for a looker like me. I'll take the bus instead.

I'm not getting in your Death Cab, I'm too Cute!

Death Cab For Cutie - Death Of An Interior Decorator

3. Gets lost inside inglenooks, encampments and portobellos.

Inglenooks, encampments and portobellos.

Any excuse, etc....

Glen Campbell - Wichita Lineman

2. Tymes woman meets crow counting man.

The Tymes sang about Ms. Grace. The Counting Crows sang about Mr. Jones.

Grace Jones - Demolition Man

1. Found in victims and blowhard intellectuals. 

Victims and blowhard intellectuals. 

Tim Hardin - If I Were A Carpenter

Oh, and if you need help with any of that, try this guy...

49th Parallel - Labourer

We'll be building more memories next Saturday...

Saturday Snapshots #77 - The Answers

Every Sunday morning, we discover the Heaven Is A Place On Earth, when the answers to Saturday Snapshots are finally revealed. And I Get Weak when I think about how much hard work you guys put into solving these clues. Sometimes I have an idea which are the hardest ones to guess, but if you'd asked me yesterday I'd have told you that was probably #7 this week... and yet Walter was first in with that yesterday. So what do I know?

I find it increasingly hard to add up the points for this every week, but I'm pretty sure yesterday was a 3-points-each draw between Lynchie & C. I'm sure Lynchie will tell me if I'm wrong. Thank you all for playing, as always.

Here are this week's answers...


10. Policewoman sees scarlet, burgundy and raspberry.

Scarlet, burgundy and raspberry are three colours red.

A policewoman would be a copper girl.

Three Colours Red - Copper Girl

9. Genesis, Chapter 3: where the muffins are docked.

Chapter 3 of Genesis was all about Eve.

Martha & the Muffins dock in a harbour.

All About Eve - Martha's Harbour

8. Eat this while saying sorry to Aretha on her birthday.

When you're sorry, you eat Humble Pie.

Aretha was a Natural Woman. She was born on her birthday.

Humble Pie - Natural Born Boogie

7. Bourne gets burnt by harmless fibs.

I had a student called Jason Bourne. He disappeared under mysterious circumstances. Gone dark, obviously.

Jason & The Scorchers - White Lies

6. The second third Bond enjoys a peach. I-T.

Thank you Alyson for correcting my Bond-counting and reminding me about poor old George Lazenby who appears in my favourite Bond film... yet is probably my least favourite Bond actor. (Although the way Daniel Craig is going, it's like he's trying his best to win that crown.)

Anyway, Roger Moore + Peach Melba =

Melba Moore - This Is It

5. Ludo, Snakes & Ladders, Grand Theft Auto... G.I. Antarctica.

G.I. Joe. Antarctica is in the south.

Joe South - Games People Play

4. Pharmaceutical siblings dancing with dustbin lids.

Johnson & Johnson?

Stomp! is those dustbin lid dancers.

The Brothers Johnson - Stomp!

3. A hind trim for conditional joiners.

A hind trim is an anagram.

Tim Hardin - If I Were A Carpenter

2. William of Cumbria wastes electricity.

Bill in da Carlisle. See?

Belinda Carlisle - Leave A Light On

1. Sour-faced and cut adrift.

A lesser-known Lemonheads tune from their breakthrough album, It's A Shame About Ray, but it was one of my favourites back in the day...



Live Your Life Be Free until next Saturday morning when Saturday Snapshots returns.

My Top Ten Songs About (The) Rolling Stones

As Mick Jagger turns 70 (and I already did My Top Ten Rolling Stones Songs), here's ten songs about Rolling Stones... and Stones that Roll.

Happy birthday, Mick!


10. Maroon 5 feat. Christina Aguilera - Move Like Jagger

Don't expect either Maroon 5 or Christina Aguilera to be making regular appearances on this blog, but as it's Mick's birthday and he apparently finds this track "very flattering", I pretty much had to give it  spin.

I actually used this in my class to demonstrate the use of simile in pop song.

9. Tim Hardin - Rolling Stone

The only song on this list that officially doesn't gather any moss.

8. The Verve - The Rolling People

A slight cheat, but The Verve were famously sued by Andrew Loog Oldham for sampling his cover of The Last Time (by The Stones) on Bittersweet Symphony with the credits on that track being forcibly changed to Jagger / Richards / Ashcroft and 100% of the royalties ending up with Mick 'n' Keef.

The Rolling People comes from the same album, and presumably was written and recorded before all that kicked off. It still sounds pretty cool...

7. Cloud Control - The Rolling Stones

This song by Australia's Cloud Control has very little to do with Mick 'n' Keef, but it is quite lovely.

6. Dr. Hook - Cover of the Rolling Stone

About the magazine, not the band, obviously.

I got a freaky old lady name o' Cocaine Kitty who embroiders on my jeans
I got my poor ol' grey haired daddy, drivin' my limousine
Now it's all designed to blow our minds but our minds won't really be blown
Like the blow that'll getcha when you get your picture on the cover of The Rolling Stone

Worth checking out Poison's cover version too... if you're a glutton for hair metal punishment (as I am).
5. Mott The Hoople - Roll Away The Stone

Ian Hunter gets born again. Top guitar and sha-la-las.

4. Carly Simon - You're So Vain

There is great debate over who this song is actually about... and Mick Jagger is only one of many suspects (Warren Beatty, David Geffen and Nick Nolte are also likely candidates). Whether Mick is the vain one (he probably thinks this song is about him), he did sing backing vocals on Carly's biggest hit... and it's too good a song not to include here. Amazing lyrics...

3. The House Of Love -  The Beatles & The Stones

 If I ever get round to doing a Top Ten Songs About The Beatles... expect this to make a return appearance.

The Beatles and the Stones
Sucked the marrow out of bone
Put the V in Vietnam
The Beatles and the Stones
Made it good to be alone
To be alone

2. Bob Dylan - Like A Rolling Stone

Ooh... controversial. Hands up if you thought this would be Number One?

How does it feel...?

1. The Temptations - Papa Was A Rolling Stone

Better than Dylan? I'll leave that to the musos to argue over. For me, this is the Temps finest hour, one of the greatest basslines in the history of pop, and the intro alone gets it to the top spot.




Which one would you dedicate to the birthday boy?

My Top Ten Sheep Songs

They're flocking baaad.


10. Pink Floyd - Sheep

Look, I don't mind if you skip this one. It's 10 and a half minutes long. According to the lyrics, it does apparently feature a rather amusing version of The Lord Is My Shepherd in which the sheep wreak their revenge through karate "and make the bugger's eyes water"... but you have to listen VERY carefully. I certainly couldn't hear it.

9. Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds - Sheep May Safely Graze

Being an Australian sheep seems a hell of a lot more dangerous than being a British sheep. Having to worry about crocodiles, poisonous spiders and Nick Cave... brr!

8. Cake - Sheep Go To Heaven

I just want to play on my pan-pipes
I just want to drink me some wine
As soon as you're born you start dying
So you might as well have a good time

7. Scott Walker - Black Sheep Boy

Written by Tim Hardin... who did very well in our previous Top Ten... but in all fairness, he's no Scott Walker, is he?

6. Airhead - Counting Sheep

Not quite as all-conqueringly astounding as their previous single, Funny How (The Girls You Fall In Love With Never Fancy You... Funny How The Ones You Don't Do)  but then, few things are.

Plus, they got some actual sheep in for the video. 

5. Morrissey - Yes, I Am Blind

OK, this would probably be higher if it actually mentioned a sheep in the title.

Little lamb
On a hill
Run fast if you can
Good Christians, they want to kill you
And your life has not even begun!

Oy! Morrissey! No! Didn't you tell us Meat was Murder?

You're just like me, just like me
Oh, your life has not even begun!

Oh. Fair enough then.

4. Genesis - The Lamb Lies Down On Broadway

See, it's still cool to admit to liking Peter Gabriel era Genesis.

And probably very uncool to admit you haven't got a bloody clue what he's on about.

(Still preferable to the Pink Floyd track though.)

3. John Grant - Leopard and Lamb

Don't be surprised if I compile a Top Ten Leopard Songs one day just to feature this track again.

Watch the Simpsons to remember how you laugh
I miss your dark blue eyes, and staring at your back
My leopard, my lamb

2. Kate Bush - And Dream of Sheep

In which Kate falls asleep counting sheep and listening to the shipping forecast.

Ooh, their breath is warm
And they smell like sleep,
And they say they take me home.

If anyone else sang those lyrics, I'd snigger. Kate makes them magical.

1. The Housemartins - Sheep

You're right, of course, sometimes the only reason I compile these charts is to give me the opportunity to proclaim the supreme majesty of records such as this one.

By my calculation, Paul Heaton and Norman Cook were in their early 20s when they filmed this video... even though they both look about 12. Heaton still dresses like your grandad though.




Those were my sheep songs - no room for Woolly Bully, but that had its day in my Top Ten Knitwear Songs.

Which one is your baa-baa-best?

My Top Ten Songs With Reasons

I have ten good reasons why you should listen to this blog post...


10. Franz Ferdinand - You're the Reason I'm Leaving

Was it something I said? (Was it 'cos I told you the band's name is pronounced R-E-M, not "Rem", you bunch of idiot-twits?)

9. The Unbelievable Truth - Higher Than Reason

OK, I'm stretching the criteria to include this one, but it's a lost classic from a songwriter who deserves to be remembered as more than just Thom Yorke's younger brother.

8. Loretta Lynn & Conway Twitty - You're The Reason Our Kids Are Ugly

I was introduced to this via the excellent Indelicates cover, which manages somehow to be even more bitchy. Sadly, it's also too ugly for youtube.

7. Jeff Klein - Five Good Reasons

Jeff's got five good reasons why he never sleeps alone. One of them being: he writes some lovely songs.

6. Half Man Half Biscuit - Reasons to be Miserable (Part 10)

Of course, Nigel Blackwell has hundreds of reasons to be miserable. He's built a career writing songs around them. That's why we love him.

See also Paradise Lost (You're The Reason Why).

5. Roddy Frame - Reason To Live

Wow. Forgotten how good this one was.

4. My Life Story - 12 Reasons Why I Love Her

Ah, Jake Shillingford. Where are you now?


Reason #11 is the one I couldn't get down with. She leaves the pie but always eats her greens? Who the heck leaves pie?

3. Tim Hardin - Reason To Believe

Or, you may have reasons to prefer Rod's version. Nothing wrong with that. I, of course, have a very special place in my heart for Bruce's song of the same name... philosophy from roadkill.

2. Frank Turner - Reasons Not To Be An Idiot

Reasons why I love Frank Turner #84.

So why are you sat at home?
You're not designed to be alone
You just got used to saying "no"
So get up and get down and get outside
Cos it's a lovely sunny day
But you hide yourself away
You've only got yourself to blame
Get up and get down and get outside

1. Ian Dury & The Blockheads - Reasons To Be Cheerful (Part 3)

If you're struggling to find reasons to be cheerful... any of these should suffice:

Something nice to study
Phoning up a buddy
Being in my nuddy
Saying hokey-dokey 
Singalonga Smokey
Coming out of chokey

Be reasonable - don't just tell me your favourite. Tell me your reasons...