Monday, 28 January 2013

My Top Ten Phone Number Songs (Vol. 1)

Ten songs about getting someone's phone number... or getting it wrong.

Please note - songs featuring actual phone numbers will be featured in a separate Top Ten. I thank you for your patience.

10. The Beatles - You Know My Name (Look Up The Number)

Someone on youtube claims this song as proof that "even when the Beatles were just dicking around, they were better than anything today".

I respectfully disagree. Still, it's a fun enough diversion... until Macca starts the creepy whisper-crooning. Brrr...

9. Luxembourg - Not My Number

Either you're not using your phone at all... or... just perhaps... it's not his number that you call.

8. Elbow - I've Got Your Number
Don't put this note by your face on the pillow
Don't put this letter in the pocket near your heart
Keep it in the bottom drawer where you hide the sex tools
I pray you always need them
I know what you have done
Only Guy Garvey could sing a line like "grow a fucking heart, love" and make it sound both caring and scary.

7. The Cure - Wrong Number
I had the best laid plans this side of America
Started out in church and finished with Angelica
Red and blue soul with a snow-white smile
Can you dig it?
Definitely a wrong number.

6. The Drifters - You're More Than A Number In My Little Black Book

No, really, baby, this time's different... you and me, we're special...

(Why don't I believe him?)

5. Cosmo Jarvis - Jessica Alba's Number

Ah, it's a dilemma faced by many young men living in the unreal world...  if Cosmo had Jessica Alba's number, he'd call her up and ask her to marry him. But he's not all that choosy...

I'd like to go see Toy Story 2,
With just me and Britney Spears, 
And then she'd say "Hit me baby one more time" 
And I'd say, "No way Britney, Domestic Violence is a crime" 
I like the one from Showgirls, 
When she's dancing 'round those poles, 
Or the really, really fit one, 
Who sings in the Pussycat Dolls.
I've nearly got a moustache, 
And they still wouldn't look at me,
Kate Winslet naked in Titanic, 
Or the lesbian from the OC.
4. The Undertones - You've Got My Number (Why Don't You Use It?)

If you wanna, wanna, wanna have someone to talk to... give Feargal Sharkey a call.

3. William Bell & Judy Clay - Private Number
Baby, baby, baby... let me have your private number!
Go on, Judy - he did ask nicely.

2. Steely Dan - Rikki, Don't Lose That Number

There are some bloody excellent songs on this particular Top Ten, and for a while I thought this might come out top. Then I had a change of heart...

1. The Jags - Back Of My Hand 
I've got your number - written on the back of my hand
A classic slice of early 80s power pop, reminiscent of Elvis Costello at his best. Sadly it was the band's only big hit.

So... who you gonna call?


  1. OK so now are you going to let me have Abba...Ring, ring?

    A couple of classics in this list...

    1. No. That will have its day... but not here!

  2. Go West - Call Me. Yeah. I have no idea where that one came from either.

    1. Excellent song...I think Rol is being unreasonably harsh...

  3. Go West over Blondie? And you call yourself an 80s boy?

    Call Me, like Ring Ring, comes under another category... ;-)

    1. OK. Yeah, I thought of Blondie afterwards.

      How about Kristin Hersh - Your Ghost: "So I pad through the dark / And call you on the phone / Push your old numbers / And let your house ring..."

  4. 'and my number is Beechwood 45789': one of my favourites off Motown Gold.

  5. I now have earworm "hey baby I'm you telephone man" arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh

  6. How about "Girl On The Phone" by The Jam? After all, she even knows the size of Weller's, er, ahem...

    1. Actually, I'll answer my own question because this is about phone numbers isn't it, not just phones? Fail, as I believe the youth of the nation may say.

    2. It is another another list... which I'll get to eventually.


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