My Top Ten MF Songs (Warning - Contains Language That Some Readers May Find Offensive)

I don't approve of bad language... unless it's used creatively... in which case, I'm all for it.



10. Kid Rock - You Never Met A Mother Fucker Quite Like Me

Kid Rock wipes his bottom with Radiohead toilet paper. (See the edited-for-language, sorry, video.) For that reason alone, he squeezes into the Top Ten.

9. Girls - Big Bad Mean Mother Fucker

 Sounds like it comes from an X-rated version of the Grease soundtrack.

But come on, don't call your band "Girls" is you want to have any hope of anybody ever finding you on the internet.

8. Julian Cope -  All the Blowing-Themselves-Up Motherfuckers (Will Realise The Minute They Die That They Were Suckers)

And this is why Julian Cope was canonised.

Great harmonica too.

7. Twisted Sister - S.M.F.

Thanks again to Rob for this one. Actually, SMF doesn't stand for what you think it does. Well, the M does (with an -ing on the end). The S and F stand for Sick and Friends, disrespectfully.

6. Prince - Sexy MF

Amazed to find this on youtube... not because of the naughty word, but because Prince hates youtube. The full length video does take about three weeks to get going though.

5. Eels - It's A Motherfucker

A touching ballad about loneliness and regret.

Really.

4. Frank Turner - Heartless Bastard Mother Fucker

Dripping bile from every note. 

If you're easily amused by foul language (as I am), you'll want to play this right to the end.

3. John Grant - GMF

From his new album, Pale Green Ghosts, already a contender for the best record I've heard this year. Besides this, one of the other tracks is called Ernest Borgnine... WHAT ELSE DO YOU NEED TO KNOW?

Half of the time I think I'm in some movie,
I play the underdog, of course.
I wonder who they'll get to play me?
Maybe they could dig up Richard Burton's corpse.

Buy this record and... you could be laughing 65% more of the time.

2. The Bloodhound Gang - Fire Water Burn

Sadly, the video version replaces all the naughty words with donkey sfx. Thankfully, someone's uploaded a version that doesn't...

Yeah I'm hung like planet Pluto, hard to see with the naked eye
But if I crashed into Uranus I would stick it where the sun don't shine
Cause I'm kind of like Han Solo, always stroking my own wookie
I'm the root of all that's evil, yeah, but you can call me cookie

The very definition of "juvenile". Glorious.

1. Martha Wainwright - Bloody Mother Fucking Arsehole

Martha's heartbreaking tribute to her dad, Loudon Wainwright III is the best thing she ever recorded... Loudon should be proud.

I will not pretend, I will not put on a smile
I will not say I'm all right for you
When all I wanted was to be good
To do everythin' in truth
To do everythin' in truth

You may (not) be surprised to learn I could easily have filled another ten... although some of them would have been so loud, they'd have made Twisted Sister sound like Sister Sledge.

Still, which is your Mighty Favourite?