My Top Ten High Street Retailer Songs Vol. 1

A visit to the cinema on one of the nearby retail parks earlier this week confirmed that Toys-Я-Us has finally gone the way of the dinosaurs. I felt a bit sad about this, not through any loyalty to a huge American company which was too lazy to spell its name properly (or get its letters the right way round), but because I often popped in there if I had ten minutes to spare before a movie, to see if they had any toys Sam might be interested in that weren't extortionately priced. This got me thinking about all the big high street names we've lost over the last few years, and once again I felt a twinge of nostalgic sadness for the stores of olde that we'll never see again. Many of them have been immortalised in popular song though. Here are ten great examples (of songs, not stores)...

10. They Might Be Giants - Toddler Hiway 

A second appearance this week for TMBGs, with one of their earliest tracks, taken directly from their 1985 demo tape for inclusion on their self-titled debut album. Just 26 seconds of goodness...

In the mornin' sun 'round seven o'clock

The parking lot fills around Toys-Я-Us

And my little girl, she will get away

Ride her bike down Toddler Hiway

Take your Close'n'Play

Toddler Hiway

9. Manic Street Preachers - Sculpture Of Man

The shop most famous for selling that poster of a tennis player scratching her bum causes the Manics to go on an anti-consumerist rant...

Wills and Harry dressed in drag

Standing over the sodomised body of their mother

Would make a beautiful poster in Athena

8. Andy Bell - Electric Blue

Sadly, the Army & Navy Store was Erasured from existence some time ago, and you probably don't want to dig too deeply into why Andy Bell was a frequent customer...

Eyes wide electric baby

All dyed in cobalt blue

Stole from the Army Navy store

Army Navy store

My dominatrix baby

Dolled up in rubber tube

Hey have you done me lately?

7. The Monochrome Set - Two Fists

Sold all their shops to WH Smiths 20 years ago. Three years earlier, The Monochrome Set wrote this...

I know you're as hot as hell and the summer is high

You've got a mind to make love but that means

Someone must die

And I can see what's coming like a rusty nail

It fits right into your world view like a wind in a sail

But that's what love is about or what else am I here for?

I guess I'll wait in John Menzies then I'll go back for more

6. Scritti Politti - Mrs. Hughes

I used to hate going in BHS when I was a kid. "It's too hot," I used to tell my mum. I'm not sure if it was too hot, because I never went in there as an adult. Then one day, it wasn't there anymore. Only Green remembers it now...

Tell me again and I'll touch Mrs. Hughes

You've got her confidence you get to choose

I can hardly refuse

Down the town center where somebody died

By British Home Stores just sitting outside

Looking self satisfied

But the point was beside

5. X-Ray Spex - Warrior In Woolworths

Poly Styrene pays tribute to the home of Pick n Mix. I had less problem with being dragged into Woolies as a kid. Bought some of my first records there too.

Warrior in Woolworths

Humble he may seem

Behind his servile innocence

He plots and he schemes

See also The Jam - Saturdays Kids...

Saturday's girls work in Tescos and Woolworths

4. Nick Heyward - These Words

Nicest pop star I ever met. Have I said that before?

Homebase, on the other hand: just too bloody expensive to survive.

I love Elvis

She loves Woodstock

I love Homebase

She loves sunblock

How many times can you make a stand

To fall from the highest of all you've said and done?

3. T-Rex - Misfit 

Long before McDonalds, there was Wimpy. Marc Bolan was buying his burgers there way back in 1966!

Wimpy bar misfit

I don't wanna be

Like Billy the kid

Left hangin' from no tree.

See also Jethro Tull - Up To Me...

Take you to the cinema

And leave you in a Wimpy Bar 

You tell me that we've gone too far 

Come running up to me

2. The Specials - Man At C&A

Even nuclear war does not phase the man at C&A.

I'm the man in grey, 

I'm just the man at C&A

And I don't have a say 

In the war games that they play

See also Half Man Half Biscuit - Venus In Flares...

The man behind the mask at C&A’s was quite polite

He said that when I wore my mac I wouldn't have to fight

1. The Freshies - I'm In Love With The Girl On The Manchester Virgin Megastore Check-out Desk

What Frank Sidebottom did before he became Frank Sidebottom... hung around the Virgin Megastore all Saturday...

It has to be said that if you were a young lady when I was growing up, then 10 points were immediately added to your sex appeal if you worked in a record shop. Whether you would actually want to appeal to the sort of losers who spent all their Saturday afternoons flicking through the racks... well, that's another matter entirely.

Nobody is allowed to mourn the Virgin Megastore for one simple reason: Richard Branson is a dick.



Any old stores in your record collection? Or have the all closed down?