My Top Ten Detective Songs (Volume 1)

Here's one I originally ran on the old blog, ten years (or so) ago. As very few people remember the old blog, I don't mind re-using posts from it every now and then... although whenever I do, I inevitably end up wondering what I would add to the list if I were to compile it again today. Hence 'Volume 1' above, giving me the option of doing a Volume 2 soon.

From Sam Spade and Philip Marlowe to Morse, Addison & Hayes, Monk and Sherlock, I've always loved detective stories. Here are ten tributes in song...


10. Hall & Oates - Private Eyes

Always good to start with a bit of Hall & Oates. Weed out the musos before we go any further.

9. Reverend & The Makers - Armchair Detective

Armchair detective, what you surmising?
A fountain of knowledge in times of crisis
Opinions like arseholes on days like today; everyone's got one
You'd best say it quick while it's fresh in your mind, say it before it's forgotten

Just 'cos you shout loudest don't mean that you're right

Sage advice from a right gobshite.

8. They Might Be Giants - (She Was A) Hotel Detective

She's got her ear to the walls and she's tappin' the calls
If you've got a secret boy, forget about it!

VI Warshawski would approve.

(A prize to anyone who remembers VI Warshawski.)

7. The Thompson Twins - We Are Detective

I put this on a mixtape for Sam the other week and it still sounds great.

6. Arab Strap - Love Detective

A man plays detective on a cheating lover. Don't ever read her diary, you're bound to regret it. From the undisputed kings of sleazy bedroom angst.

5. Robert Palmer - Looking For Clues

I'd been hired to track down a lead on why Robert Palmer was still considered uncool when he left us so many great songs like this one. File that one under 'Unsolved'.

4. Superman Revenge Squad - Been A Private Detective For 17 Months

Been a Private Detective for Seventeen Months
Don't do it for money, just do it for love
Like last night when my client got over excited
When his wife had an orgy and he wasn't invited
We sat in the car taking pictures and smoking
My client just sat there eating mini cheddars and hoping
His wife was thinking of him every time she kisses someone else's lips
She's thinking of him, and in her mind's eye those groping eyes are his
And in her mind's eye those peeping hands are his
And in her mind's eye every ounce of flesh, that gets inside her dress, is his...

Superman Revenge Squad win points for writing the only song I can think of that namechecks Mini Cheddars.

3. Dire Straits - Private Investigations

And what have you got at the end of the day?
What have you got to take away?
A bottle of whiskey and a new set of lies
Blinds on the window and a pain behind the eyes

Mark Knopfler is obviously a Chandler fan.

2. Elvis Costello - Watching The Detectives

You may have expected this to be #1.

She's filing her nails while they're dragging the lake.

Your investigation ends here...

1. Hamell On Trial - The Long Drive

My favourite detective song, from the Chandleresque mind of Ed Hamell. Pure bottled noir in a song.




Mystery solved - but which clues did I ignore ten years ago? Who should feature in Volume 2, when I re-open the case?