Hot 100 #2

My antipathy towards U2 is well documented so you may be surprised to find them at the top of the page this week. But really, there weren't a whole lot of strong contenders... and I did want to give U2 some credit to make up for years of taking the mick. There was a point sometime in 1988/9 where I thought they may be OK. Not earlier - I still think The Joshua Tree is one of the most overrated albums ever recorded... but Rattle & Hum... that, I didn't mind. So here, for the record, is my favourite U2 song. It's not a long list...

U2 - Angel of Harlem

Other contenders this week included...

Soul 2 Soul - Back To Life

I know that holds a special place in many a heart, but I was never a fan. Still, they were better than this lot...

2 Unlimited - No Limits

Truly the late 80s / early 90s were a dire time for chart music. I was in my late teens at the time and the tracks above largely forced me to venture outside the charts for the first time in my musical history.

What else do we have?

Johnny Cash & The Tennessee Two

Two Door Cinema Club - Undercover Martyn

The Other Two - Tasty Fish

Two Gallants - Despite What You've Been Told

At Swim Two Birds - Little White Lion

Two Tone Pinks - Don't Lecture Me

Two Witches - Irresistible

Two Lone Swordsmen - Glide By Shooting

Two Tons O' Fun - I Got The Feeling

Two Dollar Pistols - Hands Up!

(My computer also suggested FleeTWOod Mac!)

OK, on with the show.

George starts us off this week...

Carl Butler and Pearl - Two of a Kind

No other song will touch that, if only for the sheer majesty of Pearl's vocal (and Carl's ability to use only one side of his mouth whilst singing).

Initially, I couldn't find that anywhere on the internet, but George was kind enough to send me a link so you can enjoy it in all its glory.

George tells me he has eight of their albums.

Give yourself a moment to let that sink in.

Next up was C...

The first to spring to mind is... 

Marvin Gaye and Kim Weston: It Takes Two

That was the first thing to spring to my mind too, C. Though I still have nightmares about the awful Rod Stewart / Tina Turner version. The Sonny & Cher version (as suggested by Martin) is quite fun though.


I don't suppose anyone will mention that song about little boys by a certain person...although it was covered by Splodgenessabounds.

I loved that song when I was young. It breaks my heart that we can't listen to it anymore without awful connotations.

Splodgenessabounds - Two Little Boys

Not quite the same, is it?

George goes one better though...

Kenny Rogers & The First Edition - Two Little Boys

Apologies for suggesting such an execrable version of an execrable song.

Huge fan of Mr. Rogers & his edition, but... yes. Still, it's preferable to the more famous version now, I guess.

Speaking of Splodgenessabounds (as we were), the more obvious suggestion was surely this...?

(Alyson suggested this later in the proceedings.)

Splodgenessabounds - Two Pints Of Lager & A Packet Of Crisps

Martin was the first to observe that I have my work cut out for me this week.

As for "two", there are going to be loads, aren't there? Don't envy you collating them.

I'll let you into a secret... last week was training / CPD week at work. I attended all the training sessions online. But I also... multi-tasked. Which is why there was no pause in transmission this week.

So here are some. No doubt I'll forget something again this week, my mind is getting soft.

I think that goes for all of us after the past few months.

Sinead O'Connor - Nothing Compares 2 U

...or the original...

Prince - Nothing Compares 2 U

Prince - Ain't About 2 Stop

Not to mention...

Prince - Money Don't Matter 2Nite

(A favourite of mine.)

Prince - When 2 Are In Love

Prince & Chaka Khan - Don't Talk 2 Strangers

Prince - If I Love U 2Nite

...and a load more. Knock yourself out googling them.

Back to Martin...

Bill Withers & Grover Washington Jr. - Just The Two Of Us

Strong contender. I have a certain perverse affection for this version too...

Will Smith - Just The Two Of Us

Although the youtube url for that starts with Wamk... which is an unfortunate typo if ever there was one.

Oh, and this...

Eminem - '97 Bonnie & Clyde

Yes, I know that's a 97... and we did feature it way back in 1984 when we were doing that week of the Hot 100 on Ceefax, before the interweb. But it's based on the two songs above, so I'll break loads of rules and throw it in.

Back to Martin...

Richard Thompson - Two Left Feet

Rob Base and DJ E-Z Rock - It Takes Two

...and, er, Two Hearts by Phil Collins :)

Not too bad, through the window of nostalgia.

Onto Swiss Adam...

The Liminanas - Two Sisters

The Associates - Party Fears Two

Serious contender.

The Jesus and Mary Chain - The Two Of Us

FKA Twigs - Two Weeks

Pete Molinari - When Two Worlds Collide

That'll be the newest song on here this week then. I was the second youtube view of this video when I clicked on it last week.

The Clash - Capital Radio Two

Gary Clail - Two Thieves and A Liar

Blimey. Gary Clail. There's a name I haven't heard in 30 years.

Reverend Horton Heat - Duel at the Two O'Clock Bell

Stockholm Monsters - Life's Two Faces

Yo La Tengo - By Two's

I'm going to question the use of that apostrophe, YLT.

Sharon Tandy - Two Can Make It Together

Excellent tune.

The Human Beinz - Two Of A Kind

A colleague of mine once made a jingle for a garage out of a Human Beinz song. (Not that one though. This one.)

Thee Oh Sees - Two Drummers Disappear

I love that that appears to be from an album called The Master's Bedroom Is Worth Spending A Night In. 

The Go- Betweens - I Need Two Heads

Love those really early Go-Betweens songs.

And probably loads more...

Thank you, SA. Definitely loads more.

Such as these, from Charity Chic...

The Jayhawks - Two Angels

Frankie Goes to Hollywood - Two Tribes

What a video.

Laura Cantrell - Two Seconds

A John Peel favourite.

Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers - Two Gunslingers

I may be back.

I hope so, CC, because those were top suggestions.

John Medd next, limiting himself to just one obscure offering...

The Beatles - Two Of Us

Never heard of them.

Time for Douglas, who made the journey from Canada in record time this week...

Oh my, I somehow got here before The Swede published a list a clothyard long! I just have to get a few early suggestions in, then perhaps come back later after some real thought.

For starters, since I (indirectly) promoted The Lucksmiths last week, here are two solid suggestions from the Australian artists of winsome wordplay:

The Lucksmiths -The Art of Cooking For Two

The Lucksmiths -Two Storeys

Can't go wrong with the Lucksmiths.

Then of course there is the master of meticulous songcraft himself, the creative genius behind The Blue Nile (who births an album roughly every fifteen years):

Paul Buchanan - Two Children

Makes one want to smile and cry at the same time. And perhaps me especially after I discovered that the vinyl copy of the album from which it comes (2012's "Mid Air") which I purchased on release date for under $30 is now going on Discogs for something in the mid $300's. A better investment than real estate. And speaking of which, there is:

Real Estate - Two Arrows

As well as another suggestion from Kentucky's finest:

My Morning Jacket -Two Halves

Or if you are up for "seconds", and looking for something more ethereal and dreamy, there is my favourite shoegaze band:

Lush - Second Thought

I'm presuming you meant...

Lush - Second Sight

If not, I'm lost.

And for my usual Canadian offering, you could do worse than save some room for Montreal's beloved and finest indie rock band (no, don't worry, not Arcade Fire):

The Dears - The Second Part

I'm allowing those last two, but I didn't want to open the can of worms that was "second songs" or we really would have been here all week.

On to Alyson, who was missing in action last week but returns full force this week...

So, so many 2 suggestions. I am struggling to come up with anything better than Party Fears Two so agree with that one and here's a little extract from when I wrote about that song after my trip to Dundee.

'It’s certainly a strange title for a song and tricky to understand the lyrics other than that a party is involved. Billy did explain the origin however, 'My wee brother was at a party watching two girls who wanted to come in. They were smashing windows and attempting to kick the door in with their stiletto heels, which he admired, so he christened them the Party Fears Two and I pinched the title from him.''

That's a great explanation. I love that song, especially the opening line.

Sadly, Alyson's other suggestions all fall foul of the the Tom Robinson Rule.

Meat Loaf - Two Out Of Three Ain't Bad

As mentioned last time, if not for the rule above, this would have been a potential winner this week and last. Classic Jim Steinman songwriting.

Len Barry - 1-2-3

Spice Girls - 2 Become 1 (Great Christmas song but not about Christmas)

Good luck with all of this my friend - If 'It Take Two' weeks, that's fine!

Thanks, Alyson. Fortunately, as explained above, I had a little extra time this week. We'll have to see what happens next week though...

Time for Rigid Digit, who wants to blow away our cobwebs this Tuesday morning...

Iron Maiden - 2 Minutes To Midnight

Iron Maiden - 2AM

I figured there would be a load more 2am song, but it seems only Iron Maiden are hard enough to stay up that late. Anyone else who stays up that late appears to not be happy about it...

Alejandro Escovedo - Pissed Off, 2AM

Jennifer Warnes - Pissed Off, 2AM

Back to RD...

Roxy Music - 2HB

Why aren't there more songs about how hard your pencils are?

Madness - My Girl 2

Spin Doctors - Two Princes

Gary Gl***er - Rock n Roll Part 2

See the Two Little Boys discussion above, sadly.

The Human League cover may get that one onto the list...

Yes, why not?

The Human League - Rock n Roll Part 2

Cast of Oliver! - You've Got To Pick a Pocket or Two

Ron Moody seemed the obvious choice there.

It's at this point that I have to give Rigid Digit a special award this week, for nabbing most of my top contenders in a very short space of time. Any of these could have been this week's winner. In fact, I had them listed together in almost the same order you presented them, RD...

Queen - Death On Two Legs

Adam Ant - Goody Two Shoes

Joe Jackson - Breaking Us In Two

Joe Jackson - Be My Number Two

I added the second Joe Jackson tune myself and seriously considered giving them joint winner status in the same way I had three winners last week. Sadly, a more obvious choice presented itself. But any other week...

Over to Jim in Dubai...

I fully endorse Swiss Adams choice of Party Fears 2, still sounds great and would be a worthy winner.

It would, wouldn't it?

I can add to this with...

Belle & Sebastian - Dirty Dream No 2

Northern Portrait - I Give You Two Seconds to Entertain Me

That's worthy of further investigation.

Orange Juice - Poor Old Soul (Part 2)

Orange Juice - Two Hearts Together

The Crotcheted Doughnut Ring - Two Little Ladies (Azalia & Rodedendrum)

Keith TOTP - Two Of The Beatles Are Dead

That was on my list.

Kirsty MacColl - England 2 Columbia 0

That should have been.

Now at this point in proceedings, I was feeling pretty smug about being way ahead of the game and well on track for a timely post with no overtime required.

And you know what happened then, don't you?

Enter: The Swede...

Hi folks. Sorry I'm late. I culled this list of appropriate tunes from my hard-drives a couple of weeks back and have attempted to take out anything already suggested - apologies for any I've duplicated...

OK, time to pull an all-nighter!

At least The Swede started with two he knew would be on my list...

Bruce Springsteen - Two Hearts

Bruce Springsteen - Two Faces

To which I'll quick add this...

Bruce Springsteen - Two For The Road

On with the show...

Meat Puppets - Two Rivers

Alternative TV - Splitting in Two

Eddie & the Hot Rods - Highlands One, Hopefuls Two (TRB Rule?)

Yes.

Grant Green - Sonnymoon For Two

Songs:Ohia - Two Blue Lights

Holger Czukay - Two Bass Shuffle

Silly me. How could I forget Holger Czukay?

Brigid Mae Power - The Two Worlds

Pugwash - Two Wrongs

Jellyfish - Two All Beef Patties

Sadly couldn't find that. I love Jellyfish, but that appears to be a rarity.

The Copper Family - Two Young Brethren

One for Mike Harding.

General Saint & Clint Eastwood - Two Bad DJ

Yo La Tengo - Two Trains

Miles Davis - Two Faced

Ultimate Painting - Two From the Vault

Chris Forsyth & the Solar Motel Band - Two Minutes Love

This is the Kit - Two Pence Piece

Kane Strang - Two Hearts and No Brain

The Wedding Present - Two Bridges

That was on my list.

Michael Nesmith - Two Different Roads

Father John Misty - Two Wildly Different Perspectives

Spooner's Crowd - Two in the Morning

Jan Eden - The Only Thing Between You Two is Me

Western Skies Motel - Two Worlds

Culture - Two Sevens Clash

Tom Robinson Rule.

Cowboy Nation - Two Miles to Town

Green on Red - Thing or Two

Green on Red - Two Lovers (Waitin' to Die)

Green on Red - Two Bibles

The Stranglers - It Only Takes Two to Tango

The Stranglers - Two Sunspots

Polar Bear - Two Storms

Rachael Dadd - Two Coiled Springs

Nice bit of banjo.

Rachael Dadd - Two Islands

Emily Portman - Two Sisters

Tom Waits - Two Sisters

Peggy Seeger - Two Sisters

Alasdair Roberts - Two Sisters

The Fall - Ivanhoe's Two Pence

The Fall - Two Face

The Kinks - Two Sisters

The Entourage Music & Theatre Ensemble - The Two Snails Who Went To The Funeral OF A Dead Leaf

Sam Beam & Jesca Hoop - We Two Are a Moon

Parquet Courts - Two Dead Cops

Lower Dens - Two Faced Love

Invisible Astro Healing Rhythm Quartet - Praise Two

Bill Ryder Jones - Two to Birkenhead

I like that one. I've heard it before.

U Roy - Two Ton Gulletto

Richard Dawson - Two Halves

Video freaked me out. Although I like the lyrics a lot. For a football song, that was good.

King L - Two Cars Collide

That's pretty good too.

Cohen Braithwaite-Kilcoyne - Two Lovely Black eyes

This week's Captain Birdseye tune.

Willard Grant Conspiracy - Two Step

King Creosote - Party Fears Two

Excellent cover. Though I prefer this, as covers go...

The Divine Comedy - Party Fears Two

Slow Club - Two Cousins

John Lennon & Yoko Ono - Two Virgins (probably no need to link this one!)

No, that one calls for a short swim in a concrete wetsuit.

Wye Oak - Two Small Deaths

The Strangers ‎– Two To Make A Pair

The Jayhawks - Two Hearts

The Jayhawks - Two Minute Pop Song

Lee Perry & the Upsetters - Roots Train Number Two

Linton Kwesi Johnson - Two Sides of Silence

Mulatu Astatke & his Ethiopian Quintet - Love Mood For Two

John Peel would be proud.

The Gourds - Two Girls

Charalambides - Two Birds

Gilgamesh - Arriving Twice

Twice!? Wasn't 'Second' bad enough?

Chantage - Same Thing Twice

Sam Prekop - Practice Twice

Vivian Goldman - Same Thing Twice

Ryley Walker - I Will Ask You Twice

All those "Twice" songs and you didn't even find a space for this, Swede...?

Nancy Sinatra - You Only Live Twice

Or even this...?

Ian Hunter - Once Bitten Twice Shy

(Although I suppose that does break the Tom Robinson Rule.)

Bob Dylan - Don't Think Twice, It's All Right

At least you didn't forget his Bobness this week.

Bob Dylan - Two Soldiers

Bob Dylan - Workingman's Blues #2

Wire - Two Minutes

Out Hud - My Two Nads

Joe Mooney Quartet - Tea For Two

The Tears - Two Creatures

That would have been on my list. But I edited my list down. Just sayin'.

Syd Barrett - Two of a Kind

Prince Far I - Mighty Two Version

The Sea and Cake - Two Dolphins

A Small Good Thing - Twice as Evil as You

Pauline Murray - Two Shots

By this point, The Swede is just making up songs based on people who work in his local pub.

Ernest Tubb - Two Wrongs Don't Make a Right

That one, I would have expected from George.

Aldous Harding - Two Bitten Hearts

Elvis Costello - Two Little Hitlers

That was on my list. Along with this...

Elvis Costello - When I Was Cruel No. 2

Mark Lanegan - Two Horses

The Fiery Furnaces - Two Fat Feet

Game Theory - Choose Between Two Sons

Sam Prekop - Two Dedications

Roy Evans - Weary Yodelin Blues Part Two

Fresh from 1928, Pop-Pickers!

Neil Halstead - Two Stones in My Pocket

Robert Plant - Thru' With The Two Step

Let it be known, that in line with me keeping my sanity, I am going to heretofore limit The Swede to only 600 suggestions per week.

And after all that, I doubt very much that anyone will want to read my shortlist... although I think there's a couple at the top of my list that will a few of you kicking yourselves...

Big Audio Dynamite - E=MC2

Leonard Cohen - Chelsea Hotel #2

The Doors - Love Me Two Times

Mystery Jets - Two Doors Down

Bob Seger System - 2+2=?

Beach Boys - Games Two Can Play

Inspiral Carpets - Two Worlds Collide

Inspiral Carpets - Two Cows

Neil Diamond - Two-Bit Manchild

Drive-By Truckers - Two Daughters and a Beautiful Wife

Ben Folds - Fred Jones, Pt 2

Diana Ross - Two Can Make It

Eddie Rabbit - Two Dollars In The Jukebox

William Bell - Trying To Love Two

Kenicke - Come Out 2Nite

Depeche Mode - Two Minute Warning 

The Lincolns - Two Parts Whiskey

Abba - Two For The Price Of One

Justin Currie - Two People

Danger Mouse, Daniele Luppi & Jack White - Two Against One

Courtney Marie Andrews - Two Cold Nights in Buffalo

Air Supply - Two Less Lonely People In the World

Etta James - Two Sides (To Every Story)

Gilbert O'Sullivan - Two's Company (Three Is Allowed)

Jefferson Airplane - Two Heads

The Chesterfields - Two Girls & A Treehouse

Johnny Cash - Two Timin' Woman

Half Man Half Biscuit - Keeping Two Chevrons Apart

Carrie Underwood - Two Black Cadillacs 

Elliot Smith - Waltz #2

Cat Stevens - Two Fine People

Chris Isaak - Two Hearts

David Byrne & St. Vincent - Dinner For Two

John Prine & Trisha Yearwood - When Two Worlds Collide

Magnetic Fields - Two Characters in Search of a Country Song

Suede - The 2 Of Us

Mary McGregor - Torn Between Two Lovers

Mojo Nixon & Skid Roper - Debbie Gibson Is Pregnant With My Two Headed Love Child

Elbow - K2

Scott Walker - Two Weeks Since You've Gone

Scott Walker - Two Ragged Soldiers

The Holloways - Two Left Feet

Ultrasound - Between Two Rivers

OK. Let there be an end to it.

This week's winner was first suggested by John Medd, then seconded by Martin. It wasn't my first thought, but once it was out there, I couldn't think of anything any more appropriate.

Sam has taken to singing this song thus...

Woohoo! Abbamebaddawawa!

Woohoo! Dabbaweewawameme!

I've told him what the actual words are and he sings them once or twice, then goes back to the nonsense. Actually, I think the nonsense words are even more appropriate, since pure pop should be nonsense... and this is a contender for the purest indie pop song ever written.

Pleased ta meetcha!

Only one more to go. And there can be only one winner... but what will it be?