Radio Songs #47: The Ghost (Part 1)

By now you must have realised that in my early 20s I was spending most nights of the week in the radio station, either working on the Phone-In programme, driving taped shows or firing in pre-recorded links over records to create the illusion of live radio. And as it's Halloween week, it seems an appropriate time to start talking about possibly the most interesting aspect of the radio station...

The place was haunted.

I'll get onto why I believe this - and I do believe it - soon enough, but first a little bit about my belief in the supernatural in general. The truth is, if you'd asked me at age 16 whether I believed in ghosts or not, I'd have told you flat out that it was all a load of rubbish. I was a very cynical teenager and even though I enjoyed horror films (and, as discussed in yesterday's post, watched far more of them than was probably good for me), I had convinced myself that such things were pure fiction. In much the same way that, despite being brought up with religion (my mum was the daughter of a Methodist preacher, I attended a C of E School and Sunday school until I was a teenager), I'd pretty much decided that the Bible was little more than a bunch of stories written by earlier generations to scare us all into being good. In both beliefs, I came to consider myself more an agnostic than an atheist though, and my experiences at work paved the way for that.

I was always a big fan of The X-Files, and just like Fox Mulder, I did Want To Believe... in aliens, ghosts, Big Foot, the Loch Ness Monster... but the only way I would believe in anything is if I saw it with my own eyes. I demanded empirical evidence before I'd truly believe anything.

So what made me a believer? Little things at first, and then much bigger things. And I wasn't the only one. Pretty much everyone who set foot in that building after hours started to believe one way or another. Was it the way the temperature dropped suddenly in certain parts of the station? Was it the feeling of being watched or followed, of looking back over your shoulder because you were certain someone was there? Was it the thud of a door closing that convinced you someone was coming into the building or down the corridor... when nobody actually was? This was how it began. But none of this really constitutes empirical evidence, does it?

We'll save some of that for part two. Meanwhile, here's a rather spooky radio song to set the tone for the next few posts from Jim White...

My Top Ten Science Song Songs Volume 2: Physics

This week's science lesson is on Physics. Take notes in your books; there will be a test.


10. Landscape - Einstein A-Go Go

Let's start with the father of modern physics... and some classic oddball synthpop from 1981.

See also Einstein On The Beach by Counting Crows which you probably won't like as much as Landscape... though I do.

9. Jim White - Objects In Motion

Jim White finds a suitcase full of old love letters floating in a river... and starts getting metaphysical.

From the album Drill a Hole in That Substrate and Tell Me What You See... which shows Jim also has an interest in geology, I guess.

8. The Verve - Space & Time

We have existence and that's all we share...

More metaphysics from Tricky Dicky Ashcroft. Or Mr. Smiley as I like to call him.

This whole album is very evocative for me of '97 / '98, when the world still seemed full of endless possibility... and aching loneliness. I could probably write more about that, but it has very little to do with physics, so I'll save it for another post.

7. They Might Be Giants - Particle Man

Forget Einstein. This is what genius sounds like.

6. Pixies - Distances Equals Rate Times Time

And this is how you create a great pop song in under one minute twenty seconds. 

Missing from my Maths Top Tens because I thought it to do with Physics.

5. Nick Cave - Higgs Boson Blues

In which Nick Cave drives his car down to Geneva to teach you some particle physics.

If I'd had a Physics teacher like Nick Cave, I'd have got higher than a D.

4. Big Audio Dynamite - E=MC2

I like a bit of a cavort.

For years, I thought the dialogue sampled in this song were Michael Caine.

It's actually James Fox from Nic Roeg's Performance.

But you knew that.

3. Ooberman - Physics Disco

The only song I own which actually features Physics in the title. 

Ooberman are one of My Top Ten Unsung Legends of Pop. They should have been bigger than Oasis.

2. Billy Bragg - Qualifications

OK, so the top two songs are only tenuously connected to Physics, but both brag about a qualification in that particular field of science... and both of them make me smile a lot whenever I listen to them.

So what's the point in university?
For three years I read philosophy
Now I read barcodes all day long
Beep-beep-beep sings that check-out song
With my qualifications
Talking bout my qualifications
Would you like to see my Ph.D.?
My BSE? My GCSE?
I gotta First in Physics so I ought to know
If your fries are for here or to go

1. The Undertones - My Perfect Cousin

He's got a degree in Economics
Maths, Physics and Bionics

No wonder he's his mother's little golden boy...

Not the obvious Number One, but indisputably the best song on here. 



 Which one makes you want to get physics-al?

My Top Ten "Bah, Humbug!" Songs (Volume 1)

Before I get to my Top Five albums of the year... I suppose I better do this. Because it's that time of year again. The time when you can't walk into your local Co-Op without hearing Macca wishing you a Wonderful Time, Elton imploring you to Step Into It and Noddy screaming at the size of his royalty cheque. I'm even getting sick of Shane & Kirsty. And I swear if I hear Chris Rea get into his car one more time...

To counteract that... here's ten less-well-played songs "celebrating" the other side of the season...

(Bonus points if you can identify my celebrity Santa. It's not too difficult.)


10. Matthew Thiessen & The Earthquakes - I Hate Christmas Parties

Matthew Thiessen is the lead singer of Canadian Christian alt-rock band Relient K, so you might imagine he'd be more into the festivities than he actually is. Turns out someone left a broken heart under his tree for him this year. Poor sod.

9. Loudon Wainwright III - I'll Be Killing You This Christmas

What better time of year to take a jab at the second amendment? Good old Loudon.

8. Jim White - Christmas Day

Haunting.

I remember quite clearly, a bad Muzak version of James Taylor's big hit, 
Called "Fire and Rain" was playing as you crouched down and tearfully kissed me, 
And I thought, "Damn, what good fiction I will mold from this terrible pain."

Plus: songwriters are bastards. Don't ever date / dump one. Especially at Christmas.

7. John Prine - Christmas In Prison

One of my favourites from JP. I didn't realise it was as old as it is. 1973? That's just a year younger than me!

It was Christmas in prison and the food was real good
We had turkey and pistols carved out of wood
I dream of her always, even when I don't dream
Her name's on my tongue and her blood's in my strings

6. Everclear - I Will Be Hating You For Christmas

I'll never understood why Everclear weren't massive...

5. Frank Kelly - The Christmas Countdown

Father Jack, before joining the clergy, recorded this alternate version of the 12 Days of Christmas back in the 80s and it was a firm favourite of mine growing up because Terry Wogan used to play it every year. I play it here in tribute to both Frank and Terry, since we lost both of them this year.

4. Jesse Malin - Xmas

There was a time I believed Jesse Malin was the future of rock 'n' roll. Around the time this album, The Fine Art of Self-Desturction was released. I'm still waiting...

3. The Killers - Don't Shoot Me, Santa

The Killers release a new Christmas song every year. They've just compiled them into a collection, Don't Waste Your Wishes, for charity. I would buy this. With money. Unfortunately, they've made it exclusively available on iTunes which means I can't buy it. With money. Because iTunes breaks my computer every time I try to use it and I hate it with a passion. Still.

I do love this one, from a few years back.

2. Spearmint - Oklahoma

The title track to one of my favourite Christmas albums. Shirley Lee's ode to a tragic homeless drunk from his local town who spread the Christmas spirit with his rendition of Rogers & Hammerstein songs. They miss him when he's gone...

1. The Handsome Family - Stupid Bells

Christmas is the season where most folks kill themselves
Christmas is the reason for all those stupid bells!

Leave it to the Handsome Family to give the grinch a run for his money...

Repent sinners!
This pagan holiday full of tree worship and fairy lights is an affront to Jehova!
The candy cane is Satan's walking stick!
Merry Christmas from the Handsome Family!

"Happy" Christmas to you all. What's your favourite not-so-festive Christmas song?

My Top Ten Caravan Songs

Apologies for the dearth of Top Tens over the last couple of weeks. May is the busiest month in teaching - the GCSE English exam is just over a week away as I type this and so things have been pretty hectic for me (not that my students seem unduly concerned by its imminence).

Anyway, it's a Bank Holiday Weekend here in the UK, and across the country folk are dusting down their caravans and heading off to seek the sun. Here's ten songs they might play on the way.

Special mentions to Caravan*  and the mighty, mighty Camper Van Beethoven.

(*A curious psych-folk band with a very dubious taste in album titles: Cunning Stunts, For Girls Who Grow Plump In The Night and If I Could Do It All Over Again, I'd Do It All Over You. Ah, the 70s. Different times.)



10. Blur - Caravan

I'm glad Blur finally got their act together and brought out a new album this year. I've only listened to it a few times, but I already know it's better than their last, Graham Coxon-less, effort, 2003's Think Tank. Caravan comes from that record, and like most of the rest of the album, it sorely misses Coxo's guitar.

9. Black Sabbath - Planet Caravan

Normally, if you went on holiday and ended up parking your caravan next to Ozzy & co., you'd very quickly move somewhere quieter. However, you might stick around if all they played was this trippy psychedelic number. Not at all what you expect from the BS Boys...

8. Courtney Barnett - Kim's Caravan

A haunting, mesmeric ode to our dying world from the Australian wunderkind's debut album, Sometimes I Sit And Think, And Sometimes I Just Sit. (Great title.)

7. The Adventure Babies - Camper Van

A lost indie gem from the last band to sign to Factory records before they went bust in the early 90s. The EP this came from is available to download free from the band's website.

6. Ella Fitzgerald & The Duke Ellington Orchestra - Caravan

Wow.

5. Van Morrison - Caravan

Van The Man and his Caravan. CaraVan The Man. Etc.

Timeless.

4. The Doors - Spanish Caravan

See, the Doors weren't all portentous doom, Oedipal urges and Viet Nam. They liked to travel round Europe in a caravan with a flamenco guitar too.

3. Jim White - If Jesus Drove A Motor Home

If Jesus drove a motor home,
And he come to your town,
Would you try to talk to him?
Would you follow him around?
Honking horns at the drive thru.
Double-parking at the mall.
Midnight at the Waffle House...
Jesus eating eggs with ya'll.

Well, would you?

2. Inspiral Carpets - Caravan

Can't go wrong with a bit of Clint Boon's majestic organ.

1. The Housemartins - Caravan of Love

Christmas 1986, and fourteen year old Rol stands on the edge of the dancefloor at the school disco wondering if anyone will ever slow dance with him to the Housemartins' a capella cover of the Isley Jasper Isley song Caravan of Love.

No one ever did.





So... which one will you get stuck behind on the motorway?

My Top Ten Alabama Songs

The second stop on my USA tour (following Memphis) brings me to the deep south of Alabama. Never before have I compiled a Top Ten where so many of the songs are so inextricably linked...

Special mention goes to Alabama Shakes, Alabama 3 and, of course, The Blind Boys of Alabama.


10. Jim White - Alabama Chrome

According to the Urban Dictionary, "alabama chrome" is slang for duct tape. Make of that what you will.

9. The Drive-By Truckers - The Three Great Alabama Icons

The Truckers tell the story of the controversial relationship between the songs at #3 and #1 on this chart, along with a potted history of the deep south itself.

See also The Boys From Alabama, an 18 certificate remake of Dukes of Hazzard.

I wouldn't piss off the Boys from Alabama if I was you

8. Brad Paisley - Old Alabama

Alabama was also the name of a classic country rock band of the 70s and 80s. Here they're reunited by my favourite contemporary country artist for a tribute song, singing lyrics from one of their biggest records, Mountain Men.

7. Old Crow Medicine Show - Alabama High-Test

They're gonna put me in the slammer
If they catch me with that Alabama high-test

6. Kid Rock - All Summer Long

Recalling his youth in northern Michigan (936 miles away from Alabama), Kid Rock shamelessly pilfers our #1 song, Bryan Adams' Summer of '69 and a howling hit by this next gentleman...

5. Warren Zevon - Play It All Night Long

Which dead band's song is Warren playing all night long? (Hint: it's not Kid Rock's.)

The youtube version I'm linking to is a little wobbly, but it's the best version I could find.

4. The Doors - Alabama Song

Written by Kurt Weill and Bertolt Brecht back in 1927, this has been recorded umpteen times since, most notably by Jim Morrison (above) and David Bowie. I think the Doors version just wins it for me.

3. Neil Young - Alabama

Grumpy old northern Neil never had much love for the south, venting his spleen on the segregationist states both here and in Southern Man. Some good did come out of this whole situation though - Neil's angry rants led to the creation of our #1 track. No prizes if you haven't already guessed what that's going to be.

2. Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeroes - Home

Alabama, Arkansas
I do love my ma and pa...
Not the way that I do love you

Maybe it's not strictly an Alabama song (Mr. Sharpe and the Zeroes are from L.A.), but that opening lyrics always points me in that direction.

1. Lynyrd Skynyrd - Sweet Home Alabama

Well I hope Neil Young will remember
A southern man don't need him around anyhow!

There have been various theories put forth over the years about the politics espoused by the Skyn' in this song. Go listen to #9 for more about that. For me, this is just one of the greatest rock guitar songs ever, a track that always makes me want to "turn it up"...



So... which one's your Alabama slammer?