Emergency Questions #11: Heavenly Age

Blink 182 - What's My Age Again?

Summer's over and the time is right to bring back some of the ongoing series I abandoned just prior to my holiday from teaching (aka the Exhaustion Weeks). It's a cliché that I go back to work for a rest, but... 

Kevin Rowland - Age Can't Wither You

As usual, I'm stealing another query from Richard Herring's book EMERGENCY QUESTIONS and trying to answer it with added songs. Here's today's question...

What age would you like to be when you get to heaven, presuming there is a heaven and you get to choose what age you'll be when you're up there?

Ernest Tubb - It's The Age That Makes The Difference

Putting aside whether or not we believe in any kind of afterlife, this is a thought-provoking question. If we're lucky enough to live to an old age, we wouldn't want to be stuck at that age, for eternity, with all the frailties, disabilities and marble loss that might come with it. We'd want to be young and strong and ready to take best advantage of our nirvana...

New Order - Age Of Consent

Would we want then to spend immortality reliving the "best years of our lives"? Oh, to be 16 again...  

Hello Saferide - X Telling Me About The Loss Of Something Dear, At Age 16

No thank you very much. I wouldn't mind going back and reliving a good day of my adolescence, safe in the knowledge that I could return to where I am right now before the bad days kick in. Because I did have a good many bad days as a teenager, days of self-doubt, embarrassment, humiliation days and crushing loneliness. 

Joe Jackson - Awkward Age

Wheatus - Teenage Dirtbag

What about my twenties then? When I was a bit more grown up? And even more messed up...

Pet Shop Boys - Twenty Something

Taylor Swift - 22

Probably not. 

In my thirties, maybe then I finally got a handle on this thing called life... though I still didn't feel like a proper grown-up. (Still don't.) 

Aimee Man - 31 Today

In answer to Rich's question then, I'd probably choose to be mid-30s. Some time just before I fell down the stairs and broke my arm, also causing a slipped disc in my back which still bothers me today. Some time before the aches and pains set in... 

Willie Nelson - Don't Be Ashamed Of Your Age

Department S - Age Concern

I realise I'm a bit unusual though. Maybe you would choose to be 16 forever... or 21... or even 7?

What age would you pick to live out the hereafter?

2023: New Music From Old Men

As we grow older, our record collection grows older with us. The rock n roll survivors we grew up with (not to mention the ones who were well established before we were even born) continue making music, and we keep enjoying it. For the most part, anyway. There are, of course, those artists who carry on well past their sell-by date, don't find anything new to say, and become shadows of their former selves... and when I think about them, I have even more respect for Billy Joel, who packed in making new music thirty years ago to protect his legacy. 

Billy Joel - Great Wall Of China (from his final album in 1993)

All that said, sometimes even the faded stars of yesteryear pull a blinder. And credit where it's due, I never though the Rolling Stones would release a single as good as this so far into their bus pass years...

(Damon Albarn hates that video. So they must be doing something right.) 

The album Hackney Diamonds is as good as anything The Stones have released since the beginning of the 80s. That may sound like faint praise, but I was surprised by how solid the whole thing sounded. The Lady Gaga collaboration is a couple of steps down the same ladder as Gimme Shelter, and the video is a hoot, as Ms. Germanotta tries her best to out-Mick Mick.  

The Rolling Stones feat. Lady Gaga - Sweet Sounds Of Heaven

Then there's a Keef sung tune which proves he should do that sort of thing more often ("he's too shy," says Mick) and a proper bluesy throwback at the end... which sounds like the kind of song you'd expect the Rolling Stones to be making in their 80s... were it not for the fact that it closes a record of full-tilt rock n roll riffs from Keef and sneeringly playful invective from Mick. And to top it all off, they only go and invite another old geezer to play bass on one track... and it's a lot more listenable than that "new" Beatles track that was inflicted on us earlier in the year.

The Rolling Stones feat. Paul McCartney - Bite My Head Off

Kevin Rowland turned 70 this year, so he's still a spring chicken by Mick n Keef's standards. The lead single from the latest Dexys album promised great things, a classic Dexys soul stomper that showcased a man dripping self confidence from every pour. There are a couple more tracks on the first half of The Feminine Divine which also stand out, though the latter part of the record turns into a huge celebration / confessional of submissive relationships which borders on unintentionally hilarious at times. Still, it's better than anything Van Morrison's done lately.

Born a year or so earlier than Kevin, but still going strong, is John Mellencamp, who just released another new record, hot on the heels of last year's Strictly a One-Eyed Jack. Orpheus Descending treads similar ground, occasionally going a little too earnest and worthy for my liking, though Mellencamp's late stage Tom Waits growl is pleasing to the ear, and his practiced Grumpy Old Man demeanour is enough to keep me coming back for more.

Ron and Russell Mael are both in their late 70s. You wouldn't know it from listening to the latest Sparks album though. They sound as youthfully irreverent as ever. They're also responsible for the year's ultimate Grumpy Old Man song, a track which delights in telling us that life goes downhill fast from the moment we're born...

Nothing is as good as they say it is

That's the way it is

I wish I'd known beforehand

I was born just 22 hours ago

But I want to go

Back to my former quarters

Take a look around and you'd understand

This is not a place I could ever stand

Ugliness, anxiety, phony tans

It ain't for me

That's all

Another old timer who's definitely refusing to grow old gracefully is Mr. Vincent Furnier. Road is his 29th album (22nd as a solo artist, having taken the name of his former band) and it's much better than it deserves to be. 

Alice Cooper - I'm Alice

Don't get me wrong - it is utterly ridiculous, full of pompous rock 'n' roll cliché and legend pimping, but nobody's expecting a sensitive meditation on the human condition from Alice, and we'd be disappointed if that was what he delivered. He gets away with it - hell, he excels at it - because it's all done with gleefully OTT relish and a sly wink to the camera. 

 

Forgot my life, forgot my face

I'm not a member of the human race

My time is here, my time is now

I play the creature 'cause I know how

My lips are red, my eyes are black

And I'm as scary as a heart attack

Saturday Snapshots #72 - The Answers

It may not feel much like a Pleasant Valley Sunday on the weekend we said goodbye to this gentlemen, but he certainly left us with some amazing musical memories.

RIP, Peter Tork, you and your pals made us all daydream believers...

As I type this on Saturday evening, we've had no takers for this week's number 10... which might be my first win in quite some time. Otherwise, Lynchie took the crown, with admirable support from Charity Chic, Walter, Chris, Rigid Digit and a last minute save by C.

10. King Midas's stooge sounds like the bloke up above.

King Midas turned everything he touched to solid gold.

Mo was one of the Three Stooges.

The gentleman at the top of yesterday's post was David Soul

Mo Solid Gold - David's Soul

If you've never heard that before, it's worth 4 minutes of your time.

9. Sly Lincoln reveals what you have to do (to get the answer to this clue).

Sly Lincoln is an anagram.

Lyn Collins - Think (About It)

8. Pioneering agriculturist mishears Sister Sledge's greatest tune.

Jethro Tull was the pioneering agriculturist who invented the seed drill.

Sister Sledge sang He's The Greatest Dancer.

Jethro Tull - Said She Was A Dancer

7. Maureen's below-the-belt punch is a knock out at 8.30 on a Saturday morning.

Maureen, shortened, is Mo.

A below the belt punch would be Lo.

A knock-out is a K-O.

8.30 on Saturday morning is when yesterday's post went live.

Moloko - The Time Is Now

6. Rod dates a feminist... and they both refuse to get undressed.

Imagine if Rod Stewart & Germaine Greer went on a date. I doubt either of them would take their clothes off.

Jermaine Stewart - We Don't Have To Take Our Clothes Off

5. Arse / Elbow confusion for Destiny's Child's Perfect Cousin.

Kelly Rowland was in Destiny's Child.

My Perfect Cousin was Kevin.

If your confuse your arse with your elbow, you might not know your bottom half from your top.

Kevin Rowland - I Can't Tell The Bottom From The Top

4. Is there life here? (Sorry, hang on a second...) IS THERE LIFE HERE!?! 

Is there life on Mars? Do I need to repeat that, louder?

M/A/R/R/S - Pump Up The Volume

3. Where the wildcatters found oil... devilish women buy the drinks.

Wildcatters looked for oil anywhere, but cats are Kitties and oil comes from wells.

Honky tonks are bars.

If god didn't make the angels, chances are the devil did.

Kitty Wells - It Wasn't God Who Made Honky Tonk Angels

2. Oh My Dog! B-29.

If Oh My God is OMG in today's parlance, Oh My Dog would be OMD.

B-29 was the first Boeing Superfortress bomber to drop an atomic bomb. The plane was named Enola Gay after the pilot's mother.

OMD - Enola Gay

1. Supermarket delivery for Hazel.

A supermarket delivery might come in a van from Morrison's.

Hazel is another name for brown eyes.

Isn't it reassuring than Van Morrison even looked like a Grumpy Old Man when he was a baby?

I'm A Believer you'll be back for more next Saturday...

October #5 - Dexys

5. Dexys - Grazing In The Grass

One Day I'm Going To Soar, Kevin Rowland's comeback album, was one of my favourite discs of 2012. So I was very excited to hear of a new release from the band who no longer Run at Midnight, even though the idea of a covers album focussing on "Irish and Country Soul" (whatever that means) set alarm bells ringing for many.

Covers have long been a part of Rowland's act: from forgotten soul acts like Chuck Wood and Johnny Johnson to Van Morrison's big Jackie Wilson tribute... or was that Jockey?

However, the real reason some might have feared a Dexys' covers album goes back to Rowland's infamous 1999 solo album, My Beauty (his second: sadly, I've never been able to track down an affordable copy of his 1988 solo record, The Wanderer). Here, Rowland abandoned his usual sartorial elegance in favour of this little ensemble...

...a move which led to the critics ripping him a new one and the pissed-up revellers at Reading Festival sharing the contents of their beer bottles with him (i.e. after they'd drunk the beer and then refilled them).

The thing is - and I've never been ashamed to admit this - I like My Beauty. It's a cracking set of interpretations: defiant, personal and wilfully anti-muso (the covers include Mama Cass, The Monkees and Whitney Houston... or George Benson, if you remember the original). So I was actually very excited by a similar project from the rejuvenated Dexys... perhaps a little too much.

Dexys Do Irish & Country Soul is a curious record, and though the critics have been far kinder to it, I haven't warmed to it as I did My Beauty 17 years ago. The title's a little misleading, for a start: yes, you'd expect I'll Take You Home Again, Kathleen and Curragh of Kildare... but how Irish are Jerome Kern, Barry Gibb, Diane Warren, Joni Mitchell or Red Stewart? The selection of songs is even more wilfully obtuse than on My Beauty, but though the arrangements are gorgeous and Rowland's voice rarely better, there are times it still feels a little karaoke for me: particularly on You Wear It Well and Warren's How Do I Live? (made famous by LeAnn Rimes). There's less re-interpretation than I'd expected, less of Rowland's usual originality. I don't now, maybe it'll grow on me.

All that said, this one track's an absolute belter. Originally by 60s soulsters The Friends of Distinction... but Rowland makes it a true Dexys classic. Can you dig it, baby?

My Top Ten 'Getting Better' Songs

Because every day, in every way, we're all trying to get better...

10. The Turtles - Can I Get To Know You Better?

Or "the Toitles" as they're introduced here.

9. Booth & The Bad Angel - Life Gets Better

That's Tim Booth and Angelo Badalamenti, from their odd, creepy 1996 collaboration album.

8. Fun. - It Gets Better

Not as good as many of the other tracks on their debut album (eg. Some Nights, We Are Young etc.), but still better than most other bands troubling the singles chart this year.

7. The Beatles - Getting Better

Too obvious to ignore. But the Wedding Present cover is far more to my liking these days. And the Ultrasound cover's a belter too.

6. Prefab Sprout - When You Get To Know Me Better
 
If ever you wonder why I write this blog, it's because it makes me dig through my record collection and rediscover lost gems such as this one...

I can tell you'd like to love me,
But you haven't known me long
And you don't yet know the ways I'll find
To hurt and do you wrong
I'm a man with one small weakness,
Any woman in a dress
When you get to know me better
You'll learn to love me less

5. Mull Historical Society - You Can Get Better

Good to see Colin MacIntyre back in action with the first MHS album in eight years.

Check out lead single The Lights and recent follow-up Must You Get Low to hear more.

4. D:Ream - Things Can Only Get Better

You may be surprised to find this get such a high place on my chart. But as disposable 90s pop goes, this is way better than 95% of its rivals. Plus: Professor Brian Cox on keyboards! What else do you need?

3. Shed Seven - Getting Better

Much better than Oasis.

2. Mama Cass - It's Getting Better

Timeless. As is the Kevin Rowland version. Sadly, I can't find that online.

1. Dan Le Sac Vs. Scroobius Pip - Get Better

Should you have access to a teenager, I suggest locking them in a room with this song until they're at least 21.



Those were mine... can you get better?