Why is there a picture above of Sophie Ellis Bextor holding a camera? Two reasons - firstly because she had a big hit in 2001 with a song called Take Me Home. And secondly, because I couldn't find a picture of Shakin' Stevens or Peters & Lee holding a camera.
A house (even This Ol' one) isn't a home... but it could be. So could all the places mentioned in the songs below...
15. Big gigs at Butlins.
Butlins run a series of big gigs called Weekenders.
12. She could have been part of last week's quiz. They mix Astbury and Weller with maximum effort.
Last week's quiz involved songs with repeated names - like Lisa Lisa. If Ian Astbury and Paul Weller got together, they could form a supergroup called Cult Jam. Maximum effort = full force.
When I was in Primary School we still got a bottle of milk to drink every morning. In winter it was ice cold but in summer it was very warm and not so nice at all. I remember our teacher standing over one girl every milk time forcing her to finish her bottle of and we all had to wait as it took her a long time, going down only an 1/8th of an inch (pre-decimal times) every minute. Wouldn't happen nowadays of course - not been milk since the days of Thatcher the Snatcher and of course so many children now have intolerances to dairy.
This opened up a whole can of memory worms for me… but a couple of things first...
Kids do still get school milk – it’s just not free anymore (and not in bottles). Parents have to pay for it – unless they can’t afford, in which case it’s supplemented. Sam’s 10 now and still gets milk at school. He also drinks any leftover cartons he can get his hands on.
(Sam and his mates have likewise formed a Leftovers Club at dinner time. They make sure they’re the last in the dinner queue, then they’re more likely to be offered seconds after everyone’s finished their lunch.)
Speaking of an intolerance to dairy though, Alyson… this is exactly what I had when I was a kid. I still do, though it’s a rather odd variety of intolerance. I just can’t drink milk, especially if it’s cold. If I try, it makes me throw up. I’m fine with anything else dairy-related – cheese, yoghurt… no problem. I’m also OK with boiled milk, in certain circumstances. That’s how my mum used to serve me cereal – Weetabix, Frosties, Coco Pops etc… always with hot milk. If I tried to eat them with cold milk… bleurggghh! I’ve never been able to drink milk shakes either. Not without gipping. Sorry, Kelis. You milkshake wouldn't bring me to the yard.
I’m not sure I was aware of all this when I started Primary School, and I doubt my mum thought to mention it. On the first day of school then, out came the school milk bottles… “Drink up, children!”
My first teacher, Mrs. Kay (picture Julie Andrews, but slightly more posh) was a shrewd lady who quickly realised I couldn’t keep milk down, so she stopped offering it to me. (Saved her having to clean up her classroom every day.) When the school milk came out, I was excused.
Mrs. Tebb did not like me. That’s pretty much all I remember about her. Every other teacher at my junior school, I got on with OK. Not Mrs. Tebb though. She hated me. And maybe that’s because of what happened on the day I arrived in her class… but if so, she only brought it on herself.
“Time for your milk, children!”
“But, Mrs. Tebb, I don’t drink milk. It makes me sick.”
“Nonsense. Milk is good for you. It’s good for your teeth and your bones and your everyday health! Milk is nature’s perfect food!”
Back in 2007, Sheffield band Tiny Dancers put out their only album on the back of opening for Bob Dylan's UK tour the year before. The LP was called Free School Milk. This was their debut single, released on my 35th birthday.
It can't have escaped your notice that Doctor Who celebrated its 60th anniversary last week, blasting its way back onto screen with an old face and a Disney+ budget. Like most British kids, I grew up with The Doctor, and your first Doctor will always be your favourite. Which means you can't beat Tom Baker in my eyes.
Still, I have a great fondness for most of the other Doctors, including the modern incarnations (although Huddersfield lass Jodie Whittaker was let down during her tenure by terrible scripts). They say we spent large parts of our youth hiding behind the sofa to avoid the show's scarier bits... and I do have vivid memories of being behind that old red leather sofa in our living room on a Saturday night... but I'm pretty sure I was acting out the adventures I'd just seen on screen rather than escaping in terror.
Here then is a special edition of TV On The Radio dedicated to all the Doctors.
Search for songs that include the words "Doctor Who" in that order and you're on a hiding to nothing. Unless you want to hear a load of tunes that have nothing to do with Timelords such as this...
She sent me to the doctor who sent me straight to bed
I had far more luck searching for words that were unique to the Whoniverse. Such as TARDIS (Time and Relative Dimensions in Space, as I'm sure you will recall).
Here's someone who would look right at home in an episode of Doctor Who... Thom Yorke.
I'm stuck in the TARDIS Trapped in hyperspace One minute, snake charming The next in a motorcade
Step outside the TARDIS and you may encounter some of The Doctor's greatest enemies. For reasons explained above, I didn't bother looking for The Master, and only found the odd song that mentioned Cybermen... but the Daleks were all over the place.
Dave Balfe and Alan Gill from The Teardrop Explodes formed the most famous band to be named after the psychotic pepper pots, possibly my favourite science fiction bad guys (the Daleks, not Balfe and Gill).
Despite my difficulties in searching for "Doctor Who" songs, I still found quite a few that mentioned the Timelord by name (or, not actually by name, since Doctor Who isn't actually his name, is it?). Although many of them fall into the category that causes serious musos to gnash their teeth to the gums... comedy or novelty records.
Frazer Hines was a minor Yorkshire celebrity due to his role on Emmerdale Farm in the 70s and 80s (back when my dad used to watch it because they had actual farmyard scenes). Prior to that, Frazer was an early Doctor Who assistant when he recorded this...
Once All About Eve were done, lead singer Julianne Regan formed Mice. Here's a little timely advice for any of you who might be considering running off with a stranger in a blue police box...
He's my blue sonic boy I believed in his watery lies And his half-arsed scheme to rule the world But you know it isn't easy hanging out with the timelords When you're a Dalek and can't even climb up the stairs So when you wake tomorrow, stick a bell in your van
There were lots of artists I discovered during this search who looked like they'd only ever get a gig at Comicon, but these guys deserved a special mention, for enthusiasm, if nothing else...
But there was only one song I could choose to close this post, from the insane genius of Bill Drummond and Jimmy Cauty, The KLF, The Justified Ancients of Mu Mu and The Timelords... with a little help from The Sweet and (whisper it now) Gary Glitter. A Number One smash that Melody Maker described as "pure, unadulterated agony" and "excruciating", while Sounds called it "rancid" and "a record so noxious that a top ten place can be its only destiny". What's not to love?
Yesterday, Charity Chic felt the need to apologise on behalf of the entire Scottish nation for The Tartan Army. I replied that the English had done much worse. And here's Fat Les to prove it...
In case you've blanked them from your memory, I ought to remind you that Fat Les was a short-lived 90s band made up of Blur bassist Alex James, actor Keith Allen, and artist Damien Hirst. They all should have known better.
Here's Squeeze to take that nasty taste out of your mouth...
I got a job down at the warehouse I worked hard to pay the rent Rehearsing almost every evening Trying to make another dent Along the road that I had chosen The Generation Game of life Today I'm walking by the river Watching my children cycle by
("Why are you bothering writing this? Nobody reads this blog and those who do don't want to read about your bloody mental health! You should delete the whole stupid thing and find something better to do with your time.")
Intrusive thoughts seem to come out of nowhere. These thoughts and images are unwanted and often unpleasant. The content can sometimes be aggressive or sexual, or you could suddenly think about a mistake or a worry.
You might feel distressed when this happens, but having an intrusive thought once in a while is a typical part of life.
In most cases, intrusive thoughts do not have any particular meaning. As long as you recognize that these are only thoughts, and you have no desire to act on them, intrusive thoughts are not harmful.
("For a start, you could get your own back on that guy who sent you the anonymous letter about your hedge. You know who he is. You know where he lives. Slash his caravan tyres. Put a brick through his patio door! At least smash one of his bloody gnomes!")
Some of the young people I work with aren't able to control their intrusive thoughts. That's why they end up with us. But working with them has given me a sense of perspective on my own intrusive thoughts. And how to combat them.
Who can know What happens in her mind? Did she come From a strange world And leave her mind behind? Her long lost sighs And her brightly coloured eyes Tell her story to the wind
Intrusive thoughts might tell us to punch that guy who pushes past us in the supermarket. They might tell us to ogle or make an inappropriate comment to a stranger we pass in the street. They might cause us sleepless nights worrying about things that probably won't ever happen. When things get really bad, they might make us want to hurt ourselves... or worse.
("What have you ever actually achieved in this world? You're such a waste of space. You'd be doing the world a favour...")
Matthew Jay died in 2003 after falling from his North London flat. An inquest returned an open verdict into his death, although his record company issued an initial statement saying, "his act would appear to have been an impulsive gesture following a professionally difficult year and perhaps, a difficult day".
Serious intrusive thoughts need to be treated with therapy or drugs, but for the rest of us... I reckon we can take steps to tackle them ourselves. Healthline advises...
A good step toward treating intrusive thoughts is recognizing what they are: just thoughts. You can learn to label them when they happen and recognize that thoughts are not the same as intent or behavior. This may help reduce the frequency or intensity of unwanted thoughts.
The Cynic reports... this does actually work. Say you're driving home from work and an Audi driver does what Audi drivers do. Intrusive thoughts will tell you to scream at him. (Actually, they might tell you to ram him off the road, but hopefully you're not yet at the stage where you follow through on that.) But if you counter the need to react like that by labeling the thought as intrusive, you immediately give yourself the power to challenge it.
That momentary pause can make a difference. I've started questioning my thoughts before I act on them. Is it common sense or nonsense? Jekyll or Hyde? Bruce Banner or The Hulk? Tyler Durden or The Narrator? It's a tiny step, but it gets easier the more you do it. I've forced far fewer Audis off the road in the last week or so...
("You just wasted an hour of your life writing this shit. I hope you're proud of yourself!"
Ah, but was it a waste? Don't I feel just ever so slightly better for having put all this down on virtual paper. Shut up, voice in my head. You don't know what you're talking about. If nothing else, it gave me the opportunity to finish with some Bruce, and that's always a good thing...)
Well, your honour, I do believe I'd be better off dead And if you can take a man's life for the thoughts that're in his head Then won't you sit back in that chair and think it over, judge, one more time? And let 'em shave off my hair and put me on that execution line
Now though, I return to the man who gave voice to my Number One song, Jimmy Webb's amazing...
I won't say anymore about that tune today, but here's a post I wrote about it some years back. I will, however, share with you my review of the time I saw him live, on his farewell tour back in 2011 (this taken from my old blog, Sunset Over Slawit)...
It's long been my dream to see my all time favourite song performed live by the singer who made it famous. Friday at the Salford Lowry was my last chance to make that dream a reality. Unlike many "Farewell Tours" where you suspect the artist may well be "quitting" only to sell more tickets (before next year's inevitable "reunion tour"), Glen Campbell really will be hanging up his mike and guitar once this tour is done. You may have read how the 75 year-old star, famous in his younger days for his baby-faced looks and country choirboy vocals, was diagnosed with Alzheimer's late last year. His return to the road is seen by many as not just a farewell to fans but also a brave effort to publicise a disease which celebrities rarely make public.
It's clear when Campbell takes to the stage that this is not a man in the prime of health. Although joyful and enthusiastic, he does at times appear confused and his legendary guitar playing is no longer at its flawless best. Fortunately he's supported by a band that includes three of his kids: Cal, Ashley and Shannon who help keep him focused throughout the show. And what a show... all the hits that made him famous (many composed by the divine Jimmy Webb), topped off by a showstopping, standing ovation double bill of Wichita Lineman and Rhinestone Cowboy. It was impossible not to be moved to tears by the former, a song that's meant so much to me for so many years and now sounds more bittersweet than ever.
Glen died 6 years later, but he's a mainstay on my jukebox, and the Celebrity Jukebox honours him today with these choice tunes...
Every time I hear Glen Campbell, I think about you And in that moment I can always find "Southern Nights" coming up the hallway And I’m home again in such a simpler time Back when the world was ever "Gentle On My Mind"
Now some days I feel like an engagement ring Resting on the ocean floor Yet others just like that same Glen Campbell record Found in every second hand store
Here's a song about a young man who plays a Yamaha guitar in the Slee Cowboy Orchestra and knows all the lyrics to Glen's biggest hits... in French, I bet...
When he got out of prison, country music outlaw David Allan Coe lived in a red Cadillac hearse parked in front of the Ryman Auditorium in Nashville. He was clearly more of a badass than Glen Campbell, and I'm sure Glen would have agreed.
I've always been the Rhinestone Cowboy I don't care what Glen Campbell has to say
James Reyne is quite a big deal down under, first as lead singer of Australian Crawl, then as as successful solo artist. Glen's influence travels far and wide...
Couldn't tell if I was dreaming When I woke before the dawn Thought I heard Glen Campbell screaming Where have all the flowers gone?
Canadian pop punks Chixdiggit win the prize for Band Name of the Week...
I can't be with you tonight, it ain't right Got home, one message for me, our song was on the machine Now I got a song in my head, a mix of Glen Campbell and Queen
Jeremy Warmsley is from London. He's in the band Summer Camp, writes soundtrack music, and releases his own stuff. This is a pretty perfect 60's pastiche...
You swore that you would never tour again Just stay home in bed and write the songs Glen Campbell sat in and sang the high parts While the interband relationships fell apart
Definitely the most famous song to mention Glen - and arguably the best - comes from the legendary Gil Scott Heron. It's a cursory mention in a list of performers who are symptomatic of the "white-washing" of US TV in the 70s, so hardly a tribute to Glen... but always worth a spin.
All of which brings us to these guys. Back in 1980, Melody Maker called Any Trouble "the most exciting new rock 'n' roll group since the Pretenders". They signed to Stiff, then EMI... but never broke the big time. They reformed in 2007 and released two new albums. This track comes from their 2015 album Present Tense. I wonder if it was in response to Glen releasing a song coincidentally named after their band on his final album in 2011...?
This week's Snapshots brought together ten male Hollywood stars... I'm saving the female actors (or actresses, as we used to call them in the old days) for another time. But not next week. It'll be when you least expect it.
