At 10.30 on Monday evening, I got a call from the local vet's. I couldn't work out why they'd be ringing at that time and I was convinced they'd got the wrong number. Sadly, not the case. They were calling to tell me that Cosmo had been run over. Some kind soul had at least taken him to the vets so they could trace him through his tracking chip... otherwise, he'd have just disappeared and we'd never have known he was dead.
Cosmo was a very independent animal. He treated our house like a hotel where he'd come and snooze, top up on biscuits, and then head back out on his adventures. He would announce his arrival with a short "Breep" and trip you up until you filled his dish. If it was raining, he'd barge in while you were watching TV and demand you towel him down. He wasn't an affectionate cat, didn't like being picked up, would occasionally bite you if you tried to stroke him... yet he had a surprising bond with Sam. He would bash down Sam's bedroom door early in the morning and cuddle up with Sam on the bed.
He could lie down like no other cat I've ever known. As though he was stretching himself out as far as he could go. Like one of those rugs with a lion's head at one end.
He would even hang off the banister like this... and make it seem comfortable. There's a poem by Eleanor Farjeon called Cats Sleep Anywhere. If I didn't know better, I'd think she'd written it about Cosmo.
Cosmo considered the cat flap the best invention ever. Before we had it fitted, he would need to constantly pester the humans to let him in and out. With the cat flap, he truly was a free spirit.
This is the last photo I took of Cosmo, on Sunday. There was a competition in Sam's magazine to send a photo of your pet with a copy... I never got round to emailing it. Probably for the best.
I didn't want to call him Cosmo, but I was out-voted. He wasn't named after Cosmo Jarvis, although Sam does like a few of that Cosmo's songs. Especially the rather bawdy one below...
Cosmo was only two years old when he died, but he leaves a big hole in our lives.
Rather than me introducing Sam to songs from my record collection, he's introduced me to one from... well, not his own record collection, but one garnered from his circle of friends, at least.
Old Town Road by Lil Nas X really shouldn't work. Country and rap don't mix, surely? And getting Billy Ray Cyrus in to sing the verses...? I love country music, but Billy Ray? The Achy Breaky Heart guy? Father of Miley? Nooooooooo!
And yet, I like Old Town Road a lot. It's just a fun pop song.
(Or is it?)
Now, being that I am of an age where I really shouldn't be able to trust my own opinions on contemporary pop music, I figured I better ask another young person. Unfortunately, the youngest person I know to talk to, whose opinion I (occasionally) trust is Ben.
Apologies if this becomes another one of those conversations...
Little Nas. Billy Ray Cyrus. Old Town Road. Discuss.
Personally? It's OK. Technically? It does a lot for moving contemporary rap forward, showing that those SoundCloud and sadcore rappers can get a mainstream audience with a song with pop sensibilities but not "sell out" or lose artistic credibility.
Similarly, it's a move that shows where hip hop is currently as a social movement by accepting Lil Nas and his sexuality as a prominent member of the community, and not just as a critical darling but a minor person in the community (i.e. Frank Ocean).
That's OK then. I will let Sam keep listening to it.
I like country music, and a country/rap crossover sounds horrible on paper, but this makes it work... and even redeems Billy Ray in the process.
Yeah, the kid is probably one of the best role models the genre has had since Lupe Fiasco.
That's a great name. Like Clem Fandango.
Well, thank whatever god you want that Sam found Lil Nas X for country rap as opposed to Kid Rock.
Kid Rock rules!
The white supremacy? Or the pretending to not have grown up on a massive estate that his mummy and daddy owned?
I spent an hour last night trying to find a radio edit of an Eminem song (other than Lose Yourself) that I could play to Sam. But even the radio edits are too offensive for a 7 year old.
I don't think Eminem works that way, unfortunately. I had one of his CDs that was the edited version. It sounded like he was scatting.
Mos Def might be a better rapper to introduce Sam to. Or Ab Soul. Show him The Book of Soul. You may want to check it for language first but it is definitely good rap. Then you can lead into Kendrick who is one of the GOATS as they have a group together called Black Hippy...
I'm sure all those rappers are very good, but I'm trying to introduce him to music from my life, not find new stuff. He's done a good enough job of finding Lil Nas's Brokeback Mountain song.
But you can make memories listening to a genre of music neither of you are knowledgeable about together.
I'm sure that'll come later.
I just realised that Sam has been into that gay pirates song by Cosmo Jarvis for years.
Not sure he's ready for Man On Man yet. Then again, he's not ready for Arab Strap either... or half of Prince's catalogue.
Arab strap needs a 30+ warning.
Arab Strap have a new album out. I wonder how many c-words are in it...
We welcomed the newest edition to our household last Thursday - Cosmo The Kitten.
You may remember how we lost our old boy Murphy back at the beginning of May. Too soon to replace him? I am but a leaf in a hurricane.
I still miss Murphy, but Cosmo is a welcome addition to the family. He's one of the friendliest kittens I've ever known, completely fearless and already a great friend for Sam to play with.
The only one who doesn't seem happy to have him around is our other cat, 2 year old Millie, who has taken to fleeing the room whenever Cosmo appears and hiding on top of the kitchen cupboards shaking in terror at the prospect that this tiny ball of fluff will come anywhere near her. (We're hoping for a thaw in their relationship sometime soon.)
In case you're wondering, I had nothing to do with giving Cosmo his name. I wanted to call him Ron, after Ron Swanson. However, it does give me the opportunity to play one of my favourite songs from the multi-talented Cosmo Jarvis. This other Cosmo has been a little quiet on the music scene lately, having turned his hand to acting with prominent roles in Peaky Blinders, Lady Macbeth and recent indie hit Calm With Horses. Rumours persist that he hasn't completely given up on music though. I do hope we hear more from him soon...
These days, there are roadworks everywhere. It sometimes feels like some evil despot has traced a map of my journey to work and strategically placed mobile traffic lights at key places along every possible route. And why do they have to dig a hole and then leave it for a week, doing nothing in the meantime, before filling it in again? Why, oh why, oh why... Grumpy Old Man is moaning again.
Anyway, when I sat down to do a Top Ten songs about roadworks, I expected it to be a bit easier than it turned out to be. I may have missed some obvious ones... you'll tell me if I have, I'm sure.
I do like a good ivory-tickler, and Bruce is one of the best. With added smooth jazz here too!
The owner says he thinks we need some work "Got a place for you, we got some roadwork - Laying asphalt on the interstate." Nobody cares, and why should they?
Take pity on the men who have to dig up our roads, particularly the ones who have no choice in the matter...
I work for the county out on 95 All day I hold a red flag and watch the traffic pass me by In my head I keep a picture of a pretty little miss Someday, mister, I'm gonna lead a better life than this
1. Sam Cooke - Chain Gang
Speaking of the guys working on the chain gang... here's the greatest song ever devoted to digging up roads.
All day long they work so hard Till the sun is goin' down Working on the highways and byways And wearing, wearing a frown You hear them moanin' their lives away Then you hear somebody sa-ay
That's the sound of the men working on the chain gang
Let's start with the obvious one. If you can't blame it on the sunshine or the moonlight... maybe you should blame it on Jarvis Cocker for waggling his bottom in Earth Song. If he hadn't done that, perhaps Michael The Messiah might have saved us all...
Come on, Kurt... surely the blondes have more to be blamed for?
Research and radios Divide my world at best Peanut butter relationships No kids no food no pets Adequate understanding Ample cigarettes Blame it on the brunette
Kind of like blaming Postman Pat. Which, come to mention it, is not a bad idea since it does generally appear to be his fault. He's lucky that he lives in a village full of idiots who never fail to say, "don't worry, Pat won't let us down," no matter how many times he does just that.
I know, I know. It ain't cool, but I still love it.
I mean, come on...
It feels so good that it ought to be illegal I got my vaccination from a pornograph needle I'll never grow up and I'll never grow old Blame it on the love of rock & roll!
Love Cosmo Jarvis. Very disappointed that he appears to have packed in the music biz in favour of acting. I'm sure he's very good in Lady Macbeth, but I'd rather hear a new record from him. I do blame him for that.
Written just after Altamont, when the whole of America seemed intent on blaming it on The Stones...
Mister Marvin Middle Class is really in a stew Wond'rin' what the younger generation's coming to And the taste of his martini doesn't please his bitter tongue Blame it on the Rolling Stones.
Mother tells the ladies at the bridge club every day Of the rising price of tranquilizers she must pay And she wonders why the children never seem to stay at home Blame it on the Rolling Stones.
Once upon a time, I had a little money Government burglars took it long Before I could mail it to you, Still, you are the only one Now I can't let it slip away So if the man with the ticker tape, he tries to take it Well, this is what I'm gonna say...
1. Carter USM - I Blame The Government
I blame the government For making me this way Bitter and twisted and crap Bored psychopathic At the end of the day I blame the government for that Poor education, death on the roads The writing thats not on the wall The war in The Balkans The war in The Falklands Its not like The Waltons at all
Well, quite.
If I had the wings of a sparrow If I had the arse of a crow I'd fly over Whitehall tomorrow And... ...on the bastards below
Yes I am a pirate, two hundred years too late The cannons don't thunder, there's nothin' to plunder I'm an over-forty victim of fate Arriving too late, arriving too late...
Because every Pogues song sounds like it's sung by a lairy, drunken sea captain, I figured I'd have no problem including them in this list. Especially as one of their greatest albums is called Rum, Sodomy & The Lash. I was rather surprised then by how long it took me to track down an appropriate tune... but this one saved the day. Read the full story behind it - and its rather bizarre genesis - here.
In later years, Tom Waits would come to resemble a real life pirate in both vocals and appearance (in fact, only Keith Richards and Shane MacGowan could beat him in a Captain Pugwash Lookalike Contest). Back in 1974, when this was released though... they'd have made him walk the plank as an imposter. Still gorgeous, despite that...
And the fog's liftin' And the sand's shiftin' I'm driftin' on out Ol' Captain Ahab He ain't got nothin' on me So come and swallow me, follow me I'm trav'lin' alone Blue water's my daughter 'n I'm gonna skip like a stone
Ah-harrgh, you scurvy landlubbers... part of me would prefer it if Kurt Wagner made up this day... yet it turns out it's an actual phenomenon (September 19th, if you're interested). Which may even be better.
Without your eye patch and your parrot I've been informed it's National Talk Like A Pirate Day Perhaps this singing is a refuge From other equally uncomfortable thoughts
Warren would have had no problem talking like a pirate... he even begins this song:
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum Hoist the mainsail - here I come...
Like much of this amazing songwriter's work, however, he manages to make his playful lyrics heartfelt and affecting. The more I listen to Warren Zevon, the more I want to hear.
1. Cosmo Jarvis - Gay Pirates
A song so good Stephen Fry tweeted it, Cosmo's Gay Pirates tells of the doomed love affair between two pirates who are victimised because of their sexuality. Both hilarious and heartbreaking, it's a real triumph.
And I'm sick of being beaten And whipped and lashed to death, I want one night with no gang-rape But I won't hold my breath.
But it's you my love You're my land ahoy Yeah, you're my boy
Those were my favourite pirate songs... but which one blows you down?
No, this isn't a chart full of Serge Gainsbourg and Plastic Bertrand (don't tempt me). Instead, it's ten songs about French things. And no, Lost In France doesn't count. And neither does Parisienne Walkways. Look, it's got to have French in the title, OK? Do try and stick to the rules.
Special mentions to The French Impressionists, The French Horn Rebellion and Everybody Was In the French Resistance...Now! I swear I'm not making them up.
The obvious one. Debbie Harry's biggest solo hit, yet hardly her finest moment. Apparently, this was written by the creator of the sitcom Two & A Half Men. Which would explain a lot, if it's true.
The sultry Sarah Nixey has an icy sangfroid which is definitely verging on the Gallic. Here she tells us how a little la la la saved her life...
I was at my wit's end Things were looking black It was getting pretty obvious I was never coming back I threw open window And I stood out on the ledge When the sweetest sound I've ever heard Pushed me back from the edge
Written by John Moore and Luke Haines, from whom we'll hear more shortly...
Another artist I've been listening to a lot in my dotage. Back when I had money, I bought a cheap box set of his early albums which has sat on the shelf gathering dust until poverty and desperation led me to dig it out. Wow. Thank you, poverty and desperation.
I'd always considered myself a Greatest Hits fan of Zevon but had never listened to any of his full albums. What a songwriter! Witty, acerbic, world-weary lyrics tied to some marvellous melodies... with a host of famous names helping him out in the studio. The French Inhaler is from his self-titled 1976 album and it features Glenn Frey and Don Henley on backing vocals. Elsewhere on the record are Phil Everly, Jackson Browne, Bonnie Raitt, Carl Wilson and half of Fleetwood Mac. And yet, this was never a hit. It's a great shame Zevon will go down in history as just the "Werewolves Of London" guy (great song though that is) because there was so much more to enjoy.
The French Inhaler is a bitter, post-break-up kiss-off to an ex. Yet despite the lyrical rancour, there's a real tenderness to the way Zevon sings it... even the lines below.
Loneliness and frustration We both came down with an acute case And when the lights came up at two I caught a glimpse of you And your face looked like something Death brought with him in his suitcase...
See also French Inhale by Snoop Dogg, which goes into rather too much detail about the whole filthy process for my liking. Still, it's Snoop.
Don't put this note by your face on the pillow
Don't put this letter in the pocket near your heart
Keep it in the bottom drawer where you hide the sex tools
I pray you always need them
I know what you have done
Only Guy Garvey could sing a line like "grow a fucking heart, love" and make it sound both caring and scary.
I had the best laid plans this side of America
Started out in church and finished with Angelica
Red and blue soul with a snow-white smile
Can you dig it?
Ah, it's a dilemma faced by many young men living in the unreal world... if Cosmo had Jessica Alba's number, he'd call her up and ask her to marry him. But he's not all that choosy...
I'd like to go see Toy Story 2,
With just me and
Britney Spears,
And then she'd say "Hit me baby one more time"
And I'd say,"No way
Britney, Domestic Violence is a crime"
I like the one from Showgirls,
When she's dancing 'round those poles,
Or the really, really fit one,
Who sings in the Pussycat Dolls. I've nearly got a moustache,
Very
sad to hear The King Blues calling it a day with the release of this,
their fourth album. At least lead singer Johnny 'Itch' Fox is continuing
as a solo act.You can download his first EP free from his website.
A Texan band that has been around almost 10 years now, though I only discovered them very recently. The haunting Marathon is a song I've not been able to stop listening to since I first heard it.
After years crooning heartbreak like Roy Orbison reborn in Sheffield, Hawley went heavy. This album continues to grow on me - particularly the title track which has a foreboding menace I've not heard on record since Jim Morrison took his last bath.
Eight
years after the last album released under the MHS name, Colin MacIntyre
(who'd been recording under his own name in the meantime) dusted it off
to produce possibly the band's finest moment. A record of shimmering
beauty.
A new record from AFP is always something to celebrate. Especially as the lovely Ms. P continues to allow her fans to decide how much they want to pay to download her music. Neil must be proud.
Recommended tracks: Do It With A Rockstar, The Killing Type. Careful with those videos though: they contain generous lashings of sex, violence and unshaven armpits.
14. The Wedding Present - Valentina
Doesn't sound vastly different to the records David Gedge was making 25 years ago. Nobody writes first person kitchen sink relationship drama pop songs that verge on agony aunt confessionals in quite the same way.
I’ve been using you All this time And it’s not that I don’t adore you Because I do But I’ve realized That I don’t think I Am ever gonna leave my girlfriend For you
12. Sweet, Sweet Lies - The Hare, The Hound & The Tortoise
Sounding like a butcher Divine Comedy (that is, a Divine Comedy that's more butch... not one that carves meat for a living) or Mumford & Sons with all the twee bits filed off by Shane MacGowan, Sweet, Sweet Lies were one of my most joyous accidental discoveries this year. I'm still waiting for the rest of the world to catch up.
She'll sing in key and play guitar Like Johnny Cash and Johnny Marr And she'll know the capital of Iceland...
Look, if you've not embraced the utter wonderfulosity of Cosmo Jarvis yet, I can only feel bad for you. So at least pretend you're a fan and keep me happy.
If I didn't like this song anyway (come on - it's Cosmo!), I'd be won over by the video which begins with a long debate between Cosmo and his mate about Star Wars, Star Trek and The Hulk.
No longer running at midnight, Kevin Rowland returned earlier this year with his long-awaited comeback album... only 27 years after the last one. And damn it if it wasn't a stone cold classic.
1. Billy Joel - She's Got A Way
Back in the early 70s, fame seemed a distant dream for the young, ex-boxer Billy Joel. When he finally managed to land a record deal, the producer mastered the recordings at the wrong speed. John Peel would have been proud. Years later, that ill-fated debut album, Cold Spring Harbour, was re-released at the correct speed... and revealed some truly gorgeous songs. This is one of the best.
As I've said before, and I'll say again: if you don't like Billy Joel... you don't like music.
They're all the thing's she got. But which one gets you going?
Some of these artists believe in him, some of them don't. But as it's his birthday soon, and he's been the inspiration for a bunch of cracking tunes (I could easily have gone another ten), here we go(d)...
Special mention, of course, to The Jesus & Mary Chain and Jesus Jones.
If you can get past the idea of Phil Collins singing, "Jesus he knows me and he knows I'm right," because HE'S NOT SERIOUS, HE'S JUST MOCKING TELEVANGELISTS, HE DOESN'T REALLY THINK THAT WAY, then this isn't that bad a song. I was 19, anyway, you can't blame me for buying this album.
The Morrissey comparisons have always chased Gene, and with this one Martin seems to be trying to outdo his mentor. After all, Moz only forgave Jesus... he never claimed to be him. In both cases though, pain was involved...
