Another conversation starter culled from Richard Herring's book Emergency Questions... and some songs I loosely linked to it.
18. Which celebrity would you like to stroke your hair as you die?
I think my go-to answer for this would usually be Kate Winslet. She has long been my celebrity crush, and the older she gets, the more I respect her attitudes to celebrity and being herself on screen.
To be honest though, I'm not sure I'd want Kate - or any other celebrity, for that matter - running her fingers through my hair. Especially if I was on my death bed. I mean, it's a bit late now, isn't it, love?
Maybe it'd be better to choose a celebrity who can calm me down in my final moments, rather than getting my heart rate up or leaving me feeling frustrated over lost opportunities.
So I did a quick google search on "Who is the most caring celebrity?" and the answers the AI generated included...
And do you know what? Of those guys, I think I'd choose Keanu. I feel like he'd be the one most likely to make me feel zen about my last moments on earth.
The biggest problem I have with this question is that I don't really like anybody touching my hair. Not because I'm precious about how it looks (I couldn't give a monkeys)... it's just: PERSONAL SPACE, DUDE! Still, I'm sure Keanu would respect that...
Even with 20 tunes in this week's Snapshots, I couldn't cover all the different sporting events in the Olympic Games... so here are a few silver medals...
Towards the end of Half Term, we had a few days away in Pickering. It's becoming a preferred holiday destination: not too crowded, close enough to the coast if we want to see the sea, but with lots of nice countrysidey things to do, particularly the wonderful Dalby Forest, just around the corner.
Sam and I also enjoy the Pickering Museum, one of those places that offers a time capsule trip into the past, to a world that looked like this...
A far more civilised, genteel and altogether less horrible time like this...
And for those of you who occasionally like to frequent a local hostelry or two, a world where you didn't need a second mortgage before setting foot over the threshold...
Personally, I haven't been in a public house for quite some time, though we did stop off at one for a family meal recently, and after buying a glass of wine and two soft drinks, I was horrified at how little change I got from twenty quid. I don't know how you regulars cope - I'd just be thinking how many CDs I could buy instead...
Possibly the most exciting thing about Pickering Museum though was the sign which read "Free Coffee". Wow - two of my favourite words combined... it doesn't get any better than this, surely?
(I remember back in 1994, when Nelson Mandela spoke to the US Congress, quoting the end of Martin Luther King's most famous speech: "Free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty we are free at last!" The radio was on in the background, but when I heard those words, I turned it up to see if I could catch which shop he was talking about.)
The Free Coffee sign was next to the exit, but that was OK. The promise kept me buzzing all the way around the museum. It would be the perfect climax to our visit!
"But you just had a coffee before we came in here," Sam said.
Ah, the young. "Imagine if the sign said 'Free Football Cards'," I told him, "and I said to you, 'but you just bought some football card before we came in here..."
"That's different," he said. And he was right. Football cards offer a transitory pleasure, at best. While coffee is the gift that keeps on giving.
As is so often the case though, the reality rarely lives up to the dream. (Just ask Martin Luther King.) The free coffee was dispensed by a 40 year old Klix machine (a true museum-piece), a mixture of hot water and undissolved granules that tasted like... well, I'm not sure the words have been invented. I poured it away after the first mouthful. There's no such thing as a free coffee.
23 words describing each of my Top Ten albums of 2023. Because I use far too many words the rest of the year...
10. Whitehorse - I'm Not Crying, You're Crying
Husband and wife Luke Doucet and Melissa McClelland join forces for their 8th album, venturing further into Canadian Americana territory than ever before.
I went down division five local RCMP to file a missing persons report.
Well, they looked me up and down then their eyes went to the ground
They burst out laughing and they showed me the door
Said, "We ain't never seen nobody so lost before."
Poet Laureate Simon Armitage's latest band might come with the subtitle "For English Teachers Only"... but they deserve wider recognition. Poetry in emotion.
A slow-burner, with only one track representing his piano-stomping past; otherwise this is a reflective post-fame record to be relished by middle-aged musos.
Just another great Jason Isbell record. The quality never dips. If Laura is the First Lady of Americana, this guy is the President...
Are you looking for something easy?
Do you need to feel alive?
Do you crave a love that tears through your life like a Category Five?
My momma spent every day alone
In a house of noise and names
She got so tired of putting out fires
She just laid down in the flames
We're running out of options
I've told you all my jokes
If you insist on being lonely
Can you leave a couple smokes?
2. BC Camplight - The Last Rotation Of The Earth
Supposedly his final record (let’s hope not!), this sees Brian waiting for the Tesco man and dreading the future. Brutally honest and life-affirming.
"Oh, what a bеautiful morning"
I say to the Tesco guy
"I've seen my fair sharе
But there's something about this one"
He goes, "Are you okay?"
I look him in the eye
We both smile
1. Jenny Lewis - Joy'all
Wry melancholia, world-weary romance, exuberant self-sufficiency... it’s another flawless set from the former Rilo Kiley chanteuse - like the Carpenters but more kick-ass!
My forties are kicking my ass
And handing 'em to me in a margarita glass
I was infatuated with an older man
And then I dated a psychopath
So I'm 44 in 2020 and thank God I saved up some money
U2. Oasis. Sting. If only Preparation H was fully effective at dealing with every pain in the arse we encounter in this world...
You might not expect there to be a whole lot of songs extolling the virtues of this world-famous hemorrhoid treatment... but one immediately sprung to mind, so I figured I'd see if I might discover any more. Let's start in the fictional country of Bukravia with a French band who owe a slight debt to Borat...
Neither of which would have been enough for me to devote a whole post to bottom remedies... were it not for the wonderful Ben Folds and this, his debut solo single (after he ditched the Five who were actually three). It's a song about musicians with huge egos (but not much talent) and their whiny songs about First World Problems. There's a healthy dose of irony here as Ben often writes songs about just those things... but he doesn't take himself too seriously, so that's OK.
Let me tell y'all what it's like, Being male, middle-class and white. It's a bitch, if you don't believe, listen up to my new CD. I got shit running thought my brain, It's so intense that I can't explain. All alone in my white-boy pain, Shake your booty while the band complains.
I'm pissed off, but I'm too polite,
When people break in the McDonald's line.
Mom and Dad you made me so uptight,
I'm gonna cuss on the mic tonight.
I don't know how much I can take,
Girl, give me something I can break.
In a haze these days, I pull up to the stop light,
I can feel that something's not right.
I can feel that someone's blasting me with hate,
And bass, sending dirty vibes my way.
Cause my Great, Great, Great, Great, Grandad,
Made someone's Great, Great, Great, Great Grandaddies slaves.
It wasn't my idea, it wasn't my idea, never was my idea.
I just drove to the store for some Preparation-H...
We live in a democratic household. Therefore when one person
says he doesn’t want a dog but the other two members of society vote against
him, he better be prepared to get in line. To be fair, Millie the cat was on my
side, but apparently her vote doesn’t count. Or perhaps it’s my vote that
doesn’t count? Millie doesn’t seem overly concerned with democracy, as long as it
doesn’t affect her right to hide under the bed and never come out again, an
option I have considered, but ruled out because there’s too much dust under
there.
So now we have a dog: a cockapoo called Bertie. And he’s an
adorable little fellow who I’m sure I’ll come to love, if I don’t already… but
I still don’t want a dog. I don’t want the weight of any more responsibility.
Being responsible for a child and a mortgage and a job is already more than I
can bear. Because with great responsibility comes great stress, and zero power.
I don’t know if any of this makes any sense, but I write it down to get it out
of my system. As always.
I need to get my act together for Bertie though, and for the
rest of society. He’s already had a rough ride having been taken in by one
family and then returned to the breeder after a couple of weeks because their
jobs changed and they couldn’t handle a puppy anymore. My heart goes out to
him, and to all puppies going off to new families, rolling the dice on whether
they’ll get a good one or not. We’ve got to do our best by him, and if that
means dragging myself out of my latest slough of despond (or at least keeping
my surface hid, just like Pagliacci did), so be it.
I did look for a picture of Sarah Jessica Parker holding a camera. That would have been timely with the whole Sex & The City revival going on right now, Unfortunately I couldn't one. Also, SJP annoys the hell out of me. Unlike the divine Sarah Paulson, an actress who elevates any film or show she appears in.
So it's Ms. Paulson who introduces our Top Ten Sarah Songs. Take it away...
10. Oft welcomed, a comet flowed.
"Oft welcomed, a" and "a comet flowed" are both anagram...
