Celebrity Jukebox #67: Brigitte Bardot (Part 3)

OK, I realise this is a cheap way of filling blog posts on my first week back at work, but don't blame me - blame all these songwriters who were obsessed with the late Ms. B.

Last lot today, I promise. Though I did leave a load out... and probably missed a bunch too.

We'll start with a suggestion from The Swede, which I'm kicking myself I didn't remember...

Will Serge's own 'Initials BB' will be making an appearance?

And the reason I'm kicking myself? I'm a big fan of the Mick Harvey version...

On with the show... and I suppose we have to get this one out of the way...

The Bollock Brothers - Brigitte Bardot

Now let's move up to something with a bit more class.

I'm in love with Sophia Loren
I'm in love with Bridget Bardot
I'm in love with the whole dumb scene

The Psychedelic Furs - We Love You

Zig-zag, walk like Marilyn Monroe
Zig-zag, talk like Brigitte Bardot
No stone gonna be unturned
When you're out there, walkin' and a talkin'
Baby, doin' the Zig-Zag Walk

Foghat - Zig Zag Walk

You know what, you're a supersonic flight
A song by Lennon and McCartney
A Mohammed Ali fight
You're like Brigitte Bardot
No way Danny La Rue...
But most important of all
You are you

Gilbert O`Sullivan - You Are You

Marilyn, Sophia, Danny La Rue... who else might Brigitte get compared to?

She smiles like Richard Nixon
Walks like Brigitte Bardot
And I love her, but I can't trust her

The Bad Examples - She Smiles Like Richard Nixon

That's the problem with being an icon. You can choose your lyrical bedfellows. Still, given what C said about Brigitte's latter-day politics, maybe she'd appreciate spending time with Tricky Dicky?

Well you may not look like Brigitte Bardot
But you got rhythm in your big black toe

Colin Blunstone - Pay Me Later

That's got to be the weirdest lyric yet. Can Noddy beat that?

I get weird imaginin's about all different kinds of things, but I always try
To get fantasising thoughts, maybe Bardot in her shorts, like a natural guy
So I took a trip to Tutankhamen's tomb
He was alone and said he hoped I'd come back soon

Slade - I'm Mad

Of course he can.

Bobby boy's full of bravado
His girlfriend looks like Bridgette Bardot

You know, I wouldn't normally lower myself to the Menswear level, but credit where it's due - that's one of the better rhymes I've seen since starting this list.

Menswear - Stardust

Can anyone find a better rhyme for Bardot?

I should be raising the bar high, avoiding the bar low
I'll write a million songs for you as if I was Barlow
'Cause you're my Bridget Bardot, my precious cargo
I'm tryna speak my mind but I don't get very far though

Example - Millionaires

Alright, show-off. After that, let's go for a really basic one...

The first time that you saw Bardot
Inside you really glow
But I feel better than that
(I feel better than that)

Miles Kane - Better Than That

Lots of blokes squeezing her into their songs? What about a lady for a change?

Every time I see you, I see Paris in your eyes
A hint of the forbidden, Brigitte Bardot style
Every time I dream of you, I dream that distant land
Where I once held tomorrow in my hand

Janis Ian - Paris In Your Eyes

And another female perspective... from a male songwriter.

'Cause when I was a little girl, you'd dress me like Bardot
And the hallway'd become a catwalk, and you'd watch me go to the show
Said, "All the little girls were pretty, but I was pretty like fresh flowers"
I was a superhero, mama, with superpowers

Kevin Morby - US Mail

And to close - this really is the end of our Bardot tribute, I promise! - here's the theme to Eurotrash, by Francis Lai... and a certain Ms. Bardot.

Snapshots #409: Songs About Coats

Here are some songs about coats. I'm saving the gag till the end.

15. Naughty Ned's great-great-grandson?

Ned Kelly was a pretty naughty Australian. This guy hails from the same country, but I don't think they're related...

Paul Kelly - Winter Coat

14. _ _ _ ics from a Laureate.

The Laureate is Mr. Simon Armitage. He also writes the lyrics.

LYR - Great Coat

13. Merrythought & burnt offerings.

Merrythought is what they used to call a wishbone, in days gone by.

Wishbone Ash - Duffle Shuffle

(Only half a point for Coat of Arms.)

12. Rotate Hagar.

I was thinking of Sammy Hagar. And if you rotate him, you would be a...

Sammy Turner - Raincoat In The River

11. Found within Rebel Tony and DJ, oh no!

Rebel Tony and DJ, oh no!

Elton John - Leather Jackets

10. Chesney sighted in California.

I saw that bloody Chesney Hawkes in Los Angeles! 

I See Hawks In La - My Parka Saved Me

9. Tribal leaders in Western Ireland.

The Chieftains & James Galway - The Munster Cloak

Don't be telling me a cloak isn't a coat. Tell James Galway!

8. Where Martin Rossiter does his experiments.

Martin Rossiter is the lead singer of Gene.

Genelab - Anorak Lou

I'd forgotten that little gem from 1999, but it's great.

7. Morse identifies a suspect from the block. Elementary x2.

When Morse identifies a suspect, he's liable to shout, "Lewis!" Jenny came from the block. Holmes, on the other hand, needed Watson... times two. 

Did you crack that one, Sherlocks?

Jenny Lewis & The Watson Twins - Rabbit Fur Coat 

6. Did you know that Elvis, Jonathan and Nat were all closely related?

They were...

The King Brothers - A White Sport Coat (And A Pink Carnation)

5. Cousin... luck than good management.

My Perfect Cousin was Kevin... More by luck than good management.

Kevin Morby - A Coat Of Butterflies

4. Two retards is not an acceptable term. 

"Two retards" is an unfortunate anagram.

Rod Stewart - An Old Raincoat Won't Ever Let You Down

3. Closely guard Van on the pitch.

When they're taking a corner, make sure you mark Morrison!

Mark Morrison - Return Of The Mack

2. It's hard to perform when you each have three feet.

Yard Act - Trenchcoat Museum

1. Lopez advises caution. 

Jennifer warns!

Because the Leonard Cohen version would have been too obvious.

Jennifer Warnes - Famous Blue Raincoat

More Snapshots next Saturday? I'll get me coat.

The List #3: Records I Can't Buy

A few more songs from the never-ending list of tunes I'm trying to keep up with... and this time, it's all tunes I can't buy on CD.

Often, I find myself listening to an album on the interweb or via some other magical means, and I like it so much that I want a copy on the shelf. Lately however, I've come across a number of records that are just not available on CD. In some cases, it's a vinyl (or cassette!?) only release... in other cases, the record is only available digitally, like this one from Howell Dawdy...

I've featured tracks from Howell's 2021 album Smells Like Love here before. It's only 8 songs long, but every one's a winner and I'd gladly shell out some coppers for a physical copy. Sadly, Howell appears to be an internet-only guy...

Howell Dawdy - Men In Love Don't Judge

In a similar vein, we find Norwegian Americana star Harald Thune, whose 2020 album The Backbounceability of Humans was a particular favourite during Lockdown. 

Harald's website is a little sparse, with spaces for biog and tour details, but not even a tab for shopping, and his music appears only to be available via streaming. Which is a shame, because there's a Harald-shaped hole on my CD shelf...

Harald Thune - Early Morning Rain

Kevin Morby is considerably more well known than either Harald or Howell, yet his last record was only released on vinyl. 

This is a tragedy as it's a companion piece to his previous album, 2020's This Is A Photograph, a CD that has pride of place in my collection. I'd love to own a piece of plastic and paper containing the follow-up, but it looks unlikely to happen...

Kevin Morby - Triumph

Finally today, it's these guys again.

So desperate am I to own a CD copy of the debut album by Wolves of Glendale that I went on their website (where it's vinyl only, I'm afraid) and emailed them through the "Contact Us" link asking if a CD was forthcoming. No reply. 

Maybe CDs really are a dead format.

Oh well, here's a cautionary tale about the hidden dangers of gym membership...

Neverending Top Ten #6.6: Home Movies

This a photograph of me, aged... I dunno, 2? I have posted it here before, but's one of only a handful of photographs that document my early childhood. I have more from when I was slightly older, by which time I had a camera of my own... but baby and toddler photos are scarce.

This is a photograph
A window to the past
Of your father on the front lawn
With no shirt on
Ready to take the world on
Beneath the West Texas sun
The year that you were born
The year that you are now
His wife behind the camera
His daughter and his baby boy
Got a glimmer in his eye
Seems to say, this is what I'll miss after I die
And this is what I'll miss about being alive
My body
My girls
My boy
The sun

By contrast, Louise and I have thousands of photographs documenting Sam's childhood, stored on phones, computers, even printed out and stuck in albums, or designed into calendars. He will have the option, when he's older, or looking back through an entire visual history of his youth. He might not appreciate it at first... but when he reaches middle age, this will be a treasure trove.

Old photographs and places I remember

Just like a dying ember

That's burned into my soul

Even though we walk the diamond-studded highways

It's the country lanes and byways

That makes us long for home

Jim Capaldi - Old Photographs

We found an old video of him in his high chair eating mushed up baby food last week. I welled up watching it. Here was my little baby again. It was amazing how it all came flooding back. Like the fact that he used to call Louise's dad "Surname" Granddad, or the way he referred to one of the cats we had back then. When he was little, we had three cats: Molly, Murphy and Wispa. In the video, he talked about them all: "Molly, Murphy and... Der Der". Sam always used to call her that and we never knew why. Wispa is hardly a difficult word to pronounce. But Der Der it was. And to be honest, she was a bit of a Der Der.

If you go reaching for your past, 

Make sure your grip is iron clad

Open up your mouth don't laugh, 

At all the pretty people living in a photograph

Positive Songs For Negative Times #82: The Kindness Of Strangers

This blog can tend to get a little negative when it comes to depicting 21st century society, so I think it's only right that I give a shout out to two individuals who bucked the trend recently.

The first was the bus driver who took Sam & I into Edinburgh from the Park & Ride. When we boarded, I asked him which was the best stop for the Dungeon as we'd booked a specific time slot and I knew it was going to be tight. He gave it a thought and suggested a particular stop, so we headed upstairs to get the best view. As we arrived in the city centre, we started watching the video screen that lets you know the next couple of stops, but the one we were looking out for didn't seem to be coming up. Suddenly, the bus stopped and the driver came upstairs. "I've been thinking about it," he said, "and you'd be better getting off here." He then proceeded to give us detailed directions on foot for the rest of our journey. I don't travel on the bus very often, but this seemed above and beyond normal bus driver behaviour.

The second incident occurred the following day after our trip to Hadrian's Wall. As funds were running low and we were still feeling full from the All You Can Eat breakfast, Sam and I stopped for a baked potato tea in the Asda cafe in Carlisle. Afterwards, we went to grab a couple of bits for the journey home the following day. As we returned to the self service checkout, I realised I'd lost my wallet. You can imagine how I felt in that moment - over a hundred miles from home, with no money, no bank cards (which would need cancelling), no driver's license, no hotel room key-card... I couldn't even think what else, but this was a potential holiday-wrecker. In a panic, but trying to stay calm so as not to scare Sam, I thought about the last place I knew I'd had the wallet... and realised I'd paid for tea in the cafe. A quick dash back to our table... but no wallet. At that moment, a customer on a nearby table stopped me and told me his friend had found the wallet and handed it in at the Customer Service desk. "We were trying to find see if you were on Facebook," he said, "to send you a message." (He wouldn't have found me, but I appreciated the effort.)

As the doctors arrive to cart Blanche Dubois away at the end of A Streetcar Named Desire, she tells them, "I have always depended on the kindness of strangers". It's not something I'm overly familiar with myself, but I'm happy to take it whenever it's offered.

Kevin Morby produced one of my favourite albums of last year, This Is A Photograph. Recently, he released a download only sequel. He says...

“If This Is A Photograph is a house that you have been living inside of, then More Photographs is, perhaps, the same home just experienced differently. As if you, its inhabitant, have taken a tab of something psychedelic and now, suddenly, you've replaced your eyeglasses with kaleidoscopes.”

Make of that what you will, but I do like the opening track...

Celebrity Jukebox #89: Tina Turner

I don't want to live in a world without Tina Turner.

I realise that's a sweeping statement, especially considering I've only mentioned her name 18 times since this blog began, which is nothing compared to many of the artists who pop up here. But when I think about the legends we've lost in this blog's lifetime - Bowie and Prince being the biggest, but then we get onto Aretha, Tom Petty, Chuck Berry, Meat Loaf, Glen Campbell, George Michael... all the rest... well, Tina's up there with the best of them. She is a legend, and growing up in the 80s, she was always there, with her huge hair, her enormous smile, her high-kicking, sassy-strutting legs, the lips that could give Jagger a run for his money, the sheer charisma and star quality that transcended the music and made her seem untouchable, immortal.

And then there's the music. So many great songs, or (particularly in the latter part of her career) songs that would have been average if given to any other performer, but Tina made them live. Of course, average is not the word for the song below, recorded when she was just 27 in 1966, but still one of the greatest performances ever committed to vinyl.

Ike had nothing to do with that one. He just did a deal with Spector to take his usual cut of the money. The record itself was considered a flop at the time. We all know the stories. They're part of the legend. And legends shouldn't ever die. They should stay alive forever.

Tina Turner's name gets dropped in hundreds of pop songs. The majority of them are rap records which occasionally make reference to her turbulent private life, but more often channel her as a metaphor for strength, resilience and power. Here's one that doesn't quite do all that, but I dug it anyway...

Vintage Culture, Bhaskar & Meca - Tina 

Beyond rap, here are a few tunes that will help maintain her legacy, starting with a typically self-effacing (!) tribute from Little Richard himself...

Ike and Tina Turner got an earthquake sound

But I'm the man from Macon and I'm gonna put 'em down!

Little Richard - The King of Rock and Roll

Next up, the great Betty Davis, who places Tina in fine company...

Stevie Wonder

Tina Turner

Al Green, y'all

Ann Peebles

They were born with it

And they're gonna, aah, they're gonna leave here

With it because it's in their blood

Betty Davis - F.U.N.K.

An now here's Elton!

Walk a mile in my tennis shoes

Tina Turner gave me the highway blues

But I don't love nobody but you, honey

Elton John - Midnight Creeper

Speaking of Elton, here's one of his favourite bands of the 21st Century...

I'm a modern dude

I eat all that modern food

But when it comes to bump-n-grind

I'm Tina Turner, '69

Low Cut Connie - Shake It, Little Tina

Kimya Dawson certainly sees Tina as a lady who could survive anything...

He came home on acid I was holding his shotgun

I was dressed like Tina Turner in Beyond Thunderdome

He said, 'don't shoot', I said, 'I won't, I love you, you're my friend'

I handed him my wig and shot myself in the head

Then I stuffed a box of tissues in the hole in my skull

I got in my Mazda and I drove to the mall

Kimya Dawson - The Beer

Meanwhile, Lion Babe just wants to be Tina...

Lion Babe - Tina Turner

And here's someone else who stole a few pages from the Tina Turner playbook...

Come and get, get, get, it baby

For me and the whiskey’s gone

You ain’t no Tina Turner, get your Nutbush City on

Steven Tyler - The Good, The Bad, The Ugly & Me

Which is as good an excuse as any to play the second greatest Tina Turner tune...

Ike & Tina Turner - Nutbush City Limits

Next, here's Rod, doing his jazz man thing...

I've been consulted by Hilary C

And Tina Turner had me to tea

But now I'm broken hearted

Cause I can't get started with you

Rod Stewart - I Can't Get Started

Rod and Tina probably did have tea together after recording the tune below... which isn't as good as the original (because nothing could be), but it's better than you remember...

Rod Stewart & Tina Turner - It Takes Two

Speaking of duets, there's a strong argument for this being Bryan Adams's finest moment outside the Summer of '69...

Bryan Adams & Tina Turner - It's Only Love

Even punk rockers love Tina. Here's your evidence, from old school New York punks, the unfortunately monickered Queers.

Well, I saved up from mowing all those lawns

To buy Tina Turner records that she wants

Wouldn't it be neat

Wouldn't it be sweet

If she was serving me beer all day long?

The Queers - Boobarella

From punk to reggae, they all loved Tina...

Crazy - Tina Turner

Sweeping up now, but I did like this one...

David Dondero - The Real Tina Turner

While this jury's still out on this...

The Business - Tina Turner

Today's final song, I had in mind from the start. It's the best track from my 17th favourite record of last year, and it seems the most appropriate to play on the day we mourn another lost legend...

When my mother was 19

She'd dance to Tina

Tina Turner

And the hallway bеcome a catwalk

And she'd go to the show

No, thеy just don't

Make 'em like that no more

My Top 22 of 2022: #19-17

19. John Mellencamp - Strictly A One-Eyed Jack

Grumpy Old Man Alert!

Mellencamp's best record in some years, here he finds a nice balance between the folkier turn his music has taken in the 21st Century and a grizzled retread of his earlier days. I was a huge JCM fan growing up, and while I'm glad he's not trying to make the same sort of music he made back then, it was good to hear him lighten up and have a little fun again. Well, as much fun as us miserable old bastards can allow ourselves. There's also a couple of cool Springsteen collaborations and even a toe dipped into Tom Waits territory. 

John Mellencamp & Bruce Springsteen - Did You Say Such A Thing?

John Mellencamp - Driving In The Rain

18. Ezra Furman - All Of Us Flames

Back in 2018, Ezra Furman's Transangelic Exodus hit the heights of #7 in my Year End countdown. I couldn't get into the 2019 follow-up, Twelve Nudes, but this one is a definite return to form. The Springsteen influences are still there, and while there's a slight discordance to both music and vocals, as always with Ezra, these heartbreaking tales of lost souls doing their best to survive in our pre-apocalyptic times regularly turns caterpillars into butterflies.

Ezra Furman - Train Comes Through

Ezra Furman - Come Close

17. Kevin Morby - This Is A Photograph

A while back, Kevin Morby took up residence at the Peabody Hotel in Memphis. The hotel is famous for its ducks: they live on the roof, but are brought downstairs every day, accompanied by a John Phillip Sousa March, where they proceed via red carpet to swim in the lobby fountain. 

Kevin Morby's 7th album isn't about the Peabody Ducks, though it is about Memphis, the town where Elvis, Jeff Buckley and Martin Luther King all died, but much amazing music was born. This record follows in those footsteps, an intensely personal disc about family, memories and mortality. It's the first Kevin Morby record to really leave its mark on me, but it's definitely encouraged me to dig back into his catalogue.

Kevin Morby - Bittersweet, TN (feat. Erin Rae)

Kevin Morby - Disappearing

Positive Songs For Negative Times #78: Goodbye To Goodtimes

Not even the end of September, and already summer seems like another country.

Yes, I view the past through a rose-tinted lens of nostalgia.

Yes, there’s a lot to be positive about in the modern world… even though it seems easier to dwell on the negativity of death, disease, destruction and dunderhead politicians.

No, it won’t always be like this. There will be good times again. 

Although this guy ain’t so sure...

Kevin Morby is one of those names I keep hearing from the cognoscenti, a critic’s darling who, until now, I’ve not quite been so sure about.

That changed when I heard Goodbye To Goodtimes. It’s an exceptionally well-written and well-structured piece of songwriting, linking together themes, memories and touching lyrical details to create a whole that’s much more than the sum of its parts. One of those songs where I’m tempted not to quote just a little bit, because the little bits have more impact when you experience the full song. Having said that…

Seems the good times

Have finally come to pass

Make way for bad times

Soon to cross our path

When my father was a young man

He got Mickey Mantle's autograph

And with the Ms shaped like the moon

He would contemplate the stars

And wish the good times

Would never come to pass

When my mother was 19

She'd dance to Tina

Tina Turner

And the hallway bеcome a catwalk

And she'd go to the show

No, thеy just don't

Make 'em like that no more

Well rock me, baby

Oh, rock me, child

I miss the good times, Mama

They've gone out of style

And I don't remember

How it feels to dance

Goodbye to good times