In January, 1973, Dave Hill from Slade bought a new house next door to Solihull Girls High School. When he moved in, he was interviewed by ATV reporters, who appear to have staged it so that a bunch of schoolgirls greeted Dave's arrival and later stood outside chanting until he came to sign autographs. It's a wonderful piece of TV, especially considering all the awful stuff we now know went on in the 70s. Dave appears wholesome and innocent, still quite young himself, and genuinely pleased to read his fan mail.
The Gymkhana are a band made up of Jason Applin (formerly of 90s Top Ten Towers favourites Bennet), Patch Hannan from The Sundays and theaudience, and Matt Dyson... who may or may not have a past, but it's hard to decipher. The band also from time to time rope in a Who's Who of Second Division indie stalwarts to help out - including members of Art Brut, BMX Bandits, Embrace, Gong, Lotus Eaters, Mediaeval Baebes, Midlake, Miranda Sex Garden, Slowdive and Teenage Fanclub... I'm not sure which of those make an appearance on today's tune. Maybe none of them. Anyway, it's a tribute to that classic Dave Hill interview, and it reminds me a lot of the kind of thing Luke Haines used to get up to.
I love the song, but I hate the AI-made video that accompanies it, so I'm going to link to bandcamp today rather than youtube.
OK, I realise this is a cheap way of filling blog posts on my first week back at work, but don't blame me - blame all these songwriters who were obsessed with the late Ms. B.
Last lot today, I promise. Though I did leave a load out... and probably missed a bunch too.
We'll start with a suggestion from The Swede, which I'm kicking myself I didn't remember...
Will Serge's own 'Initials BB' will be making an appearance?
And the reason I'm kicking myself? I'm a big fan of the Mick Harvey version...
On with the show... and I suppose we have to get this one out of the way...
Zig-zag, walk like Marilyn Monroe Zig-zag, talk like Brigitte Bardot No stone gonna be unturned When you're out there, walkin' and a talkin' Baby, doin' the Zig-Zag Walk
You know what, you're a supersonic flight A song by Lennon and McCartney A Mohammed Ali fight You're like Brigitte Bardot No way Danny La Rue... But most important of all You are you
That's the problem with being an icon. You can choose your lyrical bedfellows. Still, given what C said about Brigitte's latter-day politics, maybe she'd appreciate spending time with Tricky Dicky?
Well you may not look like Brigitte Bardot But you got rhythm in your big black toe
That's got to be the weirdest lyric yet. Can Noddy beat that?
I get weird imaginin's about all different kinds of things, but I always try To get fantasising thoughts, maybe Bardot in her shorts, like a natural guy So I took a trip to Tutankhamen's tomb He was alone and said he hoped I'd come back soon
Bobby boy's full of bravado His girlfriend looks like Bridgette Bardot
You know, I wouldn't normally lower myself to the Menswear level, but credit where it's due - that's one of the better rhymes I've seen since starting this list.
I should be raising the bar high, avoiding the bar low I'll write a million songs for you as if I was Barlow 'Cause you're my Bridget Bardot, my precious cargo I'm tryna speak my mind but I don't get very far though
Lots of blokes squeezing her into their songs? What about a lady for a change?
Every time I see you, I see Paris in your eyes A hint of the forbidden, Brigitte Bardot style Every time I dream of you, I dream that distant land Where I once held tomorrow in my hand
And another female perspective... from a male songwriter.
'Cause when I was a little girl, you'd dress me like Bardot And the hallway'd become a catwalk, and you'd watch me go to the show Said, "All the little girls were pretty, but I was pretty like fresh flowers" I was a superhero, mama, with superpowers
I fell down a Slady rabbit hole earlier this week after
discovering the world’s leading female Slade tribute band, led by Gobby Holder
and Davina Hill, naturally. This was the one that lured me in…
But then I discovered they write their own material too…
(Other, more recent, covers were considered and rejected, for obvious reasons.)
Inspired by John Medd's recent post about Playboy (which is "burlesque", in case you're casting aspersions John's way), I figured I would reach up to the top shelf for this week's Product Placement.
I would like to start by saying that I have never in my life bought a copy of Razzle, so my knowledge of said publication comes only from school-boy sniggering. We did once find a battered copy of something that might have been Razzle, stuffed inside a tree trunk in the local woods, but it was missing its cover so I can't be 100% sure. In this era of wall-to-wall internet porn, I even find myself nostalgic for scraps of yellowed, rain-damaged nudie books; they were like Blackbeard's treasure to 80's school kids.
When I worked in radio advertising, there was a small newsagent's kiosk outside the building where staff would go to buy snacks. The guy who ran it was called Keith, and his top shelf magazines came in tasteful wrappers. One day, some of my colleagues got into one of those "Do you remember Spangles?" conversations that disrupt productivity in workplaces all across the country. The office wag began waxing lyrical about Razzles. "I used to love a good Razzle myself," making out that it was a chocolate bar from his youth. He then convinced the office junior to go ask Keith if he still sold Razzles. The office junior duly obliged, only to come back a few moments later with a confused look on their face... "Keith says you're winding me up?"
You may have laughed at that story. I laughed at the time. Would you think differently if I told you the office junior in question was a young woman? I've felt guilty about playing along with that joke over the years, wondering if I crossed the line into toxic masculinity for a moment. This was 20 years ago, and the young woman in question remained blissfully ignorant... although I guess she might have found out later. I still feel bad about it.
Well, that brought the mood down, didn't it? Let's cheer ourselves up with some songs about Razzle... not including any of the following...
No, none of those have anything to do with the infamous top shelf magazine.
This sounds like it might do...
Today it is my birthday so me and my friends Took ourselves a trip to an old drive-in Played some 80s hits on an old cassette Bought a couple Razzles and some Raisinets
But since Summer Salt are from Austin, Texas, I think it's unlikely.
Martin has remarked repeatedly about this feature that he loves it when he knows for sure what song is coming at the end just from the blog post title. Some of you may think you've got today's final tune figured, and if so, I'm guessing it's this one...
No bout adoubt it, the b-side to Sex & Drugs & Rock & Roll is a very amusing tune. But it wasn't actually the inspiration for today's post... and neither was John Medd!
No, the song that sent me down this particularly sordid rabbit hole comes instead from an artist I only discovered last year (thanks to Khayem). This is from her latest album, one I've been enjoying a lot over the past couple of months, and the lyric in question sums up her style particularly well. It's what I'd call "faded debauchery"... Jarvis would approve, I'm sure.
You're cruising the cosmos, and I'm lying in bed You're writing a novel, and I'm surfing the web But I'm biding my time, you ain't seen nothing yet I was a copy of Razzle, now I'm the Book of the Dead
There are certain celebrities who are arguably more famous for the song they appear in than for their own career. I'm not sure Bette Davis is quite there yet, but all it'll take is Rhianna or Adele doing a cover of that Kim Carnes song and it'll be Whatever Happened To Bette D? Bela Lugosi, on the other hand, is surely known by more people now because of the Halloween favourite by Bauhaus than for any of his classic horror film performances.
The internet tells me "Bauhaus bass player David J wrote this song's lyric after bingeing on vampire movies that were showing on TV in England (this was before Netflix)", which is the kind of quote that makes me want to punch all Millennials in the face. Imagine true horror - "a world before Netflix"!
White on white translucent black capes
Back on the rack
Bela Lugosi's dead
The bats have left the bell tower
The victims have been bled
Red velvet lines the black box
Bela Lugosi's dead
Undead undead undead
The virginal brides file past his tomb
Strewn with time's dead flowers
Bereft in deathly bloom
Alone in a darkened room
The Count
Bela Logosi's dead
Undead undead undead
Bela Lugosi's Dead has been covered by a list of obvious suspects, including The Damned and Nine Inch Nails, but by far the best alternative version is this...
The song is considered the first Goth rock record (and my amazing powers of precognition tell me it'll be Number One in the No Badger Required "Goth! Show Me Magic" countdown which ends this morning). As such it gets its own references in the following tunes...
You'll have to listen to that one yourself if you want the reference because, "This artist does not want the lyrics to this song be posted on the internet."
And while this one doesn't mention Bauhaus directly, I reckon they had it on repeat in the studio...
You can see all the stars as you walk down Hollywood Boulevard
Some that you recognize, some that you've hardly even heard of
People who worked and suffered and struggled for fame
Some who succeeded and some who suffered in vain
Rudolph Valentino looks very much alive
And he looks up ladies dresses as they sadly pass him by
Avoid stepping on Bela Lugosi
'Cause he's liable to turn and bite
But stand close by Bette Davis
Because hers was such a lonely life
Bela Lugosi's story is a tragic one, plagued by type casting, dwindling fame, alcoholism and drug addiction. If you've seen the movie Ed Wood, you'll remember Martin Landau's stand out performance as a latter day Lugosi. I can't help but think of that when I listen to the song above. Speaking of Ed Wood, Bela also makes a cameo appearance in this slice of glorious nonsense...
Here's Brian Wilson's mate, with some lyrics I can't quite make out (though I disagree with what the interweb thinks they are) although they do namedrop Bela alongside Bing Crosby and Mae West...
Death will be unlike the charge of the Light Brigade
Alfred Lord Tennyson rhymed
Death will be unlike the thin piece of paper
That Reagan and Gorbachev sign
Death will be unlike the night thoughts of 'Late Call'
When ministers stop being cosy
Death will be unlike 'The Pit and the Pendulum'
Co-starring Bela Lugosi
I'll be honest: there were so many songs that referenced Bela Lugosi, I started to wonder what death would be like when faced with the prospect of listening to them all. So I gave up. But not before I'd discovered this glorious artefact from Malcolm Tucker and the Twelfth Doctor Who, Peter Capaldi, back when he was just a young lad in a post-punk band...
I thought I'd saved the best of George's suggestions to last... until he came up with a whole new list, which I failed miserably at. You can't win 'em all.
Right now, it's Lana Turner, who was married seven times, which probably tells you all you need to know. Let's put it this way... The Postman Always Rang Twice for Ms. Turner.
Lana is the first of our stars to make an appearance on Madonna's own Celebrity Jukebox, although I'm sure she won't be the last...
If you're sick of hearing how much money Noddy Holder makes every Christmas...
If you're sick of hearing him shout "IT'S CHRISTMASSSSS!" across the Co-Op or Superdrug or Asda just when you thought you were safe...
Here's an antidote... or sorts. Chances are Noddy might still make a few pennies from it though.
The Hours were a band I had a lot of time for when they were around, about ten or so years back. They were made up of two blokes, Antony Genn and Martin Slattery. Genn had previously played with Pulp, Elastica ans Joe Strummer, while Slattery was in Black Grape. They made two great albums together, then seemingly called it a day.
The also recorded this rather fine cover version, which the rest of the world seems to have forgotten about as I can't find it on youtube or anywhere else...
