Snapshots #438: Euphemisms For... S-E-X... Songs

This is Chubby Checker. In 2013, he was forced to sue a leading IT company for promoting an app that used his name as a euphemism for measuring the size of one's manhood. The app was withdrawn.

Here are 15 songs that could well be euphemisms for nookie.

15. Danced for Patrick Hernandez.

Before she became famous, she was a backing singer and dancer for the French disco star.

Madonna - Hanky Panky

14. Scotland bar vandal gets his comeuppance.

"Scotland bar vandal" was an anagram.

Starland Vocal Band - Afternoon Delight

If you've never seen the video before, I urge you to give it a click. These days, we're so used to seeing pop stars singing about sex... but these guys look so wholesome, surely they were waiting till they were married?

13. Dustbin Wagon Americano.

Dustin Wagons are made by Dennis. An Americano is a coffee.

Dennis Coffey - Congress Six

12. Slow horse is such a sweetie.

Have you watched Slow Horses yet? If not, you don't know what you're missing. Gary Oldman plays Jackson Lamb... and he's luscious!

Luscious Jackson - Deep Shag

That might be a song about carpets. I'm not sure.

11. That time Elton came back and stayed.

(Elton) John and Paul Young, who sang Come Back And Stay.

John Paul Young - I Wanna Do It With You

10. Droopy-nosed flock.

Flight of the Conchords - Business Time

9. Live with Mr. Las Vegas, on the loo.

Liv' is short for Olivia. Mr. Las Vegas was Wayne Newton. A loo is a John.

Olivia Newton-John - Physical

8. We're all lost inside Grampa's Telstar obsession. 

Grampa's Telstar obsession

The Pastels - Ride

7. Needs an A to boogie.

DNCE - Cake By The Ocean

That's what the young people are calling it these days, apparently.

6. Sounds like a video game, second prize on the Golden Shot.

The video game would be Sega. Second prize on the Golden Shot might be the Silver Bullet.

Bob Seger & The Silver Bullet Band - Night Moves 

Worth watching that video for an early appearance by Joey from Friends.

Or, a little less subtle...

Bob Seger & The Silver Bullet Band - The Horizontal Bop

5. Rebel Without A Chris.

James Dean was a Rebel Without A Cause. Chris Martin, without the Chris, would be...

Dean Martin - Wham! Bam! Thank You, Ma'am!

4. Nike, round the bend.

Nike Air, but curved.

Curved Air - Screw

3. Wayne.

Rooney - Jump In My Bed

2. Found washed up on Liberty Shores.

"Liberty Shores" was an anagram.

Isley Brothers - Between The Sheets

1. Henry, Wendy, Skip.

Henry James, Wendy James, Skip James.

James - Laid

Get your minds out of the gutter next Saturday morning for something far more wholesome.

Snapshots #346: A Top Ten Exercise Songs

Here's Cindy Crawford: another celebrity who's made a packet out of her exercise videos.

And here are ten songs to exercise to...

10. That's a cheep demo, Ed... and it's badly mixed, too.

Remix "cheep demo, Ed" and you get...

Depeche Mode - Get the Balance Right

Ask someone who goes to the gym (like CC) to explain balance exercises, if you're unsure.

9. There's definitely one in Mississippi... and it sounds like there's another four.

Mississippi has quite a big delta... 

Delta 5 - Circuit

8. Whirlwind.

Curved Air - Stretch

7. Stop fannying about.

The Front Bottoms - Push Ups

6. Nothing too garish.

The Pastels - Yoga

It was either that, or this...

Elvis Presley - Yoga Is As Yoga Does

5. Layla twists cat into a different shape.

"Layla twists cat" was an anagram...

Stacy Lattisaw - Jump To The Beat

Aerobics, zumba, dancercise... all rolled into one.

4. A Dick, like Les.

Richard Dawson - Jogging

(Worth a click if you've never heard that before.)

3. Imagine if there was more than one Charity Chic!

Imagine a whole world of CCs!

CCS - Walking

Walking is very good exercise, I'll have you know.

2. There's a bin in My Way.

The Trash Can Sinatras - Weightlifting

1. Wow.

Wow was, of course, a song by the lady below. And our general reaction to her...

Kate Bush - Running Up That Hill

If you've got any energy left, try these...

Morning Runner - Burning Benches

Underworld - Push Upstairs

Cracker - I Ride My Bike

The Associates - Skipping

Slightly more sedentary Snapshots next Saturday...

Snapshots Spillover: Another Ten Million Songs

With the new format of Saturday Snapshots essentially becoming the new way for me to continue doing thematic Top Tens on this blog, I've found I often don't get to feature all the songs I'd like. Partly to avoid too much repetition of artists, eras or genres in the quiz. That's why I label it "A Top Ten..." ratherthan "The Top Ten..."

Then it occurred to me: why not start a new Monday feature where I squeeze in some of the songs I didn't have room for? Not every week. Just when I have an overspill. 

So here we go with a few more Million songs...

10. Human Radio - My First Million

When I make my first million

Think I'll buy myself some happiness

If there's a sale on satisfaction

I might just have to stock up

Maybe I'll buy myself some muscles

And a California lifestyle

An irresponsible Ferrari

An ex-cheerleader to knock up

Sadly, it never happened for them.

9. The Ovations - One In A Million

Well-produced Memphis soul. 

8. Orange Juice - A Million Pleading Faces

Impossible not to tap your feet to.

Trumpets, too!

7. Queen - The Millionaire Waltz

Freddie played a great piano.

6.   The Pastels - A Million Tears

Kurt Cobain's favourite 80s Glaswegian indie band.

5. Toto - A Million Miles Away

From one of Toto's least successful albums. Meaning it only sold a million copies rather than 5 million, probably. Starts slow but then, woah, mama! 

4. Lowell George - Twenty Million Things To Do

Solo album from the Little Feat man, manages to get the words "mysterious wisteria" into the lyrics. Points for that.

3. Ooberman - A Million Suns

I will never understand why this band weren't massive.

2. Kirsty MacColl - I'm Going Out With An 80 Year Old Millionaire

He won’t last much longer if he keeps drinking gin

I filled up the bottle that’s marked medicine

He says that he’ll leave all his empire to me

And sitting on top is the best place to be

So don’t get impatient now boys you must wait

We’ll all have such fun when I own the estate

Britt’s got her toy boys but I don’t care

‘Cos I’m going out with an 80 year old millionaire

1. The Wedding Present - A Million Miles

New version, from the just-released Locked Down & Stripped Back album, which is getting a lot of spins in this house right now.

Actually, I found quite a few more. Maybe not a million, but I could have gone another ten.

Any you would have featured?

My Top Ten < 40 Second Songs

Time has gotten away from me again this week, so here's another ten short songs as a follow up to My Top Ten < 30 Second Songs... this time, all of them lasting somewhere between 30 and 40 seconds in duration.

10. Dee-Lite - Mind Melt

If my mind ever melts, and it sounds like this, I won't be too worried.

9. The White Stripes - Passive Manipulation 

And this is why Meg left the singing to Jack. Still, good message...

Women, listen to your mothers

Don't just succumb to the wishes of your brothers

Take a step back, take a look at one another

You need to know the difference...

Between a father and a lover

8. The Legend! - Boredom (Is)

Not the first time Creation oddity The Legend! has featured here, but this seems like a pretty good definition of boredom... Dave Lee Travis is involved!

7. Frank Turner & John Snodgrass - Styx: The Man, The Band

They met a bloke who had the same name as the Babe band. No, really.

6. The Pastels - Over My Shoulder

I guess they'll never learn.

5. The Streets - Who Dares Wins

Not the Clint Eastwood movie.

4. Willie Nelson - My Love For The Rose

A song. A prayer. A regret.

3. Da Vinci's Notebook - Face Like Billy Joel

I love Billy Joel. You know that. But I bet even he has a laugh at this one.

2. Spearmint - My Birthday Present To Myself

A complete indie anthem in 40 seconds. Take that Noel!

1. Half Man Half Biscuit - Vatican Broadside

Suggested by Jim in Dubai last time we did this, and the only reason I didn't include it last time is that according to my music player, it clocks in at 31 seconds.

Ever wondered what happened when the singer out of Slipknot went to Rome to meet the Pope? The answer lies within...


Your suggestions of songs between 30 and 40 seconds in length will be gratefully received. Usual rules apply.

Saturday Snapshots #18 - The Answers

Short for time this week, so here's a quick run through, with the usual thanks...


(Apologies if anyone got the title of #6 after 7pm last night... I was in bed by then!)



10. No need to change gear for Dr. Frankenstein.

If you're in a car and you don't need to change gear, it'll be an automatic.

Dr. Frankenstein created a Monster.

The Automatic - Monster

First point of the week to Martin.

9. Speaking of whom, Tarzan's father got snowed in.

Not a lot of imagination went into the title part of this clue, but the artist...

Tarzan was created by Edgar Rice Burroughs.

The Edgar Winter Group - Frankenstein

(You ask me, Edgar Winter is way scarier than Frankenstein's Monster.)

Point to CC.

8. Relocation by hymn, tapestry and pudding (almost).

Hymn = carol.

Bayeux tapestry.

Sago is a pudding.

Carole Bayer Sager - You're Moving Out Today

Martin pieced that one together.

7. Telstar on my mind - get off!

Telstar was a satellite.

Georgia on my mind.

Get off!

The Georgia Satellites - Keep Your Hands To Yourself

Another point for Martin.

Great song. Good to see Rigid Digit agrees.

6. French hoist suffers a great loss. (TWO points if anybody gets this one without cheating.)

French hoist is indeed Les Crane!

Kudos to Martin for working that out.

The Latin for loss is Desiderata.

More on this tomorrow!

5. Pale coloured vehicles (x3).

A point shared by Martin and Brian. No further explanation needed.

The Pastels - Truck, Train, Tractor

4. Very soft ladies, hard to find in a barn.

Soft ladies would be made of velvet.

A needle in a haystack would be hard to find in a barn.

Well done, Alyson.

The Velvelettes - Needle In A Haystack

3. An alternative to a big star.

Alternative = replacement

Big Star was the band of Alex Chilton (well, after the Box Tops)

The Replacements - Alex Chilton

The rest of you should just be glad that Martin stays in bed till the afternoon most Saturdays.

2. Good afternoon, Batgirls.

This was one of those clues where I didn't want to over-egg the pudding. Originally it was something like "Good afternoon from Japan, Batgirls and Dog Ladies", but really... you didn't need all that. Well, Martin didn't, anyway.

Robyn - Konichiwa, Bitches

1. Davis & Coltrane made lots of this.

John Coltrane

Miles Davis

John Miles - Music

My favourite clue this week, gave early riser CC no problems. George would have got there too if he'd set his alarm earlier.




Congrats to Martin. I like the way we seem to have a different winner every week.

More snapshots next Saturday. More on Les Crane tomorrow.

My Top Ten Songs For Young Lovers

Happy Valentine's Day. Remember being young and in love? These guys do...


10. Air Supply - Young Love

This week's token cheesy 80s power ballad. Caution: unless you're a special kind of sick (like me), you will hate this record. Do not watch the video.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

9. John Mellencamp - Young Without Lovers

A cautionary tale, best summed up by its chorus...

Young without lovers
Old without friends

8. Sonny James - Young Love

Apologies to the Donny Osmond fans out there who might have been expecting his saccharine 70s Number One version of this song... but really, I have to draw the line somewhere. Wasn't Air Supply enough for you?

7. Morrissey - The Youngest Was the Most Loved

This week's token Moz track... typically has very little to do with normal young love, but then again:

There is no such thing in life as normal

One day I'll do a Top Ten Songs Featuring Ill-Advised Kids' Choirs...

6. Get Cape. Wear Cape. Fly - Young and Lovestruck

You ever find a song in your record collection that you're not sure you've ever listened to before... yet it's really quite marvellous? Where did I put that Get Cape. Wear Cape. Fly album?

5. Bruce Springsteen - So Young and So in Love

This week's token Bruce track...

Rat traps filled with soul crusaders
They're soppin' 'n' boppin' 'n' moppin' with Little Melvin and the Invaders

 Further evidence where Geldof got his inspiration.


4. This Many Boyfriends - Young Lovers Go Pop!

A new discovery. I only got this record a couple of weeks ago, it was only released last year... yet it could well have been a lost classic from 1986... in fact, this band wouldn't have sounded out of place on the original C86 tape.

If further proof is needed, they have a song called I Don't Like You ('Cos You Don't Like The Pastels).

3. Van Morrison - The Way Young Lovers Do

For a famously cantankerous grumpy old git... Van does recall something of his youth.

2. Mystery Jets (featuring Laura Marling) - Young Love

The Mystery Jets meet a girl, have one magical night of love, she writes her number on the back of their hand, it comes off in the rain, they wander around in frustration trying to find her again. He should have taken a tip from The Jags in my Top Ten Phone Number Songs.

Also - laziest video ever. They can't even be bothered to stand up.

1. The Marvelettes - When You're Young And In Love

Truly epic. Motown at its most magical and life-affirming.





Which one makes you feel young and in love again?