I was a little upset to discover I didn't own that track... I thought I had pretty much everything that ever made the Top 20 in the early 80s. Then I listened to it again and figured it was no great loss.
4. Don't make her... You wouldn't like her when she's...
Fans of the old Incredible Hulk TV show will recall that Bill Bixby frequently told investigative reporter Jack McGee: "Mr. McGee, don't make me Ann Lee... you wouldn't like me when I'm Ann Lee."
I will confess that I had never heard of Ann Lee before compiling this list. However, I was short on ladies this week and Ann did get to #2 in the charts in 1999 with the two times tune above.
3. That sunshine's a scorcher, Superman.
Donovan sang about a Sunshine Superman. Jason, as seen above (at #15, if not in the photo) was a Scorcher.
Another one of those Jason Donovan songs that me and my mate Richard used to sing along to on the school bus when we were 16. Richard was a big fan of the Pet Shop Boys and The Smiths. I liked Springsteen and Huey Lewis. We would have told you we were just being ironic. But were we really?
2. Living in Portugal, DuBois.
Our resident Maths teacher lives in Portugal. Benson Dubois.
King Cnut could not hold back the tide, and I cannot hold back society's full-throttle descent into dystopia. All I can do is watch helplessly from the sidelines, and nod my head sagely when others hold a mirror up to the madness.
I was reading an interview with the directors Anthony and Joseph Russo, the men responsible for some of the most successful Marvel movies in recent years, including the last two Avengers movies. They were asked why they thought Marvel had taken a bit of a kicking at the box office recently, was it so-called "super-hero fatigue"? Apparently not. Instead, the Russo Brothers put it down to what they call a "generational divide".
There’s a big generational divide about how you consume
media. There’s a generation that’s used to appointment viewing and going to a
theatre on a certain date to see something, but it’s ageing out. Meanwhile the
new generation are ‘I want it now, I want to process it now’, then moving onto
the next thing, which they process whilst doing two other things at the same
time.
I think it's a reflection of the current state of everything. It's difficult right now, it's an interesting time. I think we're in a transitional period and people don't know quite yet how they're going to receive stories moving forward, or what kinds of stories they're going to want.
When I read this, I wanted to cry. (You'll have noticed: I want to cry a lot these days.) But Mr. Russo wasn't quite done...
We have never collectively, globally, processed our
conversation so intimately and quickly as we do now. I think that creates
problems, where we over-process and don't care about context anymore. We
communicate through memes and headlines, with nobody reading past two
sentences, so everything's 100 characters or less – or 10-second videos on
social media you swipe through. I think that the two-hour format, the structure
that goes into making a movie, it’s over a century old now and everything
always transitions. So, there is something happening again and that form is
repetitive. But it's hard to reinvent that form and I think this next
generation is looking for ways to tell their own stories that service their own
sort of collective ADHD.
It almost sounds to me like he's given up. Like he's saying, "I'm an old guy," (well, he's a year older than me) "I'm ready to accept that youngsters are doing things differently these days and the only stories we'll have in the future will be 10 second video chunks or 100-letter tweets. Stick a fork in me, I'm done."
Thankfully, not everyone appears so ready to be put out to pasture. About the only sensible idea I've heard in the run up to Election Day is the proposal that the next government are considering banning smartphones for all under 16s. Of course, it won't happen... and it'd be impossible to police even if it did. And maybe it's too late to shut the barn door, that horse has already bolted. But still... old man shakes his fist at the sky.
You and I brawl To give me all your clothes But all your jeans were too tight And why did you paint your bathroom black I can understand liking Barbara Streisand But I'm not sure about the soundtrack from Diva
But back to Alyson...
Other than the obvious Barbra (whom I adore, especially when she sang Guilty with Barry Gibb - there is an excellent clip when she introduces him and he appears from the darkness, a vision in his tight white trousers - 'It oughta be illegal'), there is Barbara Dickson.
This Barbara worked for my friend's dad as a junior civil servant in Rosyth before becoming famous. Quite liked her early stuff and Answer Me is one of the few songs I can sing quite well, as no high notes.
Is there any end to your famous connections, Alyson?
I hope you won't mind that I picked this one as it stuck in my mind from a very young age... I suspect I have Mr. Wogan to thank for that.
I listened to one second of that and it was enough to bring back nightmares. And Rigid Digit agrees...
I'll happily never hear that song again having spent a weeks holiday with 4 daughters under 10 singing it constantly.
I still get shivers.
I should probably have not suggested Barbie... I'm not even sure it is derived from Barbara. Still, while we're here, can we find a decent Barbie song?
A sweet song, and Peter Noone was so sweet-faced too (my big sister had such a crush on him she used to cry whenever he came on the telly).
Reminds me of listening to Brian Matthews, Radio 2, Saturday mornings. As for Peter and his Hermits... well, they don't make album covers like this anymore, do they?
For a different kind of loveliness, says The Swede (from whom, more in a moment) try...
Finally, you'll be be glad to know that my millennial hipster politico friend, Ben, found himself dragged back into making suggestions again this week... even though it wasn't all about him. I don't expect him to stay around since I'm sure he'll be distracted by some other bright shiny things very soon. Young people today. Etc. Still, while he's here, I'm happy to share his ideas...
That's pretty awful. I only include it to show there are worse Barbara records than Duck Sauce or even Barbie Girl. I mean, it's almost as bad as this...
I'm starting the countdown with this one just to bait my millennial hipster politico friend, Ben, who texted earlier in the week to tell me:
New Fleet Foxes album is awful. There, I saved you some time.
I'll make up my own mind about that, thank you very much.
The worst thing that could ever come from Foxes? I Love You, Honeybear.
Undaunted in the face of his youthful denunciation, I do like me some Father John Misty. As has been previously established here. I'm sorry, but lyrically, this is right up my cross-section...
My first memory of music's from The time at JC Penney's with my mom The watermelon candy I was choking on Barbara screaming, "Someone help my son!" I relive it most times the radio's on That "tell me lies, sweet little white lies" song That's when I first saw the comedy won't stop for Even little boys dying in department stores
Shirley Collins has recorded the ballad 'Barbara Allen' at least three times over the years, most recently for her latest LP 'Heart’s Ease', but I'd personally go for the 1968 version from 'The Power Of The True Love Knot', featuring her sister Dolly's ghostly flute-organ accompaniment.
But, with a song as old as this, there were many different versions to choose from, and I found the Everly's harmonies a little easier on the ear. Sorry about that, Swede.
Before saving the world and losing his cool in one go, Bob Geldof was a great pop star. This is one of my favourite Rats songs that wasn't a Number One. Plus it mentions Barbara Cartland, so any excuse...
Grant Hart had a song called Barbara on his Hot Wax album, says Swiss Adam, who's still kicking himself for missing the first post in this series. Never mind, this is a cracking track that more than makes up for your absence there, SA.
Barbara, always avoids unpleasant situations
She rides right next to me, between the streetcar stations
Her knees are big and bony, she takes up all the cushions
Barbara, always avoids unpleasant situations
And I just added Grant Hart to my Requires Further Investigation list. Even before I realised he used to be in Hüsker Dü.
Came very close to topping the chart this time, especially as it's about both a Barbara and a... erm... Brabra.
This was also the first suggestion to come through from my millennial hipster politico friend Ben... so there's obviously a reason I keep him around.
1. The Beach Boys - Barbara Ann
As Martin said, this was the "obligatory, obvious" Number One.
Not a Brian Wilson original, it was originally recorded in 1961 by The Regents. There are similarities to the more famous version, but it also sounds very much of its time. The Beach Boys version (with Dean Torrance from Jan & Dean sharing an uncredited lead vocal with Brian) is timeless.
There's a purity to early Beach Boys recordings that is unmatched in the entire sphere of popular music.
I've never run guest posts on this blog before - in fact, I've actively resisted them in the past, preferring to keep this place as my own personal record.
So why change that now?
Well, sometimes the opportunities present themselves and they're too good to resist. Which is why I already have three weeks' worth of Guest Posts, all because of a couple of half-joking comments I left here and elsewhere.
Our first guest poster is JC, The Vinyl Villain. Now I've guested over a JC's place on a number of occasions, being a semi-regular contributor to his Imaginary Compilation Album series. But I never for the life of me expected him to return the favour. So you can imagine how shocked and awed I was when the post below landed in my in-box as the result of a flippant bon mot I left him last week.
I've been blogging for coming up on 14 years now. My Top Ten started in 2012, but prior to that my original blog, Sunset Over Slawit, had been running for almost six years until I packed it in. When I started blogging, I had no idea what I was doing. Sunset Over Slawit wasn't a music blog - it was all over the place, so I was rather surprised when I ended up with readers from elsewhere in the blogosphere (rather than people I'd known beforehand and invited to drop in). One of the first "professional" bloggers who began to leave comments was JC, and it was probably his original Vinyl Villain blog which steered my own blogging increasingly towards talking about music... and, I guess, led me to carry on with My Top Ten once I'd packed in all the other aspects of blogging that were beginning to bore me.
So it's a great honour that he would find the time to write me a Top Ten (the irony being that I rarely get time to write those things myself these days, and that was the very raison d'etre of this blog in the first place!) Take it away, JC...
THE VINYL VILLAIN'S TOP TEN HAIRCUT SONGS
I've been long amazed at Rol's ability to come up with these lists, especially now that I've got the task currently of compiling a list of 5 songs for a column called 'Music for Our Times' which appears in a digital version of a weekly publication by my favourite football team, Raith Rovers. The publication is designed to keep our small but dedicated fanbase informed of developments at the club during the extended lockdown - my column tries to bring a bit of fun and is related to the fact that I'm the matchday announcer at the club, responsible for selecting and playing the pre-match and half-time tunes.
A couple of weeks back I mentioned that a quick glance across any form of social media will demonstrate that the burning issue of the day for many a person is hair. Barbers and hairdressers have been closed since the lockdown began. Blokes have two options - letting their hair get to a length not seen since the 70s glam rock era or taking the risk of asking a household member to run riot with a set of clippers. I've taken the first option, to the extent that I now look as if I'm an extra in Starsky & Hutch - and with the fashion sense to match.
If anything, it's even worse for women given that a regular trip to the salon tends to form an essential part of social engagement with a friend or confidante, as well as the opportunity to change the natural colour of their hair. Mathematicians are still trying to come up with an accurate formula for doing the calculation, but the number of blondes in the UK over the past two and bit months has dropped by at least 66%.
I offered up five suitable songs, which I'm now doubling in size in the hope it's of use to Rol.
The first line of the chorus of a single by Goldblade, a punk band from Manchester. Lead singer John Robb's hairstyle of choice over the past three decades has been the mohican. He still wears it well, even at the age of 59. Worth also mentioning that the two remixes on the CD single come courtesy of Black Box Recorder, with Sarah Nixey's sultry delivery of 'Why Don't You Rub It In My Face' being every bit as filthy as it sounds.
Nope, I have no idea what the meaning is of the opening lines of this typically bonkers number by the Cardiff-based indie-rockers. But that won't stop me dedicating it to female fans of the Fife Flyers (the ice-hockey team who are based in the town of Kirkcaldy, which is also where Raith Rovers FC are based - a lot of folk in the town follow the fortunes of both sides).
The Goon Sax are one of the most wonderful indie-pop acts to emerge in recent years. The trio's debut album, Up to Anything, was full of great, quirky and memorable tunes that were accompanied by lyrics which focussed on the most important songs facing the modern-era teenager such as the shame of being on the wrong end of a bad haircut. It must be the only song in existence which manages to namecheck Shane Warne, Roger McGuinn and Edwyn Collins, all of whose haircuts are much desired.
"I whip my hair back and forth" (repeat about a thousand times)
Bit of a cheat this one as it's nothing to do with haircuts as such. This #2 smash hit single by Willow Smith back in 2010 is an anthem celebrating being young and carefree, which is kind of impossible to be just now under the lockdown restrictions. All my articles for the club publication really have to include at least one song that folk will have heard of!
The on-line urban dictionary states that a devil's haircut can be anything that makes someone feel bad, depressed, stressed out, or indeed any sort of mental or physical anguish. As such, COVID-19 = a devil's haircut.
One of the joys of going to an old fashioned barbershop is the likelihood of some old music/sport/lifestyle magazines lying around that you can read while waiting your turn to be shorn. If you happened to come across the NME from 3 May 2007, you would find that this song was listed as Number 28 in a list of the 50 Greatest Indie Anthems Ever.
OK, it's not technically about a haircut, but I'm guessing that Shawn Ryder's dad, who was the subject matter of the lyric, had got himself a very dodgy perm in the mid-late 70s. Have a look at a photograph of the Scotland World Cup squad of 1978 for an illustration - it was very briefly the fashion and it looked ridiculous.
Number six on the top and don't cut it wack, Jack"
The b-side to the vinyl release of the single Sure Shot back in 1994 but later included on the bonus disc of Ill Communication when it was reissued in 2009. It's not a hip-hop or rap number, instead harking back to the hardcore, superfast and noisy stuff that the Beastie Boys were doing when they first formed.
The re-opening of salons still seems to be a few weeks away. This one goes out to everyone, male or female, who is suffering and possibly even going into hiding for fear of anyone seeing that the colour on top of their head is not natural.
This closed off the original article in the football publication and I dedicated it Ian Davidson, who it could be said is a cut-price version of the famous basketball player, Dennis Rodman, in that throughout his career he has taken to the field with all sorts of strange haircuts and colourings, never caring one ounce what stick he would take from his teammates, opponents or fans on the terraces and in the stands. Indeed, he seemed to encourage it...
So, there you have it. Ten songs associated with haircuts. And, just in case you were wondering, a handful of tunes by Scissors Sisters narrowly missed the cut for inclusion.
Without gushing any further, I'll just say thank you to JC for providing this blog with its first ever guest post. And if you enjoyed that, you'll be glad to know he'll be back in two weeks' time with ANOTHER top ten. Truly I am blessed. Here's one that would have fit quite nicely in the list above... Gorky's Zygotic Mynci - Poodle Rockin' But that's not all, because next week we have ANOTHER guest contributor. I'll keep their identity as a surprise for now, but regular readers will be very familiar with my attempts to get this particular contributor to join the blogging world. In the meantime, as I seem to have cracked open this particular Pandora's Box... if anyone else fancies trying their hand at a Top Ten... or a Mid-Life Crisis post... or any of the other long-running features this blog squanders so jubilantly... well, you know where I am. The door is now open...
Welcome back to the Hot 100. Before Christmas we got as far as #27, so basic accounting dictates we move on to number 26, as illustrated by Australian band... erm... 26. Appropriately enough, here is their song A New Beginning. Muse fans may want to give that a spin.
"If, like me, you are a bit of a sucker for just about anything sung in French, then I give you Stereolab's OLV 26."
And then came Douglas, still freezing his elbow patches* off on the picket line...
(*I'm presuming Canadian teachers have elbow patches on their threadbare blazers, just like teachers in the UK.)
"I don't recall if it has been mentioned many times already for other numbers, but Roger Miller's song Got Two Again is chock full of numbers and sums, including this verse containing our beloved number 26:
For the second verse
I need someone to give me a number
Between 12 and 14, I'll make a verse (13!)
13, ah, 13, well, 13 multiplied by 1
You still got 13 but wasn't that fun?
Now, take that same 13 multiply by 2
26 hours the train's overdue…
Never heard that before, Douglas, but I approve.
"And if the train is indeed 26 hours overdue, then that would make R.E.M.’s 26 hour road trip described in the song Departure unfortunately twice as long, at 52 hours (keeping with the sums theme, though I suspect that if they are going via Singapore and Spain to Salt Lake City I suspect their mode of travel is more likely a plane?):
Just arrived Singapore, San Sebastian, Spain, 26-hour trip
Salt Lake City, come in spring
Over the salt flats a hailstorm brought you back to me
Salt Lake City, come in spring
Over the salt flats a hailstorm brought you back to me
"And that's all I got, folks."
Both good suggestions. Not heard Departure in ages.
Finally, Rigid Digit returned with another fine lyrical offering...
However, for this week's suggestion I'm going with 12 minutes of protest song, from Gil Scott Heron, reacting to the election of President Ronald Reagan in 1981. Listen to this today and change a few names and statistics and it can surely apply to a couple of more recent election results as well..
Well, the first thing I want to say is..."Mandate My Ass!"
Because it seems as though we've been convinced
That 26% of the registered voters
Not even 26% of the American people
But 26% of the registered voters form a mandate...
Or a landslide...
The idea concerns the fact that this country wants nostalgia
They want to go back as far as they can ...
Even if it's only as far as last week
Not to face now or tomorrow, but to face backwards
Next week, we reach the last quarter in our century. Your 25s will be much appreciated...
