My Top Ten Egg Songs

Happy Easter - have an egg or ten on me.

Special mention to The Eggs, The Lovely Eggs and... Paul McCartney's Scrambled Eggs.



10. Adam & The Ants -  Never Trust A Man (With Egg On His Face)

That's what the voices from outer space tell me...

9. Beastie Boys - Egg Raid On Mojo

Before they discovered / invented / purloined rap, it seems the Beasties were punks at heart.

See also Egg Man, which sounds more like the Beasties you'd expect. 

8. The Flaming Lips - They Punctured My Yolk

A love story about two trainee astronauts torn apart when only one of them gets to go into space.

Or something.

7. The Seahorses - Happiness Is Egg-Shaped

From a great lost Britpop album that you could probably pick up for tuppence on Amazon if you went looking.

6. Tarnation - Little Black Egg

A lot more jangly than I remember.

Then I discovered... it's actually a cover of an old 60s hit by a Florida garage band called The Nightcrawlers. 

Not bad... but I still prefer the Tarnation version.

5. The Human League - Being Boiled

One of the earliest entirely electronic records... get boiled alive by those synths. No idea what the lyrics are about though. 

4. Fight Like Apes - Poached Eggs

If I'm understanding the metaphors correctly, this song is filthy...

3. Tom Waits - Eggs And Sausage (In A Cadillac With Susan Michelson)

Already featured in my Top Ten Breakfast Songs, but far too good to leave out of this list.

2. Giant Sand - Temptation of Egg

The shape of a woman... temptation of egg

If you've never heard this before, please give it a spin. It's both exceedingly cool and slightly scary.

I wake up with something in my eye.
I pull out one of your lashes
I like the way you stuck in my eye.
I like the way my eye stashes.

1. Mansun - Egg Shaped Fred

Mansun go all 'Coo-Coo-Cachoo' on us, inviting Egg Shaped Fred for tea.

Those were days...




Which one's your Easter Egg?

My Top Ten Rabbit Songs

Ten Easter bunnies...

Special  mention to Frightened Rabbit, Echo & The Bunnymen, White Rabbits... and all the other White Rabbits already featured as part of my Top Ten Alice In Wonderland Songs.


10. Paul Westerberg - Mr. Rabbit

There's only one Paul Westerberg. Accept no Replacements.

9. Adam Ant -  Who's a Goofy Bunny?

From the new album, Adam Ant is the BlueBlack Hussar in Marrying the Gunners Daughter... apparently it's Adam's tribute to Malcolm McLaren.

8. Ray Moore - O, My Father Had A Rabbit

One of my first DJ heroes: the late Ray Moore. They don't make 'em like this anymore... 

7. Seth Lakeman - The White Hare

As I said above, if you're looking for White Rabbits, click the Alice In Wonderland link. Here's a white hare instead. Don't give me any grief about hares not being rabbits.

6. Sparks - Pulling Rabbits Out of a Hat

All they get is polite applause. There's no pleasing some people.

5. Unkle featuring Thom Yorke - Rabbit In Your Headlights

I'm a rabbit in your headlights
Christian suburbanite
Washed down the toilet
Money to burn
Fat bloody fingers are sucking your soul away...

 And you think you have problems getting to sleep at night. Imagine living in Thom Yorke's head.

4. Chas & Dave - Rabbit

Not the first time this has made it's way into one of my Top Tens... doubt it'll be the last.

Now, I don't mind having a chat...
But you have to keep giving it that.

My local Sainsbury's still doesn't sell rabbit.

3. Florence & The Machine - Rabbit Heart (Raise It Up)

Yes, the kookiness is starting to grate and she's yet to record anything else quite as exciting as Kiss With A Fist... but when I read that "551 people disliked this video beacuse (sic) they saw her waring (sic) earring (sic) that looks (sic) like "illuminati" sign", I was impressed. Particularly that the youtube commenter knew how to spell Illuminati.

2. The Magnetic Fields - Let's Pretend We're Bunny Rabbits

Stephin Merritt at his most playful, from the mighty 69 (Love Songs).

1. Jenny Lewis & The Watson Twins - Rabbit Fur Coat

 Just fantastic storytelling...

I was of poor folk
But my mother had a rabbit fur coat
And a girl of less character pushed her down the L.A. River
Hand over that rabbit fur coat
She put a knife to her throat
Hand over that rabbit fur coat
When my ma refused, the girl kicked dirt on her blouse
Stay away from my mansion house

 Listen to the song to hear the rest of the story.



What's up, doc?

My Top Ten Rock Star Songs

The perils and pleasures of life as a rock 'n' roll star... in ten easy-to-singalong songs.


10. Ben Folds - Rock Star

You're a slave to these people who
Don't even know you
You think they adore you
They do
Then they throw you away

9. Oasis - Rock 'n' Roll Star

No other song sums up the best... and worst... of Oasis. If only they hadn't tried so very, very hard to live up to it.

Louise just walked in and gave me a really strange look. "Are you listening to Oasis!?!"

I live to surprise and confound.

8. David Essex - Gonna Make You A Star

"I don't think so."

7. Nickelback - Rockstar

Yes, yes, I know. You're far too cool to like Nickelback. Screw you.

6. Everclear - Rock Star

 Kind of like the Nickelback it's almost OK to like.

Everybody everywhere wants to be famous
And everybody everywhere wishes they could tell
Everybody everywhere to go to hell

5. Bill Wyman - (Si Si) Je Suis Un Rock Star

Bill Wyman may have been the most boring man in the Rolling Stones, but I always thought that was rather an unfair contest when you consider the competition. Still, this may well be his finest moment. It proves what a wag he really was. The video's hilarious too. 

Je suis un rock star
Je avais un residence
Je habiter la
A la south of France
Voulez vous
Partir with me?
And come and rester la
With me in France

4. The Byrds - So You Want To Be A Rock 'n' Roll Star

Actually, no, I never did. I always wanted to be a writer. Pretty much missed the boat on that one.

3. Pink - So What

Pink's purest moment of petulant punk-pop in which she gives her ex the finger, because, "So what? I'm still a rock star!" The hilariously cartoon video positions Pink as a 21st Century Billy Idol, with added irony. What's not to love?

2. The Buggles - Video Killed The Radio Star

Would have been Number One if it actually mentioned a Rock Star. Still... Trevor Horn's finest moment. And that's saying something, from the man who produced Owner Of A Lonely Heart.

1. Amanda Palmer - Do It With A Rockstar

What helps AFP stand triumphant over the many fine records below is that this epic is quite unique among rock stars songs, presenting as it does the tale of a needy, neurotic rockstar begging a groupie to stay the night. The honesty of her true intentions...

I don't want your body
Just a part to listen to INXS
All the practice in the world
Won't get me good at loneliness-ness
Loneliless-ness

...are beautifully contrasted by her more desperately persuasive "do you really wanna miss this chance?" chat up routine...

Do you wanna go back home?
Your animals are all alone
Oh, there's a chicken waiting on the stove
And your cousin left his DVD of swinging in the '70s
Or do you wanna go back home
Check your messages and charge your phone?
Oh, are you really sure
You wanna go
When you could
Do it with a rock star?

The video, entertaining though it is in a NSFW way, doesn't really do that dichotomy justice. But it's a wonderful track, and like Pink's song above, a record I just couldn't stop hitting "replay" on when I first got it. God knows what Neil Gaiman thinks, if AFP's actually like this in real life though...




Which one would you throw out the hotel window?

My Top Ten Favourite Songs

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens, bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens...

These are a few of my favourite songs.

Don't get carried away... they're only songs with 'favourite' (or favorite if you're American) in the title...


10. Sheryl Crow - My Favourite Mistake

More appreciation should be give to Ms. Crow. Great voice, good songs. Gets a bit to close to the camera in the video.

9. Owen Paul - My Favourite Waste Of Time

80s one hit wonder (he was set to be the next big thing but it never happened). Watch the link above for his timeless "live" performance from BBC Pebble Mill.

8. Liz Phair - Favourite

Liz Phair gets up to no good in her favourite underwear.

Lads: Liz is the sort of girl your mother warned you about.

7. Haircut 100 - Favourite Shirts

Did I mention I met Nick Heyward once? Did I mention he was a thoroughly decent bloke? Did I?

Great 80s brass section on this.

6. Shrag - New Favourites

Sadly, Shrag called it a day late last month, citing poverty and "old age" among their reasons. They leave an impressive legacy for those of us who cared.

5. The Lemonheads - Favourite T

It never looked as good on you as it looks on me.

Sadly, only a ropey live version is available on youtube, but it's recorded at the same venue where I saw Evan and co. a few years earlier so extra points for that. 

4. Harry Nilsson - Mr. Richland's Favourite Song

Harry posits a future where the Beatles are forgotten lounge bar performers...

"The time has come," the Walrus said, "to speak of other things"
Like a fallen star who works in a bar where Yesterday is king
The fans will stay for an hour or so, they still remember his fame
But the time has come the Walrus said, to call your fans by name

Is it better to burn out than fade away? Ironically, Harry Nilsson managed to do both.

3. Arab Strap - My Favourite Muse

It's hard to believe that a song which begins, "I pulled the ex last, and it felt weird to feel her up again" can actually get any better... yet this does, in that grubby, confessional, TMI way the Arab Strap boys specialise in.

And she brought the drinks all night, 
But that's okay, now she's got a job.
Her generosity - my curse. 
She even let me keep her purse.

2. The Wedding Present - My Favourite Dress

In which David Gedge goes all Julie Andrews on us...

Uneaten meals
A lonely star
A welcome ride in a neighbour's car
A long walk home
The pouring rain
I fell asleep when you never came
Some rare delight in Manchester town
It took six hours before you let me down
To see it all in a drunken kiss
A stranger's hand on my favourite dress

1. The Cardigans - My Favourite Game

A hugely infectious riff and some very dangerous driving from Nina Persson - one of their very best.



Oh, very well. Go on, then. Sigh.

Which is your favourite?

My Top Ten Ruby Songs

Ten rubies on wax cylinder...


10. The Osborne Brothers - Ruby (Are You Mad?)

Featuring some mighty fine banjo picking.

9. Marty Robbins - Ruby Ann

Ain't true love a funny thing?

8. Foster The People - Ruby

 An early FTP track, from before their pumped-up success, released as part of Record Store Day 2012.

7. Bic Runga - Ruby Nights

A haunting story of lost love from the New Zealand chanteuse.

6. Foxboro Hot Tubs - Ruby Room

A Green Day side-project that sounds suspiciously like... Green Day. Nothing wrong with that.

5. Tom Waits - Ruby's Arms

Tom does a Bill Bixby...

The only thing I'm taking is the scarf off of your clothesline
I'll hurry past your chest of drawers
And your broken wind chimes as I say goodbye
I'll say goodbye, say goodbye to Ruby's arms...

4. Donald Fagen - Ruby Baby

From the amazing album 'The Nightfly', the best thing to come out of Steely Dan breaking up in the 80s. 

3. Kaiser Chiefs - Ruby

The Leeds' lads biggest hit: it seems so long ago. I saw Ricky Wilson in the remake of Jeff Wayne's War of the World stage show just before Christmas. He was the best thing in it... except for Liam Neeson (via hologram) and Jason Donovan. Marty Pellow was awful though.

2. The Rolling Stones - Ruby Tuesday

I know, I know. You really thought this would be Number One, didn't you? It's a lovely song. There's no denying that. But it doesn't quite do it for me like...

1. Kenny Rogers & The First Edition - Ruby, Don't Take Your Love To Town

Back from Vietnam, a paralyzed vet finds it hard to readjust to home life... especially when his wife is finding solace in the arms of other men.

Those of you who don't find this heartbreaking: check you've still got one to break.

Originally recorded by Johnny Darrell. Also memorably covered by (among others) The Killers, Carl Perkins, Cake and Leonard Nimoy. Yes, I said Leonard Nimoy. 




Those were my Top Ten Rubies... which sparkles brightest for you?