With the exception of Kenny Wednesdays, I haven't done a first name Top Ten in quite a while. So...
There are actually very few Emilies in my record collection. The only artists I could find were Emily Robinson from the Dixie Chicks; French singer Emily Loizeau, whose songs appear to have been recorded by everybody from Shelby Lynne to The Mountain Goats; Emily Barker & The Red Clay Halo; Emily Kinney (above), who you might recognise as Beth from The Walking Dead, but she writes some pretty cool songs too; and a not-half-bad cover of Asleep by The Smiths by Australian actress Emily Browning, from the soundtracker of Sucker Punch.
But when it came to songs about Emilies... there were LOADS!
I feel like I'm contractually obliged to include this. Not being a true muso, I never really got The Floyd. Nothing against them, I just never really saw what all the fuss was about. I probably appreciate the Syd Barrett stuff a bit more... although I prefer the David Bowie and Martha Wainwright versions of this song, if I'm totally honest.
Emily Shore was a young English woman who died of consumptiom at the age of 19 in the early 1800s. Her diaries were published over 50 years later, and a century or so after that they inspired Brett and Rennie Sparks.
Excellent track from Luke's 2005 album, Broken (And Other Rogue States). Great live version I found on youtube in which Luke duets with his wife, Melissa Mclelland.
Art goes solo on this one: peerless romantic nostalgia from Paul.
I wandered empty streets Down past the shop displays. I heard cathedral bells Tripping down the alley ways, As I walked on. And when you ran to me Your cheeks flushed with the night. We walked on frosted fields of juniper and lamplight, I held your hand.
John Grant did an excellent cover of this with The Czars.
Second best song I own about a long lost teenage girlfriend called Emily... from the former Rialto frontman.
Took off our ties straight after school For lager and limes and shooting pool Underhand cigarettes to compilation cassettes...
1. Art Brut - Emily Kane
I miss Eddie Argos. I don't know what he's up to these days, but we need him back.
I don't even know where she lives.
I've not seen her in 10 years, 9 months, 3 weeks, 4 days, 6 hours, 13 minutes, 5 seconds. Other girls went and other girls came,
I can't get over my old flame. All my friends think I'm insane,
I'm still in love with Emily Kane. There's a beast in my soul that can't be tamed,
I'm still in love with Emily Kane.
Those were my ten favourites (well, nine and one contractual obligation), but I easily had enough Emily songs for a Top Twenty-Five. Perhaps I'll do a volume 2... once I've covered every other name in my Big Book of Baby Names. Suggestions are always welcomed...
If I live long enough, I'll do a Top Ten for every name in the phone book. Here's ten songs about Linda... or, as with the lady above, Lynda.
Special mentions to Linda Ronstatd, Linda Thompson, Linda McCartney, Linda Perry, Linda Lewis, Linda Clifford, Linda Jones, Linda Lyndell and Linda Gail Lewis (Jerry Lee's sister).
Originally released in 1967, this forgotten soul number was resurrected in the UK by the Northern Soul DJs of the 70s. Can't find much out about Leroy Taylor himself, but I always like to hear that old soul sound.
From one year earlier than The Valves, yet as far away from Scottish punk as you can get. And the reason I'll never be a cool music blogger: I actually prefer this one.
Shameless Country Song of the week - it even begins with Mark drinking a Pepsi while gassing up his truck. See also Linda Lou by The Tractors, which is a bit more Creedence.
Originally recorded by American punk rock nutbag GG Allin and his backing band at the time, The Carolina Shitkickers, though I prefer Evan Dando's version because his voice always gives me shivers. King Slacker that he is, I wish he'd get off his lazy arse and record some more songs.
Layin' up with Linda used to be fun
Nobody ever paid the rent, there was never anything done
Then one day I killed her, now I'm on the run
But living with Linda used to be fun
From the mind-boggling, yet hugely nostalgic, concept album 9 1/2 Psychedelic Meditations On British Wrestling Of The 1970s & Early '80s, this is Luke Haines's tribute to 80s wrestlers "Exotic" Adrian Street and his tag-team partner / manager / wife, Miss Linda. I could make this stuff up, but it wouldn't be as interesting.
One of many "lost" Springsteen tracks recorded in the mid-70s (around the time of Born To Run), this was finally released in the late 90s on the Tracks box set. It's classic rock 'n' romantic storytelling... as with so many of those " lost" songs, hearing it now you realise how much of a perfectionist Bruce was, deciding not to release it for all those years.
The midnight boys are outside
Scraping tears up off the street
Standin' guard beneath the window
Where only Linda sleeps
The leader is a kid named Eddie
Walkin' like an angel in defeat
He trashes her old man's car, slashes Linda's name in the seat
And calls out
Linda will you let me be the one!
A chance meeting with a lady called Linda McAllister in a Stirling pub inspired inspired Pat & Greg Kane to write this tribute, possibly as a way of encouraging her to keep fighting as she was having quite a hard time of it, by all accounts. Released in 1989 (not a great year for music), it remains my favourite Hue & Cry single, though (like a lot of late-80s chart hits) it sounds a little thin and synthy today. 1. The Beach Boys - Lady Lynda
A big 70s hit for the Beach Boys in the UK, though it didn't do much for them back home, the melody of Lady Lynda is based on Bach's Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring. The song was written by Beach Boy Al Jardine and Ron Altbach of King Harvest (the band who did the original version of Toploader's big 90s hit Dancing In The Moonlight). The Linda in question was Jardine's wife... when they divorced later, he tried rewriting it as Lady Liberty (in... erm... tribute to the Statue of Liberty). Yeah, like that was going to work.
Which is your Lady Linda?
Alternatively, if you'd like to suggest a name for me to have a go at creating a Top Ten... just leave a comment. I always like a challenge.
Ten songs about women named Debra, Deborah or Debs.
Special mentions to a couple of the famous Debbies referenced below...
10. Stina Nordenstam - When Debbie's Back From Texas
Frustratingly absent from youtube, but I wanted to include it anyway because I love Stina's voice... and because I always wondered if the Debbie in question had been visiting... erm, Dallas.
All you need to know about this is the title... and the fact that Winona Ryder plays Debbie Gibson in the video. She claims it was her favourite role ever. Well, it's certainly a better performance than the one she gave in Bram Stoker's Dracula.
Another irresistible bag of cartoon indie popcorn from Helen, Sheena and Ricardo Autobahn.
When they walked downtown all the people would stare
They used to laugh at their clothes and the colour of their hair
She was 17 and she didn't care
Cause baby's gonna take her everywhere
Cause he said they'd live in New York
And the stars would be their own
She was Debbie Harry and he was Joey Ramone!
So Slaves get lost on the way home from a gig and can't find their mate's car. That's pretty much the entire song (until it all goes a bit Blair Witch)... but we've all been there, and that's what makes this a tiny blast of turbo-charged genius.
Does Courtney consider herself a Debbie Downer? She shouldn't. She always cheers me up...
Tell me when you're getting bored and I'll leave
I'm not the one who put the chain around your feet
I'm sorry for all of my insecurities, but they're just a part of me
"Envy is thin because it bites but never eats"
That's what a nice old Spanish lady once told me
"Hey Debbie-Downer turn that frown upside down and just be happy!"
Yes, if anyone was going to rhyme Debra with Zebra, it would have to be Mark Bolan: King of Naff Rhymes. (The critics say "he made nursery rhymes sound profound"... I think he was either off his mitts or taking the bliss.)
Deborah was Bolan's first ever Top 40 "hit", from back in 1968 when his band was still called Tyrannosaurus Rex. It was reissued in 1972 when T-Rex were much a bigger thing and then it made the Top Ten. Lyrically it was utter tosh, but Bolan was a proper pop star, so we could forgive him anything.
1. Pulp - Disco 2000
Based on a true story about a girl called Debbie that young Jarvis was infatuated with... the only bit he made up was the "woodchip on <her> walls".
Watching Mark Radcliffe's recent BBC4 documentary series on the history of indie (Music For Misfits), a good argument was put forward by the assembled talking heads (chiefly The Grauniad's music critic Alex Petri-dish) that Pulp should not be classed as Britpop as they had so little in common with Blur, Oasis and the New Lad / New Labour pop culture of the mid-90s. I'll always have a soft spot for Britpop as those were my gig-going years and I had many a fine evening watching the likes of Shed Seven, The Bluetones and The Verve... but yes, Pulp were more than just a cut above: they were in a league all their own.
Disco 2000 is Pulp at the height of their chart-conquering success. But just as the name Deborah never suited the girl in the song, being pop stars never really suited Jarvis and co. They hated fame so much they were soon keen to press the self-destruct on Top of the Pops success and go back to being a proper indie band.
They even banned the record from being used in any TV or radio trailers in the run up to the Millennium. Which would have made them a pretty penny... but I guess they were never in it for the money.
Which Debbie does your Dallas? And which is your Debbie Downer?
Ten songs about ladies called Jean... you may be surprised how many of them you know.
Special mentions to Jean-Jacques Burnel,Jean Knight, Wyclef Jean, Jean-Luc Ponty and Jean Michel Jarre (most of whom aren't ladies, but I didn't want them to feel left out).
According to the Pogues.com forum, Five Green Queens was a card game Shane used to play in his London flat... and Jean was his landlady. In case you were wondering.
From the sublimely titled albumBad LuckStreak in Dancing School, this cool Zevon classic was co-written by Bruce Springsteen. Of whom, more later... 7. Belle & Sebastian - String Bean Jean
The girls have got a house that’s like a caravan
And it’s like your holidays whenever you go round
And we always have a laugh and then we all get in the bath
To save on the leccy bill
Me & Jo & Phil’
When he's cooking with gas, no one can write a lyric quite like Stuart Murdoch...
She asked me “Do I need to lose a bit of weight?”
And I told her “Don’t be stupid ’cause you’re looking great”
And I call her String Bean Jean because the label on her jeans says
Seven to eight years old – well that’s pretty small
At his best, Julian Cope was an 80s alternative Elvis. I like to think that if the King had lived beyond '77, he might have recorded this with Rick Rubin as part of his career renaissance.
A slab of "sexist rock 'n' roll" according to Bowie, "a song about picking up birds". From the height of his 80s success, this was the first single released after his hugely popular Let's Dance album. (The Musos, of course, claim it's when he sold out.) Although Blue Jean was a big hit too, the rest of the subsequent album (Tonight) was below par for the Dame.
See also The Jean Genie, arguably a much better song... but it's not about a girl called Jean. It's about Iggy Pop instead.
A song so famous, so spectacular, so era-defining and legendary... it deserves a Top Ten all of its own. Here are 10 amazing facts I found on t'internet (with a couple I knew already - like the Eddie Argos one) about Billie Jean. I don't know if these are all true... but what does truth matter in the iffypedia age?
10. They mixed the song 91 times before they got a version they were happy with.
9. The video was the first by a black artist to receive heavy airplay on MTV... but only after the head of CBS threatened to expose the channel's "racist" playlist policy.
8. Lydia Murdock recorded an answer song called Superstar from the perspective of the Billie Jean character. Like a lot of answer records... it's bloody awful.
7. Much better is Eddie Argos's answer song, Billie's Jeans, recorded by Art Brut side project Everybody Was In the French Resistance...Now! It's told from the perspective of Billie and Michael's grown-up lovechild.
My mother always told me You, not me, were the mistake She never regretted the chance she had to take My mother always told me Everything you put her through I told her we're better off without you
She can't have been the only girl Illegitimate children all over the world One day you're gonna get caught And that's an awful lot of child support
6. Kanye West remixed the track for Thriller's 25th anniversary. His version was... bloody awful. Unsurprisingly.
5. Jacko re-recorded the song with new lyrics as part of the Pepsi Generation ad campaign. That was bloody awful too.
4. Producer Quincy Jones tried to get Jacko to change the song's title to Not My Lover in case anyone thought it was about tennis player Billie Jean King. Jones also got Jacko to overdub some of the vocals while singing through a 6 foot long cardboard tube. Apparently.
3. The song has been covered by everybody from Ian Brown to Chris Cornell to Neil Finn to German punk band The Bates (who turned it into a tribute to Hitchcock's Psycho). The best alternative version must surely come from the much-missed Civil Wars. Gorgeous stuff.
2. Daryl Hall claims Jacko confessed to copying BJ's famous bassline from the Hall & Oates song I Can't Go for That (No Can Do). Hall didn't sue because he'd nicked the bassline himself from somewhere else.
1. Although Jackson claimed the song was written about generic experiences he and his brothers had with groupies, his biographer tells a far more detailed story about a psychotic fan who claimed Jackson was the father of one of her twins (yeah, I had to check that was medically possible). The fan became so obsessed with Jacko she even sent him a gun and asked him to participate in a suicide pact which would allow them to be together in the next life. Jacko framed her photo and hung it above his dining table. Allegedly.
And despite all that, it's still only my third favourite Jean song. But as you've seen, the competition was pretty fierce this week.
For many years, Jeane was the great lost Smiths song. Available only as a b-side to the original vinyl release of This Charming Man, it took me ages to locate a scratchy second hand copy which I dubbed onto CD-R and eventually ripped to my computer. (I know, vinyl fans, you're shuddering as you read that, aren't you?) It wasn't released on CD until 2008 as part of yet another Best Of compilation, but it was the main reason I bought that disc - I already owned most of the other tracks. (Which proves home taping doesn't stop true fans buying record also.)
Jeane should have been a much bigger song - but with typical Morrissey / Marr perversity, they virtually threw it away. (Let's not forget, this is the band that originally put How Soon Is Now? out as a 12-inch b-side.) It's classic kitchen sink Shelagh Delaney-esque miserablism from Moz with another speeded up rock 'n' roll riff from Johnny. Billy Bragg does a great version too.
And yes, in most other Top Tens, it would have been Number One.
1. Bruce Springsteen - Bobby Jean
There's some debate in my head about whether Born In The USA deserves a place in my favourite Bruce albums DESPITE the fact it was his bestselling pop global megastar moment. The muso-snob in me will always prefer the album which preceded it (the ultra lo-fi Nebraska, recorded on a tape recorder in his back bedroom) or the one which followed it (the gloomy comedown divorce record, Tunnel Of Love). But if I was going to see Bruce play live again (and I sincerely hope I get another opportunity to do so before he calls it a day for the sake of his knees), I'd rather hear him play Glory Days or Bobby Jean than any of the songs on those other two discs. I'd even settle for Cover Me, and that was rubbish. ('Rubbish' being a relative term where Bruce is concerned.)
On the surface, Bobby Jean is a love song to an old high school girlfriend who may or may not have met a tragic end. Legend has it, however, that the song was written about E Streeter 'Little' Stevie Van Zandt (of the Sopranos and Lilyhammer fame) after he quit the band prior to the release of Born. It's still a love song - but one about missing your old pal after he's gone. Since Little Stevie rejoined the E Street Band, he often takes centre stage with Bruce when this song is performed live.
Next week, the essential sequel: My Top Ten Jeans Songs.
Meanwhile, which Jean is your Harlow... and which is your Hilda Ogden?
Today isn't New Year's Day here at Top Ten Towers. It's a very special birthday for a very special person. And in celebration... here's ten songs that mention her name...
See, Jona didn't just stop the cavalry and spend all his time in the kitchen at parties. He was also a whiz on a pair of rollerskates. And, judging from his vocals in the chorus, he was also occasionally possessed by Beelzebub.
Ah, yes, our Bonnie - a voice that could sink a thousand battleships... as this video ably demonstrates. This isn't her finest hour (it wasn't written by Jim Steinman), but it did knock Neil Diamond - Hey Louise out of my countdown, so you may be grateful for that.
Jason Lytle falls foul of Louise's mother - she always hated him. Fortunately not something I have to worry about as my "mother-in-law" (the law never really got involved) is lovely.
Phil Oakey rides around on a barge, singing into a remote control, bemoaning the loss of Louise. Why did she leave him? The clue's in the mullet, Phil. (I should talk - you should see my hair at the moment.)
This is the best song in my collection with Louise in the title. So why isn't it Number One...? 1. Lloyd Cole - Perfect Skin
I choose my friends only far too well...
Ha
- got you! I never said it had to have Louise in the title. (See also Visions of Johanna by Bob Dylan.) Here's one
of Lloyd's finest, and the line "academia blues" seems a pretty accurate description for his songwriting in general. It's about the girl with "cheekbones like geometry and
eyes like sin". A lethal combination, but at least she keeps up to date
by reading Cosmo. This is a song of contradictions...
Up eight flights of stairs to her basement flat Pretty confused huh?
But if you're looking for a moral... strikes me there never has been one.
Thank you for everything, Lou. I love you, hon'. Have a great birthday.
The climax of my Glorious Trilogy, with thanks to Kelloggsville for suggesting it (kind of). I'll be honest, I could think of only three off the top of my head (and two of those were kind of the same song) but I did manage ten and there were some pleasing surprises along the way...
Special mentions to Gloria Jones, Gloria Gaynor and Gloria Estefan.
I make no secret of the fact that I have very little time for Bonio and chums, and this really is only here to make up the numbers. Sorry, U2 fans. I do quite like the guitar, and if I close my eyes I can at least pretend it's not Mr. Vox on vocals.
9. McIntosh Ross - Gloria
A beautiful Scottish-country ballad from the voices of Deacon Blue. Gorgeous harmonies, as you'd expect, but I can't track down a link to it anywhere online I'm afraid.
Not content with making Number One on my Top Ten Glory Songs, here's Bruce again with Gloria. Not a patch on the aforementioned, but better than I remembered it being. Great guitar.
I reckon this is sufficiently different from the Van Morrison version (see below) to get a separate entry. All Patti keeps is the chorus, everything else is hers.
Children of the 80s, rejoice... although the video may spoil your enjoyment. I'm not sure I've ever seen Laura Branigan before, but she looks like a barmaid doing karaoke in your local on a Friday night.
1. Them - Gloria
How do you spell teenage lust, Van?
She comes around here Just about midnight Ha, she make me feel so good, Lord!
See, I'm getting to the age now where if she came round about midnight I'd tell her to bugger off. What's wrong with half past seven? Some of us have to get up and go to work tomorrow morning.
You may prefer the Doors' somewhat X-rated version... though in the current moral climate, there's probably a Newsnight investigation being planned into that as we speak.
So - which of the Top Three is your glorious Gloria?
(I'll be amazed if anyone prefers any of the lower seven.)
Featuring the phantom head of the late Princess...
Line the streets, Diana, With armoured cars, Oh column inch, timeless
inch Can you inch another centimetre closer to hearts and minds? You'll win them yet.
Her eyes china blue saucers, she's born that way
She tastes of apple strudel, you can tell she does
With arms that hold sweet William to her breast
On the other hand, only Paddy McAloon could write an affectionate tribute to the former Queen of Hearts... that I don't hate on principle.
The darling of, the darling of, creation of the editor
I guess that's what, suppose that's what she's for
I hope they're crying in their sleep for promises they cannot keep
For disappointments rooted deep
That's why the boys and girls love Diana
Surprisingly absent from most Fleetwood Mac Greatest Hits albums, yet it was one of their biggest UK hits. Being mostly a Lindsey Buckingham song... perhaps Stevie doesn't like it?
A new entry, in with a bullet, the first track from the new Vampire Weekend album, sounding as good as the stuff on the first album... and better than anything on the second. Great news all round.
1. John Cougar-Mellencamp - Jack & Diane
A little ditty that became one of the greatest rock songs of the 80s. And there's so much innuendo and philosophy in the lyrics, you'd think Jarvis Cocker wrote it.
Oh yeah, live goes on... long after the thrill of living is gone.
The only thing I'm taking is the scarf off of your clothesline I'll hurry past your chest of drawers And your broken wind chimes as I say goodbye I'll say goodbye, say goodbye to Ruby's arms...
The Leeds' lads biggest hit: it seems so long ago. I saw Ricky Wilson in the remake of Jeff Wayne's War of the World stage show just before Christmas. He was the best thing in it... except for Liam Neeson (via hologram) and Jason Donovan. Marty Pellow was awful though.
I know, I know. You really thought this would be Number One, didn't you? It's a lovely song. There's no denying that. But it doesn't quite do it for me like...
1. Kenny Rogers & The First Edition - Ruby, Don't Take Your Love To Town
Back from Vietnam, a paralyzed vet finds it hard to readjust to home life... especially when his wife is finding solace in the arms of other men.
Those of you who don't find this heartbreaking: check you've still got one to break.
Only Stuart Murdoch could get away with singing...
It's getting cold, I'll catch the bus
I'll see my friend when she's finished working
Get some fish and chips
Lalalala, what's on the box?
'Man about the house' with Paula Wilcox
There was genuine excitement to early Killers songs that's gone awol since they became stadium-filling superstars. This is one of those rare early tracks where you can hear the Johnny Marr influence as much as the Springsteen.
Saw them do this live, though sadly I don't think they've ever released it. It never fails to bring a smile to my face. If you've ever bumped into someone who recognises you but you can't remember them at all... watch the link above.
If not for my rather unorthodox selection below, in any other reality, this would have been Number One. It's written there in blue, with a heart and an arrow through.
1. Stephen Malkmus - Jenny & The Ess-Dog
Probably a surprising choice, but this is my all-time favourite Stephen Malkmus song, including everything he did with Pavement. The lyrics are just so good: like an award-winning short story. The details make it.
They kiss when they listen
To "Brothers In Arms"
And if there's something wrong with this
They don't see the harm
In joining their forces and singing along
Those were my spinning Jennies. Which one is your Eccles cake?
Until I listened to it again while compiling this Top Ten, I had no idea just how gloriously miserable the lyrics to this song actually are.
Whiskey or gin, that's alright,
Both have been in her bed at night
She sleeps with the covers down,
Hopin' that somebody gets in.
Doesn't matter what she does,
She knows that she can't win.
Oh, Suzannah's gonna cry.
I love this song, but it always makes me wonder... do Americans really pronounce the word "buoy" as "booie"... or did Aimee just do that for the rhyme?
Buddy felt blue without her... and then, to make matters worse, she only went and Got Married. It could have been worse, Buddy might have met Julian Cope's Peggy Suicide instead.
Susan catches the bus into town at ten-thirty a.m.
She sits on the back seat.
She looks at the man in front's head
and thinks how his fat wrinkled neck is like a large carrot
sticking out from the collar of his shirt.
She adds up the numbers on her bus ticket to see if they make twenty-one,
but they don't.
Maybe she shouldn't bother going to school at all, then.
Her friends will be in the yard with their arms folded on their chests,
pushing up their breasts to try and make them look bigger,
whilst the boys will be too busy playing football to notice.
I was planning a Top Ten Alice In Wonderland Songs, but there were so many good tracks, I had to split them into two lists. Today then, Songs With Alice In The Title (not all of them the Wonderland girl, but most of them touched by her in one way or another). Next post... Wonderland (and its inhabitants).
Alice in the playground She ain’t got a boyfriend Oh oh that’s a pity She’s not even pretty Alice hears them whisper They smile when they see her Oh, oh she’ll discover Girls don’t hurt each other
Of course, Alice Cooper has made far better records, both as a band and as a solo artist. But this is the only one I could find with Alice in the title, so check it out. It's the mellow side of Coops... surprisingly sweet.
After many years as a solo artist, Ben has reformed the Ben Folds Five (all three of them) for a tour later this year. Not sure I can afford tickets, but it'd be great to see the band back together playing songs like this again.
Keighley's finest. Not that there's a whole lot of competition for that title.
1. Tom Waits - Alice
Written with Kathleen Brennan, Waits' dreamy song is dedicated to Alice Liddell, the girl who inspired Lewis Carroll to write Alice's Adventures in Wonderland.
Back soon with my 'In Wonderland' Top Ten... meanwhile, which song with Alice in the title sends you to Wonderland?
