Thursday, 30 August 2012

My Top Ten 'Shut Up!' Songs

10. Chas & Dave - Rabbit

Because I promised / threatened Dick Van Dyke.

One thing I never got about this song... when was the last time you saw rabbit in Sainsbury's?

9. The Coasters - Yakety Yak

Clive Anderson, all is forgiven.

8. Transvision Vamp - Tell That Girl To Shut Up

Look, I know you were expecting Shut Up by Madness, but I just didn't have room for it. Call it #11. If you're wondering how this made the chart when that didn't, the simple answer is... I never fancied Suggs when I was 16.

7. Elvis Presley - A Little Less Conversation

No need for the JXL version here when the original has a video (from the movie Live A Little, Love A Little) as groovy as this.

6. Talk Talk - Talk Talk

One day I might compile a list of songs named after the bands that sing them. Will this be Number One... or Living In A Box?

All you do to me is talk talk

5. Squeeze - Trust Me To Open My Mouth

I need a gobstopper to keep my trap shut
Should have kept my nose clean
Why's it me that gets the bad luck?

4. Deep Purple - Hush

Written by Joe 'Games People Play' South and originally recorded by Billy Joe Royal (no, me neither). You may be more familiar with the Kula Shaker version. I won't hold that against you.

3. The Smiths - Bigmouth Strikes Again

The next time Morrissey says something designed to get the collective knickers in a twist, everyone should consider one of his most honest lyrical declarations...

Sweetness, sweetness I was only joking
When I said I'd like to smash every tooth
In your head

Oh ... sweetness, sweetness, I was only joking
When I said by rights you should be
Bludgeoned in your bed

Bigmouth strikes again
And I've got no right to take my place
With the Human race

2. Elvis Costello - Mouth Almighty

One of my favourite Costello songs from his best album, Punch The Clock.

This town belongs to you and your tricks of confidence
All the pavements for miles around are littered with your footprints
Now every girl I get close to seems to be wearing your perfume
And the clock strikes the letters of your name
Both midnight and noon

I wish I'd never opened my mouth almighty...

1. Julian Cope - World, Shut Your Mouth

It may be flying in the face of fashion... but, beat this!

These are the songs I sing when I want someone to pipe down. Which one are you singing back at me right now?


  1. Weird, I had the very same thought about rabbit/Sainsburys about two days ago. I'd just driven past a squashed rabbit (quite large actually, so possibly a hare) and the lyric sprang into my mind.

    1. Someone needs to have a word with Chas and/or Dave.

  2. Didn't Black Eyed Peas also have a song called Shut Up. Not sure as I'm not really down wiv da kidz. Even if so, I'd still take the Madness title in preference. Or even Wendy James and Transvision Vamp.

    1. I don't eat no black-eyed peas.

  3. Oh, and I also submit It's Oh So Quiet by Bjork, for the repeated "Shhh, shhhhh!"

  4. I like the black eyed peas shut up but it drives OH nuts. He suggested combichrist - shut up and swallow.

    I yes we'll have to agree to disagree or at least agree that we both hate shutupa your face.

    Julian Cope is a good first choice.

    1. You know, if I hadn't been so obsessed with Chas 'n' Dave, I might have remembered Joe Dolce.

  5. Wendy James - where is she? Hope she's well. She coulda bound and gagged me back then.

    Maybe she's living in a commune in Penge with Joe Dolce?

    'Don't Speak' was a nice tune - albeit overly familiar. 'I Don't Wanna Talk About It' isn't so much of a shut-the-fuck-up, more a begging paean for another shag. 'Winner Takes It All' has Agnetha not wishing to discuss the matter further with Beardy. And with that inside-out face of his, quite frankly, who can blame her?

    1. Of those, Don't Speak probably came closest. But as you say, too ubiquitous. (Can something be too ubiquitous?)

  6. Hows about 'Stop Your Sobbing' - or as they might say in Scotland, 'Wheest Yer Greetin'

    1. I'm starting to think you have a Spycam in Top Ten Towers. I was just listening to a version Stop Your Sobbing last night in consideration for another Top Ten. (It didn't make the cut.)

  7. Can't fault any of these, Rol, and you know Bigmouth Strikes Again is one of my favourites.

  8. There's a song by George Thorogood called 'You Talk Too Much'. It's not particularly good or anything, but whenever I've heard it, I've always laughed at a bit right at the end of the song, where he tells his wife / girlfriend to shut up.

    1. Point for that. You always get a point for George Thorogood.

  9. If you're dishing out points, how about "U Talk 2 Much" by Sultans Of Ping FC?

  10. Alternatively you could have Vocally Speaking by Cud
    "And people look at me so strange,
    When I 'm as limited as my vocal range"
    But I don't know if limited vocal ranges count

    1. That'd more likely end up in a Top Ten along with The Stutter Rap.

  11. Aaaaah Transvision Vamp...always worth watching...I mean listening to.

    1. Seems I wasn't the only one with that peculiar teenage fetish.

  12. dont forget run dmc "you talk too much" whodini "big mouth", and cake "Nugget/Shut the Fuck Up"

    1. Good calls, Dan - particularly the Cake. Forgot all about that one.


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