Name That Tune: Our Top Ten Barbara Songs

No surprises who introduces us to this week's post. Here she is with Neil, showing us how showbiz should be done...

Barbra Streisand & Neil Diamond - You Don't Bring Me Flowers

As you might expect, this Babs gets name-checked all over the place (in a surprising number of rap tunes, for one thing). 

Alyson says...

A DJ duo called Duck Sauce recorded something called Barbra Streisand in 2010 sampling a Boney M song. Truly terrible but it was big hit.

Duck Sauce - Barbara Streisand

Ms. Streisand also pops up here...

T-Rex - Observations 

Livin' in the car, make it to the bar

We'll meet up with the guys who

Make love to Barbara Streisand

Then we'll all split the scene

Make it like a dream

West Side Brighton, or we're just ridin'

Turn on the chicks and then we'll blow our kicks

And we'll fly high

And, best of all, here...

American Music Club - All Your Jeans Were Too Tight 

You and I brawl
To give me all your clothes
But all your jeans were too tight
And why did you paint your bathroom black
I can understand liking Barbara Streisand
But I'm not sure about the soundtrack from Diva

But back to Alyson...

Other than the obvious Barbra (whom I adore, especially when she sang Guilty with Barry Gibb - there is an excellent clip when she introduces him and he appears from the darkness, a vision in his tight white trousers - 'It oughta be illegal'), there is Barbara Dickson.

This Barbara worked for my friend's dad as a junior civil servant in Rosyth before becoming famous. Quite liked her early stuff and Answer Me is one of the few songs I can sing quite well, as no high notes.

Is there any end to your famous connections, Alyson?

I hope you won't mind that I picked this one as it stuck in my mind from a very young age... I suspect I have Mr. Wogan to thank for that.

Barbara Dickson - January, February

Still, as Charity Chic points out, there are many other famous singing Barbaras...

I've a plethora of Barbara soul singers...

Barbara Acklin - Am I The Same Girl?

Barbara Pennington - 24 Hours A Day

Barbara Lynn - You'll Lose A Good Thing

Barbara McNair - It Happens Every Time

Barbara Randolph - I Got A Feeling

Barbara Jean English - I'm Living A Lie

And let's not forget...

Dave Stewart & Barbara Gaskin - It's My Party

Barbara Mandrell & George Jones - I Was Country When Country Wasn't Cool 

Barbara Jones - Just When I Needed You Most

Barbara Keith - Detroit Or Buffalo

And they were just the ones I found on my hard-drive.

But what of the Barbara songs?

Let's start with this week's elephant in the room, shall we?

Heaven help us, says Martin...

Aqua - Barbie Girl

I listened to one second of that and it was enough to bring back nightmares. And Rigid Digit agrees...

I'll happily never hear that song again having spent a weeks holiday with 4 daughters under 10 singing it constantly.

I still get shivers.

I should probably have not suggested Barbie... I'm not even sure it is derived from Barbara. Still, while we're here, can we find a decent Barbie song?

Jim in Dubai thinks not...

Big In Japan - Cindy & The Barbi Dolls 

(Almost as bad as Aqua.)

Still, Jim does also offer this, which is a hell of a lot better...

Shonen Knife - Twist Barbie

And I also found these, each one better than the last...

Pink! - Barbies

Little Jackie - Black Barbie

Dolly Parton - Backwoods Barbie

Rialto - Broken Barbie Doll

However, Rigid Digit wins the prize for best song to mention a Barbie... although it's a bit of a stretch.

Carter USM - Sherriff Fatman

Moving up on second base

Behind Nicholas van what's-his-face

At six foot six and a hundred tons

The undisputed king of the slums

With more aliases than Klaus Barbie

The master butcher of Leigh-on-Sea

Just about to take the stage

The one and only - hold the front page

Stay with Rigid Digit, but moving on to actual Barbaras...

Pere Ubu - Nonalignment Pact

Peggy

Carrie Ann

And Betty Jean

Jill

Jan

Joan

And Sue

Alice

Cindy

Barbara Ann

It's all because of you

It's all because of you girl

Although I do have to disqualify that under the Song For Whoever Rule. Sorry, RD.

What else did you have for me this week? 

Let's ask C...

Herman's Hermits - Lady Barbara 

A sweet song, and Peter Noone was so sweet-faced too (my big sister had such a crush on him she used to cry whenever he came on the telly).

Reminds me of listening to Brian Matthews, Radio 2, Saturday mornings. As for Peter and his Hermits... well, they don't make album covers like this anymore, do they?

For a different kind of loveliness, says The Swede (from whom, more in a moment) try...

John Fahey - Barbara Namkin Blues

Meanwhile Martin also offers...

The Temptations - Barbara

Lyrically, there's... 

Vampire Weekend - Hannah Hunt 

In Santa Barbara Hannah cried, amidst those frozen beaches

And didn't We Are Scientists have an album called Barbara?

Apparently so. I have no idea why.

We Are Scientists - I Don't Bite 

Jim in Dubai adds...

If you could stretch it a little, I could have also added 

Duran Duran - Electric Barbarella 

The Photos - Barbarellas

(That last one was on my longlist, Jim.)

Finally, you'll be be glad to know that my millennial hipster politico friend, Ben, found himself dragged back into making suggestions again this week... even though it wasn't all about him. I don't expect him to stay around since I'm sure he'll be distracted by some other bright shiny things very soon. Young people today. Etc. Still, while he's here, I'm happy to share his ideas... 

Regina Spektor - Chemo Limo

Oh my god, Barbara

She looks so much just like my mom

Because that was on my longlist too. Along with...

Johnny Cash - The Ballad of Barbara

Rufus Wainwright - Barbara

Aerosmith - Major Barbra

Dolly Parton - Barbara On Your Mind

Bobby Vee - Please Don't Ask About Barbara

Peter Frampton - Barbara's Vacation

That's pretty awful. I only include it to show there are worse Barbara records than Duck Sauce or even Barbie Girl. I mean, it's almost as bad as this...

Ringo Starr - English Garden

Barbara and me in our English garden.
Barbara, buster and me in our English garden
(and you too Monty) in our English garden.

Better lyrical offerings came from...

Boz Scaggs - You Got Some Imagination

Lean and mean, Barbara Jean

You got a mind like a tattle tale magazine

So stop your scheming you must be dreaming

To think I'd fall for you

You got some imagination

Adam Green - Crackhouse Blues

Now the captain ran for cover when the steamboats crashed

Driving off the bridges cause they got no class

Barbara's got my number, now I've got to run

Pizzas to deliver in the crackhouse slum, you know

Bobby Bare - A Million Miles To The City

Well, how far away is the city? 

You know that's a great big town

And Barbara said why it's a million miles 

And then the story got around

Brad Paisley - Celebrity

I'll get to cry to Barbara Walters when things don't go my way

And I'll get community service no matter which law I break

I'll make the supermarket tabloids, they'll write some awful stuff

But the more they run my name down the more my price goes up

Melissa Etheridge - You Can Sleep While I Drive

We'll go thorough Tucson up to Santa Fe

And Barbara in Nashville says we're welcome to stay

I'll buy you glasses in Texas a hat from New Orleans

And in the morning you can tell me your dreams

And finally this, which came very close just because it's The Hold Steady...

 The Hold Steady - Don't Let Me Explode

Saint Barbara I'm calling your name. 

Don't let me blow up.

We'll hook it all up. 

I guess there's fields of speed where there's fields of grain.

Saint Barbara don't let me explode. 

I can feel the whole scene starting to corrode when we're fooling around on the frontage roads.

But there could only be ten.

And here they are...

10. Father John Misty - Leaving LA

I'm starting the countdown with this one just to bait my millennial hipster politico friend, Ben, who texted earlier in the week to tell me:

New Fleet Foxes album is awful. There, I saved you some time.

I'll make up my own mind about that, thank you very much. 

The worst thing that could ever come from Foxes? I Love You, Honeybear.

Undaunted in the face of his youthful denunciation, I do like me some Father John Misty. As has been previously established here. I'm sorry, but lyrically, this is right up my cross-section...

My first memory of music's from
The time at JC Penney's with my mom
The watermelon candy I was choking on
Barbara screaming, "Someone help my son!"
I relive it most times the radio's on
That "tell me lies, sweet little white lies" song
That's when I first saw the comedy won't stop for
Even little boys dying in department stores

9. The Everly Brothers - Barbara Allen 

The Swede says...

Shirley Collins has recorded the ballad 'Barbara Allen' at least three times over the years, most recently for her latest LP 'Heart’s Ease', but I'd personally go for the 1968 version from 'The Power Of The True Love Knot', featuring her sister Dolly's ghostly flute-organ accompaniment. 

Shirley Collins - Barbara Allen

But, with a song as old as this, there were many different versions to choose from, and I found the Everly's harmonies a little easier on the ear. Sorry about that, Swede. 

I was even tempted to go with this version...

Frank Turner - Barbara Allen 

Charity Chic adds:

Emmylou Harris' Going Down to Harlan also references Barbara Allen...

Emmylou Harris - Going Down to Harlan

And if you were Willie Moore

And I was Barbara Allen

Or Fair Ellen all sad at the cabin door

A weepin' and a-pinin' for love

A weepin' and a-pinin' for love

8. Pavement - Rattled By The Rush 

Winning the Rhyme of The Week award, hands down...

Getting off, on the candelabra

We call her Barbara

Breeding like larva

7. The Boomtown Rats - Diamond Smiles 

Before saving the world and losing his cool in one go, Bob Geldof was a great pop star. This is one of my favourite Rats songs that wasn't a Number One. Plus it mentions Barbara Cartland, so any excuse...

Everybody tries,

It's Dale Carnegie gone wild,

But Barbara Cartland's child

Long ago perfected the motionless glide.

6. Grant Hart - Barbara

Grant Hart had a song called Barbara on his Hot Wax album, says Swiss Adam, who's still kicking himself for missing the first post in this series. Never mind, this is a cracking track that more than makes up for your absence there, SA.

Barbara, always avoids unpleasant situations

She rides right next to me, between the streetcar stations

Her knees are big and bony, she takes up all the cushions

Barbara, always avoids unpleasant situations

And I just added Grant Hart to my Requires Further Investigation list. Even before I realised he used to be in Hüsker Dü.

5. Shirley Brown - Woman To Woman

Shirley finds Barbara's name & number in her husband's pocket and makes a call that basically says: Back off, Bitch.

As a sweet soul ballad, of course.

4. John Prine - Come Back to Us Barbara Lewis, Hare Krishna Beauregard

It's John Prine. I'd happily give John Prine a honorary position in this chart every week.

I gotta shake myself and wonder

Why she even bothers me

For if heartaches were commercials

We'd all be on TV

3. Fountains of Wayne - Barbara H

Martin suggested Seatbacks and Traytables for another Santa Barbara reference... 

Is that Santa Barbara? 
I think I've been there

It's a fine song, but I felt there was a more obvious song from the FoW guys.

So did Jim in Dubai. 

I think the obvious FoW song is Barbara H.

2. Flight of the Conchords - We're Both In Love With A Sexy Lady

Came very close to topping the chart this time, especially as it's about both a Barbara and a... erm... Brabra.

This was also the first suggestion to come through from my millennial hipster politico friend Ben... so there's obviously a reason I keep him around.

1. The Beach Boys - Barbara Ann

As Martin said, this was the "obligatory, obvious" Number One.

Not a Brian Wilson original, it was originally recorded in 1961 by The Regents. There are similarities to the more famous version, but it also sounds very much of its time. The Beach Boys version (with Dean Torrance from Jan & Dean sharing an uncredited lead vocal with Brian) is timeless.

There's a purity to early Beach Boys recordings that is unmatched in the entire sphere of popular music.

A pretty hyperbolic statement, no?

Listen to this and tell me I'm wrong...

NEXT WEEK: OUR TOP TEN CHARLES OR CHARLIE SONGS

(We may need a bigger boat.)