Title Fight #2: Dead Pets & Big Toe Holders

We're back with more great song titles dredged up from the darkest recesses of my hard drive... and some from yours too. Do any of them live up to their names?

For your consideration today...

1. Alice Cooper - I'm Alive (That Was The Day My Dead Pet Returned To Save My Life) 

Brackets are a wonderful thing in song titles, aren't they? Although I have to admit there's a part of me that always hears the diabolical James Saville reading the title out as he used to do on the wireless, saying "open bracket... close bracket".

Sam and I were listening to an old compilation in the car last week. When Alice Cooper's Hey Stoopid! came on, Sam said, "good old Alice!" 

I've also been listening to Mr. Furnier's latest record, Road. It's a lot better than a heavy rock album by a 75 year old man should be. 

This one comes from way back in 1982 though, when he was younger than all of us. Taken from the wince-inducing album Zipper Catches Skin.

2. My Life Story - If You Can't Live Without Me Then Why Aren't You Dead Yet?

Jake Shillingford's My Life Story were firm favourites in my house for at least five minutes in the late 90s. This is from their third album, Joined Up Talking.

Because you can't copyright a song title - even a great one - American rockers Mayday Parade were free to write their own song with the same name, and that's the one you're more likely to come across via your search engine of choice. (Does anybody actually use Bing?) It can't hold a candle to My Life Story, if you ask me.

Mayday Parade - If You Can't Live Without Me Then Why Aren't You Dead Yet?

3. Gary Stewart - She's Actin' Single (I'm Drinkin' Doubles)

Charity Chic was keen to remind me that country songwriters are an excellent source of great titles, and he recommended one of his favourites from Gary Stewart. My hard drive is full of country singers drowning their sorrows in booze after getting dumped, but as Gary Stewart was the "king of honky tonk", he appears to have spent more time than most propping up the bar. He was also responsible for She's Got a Drinking Problem, Hey, Bottle of Whiskey and An Empty Glass (That's the Way the Day Ends) among many others. 

Tragically, Gary Stewart took his own life following the death of his wife in 2003.

4. Captain Beefheart - I Wanna Find A Woman That'll Hold My Big Toe Till I Have To Go

Next up, George wants us to consider the late Don Glen Vliet, famed for his wacky song titles... well, wacky everything, I guess, including, presumably, 'bacca. We could be here all day with the likes of...

When I See Mommy I Feel Like A Mummy

A Carrot Is As Close As A Rabbit Gets To A Diamond

Making Love To A Vampire With A Monkey On My Knee

Hey Garland, I Dig Your Tweed Coat

...but I chose to highlight George's initial suggestion, from the 1970 album, Lick My Decals Off, Baby.

5. Crawlers - Would You Come To My Funeral?

Bang up to date for our final offering today, and Liverpool's Crawlers, who release their debut album, The Mess We Seem To Make, next year. This is the latest offering from a band who have previously released tracks called Feminist Radical Hypocritical Delusional, Hang Me Like Jesus and Fuck Me (I Didn't Know How To Say). 

I hope I don't get an invite to any of their funerals any time soon.

Best title? Best song? Are they the same? You decide...