As George and Ernie are both out on manoeuvres, and because last week's bumper edition nearly finished me off, we're having a rest from Namesakes this week. All being well, it will return to bore you next Tuesday.
At the weekend, Louise and I went to see the new stage adaptation of To Kill A Mockingbird. It was excellent. I've long been a fan of Aaron Sorkin's sparky, snappy dialogue, and he found some excellent ways to use the themes of the novel to say important (if ultimately futile) things about the state of America today. If it comes to your neck of the woods, I'd highly recommend going along to see it.
Here are some tunes related, in one way or another, to Harper Lee's famous novel...
Even though I'm not a football fan, I've been enjoying the show Ted Lasso very much. Louise got bored with it towards the end of the first season, she said it was trying too hard to recreate the "feelgood" tone of Parks & Recreation... and I can see what she means... but I'll take my feelgood anywhere I can get it these days.
Anyway, I finally had time to watch the end of Season 1 over the Easter holiday, and that last episode had me in tears on more than one occasion. I can see perfectly well that the show is emotionally manipulative, but so much TV leaves me feeling absolutely nothing these days, so I think it's worthy of note when something breaks through my cynicism.
There was one line in particular that made me hit pause until I had time to collect myself and carry on watching. It worked in the context of the show, but it spoke to me beyond that... and made me grateful for what I've got.
There is something worse out there than being sad, and that is being alone and sad.
And while we wait - and pray - for a leader with the integrity of Jed Bartlett... all we can do in the meantime is enjoy the answers to this week's Saturday Snapshots.
10. Hello, green eyes & rosacea noses.
Green eyes = jealousy.
A big red drinker's nose is known as a Gin Blossom.
A great solo tune from the former Undertone... just a shame he made it his mantra once he went to the Dark Side and became a bullshit record exec interested only in persecuting harmless music fans.
I bet you think this song is about you - don't you?
1. Summer nights shampoo... like Mr. Benn.
Adam & Joe famously upset Mr. Grumpy by making fun of his name in a Wella-wella-huh! Tell me more, tell me more... stylee. The shampoo speaks for itself.
Mr. Benn was always changing into different outfits that led to adventures.
Apparently there was a big horse race last weekend. I wouldn't know. I'm not a fan of horse races. But I do like the odd horse race song. Here's ten runners and riders... who'll be the winner?
(There's no Bob Seger in this countdown. I just like that album cover.)
One of my favourite James songs, though I've no idea why they stuck the famous tax-dodging jockey's name in brackets after the title. Various suggestions I've read online include that the beat of the song sounds like racing hooves (erm... not really) or that this was a phrase the roadie used to call out during soundcheck. We may never know, and any connection to horse racing seems tenuous at best (which is why I've placed it at Number 10)... but it's a cracking tune.
Look, if Sting wrote this, I'd be taking the piss out of him for writing a song from the second person perspective of a race horse... but I'll cut Dan Fogelberg a bit more slack because he doesn't have a stripy jumper. Make sure you've got your cheese-board ready for this one...
Born in the valley And raised in the trees Of western Kentucky On wobbly knees With mama beside you To help you along You'll soon be growing up strong All the long, lazy mornings In pastures of green The sun on your withers The wind in your mane Could never prepare you For what lies ahead
Let's face it, if you went down the racetrack and found Shane MacGowan there... well, you'd hardly be surprised, would you? You might be surprised if he won though...
Twenty fucking five to one Me gambling days are done I bet on a horse called the Bottle of Smoke And my horse won
You see, this is the problem I have with horse racing. What happens to those poor horses?
There's a racecourse in the sky And that's where all the racing horses must go by and by And I believe every steward, lord and groom I believe that they're calling her home
Good luck had just stung me To the race track I did go She bet on one horse to win And I bet on another to show
Odds were in my favor I had him five to one When that nag to win came around the track Sure enough he had won
Apparently, "Up on Cripple Creek is notable as it is one of the first instances of a Hohner clavinet being played with a wah-wah pedal". Which, I'm sure you'll all agree, is... erm... something.
The best tribute I've read to Sir Roger Moore came from The Guardian's Peter Bradshaw, who concluded: "The Connery Bond was feared and admired... but the Roger Moore Bond was loved."
Roger Moore was the Bond of my childhood, and he will always be my Bond. Yes, those films might seem cheesy and corny now, they certainly don't have the grit of Connery, but they have a lot more warmth. And let's face it: Bond is essentially a ludicrous character. He works if you play him with a raised eyebrow (and no one had better eyebrows than Roger Moore), but take him too seriously and he becomes an unpleasantly violent, misogynist killer with little regard for the lives of innocents... which pretty much sums up the last two Daniel Craig films for me.
Sir Roger's first starring role on TV was in a BBC children's series based on Sir Walter Scott's Ivanhoe. Way before my time, but probably not before Jeff Lynne's...
Bank job in the city Robin Hood and William Tell And Ivanhoe and Lancelot They don't envy me...
Apparently, Roger felt "a complete Charlie riding around in all that armour and damned stupid plumed helmet".
I know lots of people can't do with Robbie's cheeky chappie routine, or his humongous ego... but I find both quite endearing... in small doses... because I really don't think he takes himself at all seriously. Just like Sir Roger...
Y'all know who I am I'm still the boy next door That's if you're Lord Litchfield and Roger Moore...
I tried to avoid songs that just reference James Bond for this chart: there are loads of them and I wanted my tribute to be more about Roger than his most famous role. However, The Toy Dolls do mention Roger (and Sean) in this ridiculous cartoon punk song, so...
Roger wasn't just Bond. Here's Paul Draper name-dropping the role that made him famous... The Saint.
You've got more halos than Simon Templar You've said more Betty's than Frankie Spencer Your gun is bigger than Captain Scarlet's Your face is covered in cheap mascara
As if Robbie Williams wasn't bad enough, let's further irk the musos with a pure slice of noughties piano pop. In my defence, Scouting For Girls may be annoyingly catchy, but they don't really sound like anything else that's been successful in the 21st Century. In fact, they remind me of Gerard Kenny...
Since I was a boy I wanted to be like Roger Moore A girl in every port, and gadgets up my sleeve
In which Gaz Coombes gets trapped in a cloud with an eclectic selection of heroes, including Peter Cooke, Oscar Wilde, Marvin Gay, Joan Of Arc, David Banner... and good old Rog.
When asked why he thought Amy had included him in the lyrics of her hit single, Roger quipped that she must have wanted a word that rhymed with 'door'... or couldn't think of one that rhymed with 'Connery'.
By the time I'm out the door, You tear men down like Roger Moore...
Originally released in 1986 (yes, Pulp were around back then: this was just before their second album), just after my Bond hung up his Walther PPK for good. Roger Moore apparently hated guns and was often quoted, post-Bond, saying how he hated the way the franchise glamorised "men with guns". Maybe that's why he played up the comedic elements of the character. And I'm sure that's why he appealed to Jarvis, who always likes a good Roger...
I know a woman with a picture of Roger Moore In a short towel and dressing-gown pinned to her bedroom wall She married a man who works on a building site Now they make love beneath Roger every Friday night... oh!
1. Wings - Live & Let Die / Carly Simon - Nobody Does It Better
The two best Bond themes of the Moore era, from the band The Beatles could have been and the lady who found clouds in her coffee...
Now put your clothes on and I’ll buy you an ice cream.
So last week, Martin set me a challenge (perhaps jokingly) to see if I could come up with 10 songs featuring toasters. Well, I always like a challenge... here's the best I could pop up. No burnt offerings. Etc. Etc.
Let's start with the obvious one to make things harder. Before he started laying his hat in the lap of the common people, Paul Young was in a bunch of different bands (including Kat Kool & the Kool Cats and The Q-Tips). Some still consider this novelty b-side (flipped into a hit by Kenny Everett) to be his greatest moment.
See also Yeah, Toast!, which the internet claims is by Arcade Fire. I'm not sure I believe the internet though...
Lately I've been thinking bout' stickin' my hand in a toaster...
...sings lead Atari Kris Rose on this track from the band's punky (if not Punky - that's #6) debut album from 1997. Woman problems, obviously. Sadly, the live version on t'internet doesn't do it justice.
Great female empowerment tune from the fourth Squeeze album, East Side Story, in which a housewife has enough of housework...
Press the button on the toaster, it's a woman's world Tuck the sheets in on the bed, it's a woman's world Take your apron from your holster, it's a woman's world Shoot the crown off of your head, it's a woman's world
Sometime member of Robert Pollard's US indie band Guided By Voices, Tobin has also released a loaf of solo records over the years. This was his debut solo single from 1995.
Sadly the toaster in question is someone making a toast, rather than making toast. Still, it was the only song I could find that was actually called Toaster, so it deserved a place.
Even when he was writing piffle, Paul Simon still made gold. This was submitted for The Graduate soundtrack but the producers rejected it - perhaps it was a bit too goofy for them, but it still sounds great to me. Somehow far less annoying than when Paul McCartney wrote the same kind of nonsense...
Wish I was an English muffin ‘Bout to make the most out of a toaster I’d ease myself down Comin’ up brown I prefer boysenberry More than any ordinary jam I’m a “Citizens for Boysenberry Jam” fan
I wanted to include Henley's earlier song Long Way Home in which Don moans...
The heat don't work The toaster don't work The car don't work And I guess I know why This house don't work and this dream don't Work no more And lover, neither do you and I
...sadly, it's not available on youtube (not in this country, anyway), so I had to settle for using the grill... which, given the toaster isn't working, seemed like a viable option.
A delicious slice of whimsy written by cartoonist and children's author (not to mention the songwriter who gave Johnny Cash A Boy Named Sue and got Dr. Hook to call Sylvia's Mother) Shel Silverstein. When Bobby's girl leaves him for another man, he goes down to the cellar and cobbles together a mechanical replacement. You can guess the rest...
She always did what she was supposed to Right up to this evening but then She had an affair with a toaster And they ran off and left me again.
See also Tim McGraw's What She Left Behind, in which Tim's lady buggers off and takes the toaster with her. Tim's not smart enough to build a replacement.
Some serious Health & Safety advice from the Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm dudes...
If your toast gets stuck in the toaster Do not put a fork in the toaster while it is hooked up, or look out I did and I got caught in the current Pulled me in and shook me while it held me tight...
A song about the frustrations of being a mother, particular if all Daddy does is breeze in every now and then and your toaster is constantly on the blink.
Pay the grocer You fix the toaster You kiss the host goodbye Then you break a window Burn the soufflé Scream the lullaby
If you can get past the big hair and 80s power-drums, this is still a classic. If you can't, try this cool cover by Ash.
1. Grandaddy - Broken Household Appliance National Forest
Possibly Grandaddy's finest hour, an epic protest song about people dumping their old electrical appliances in areas of natural beauty. You might think that's not a fitting subject for a rock song, but if you ask me, it's a lot more relevant than anything Sting or U2 ever wrote.
Sit on the toaster like a rock No need to worry about a shock All of the microwaves are dead Just like the salamander said The refrigerators house the frogs The conduit is the hollow log...
Don't expect either Maroon 5 or Christina Aguilera to be making regular appearances on this blog, but as it's Mick's birthday and he apparently finds this track "very flattering", I pretty much had to give it spin.
I actually used this in my class to demonstrate the use of simile in pop song.
A slight cheat, but The Verve were famously sued by Andrew Loog Oldham for sampling his cover of The Last Time (by The Stones) on Bittersweet Symphony with the credits on that track being forcibly changed to Jagger / Richards / Ashcroft and 100% of the royalties ending up with Mick 'n' Keef.
The Rolling People comes from the same album, and presumably was written and recorded before all that kicked off. It still sounds pretty cool...
I got a freaky old lady name o' Cocaine Kitty who embroiders on my jeans
I got my poor ol' grey haired daddy, drivin' my limousine
Now it's all designed to blow our minds but our minds won't really be blown
Like the blow that'll getcha when you get your picture on the cover of The Rolling Stone
There is great debate over who this song is actually about... and Mick Jagger is only one of many suspects (Warren Beatty, David Geffen and Nick Nolte are also likely candidates). Whether Mick is the vain one (he probably thinks this song is about him), he did sing backing vocals on Carly's biggest hit... and it's too good a song not to include here. Amazing lyrics...
Ooh... controversial. Hands up if you thought this would be Number One?
How does it feel...?
1. The Temptations - Papa Was A Rolling Stone
Better than Dylan? I'll leave that to the musos to argue over. For me, this is the Temps finest hour, one of the greatest basslines in the history of pop, and the intro alone gets it to the top spot.
Apparently there's a new James Bond film out this week. I know, I wish they'd spend a little more money promoting it too, it can be very easy for low-budget films like this to slip through the cracks and not find their audience at the multiplex. Still, if you can't find a cinema in your local area that's taking a punt on it, here's a reminder of some of 007's greatest hits. I actually quite like Adele's new theme song... but not as much as these...
I never rated Timothy Dalton, he's probably my least favourite Bond (Lazenby might clinch it... were On Her Majesty's Secret Service not such a great film despite him). That whole "new man" thing was such an 80s blunder for a character like Bond. This was by far the best thing about The Living Daylights.
Possibly the first Bond film I ever saw, so Roger Moore and his eyebrows were officially MY Bond... as a kid, at least. I like Macca's original, but I do prefer Axl's sneering cover. It's just so nasty.
Whenever I'm stuck behind a car driving at 20 miles an hour, I call the driver a 'Louis'. Well, it's better than some of the words I might choose.
As mentioned previously, though I don't particularly rate Lazenby, OHMSS has possibly the best Bond plot ever. That final scene is just a killer. And this - John Barry and Hal David... well, nobody does it better.
Not the Moby version, the David Arnold version or the one where some idiot decided it might be a good idea to let random tone-deaf Irish egomaniacs with a God Complex have a go. The original... and still the best.
Those were my best Bonds... but which is your Nobody Does It Better?
Like, for example, if you want to say "that bit at the end of the Olympics opening ceremony where they wheeled him on to sing 'Hey Jude' for the four millionth time was like that bit at the end of a wedding where the embarrassing grandad gets up to sing tuneless karaoke"...
No, really, it's a free country. We're all entitled to our opinions. I won't be offended.
I like the episode of How I Met Your Mother with the Moby lookalike. I'm mad at the episode of How I Met Your Mother that stole a joke I'd written for Too Much Sex & Violence #6 and forced me to rewrite the bugger.
Memorably used in the best episode of Moonlighting ever (and therefore one of the best episodes of Any TV Show Ever), the unforgettable Blonde On Blonde.
