Celebrity Jukebox #72: Neil Sedaka

All I need to say about the late, great Neil Sedaka can be heard in the songs below...

Neil Sedaka - Oh! Carol

Neil Sedaka - Calendar Girl

Captain & Tennille - Love Will Keep Us Together

Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons - Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Neil Sedaka - Laughter in the Rain

Tony Christie - Is This The Way To Amarillo 

If he'd only written one of those, his name would deserve to go down in legend... but he was a co-writer on all of them, and many more.

Here are a few lyrical tributes...

Diggin' a record on the juke box
I nearly makes me want to cry
You always thought it was a cracker
The one by Sedaka 'bout away to say goodbye

Not sure about rhyming Sedaka with cracker, guys.

Kenny - Julie Anne

Boulder Colorado one nine sixty five

In a four piece cover band, called Peter and the wolves

What we lacked in musical got skill

We made up raising hell

But peter's grandmother's

Uncle's friend

Knew neil sedaka's manager who said he would send

My funky little band on a national tour

So we waited by the phone

And we waited, and we waited some more

The Bacon Brothers - Almost Got Rich

(Yes, Kevin is one of the Bacon Brothers.)

And I'm a host when my best friends come over

And kinda a hostess when they've finally gone away

I can sing up a song just like Neil Sedaka

I've got it covered, I'm kinky, straight, and gay

Martin Mull - I'm Everyone I've Ever Loved

And finally, here's one for George... all 32 minutes of it...

Some men say he could fly some men say he could swim

Others say he could sing like Neil Sedaka

And all the girls in flushing would be amazed of him

Frank Zappa & The Mothers Of Invention - Billy The Mountain

We close the jukebox today though with one of my favourite Neil Sedaka songs, given a new sheen by another late great - Mark Lanegan.

Snapshots #426: Cat Songs

Hey there, all you cool cats and kittens!

15. Take half a Diazepam and Relax for a year.

Diazepam = Valium. Half would be Vali. Frankie said Relax. A year is Four Seasons.

Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons – Rag Doll

14. Rubbish collecting Eagle and cancelled Sugar.

Dennis Eagle made dustbin wagons. Brown Sugar was cancelled.

Dennis Brown – Wolf & Leopards

13. Are We Okay? In a way.

"We Okay" was an anagram.

Wye Oak – Siamese

12. The very latest in henchmen.

Brand New Heavies - Sphynx

11. Conventionality belongs to yesterday at police high school.

"Conventionality belongs to yesterday" is from Grease, the high school being Rydell High, and this is a Bobby.

Bobby Rydell – The Alley Cat Song

10. Disregard the big ears on those nuns.

Corn has big ears. Disregard = shed.

The Cornshed Sisters - Ocelot Song

9. Boss visits A&E with genital chafing.

Bruce Cockburn – Wondering Where The Lions Are

8. Splits her time between Blur and Culture Club.

Blur and Culture Club.

Lulu - I'm A Tiger

7. Sorrow's native sons…

That's a line from a song by The Smiths. Which song?

Pretty Girls Make Graves – Wildcat 

6. Found in Orlando, Jackson and the biggest town in Wales.

Tony Orlando, Joe Jackson and Barry... White.

Tony Joe White – Jaguar Man

5. They have cube-shaped poo.

Apparently it's a fact.

The Wombats – Cheetah Tongue

4. Revolting peasant found in football pundit.

Shearwater – The Snow Leopard

3. Buffalo goes to Howard’s End.

Buffalo Tom... Howard Jones.

Tom Jones – What’s New, Pussycat?

2. Hannah dies as a result of mix-up.

"Hannah dies" was an anagram.

Nadine Shah - Club Cougar

1.  Horniest city looks in need of illumination.

"Horniest city" was an anagram. Illumination would come from an All Seeing I.

Tony Christie & The All Seeing I - Walk Like A Panther 

Join us for more of this twaddle next Saturday morning. It's more enjoyable than cleaning out the cat's litter tray.

Snapshots #388: Songs About Roads, Streets, Avenues etc.

This is Mike Skinner. Mike's looking rather sad because he's lost his camera. Still, he seemed like the ideal person to introduce today's answers... twelve songs about Streets... whatever we might call them.

Oh, and in case you were wondering why Clint Eastwood appeared here yesterday... well, he was The Man With No Name. And I'm sure you all remember what Bono told us? 

12. Three merry old souls.

A rock n roll standard, originally recorded by... 

The King Cole Trio - Route 66

11. Clint was always talking to them.

Clint talked to the Trees.

Trees - Road

10. Furious & Cannon look for their other halves.

Fast & Furious + Cannon & Ball...

Fastball - The Way

9. Don't look at that streaker! He's not Abel.

Ray Stevens advised "Don't look, Ethel!" Abel's brother was Cain.

Ethel Cain - Thoroughfare

8. May the Lord make his face to shine upon you, and be gracious to you.

That's a blessing, that is.

The Blessing - Highway 5

7. Pottery, embroidery, macrame.

Three examples of craftwork.

Kraftwerk - Autobahn

(All 23 minutes of it, just for George.)

6. Confused prats retested.

"Prats retested" was an anagram.

Peter Sarstedt - Boulevard 

5. He say yes!

"He say yes!"

The Man from Delmonte - Drive Drive Drive

4. Fancy playing badminton, Osborn? Mixed doubles?

"Badminton, Osborn" was a mixed up anagram of...

Tom Robinson Band - 2-4-6-8 Motorway

3. Mariah Carey loves to break the rules... but she causes twice the commotion!

MC is a rebel, but gets in double the trouble.

Rebel MC & Double Trouble - Street Tuff

2. Hercules, Colorado, Stag.

Three types of beetle.

The Beatles - Penny Lane

Other roads were available, including long and winding ones... but the Beatles were here for the lane today.

1. Dawn rises over the Yellow River.

Tony Orlando was in Dawn. Christie sang Yellow River.

Tony Christie - Avenues and Alleyways

The road leads back to Snapshots next Saturday...

Saturday Snapshots #124 - The Answers

Faye hey - it's the answers!

Well done to C for getting up earlier than everybody else yesterday.


10. Thunder, and a westerly sunbeam, in chains.

Chain link + W ray...

Link Wray - Rumble

9. Flats, with external doors, down at the end of Lonely Street.

The Maisonettes - Heartbreak Avenue

8. Plaything brings sadness but longs for escape.

Toy... ah.

Toyah - I Want To Be Free

7. Global celebration in support of postmen.

World Party - Put The Message In The Box

6. Hey, O, 5xB... a brighter forecast.

Hey O BBBBB is an anagram.

Bobby Hebb - Sunny

Classic snare drum intro.

5. Not departed or gone, just rusting.

All the sisters of mercy, they are not departed or gone

They were waiting for me when I thought that I just can't go on

Sisters of Mercy - This Corrosion

Hey now... hey now now!

4. When Elvis gets Jolie, he takes Paracetamol.

Elvis Presley + Angelina Jolie...

Angaleena Presley - Pain Pills

3. God watches auctioneers prowl.

God watches us with the All Seeing Eye.

Christie's is a famous Auction House.

Panthers prowl.

The All Seeing I & Tony Christie - Walk Like A Panther

(Written by Jarvis Cocker... though that quickly becomes apparent.)

2. Tidy up where the snow flies, with celebrity soft cheese.

The snow flies In The Ghetto.

Philadelphia make soft cheese.

The Philadelphia International All Stars - Let's Clean Up The Ghetto

You can no longer depend on the man downtown...

1. Don't stop the traffic.

For knowing that someone in this world

Feels as desperate as me...

Dun(go)away - there'll be more Saturday Snapshots next week.

The United Kingdom of Song #15: Doncaster

I went to Doncaster yesterday. It was a lot further than I thought it would be, so I was late.

I never saw the castle.

Jeremy Clarkson comes from Donnie. But don't blame Donnie for that. Tony Christie was also born a few miles away. Emma Peel from The Avengers and the only woman ever to marry James Bond... tragically... Dame Diana Rigg also hails from the town. And the guitarist from Babyshambles. Who's probably a lot less annoying than Pete Docherty.

Best of all though... John Parr, he of St. Elmo's Fire fame... recently featured on Saturday Snapshots... originates from Donnie according to iffypedia (although he was born in nearby Worksop). Oh, and if you think John Parr only ever did St. Elmo's Fire, you're obviously not familiar with his Number One American Rock hit Naughty Naughty. You owe it to yourself to watch that video, while reminding yourself throughout... This. Man. Is. From. Doncaster.

I could only find one song that mentions Doncaster. It's from Manchester band the Courteeners and it also mentions Dundee... but I'm sure I'll find other songs for Dundee when we get up there. Anyway, this is a good song by a band who deserve more credit. They're kind of what Oasis could have been... if Oasis had been any good. Lead singer Liam Fray has a little of bit of Morrissey in his vocal style too... you could say he's like a Morrissey with some strings.

I miss the city I love but I've been having an affair

With L.A and New York, 

Dundee and Doncaster 

If you should care. 

My Top Ten 'Born To...' Songs

Still celebrating the birth that changed our lives forever... and wondering just what our son, Sam, will be born to do...

There will be no prizes for guessing Number One.


10. Transvision Vamp - Born To Be Sold

My first piece of fatherly advice... keep away from girls who look like Wendy James, lad. They'll only bring you trouble.

9. Lana Del Rey - Born To Die

The road is long, we carry on
Try to have fun in the meantime

Words to live by, Lana. 

8. Pulp - Born To Cry

Well, he's a baby, Jarvis. They do cry. We'll deal with that in more detail in a future Top Ten.

See also the cool Tony Christie version.

7. The Rare Earth - Born To Wander

Embrace your right to ramble... 

Cause the wind was my mother
The highway is my brother
I was born to wander
And it's time for movin' on
I was born to wander
Turn around and I'll be gone, gone, gone

6. Patrick Hernandez - Born To Be Alive

Possibly the campest record ever made. FANTASTIC.

5. The Go-Betweens - Born To A Family

Sometimes I feel this could be about me.

Born to a family of honest workers... then I came along

Everyone else in my family has a trade. They do good, honest, skilled work.

I was square into the hole
There was something in my soul
What could I do... but follow the calling?

Son, whatever you want to do with your life, I hope to encourage you. But people will always need plumbers...

4. Bon Jovi - Born To Be My Baby

Look, you can come in here with your cool, hip, indie-kid shoes on... I wear those shoes plenty myself. But if you try and deny the supreme majesty of the Jove at their rocking best... well, don't let the door hit your backside on the way out.

3. Steppenwolf - Born To Be Wild

Get your motor running...

This song was written by Mars Bonfire. Yes, I said Mars Bonfire.

We were struggling a long time to think of a name for our baby. Mars Bonfire Hirst came very close.

2. Dion - Born To Be With You

Originally recorded by The Chordettes in 1956, Dion's Phil Spector-produced cover from the mid-70s is a record of staggering beauty.

All my life through I was born, born, born, born, born to be with you

1. Bruce Springsteen - Born To Run

Only one of the greatest songs ever written.

I'll love you with all the madness in my soul

Which were you born to choose?

My Top Ten Las Vegas Songs

It's been a while since I went off on my American road trip. Let's take a quick stop in the city of sin...


Special mentions to Terry Hall and Dave Stewart's Vegas, Dirty Vegas and Death In Vegas. 


10. Tony Christie - Las Vegas

Las Vegas will be the death of Tony. He should have stayed in Sheffield.

9. Cocteau Twins - Heaven Or Las Vegas

The Cocteau Twinshave to be the least Vegas act on this list. Extra points for that.

8. Sheryl Crow - Leaving Las Vegas

Moody, poorly lit video saved by the flying Elvises.

7. Sleeper - Vegas

In which Louise Wener plays air hostess to a plane load of Elvis impersonators. What else do you need to know?

6. Meat Loaf - Elvis in Vegas

Fifteen year old Marvin Lee Aday snuck out his bedroom window and hitched a ride to Vegas to see the King. It obviously had a profound effect...

5. Tom Waits - Straight To The Top (Vegas)

Grizzly Tom turns loungebar act, channeling Sinatra with style: sax, golf clubs and fez-wearing piano player included for extra effect.

4. Drive-By Truckers - Checkout Time In Vegas

The Truckers write songs like mini movie scripts. Here they arrive in Vegas with "a bloody nose, empty pockets, a rented car with a trunk full of guns", which is a great set up for any thriller. They save the best line till later though...

They'll be after me by the time the buffet closes...

3. Brandon Flowers - Welcome To Fabulous Las Vegas

The Killers hail from Vegas and much of their music reflects the glitz, glamour and gaudiness of their home. But Brandon waited till his solo album to unveil this particular love letter, named after the sign that welcomes all visitors to town.

The sun sets and you're afraid of that itching in your skin
You stumble down the boulevard of neon encrusted temple
You're looking for the grace of God in the arms of a fellow stranger
Disciples hand you catalogs of concubines
As you stumble down the boulevard crying "Hosanna"

Welcome to fabulous
Welcome to fabulous 
Las Vegas
Give us your dreamers, your harlots and your sin
Las Vegas
Didn't nobody tell you the house will always win?

2. Gram Parsons & Emmylou Harris - Ooh Las Vegas

Gram was obviously much enamoured by Vegas... he also wrote the excellent Sin City as part of the Flying Burrito Brothers.

1. Elvis Presley - Viva Las Vegas

Yeah, it was a no-brainer. Many fine versions of this song, including Bruce Springsteen, The Dead Kennedys and ZZ Top (featuring a familiar ghost), but there's only one king.

Credit to Elvis for carrying on recording this sequence even though he's lost a couple of buttons from his shirt.You know how embarrassing that can be.




Which one's gonna set your soul on fire?

My Top Ten Birthday Songs

Because it's March 19th, and I am 41 years old. I know, I don't look a day over 40. (Well, strictly speaking, I'm not. Until tomorrow.)


10. My Life Story - Birthday Suit

It's always a treat to find a Jake Shillingford b-side on youtube.

9. Spearmint - Happy Birthday, Girl

From Spearmint's wonderful Christmas album, Oklahoma, but allowed here because the girl in question's birthday is on Christmas Eve. Other than that, too good to miss out.

8. Trembling Blue Stars - Birthday Girl

Lovely.

7. Elvis Costello & Burt Bacharach - Tears At The Birthday Party

From the best album Costello released in the past 20 years. But then, Burt Bacharach will do that for you.

6. The Cookies - I Want A Boy For My Birthday

Sorry, girls, I'm taken.

5. Eels - Let's Ruin Julie's Birthday

This is what happens when E doesn't get an invite to your party.

E, you're welcome at mine any time.

4. The Beatles - Birthday

Yeah, like they really needed the money that would be generated by writing a birthday song.

Still, great riff.

3. The All-Seeing I featuring Tony Christie - Happy Birthday, Nicola

Lyrics by Jarvis Cocker. Hence: brilliant.

2. The Smiths - Unhappy Birthday

If I wasn't superstitious, this could have been Number One. But do I honestly want to wish myself that?

I've come to wish you an unhappy birthday
'Cause you're evil
And you lie
And if you should die
I may feel slightly sad
(But I won't cry)

Thanks, Moz. I can always count on your for a card.

See also It's Not Your Birthday Anymore.

1. Stevie Wonder - Happy Birthday

Just before the tipping point where Stevie went from genius to goon. I Just Called To Say I Love You was still a few years off. Plus, it's a tribute to Martin Luther King, so extra point for that. Still, the 80s electric keyboard sounds very Casio. He should have stuck with a proper piano.


Those were my birthday songs. Which do you wish me?