Monday 31 October 2022
Celebrity Jukebox#46: Bela Lugosi
Sunday 30 October 2022
Snapshots #264: A Top Ten Ghost Songs
This week, we were haunted by ten songs about ghosts. Did you see them too, or were they all just in my imagination?
10. 6852 islands.
There are 6,852 islands in the archipelago of Japan.
9. Alas, it's grubby.
A Las Vegas... gets dirty.
8. Que sera, John Wayne.
Que sera sera was Doris Day's mantra. John Wayne was The Duke.
7. Woman joins video game movie.
The video game movie was Tron.
6. Cauliflower, fried egg, lion's mane, pink meanie.
They're all types of jellyfish.
Jellyfish - The Ghost At Number One
5. Hallucinogenic coats.
The Psychedelic Furs - The Ghost In You
4. King in need of horse meets twins in need of doctor.
Richard III would give his kingdom for a horse. The Thompson Twins wanted a Doctor.
Richard Thompson - The Ghost Of You Walks
3. Peggy throws in the towel.
Peggy Suicide. Throws in the towel being a euphemism for taking your own life.
2. Teary Ronald.
Anagram!
R Dean Taylor - There's A Ghost In My House
1. Volunteer police.
Special constables, or simply Specials.
Saturday 29 October 2022
Saturday Snapshots #264
10. 6852 islands.
9. Alas, it's grubby.
8. Que sera, John Wayne.
7. Woman joins video game movie.
6. Cauliflower, fried egg, lion's mane, pink meanie.
5. Hallucinogenic coats.
4. King in need of horse meets twins in need of doctor.
3. Peggy throws in the towel.
2. Teary Ronald.
1. Volunteer police.
Keaton trying to get the answers until they're revealed tomorrow morning...
Friday 28 October 2022
Positive Songs For Negative Times #81: Your Final Mile
Thursday 27 October 2022
Guest Post Thursday #14: A Top Ten "I Can't..." Songs (Part 1)
It's been a while since I ran any guest posts here, and the only reason for that is that nobody has offered any. Fair enough, most of you have your own blogs to worry about. Fortunately, George has got sick of reading my interminable ramblings day after day, or perhaps taken mercy on me after yesterday's bumper post, and offered not one, but two guest posts to give me what Huey Lewis would call a Couple Days Off. So Guest Post Thursday is back!
Here's George...
I was listening to one of the three cds in the Sick, Sorry and Sober set recently and I heard this:
Today I passed you in the street, And my heart fell at your feet, I can’t help it if I’m still in love with you
And I thought that it was genius: a simple lyric, a simple tune, that Hawaiian-sounding guitar, that reedy, plaintive and painful voice, combining to make an unforgettable song. I can understand why some 70s and 80s country music puts people off, but I will never understand how people could not like and admire this song.
Hank Williams - I can't help it if I'm still in love with you
And if you can get hold of that 3 cd set I would urge you to do so.
A while later, whilst sitting around not doing much, just singing those lines, I thought of this, another simple intro, builds up a bit, that “ooo” the drum roll, then Levi Stubbs’ voice...
The Four Tops - I can't help myself
I’m spoiling you, two utterly brilliant songs, it’s got to be downhill now. There’s a lot of song titles that start “I can’t”, and an amazing number of them are great. And then there’s that abomination by crap prog turned crap pop group with that drummer-singer. So, to cleanse your ears after just polluting them with the thought of that song, here’s some hard-rock blues.
Led Zeppelin - I can't quit you baby
You’ll be pleased to now know that I have been having the sleep of the just of late, obviously not a care in the world, unlike The La’s...
And Mr Mavers was somehow not satisfied with that album?
Onto more genius lyrics...
Is it day, is it night, Am I losing my sight, I can’t see me without you
Yes, another country song. Really, how can that start not make you at least smile (or laugh out loud)?
Conway Twitty - I can't see me with you
And after a busy morning eating, the goats are having a lie down, chewing their cud. They are obviously telling me to include this song:
The Velvet Underground - I can't stand it
Anita is on heat as I write this, has been for a couple of days, so much bleating round these parts, and it’s difficult to get her in the goat shed. Parsley goes in no problem, a bit of bread, corn, he’s there, but at times like these, not Anita. FORTY minutes it took on Tuesday. She’s bleating for Francisco’s young male goat:
It was very frustrating, he bleated.
The Temptations - I Can't get next to you
My thoughts on this?
The White Stripes - I can't wait
Yes, I can’t wait for this bleating to be over. And one more tune...
The Stylistics - I can't give you anything but my love
Insert your own goat-on-heat joke.
So a Top Ten “I Can’t” songs. Yes, some obvious ones not there, some deliberately excluded on grounds of taste, but not Barry Manilow, oh no, but because the song is Can’t Smile WIthout You, and not I Can’t Smile Without You.
Thanks of course to Rol for allowing this to be posted. Feel free to leave your inane comment.
And I’ve just been informed that I can write a part 2. I bet you can’t wait!
Wednesday 26 October 2022
Celebrity Jukebox #45: Cary Grant (Part 2)
Film critic Pauline Kael said of Cary Grant that "men wanted to be him
and women dreamed of dating him". The actor’s typically self-deprecating response
to this was, "Everyone wants to be Cary Grant—even I want to be Cary
Grant". It seems Cary Grant was a screen persona that Archibald Leach
became increasingly comfortable playing in real life as the years went by... with
a sly wink and an arched eyebrow.
Lyrical references to Mr. Grant broadly fall into four
categories then.
1. Men want to be him.
2. Women want to be with him.
3. A combination of the two.
4. None of the above.
Let’s take them one at a time, shall we?
1. Men Want To Be Cary Grant
Bill Boyan – The Kind of Man I Wanna Be
My baby’s kind of fond of Cary Grant
I tried to act like him, but I just can’t
And I don’t need my name on some marquee
But that’s the kind of man I wanna be
It’s systematic
Some say I look like Cary Grant
It’s systematic
I’ll kiss you baby ‘til I can’t
Allan Sherman – Shticks Of One and Half a Dozen of the Other
All day, all night, Cary Grant
That’s all I hear from my wife, is Cary Grant
What can he do that I can’t?
Big deal, big star, Cary Grant
Allan Sherman seems to have come back from Camp Granada rather
obsessed with Cary Grant. He mentions him in three or four other songs too. Go
find them yourselves though, I’ve done enough for you this week.
Meanwhile, over in France...
Elle se serre tout contre moi
Je me crois au cinema
Je me prends pour Cary Grant
Et puis on eteint la lampe
Which roughly translates as…
She hugs me tight
I believe myself in the cinema
I take myself for Cary Grant
And then we turn off the lamp
Finally in this category, we have Ray Davies, so enamoured
of Cary that he’s going to use him to create an artificial man.
Tell it to the people all across the land
We’re going to build an artificial man
With the physique of a Tarzan
And the profile of Cary Grant
Superior beings being totally made by hand
Throw out imperfection
Mould you section by section
Gonna make you the ultimate creation
2. Women Want To Be With Cary Grant
Peggy Lee – I Love Being Here With You
And Cary Grant, oh-do-dah-day
His utter charm takes me away
But don’t get me wrong
How do you say?
I love being here with you
That's a belter.
When it comes to what a woman needs
You ain’t no Cary Grant
Ich warte auf das Happy-End
Arm in arm mit Cary Grant – alles klar!
You can probably translate that one yourself. Good to know
Nena wasn’t just about the balloons and the nuclear war though.
Deborah Conway – It’s Only The Beginning
When we go walking along the river
Watch the old men fishing the sunny side of the pier
It’s like a movie and you’re my leading man
The way you woo me, just like Cary Grant
We need more videos set on golf courses.
Your talk you learned from great actors
The classics, the best
Your fancy yourself Humphrey Bogart or Cary Grant
Can I hear you? Yes, I can
But you’re not making any sense
Hollis Brown – Death of an Actress
As Madam Faye, you won the role
You even danced with Cary Grant,
And you loved your fame
3. Men & Women Who Both Want A Bit Of Cary
Good Charlotte – Silver Screen Romance
You’re my Bette Davis
I’m your Cary Grant
Let’s make love all night
Don’t get up at the prohibition
I'm not sure why you'd need to get up at prohibition, but what do I know about metaphors?
Alphaville – Sounds Like A Melody
We need the ecstasy, the jealousy
The comedy of love
Like the Cary Grants and Kellys once before
Turns out they weren't just big in Japan.
Meanwhile, big in Germany...
Yvonne Catterfeld - Ganz großes Kino
Ich bin nicht Marilyn
Du bist nicht Cary Grant
I’m not going to insult your intelligence by translating
that one either.
I fell in love with the girl on the screen
Just me and Kate
For two hours tonight
We’ll orbit the earth like a satellite
I’m Cary Grant
She’s Sophia Loren
Television Personalities – Don’t Cry, Baby, It’s Only AMovie
You can be my Audrey Hepburn
I’ll be Cary Grant
4. None of the above
There’s Crawford, Davis and a tacky Cary Grant
And some homeboys lookin’ for trouble
Down here from the Bronx
That’s from New York, my favourite Lou Reed solo album. Though I'm not sure Grant rhymes with Bronx, Lou.
Next, a track from a lockdown-recorded Americana album
released just last year…
A dozen roses on the table
Wither in a week or two at most
From Cary Grant to Clark Gable
Every rose gives up the ghost
And here’s another lockdown song, from a singer who should
not be confused with the Free and Bad Company bloke, because he had a ‘d’ in
his name. Anyway, this Paul learned a lot during the pandemic...
Did you know that Cary Grant never won an Oscar?
And Paul McCartney wrote “The Fool On The Hill” alone?
I seen people playing poker, making million dollar bets
I’ve seen rednecks raising tigers just for pets
It’s a fact that Cary Grant never won an Oscar for any one
film, only receiving an honorary award after he’d retired from acting in the
late 60s. Which, frankly, is a scandal. As to The Fool On The Hill, I'll let Alyson tell you more about that.
Next up, Marlon Brando’s favourite band…
The Godfathers – If I Only Had Time
Today a new sun rises
Look in the mirror, there’s no surprises
Things ain’t what they used to be
Cary Grant’s on LSD
Doctors began treating Cary Grant with LSD in the late 50s
in an effort to “make him feel better about himself and rid of all of his inner
turmoil stemming from his childhood and his failed relationships”. And you
think you’ve got it bad. In later years, he world remark, “taking LSD was an
utterly foolish thing to do, but I was a self-opinionated boor, hiding all
kinds of layers and defences, hypocrisy and vanity.” In my head, I can hear him
saying that.
Punk from the other side of the pond now, though they sound like The Pogues...
The Swinging Utters – Playboys, Punks & Pretty Things
“A penny for your thoughts,” he says
As he swiftly slips from bed to bed
And the thoughtful ones are charmed by him
And the sexy ones turned on by him
And he’s knighted by Casanova’s kin
And his ladies would never turn on him
‘Cause he’s the Cary Grant of the party kings
And the playboy of your wildest dreams
Followed that with a great band name – Highly Suspect. This
song has an opening line deserving of the Misanthropes’ Hall of Fame, but it
settles down after that…
I wish that everyone I knew was dead
So that I’d never have to pick up the phone
We all have days like that.
I’m gonna move to California
I’m gonna melt into the sand
Slow dance with Elizabeth Taylor and Audrey
Bum a cigarette from Cary Grant
Nearing the end now, you’ll be glad to know.
Here’s Pete McCabe, who's having an argument with his wife about
all the junk he keeps in his bedside drawers that she wants him to throw out…
Pete McCabe – The Drawers Song
There's a Cary Grant obituary looking just like me
An eight track tape that taught me we all got to be free
Birthdays cards and get well cards and playing cards, no joker
Books on Greek Philosophy and how to win at Poker
An urn that holds the ashes of my guinea pig, Alfredo
A classic meatball sandwich topped with sweet heirloom tomato
And a penultimate word from our favourite Star Wars fanboy “Geek Rock”
band Nerf Herder…
Celebrities, they come and go
One day you’re Cary Grant
And the next you’re Scott Baio
Note so self: got to do a Scott Baio entry here very soon.
However, I think my favourite tune today comes from a band
I’d rather forgotten about. Luna were the brainchild of former Galaxie 500
frontman Dean Wareham. Rolling Stone called them “the best band you’ve never
heard of”…
And at the weekly meeting of anonymous cads
You shuffle your feet and whistle out loud
Listen to what they’re saying – what a load of crap!
You ain’t no Cary Grant
But then again, who is?
Tuesday 25 October 2022
Namesakes #9: Catherine Wheel
Last week, you had the choice between three different
Honeys, although one of them did use a Z (much to George's horror). The votes were rather more evenly spread than in recent editions, but the Australian Honeys just took it. Will they do so again next week, having changed their name to Catherine Wheel?
As is often the case with this feature, I started out with a vague awareness of only two bands that have used the name Catherine Wheel… and ended up with four.
CATHERINE
WHEEL #1
It’s hard to tell, but I’m guessing this band lot have got to the name Catherine Wheel first… but only just. The internet tells me they formed in 1989, out of the ashes of our winning Honeys from last week: Andrea Croft, Brett ‘Bert’ Thompson and Grant Shanahan. They burned brightly for a brief time, releasing a grand total of 10 songs before spluttering out in 1991.
CATHERINE
WHEEL #2
Alternatively, this group of from Florida might well have
been the first musical Catherine Wheel (the internet only tells me they were
“part of the underground Tampa Bay music scene in the late 80s / early 90s). They
lasted an even shorter amount of time than CW#1, releasing only 6 songs before
changing their name to Edison Shine.
CATHERINE WHEEL #3
Definitely the most well-known of the Catherine Wheels,
although hardly household names, this group of indie rockers from Norfolk started
out as shoegazers in 1990, but got gradually heavier as the decade progressed,
achieving far more success in the US, where they were regulars in the Alt Rock
charts, than in the UK where they only troubled the Top 40 once (with the track below). Lead singer Rob Dickinson (the cousin of
Iron Maiden’s Bruce) now restores Porsches for a living.
CATHERINE
WHEEL #4
The Encyclopaedia Metallum informs me that this Texas Black Metal band arrived on the scene in 2020, led by Goatman (real name unknown), who is also involved in bands called Boiled In Bleach, Gothenbvrg and Grotesque Corpse Stabbing. You don’t have to listen to this one if you don’t want (especially as I could only find the full album on youtube)... but they’re still better than Oasis.
Monday 24 October 2022
Celebrity Jukebox #45: Cary Grant (Part 1)
There are certain celebrities who are clearly too big and
therefore too ubiquitous to even think about including in this feature. Marilyn
being an obvious one, James Dean another. When George suggested Archibald
Leach, I figured he might well fall into that category… but as I’m something of
a Cary Grant fan, I figured I’d give it a go anyway.
I’ve divided the resulting Jukebox into two posts: the first
for songs that feature him in the title, the second (on Wednesday) for lyrical
appearances. But first, here’s a song from Bristol-born Archie Leach
himself…
The most famous act to ever feature Cary Grant in a song title is The Fall. Cary also gets referred to in the lyrics of a couple more Fall tunes, so maybe Mark E. was a fan. But probably not.
The
Fall – Cary Grant’s Wedding
All you’re going to is Cary Grant’s wedding
A new-wave Hollywood where everybody’s good
But not great
Curiously, this track was recorded in 1980, a year before
Cary Grant’s wedding to his final wife, Barbara Harris. Those who treat Mark E.
Smith with the kind of obsessive reverence I only reserve for Nigel Blackwell
these days openly wonder about Smith’s amazing precognitive powers. Others
suggest this whole song is a metaphor for the British music industry which
Smith was dismissing by aligning it with old Hollywood for its glamour and
excess.
As you’d expect, Cary Grant isn’t only beloved of the
English-speaking world. Here’s Italian band Non Voglio Che Clara (“I don’t want
Clara” is the literal translation, though “I want Clara and no one else” is
closer to what they mean)…
Non Voglio Che Clara
– Cary Grant
E poi va come Cary Grant
E la sua amante perduta
A cui han dato il veleno
E lui la segue in Brasile
Which translates roughly as…
And then it goes like Cary Grant
And his lost lover
To whom they gave the poison
And he follows her to Brazil
…though it sounds better in Italian.
Meanwhile, in Deutschland, we find a band called
“Cheerfulness”, I presume with a healthy dollop of irony…
Die
Heiterkeit – Wohin gehst du, Cary Grant?
Wohin gehst du, Cary Grant?
Ist an deiner Seite eventuelle noch
Platz fur mich, Platz fur mich?
Wohin gehst du, Cary Grant?
…which roughly translates as…
Where are you going, Cary Grant?
Is there still, by your side, any
Room for me, room for me?
Where are you going, Cary Grant?
But I expect Walter will correct me if I got that wrong.
A little further east in Europe, we find Bedford Falls, one
of two bands I’ve discovered on the interweb named after George Bailey’s fictional hometown from It’s A Wonderful Life. They may show up again in Namesakes down
the line. Anyway, this Bedford Falls hail from Tbilisi, the capital of Georgia,
although they do sing in English…
The lyrics don’t appear to have anything to do with
Cary himself though, concerning themselves instead with a man who lives in a cabin in
the woods and spends his time binge-watching and “meditating with his golden
good”, which may be a euphemism in Georgia.
Out of Europe and over to the USA, where we find a
contemporary Illinois band who specialise in “cosmic jams, psych-pop, and all
sorts of stops in between”…
I want to live my life like Cary Grant
But try as I might, I can’t
‘Cause I got a job
(Shit, I’m tired)
Down to St. Louis, where discover a band that’s either named
itself after Superintendent Ted Hastings… or the East Lothian town in which
Davy Henderson of The Fire Engines was born.
Saw Cary Grant
In a black and white movie
Left the theatre
With the clouds above me
However, I think my favourite track with Cary in the title comes
from Long Island power-pop outfit, Early Edison. This was the b-side to their
2021 single “Waiting For George Bailey”, which is the second reference in this
post to It’s A Wonderful Life, a film starring James Stewart, NOT Cary Grant.
I wish I could be as smooth as Cary Grant
If I try to be so debonair
I only seem to make people stare
Sunday 23 October 2022
Snapshots #263: A Top Ten Why? Songs
Sufferin' succotash! It's time for some answers.
Why?
Why not?
10. Cleo’s partner does it in a more contemporary way.
Cleopatra's partner was Anthony... newly!
9. Soggy shortbread.
8. Humble, hand-wringing clerk.
See David Copperfield.
7. Join Astaire in disarray.
"Join Astaire" is an anagram.
6. The sun’ll come out for a good man and a working bull.
"The sun'll come out tomorrow" is what Annie believes. Len Goodman + Ox.
5. Able to fly now that all appendages are complete again.
Stitched Back Foot Airman, obviously.
No, really, it is.
Stitched Back Foot Airman - Why?
4. Phantom of the Opera gets frisky.
Michael Crawford played The Phantom of the Opera.
3. Ganymede, perhaps?
2. Cyril moans just like a slimy acorn.
Two anagrams for the price of one!
1. The bridge in Sweden that hosts winter sports and rhythm.
"The bridge" in Swedish is Bron + Ski + Beats.
Bronski Beat – Why?
Saturday 22 October 2022
Saturday Snapshots #263
This morning, I met the chairman of the 1922 committee, Sir Graham Brady.
We've agreed there will be a Saturday Snapshots quiz to be completed within the next 24 hours.
Identify the artists below, then work out what connects their songs. Before I'm out of a job.
10. Cleo’s partner does it in a more contemporary way.
9. Soggy shortbread.
8. Humble, hand-wringing clerk.
7. Join Astaire in disarray.
6. The sun’ll come out for a good man and a working bull.
5. Able to fly now that all appendages are complete again.
4. Phantom of the Opera gets frisky.
3. Ganymede, perhaps?
2. Cyril moans just like a slimy acorn.
1. The bridge in Sweden that hosts winter sports and rhythm.
I will remain as Snapshots host until a successor is chosen. Answers tomorrow morning.