Sunday 30 June 2024

Snapshots #350: A Shades Of Red Top Ten Songs

Yesterday's quiz was hosted by Will Ferrell, aka anchorman Ron Burgundy. Today, it's Scarlet O'Hara's turn at the viewfinder. 

I hope you have your Dulux colour charts at the red-dy...


10. Hattie Nolan meets Hot Nathaniel. Both end up confused.

"Hattie Nolan" and "Hot Nathaniel" were both anagrams...

The National - Cardinal Song

9. But there's only three of them!

I bet Ben Folds got sick of that remark, but he only had himself to blame...

Ben Folds Five - Brick

8. Colourfully ascending semitones.

Chromatic refers to both colour and a scale that goes up (or down) in semitones...

The Chromatics - Cherry

7. Plane taken by Fresh Prince.

Will Smith on an aeroplane...

Aerosmith - Pink

Still one of the most disturbing pop videos I've ever seen.

6. Made up for battle.

Warpaint - Burgundy

5. Yogi Beard is a Boo Boo.

"Yogi Beard" was an anagram...

Dobie Gray - Rose

4. Vicar found on tiny planet.

Mercury Rev - Vermillion

3. It all starts with the Taxman.

The first track on Revolver, by the Beatles, is Taxman.

Revolver - Crimson

2. Fasten your seatbelts, it's going to be a bumpy night!

The clue is a quote from the Bette Davis movie...

All About Eve - Scarlet

1. Wilhelm at the helm.

Kaiser Wilhelm was the Chief...

The Kaiser Chiefs - Ruby

Reddy for more Snapshots? Crimson back here next Saturday morning...


Saturday 29 June 2024

Saturday Snapshots #350


This Saturday, the big question is WILL.

WILL you be able to identify the ten recording artists below?

WILL you be able to work out how their songs are connected?

WILL you beat your previous record? (I do  hope not, or I'm not doing my job well enough.)


10. Hattie Nolan meets Hot Nathaniel. Both end up confused.

9. But there's only three of them!

8. Colourfully ascending semitones.

7. Plane taken by Fresh Prince.

6. Made up for battle.

5. Yogi Beard is a Boo Boo.

4. Vicar found on tiny planet.

3. It all starts with the Taxman.

2. Fasten your seatbelts, it's going to be a bumpy night!

1. Wilhelm at the helm.


WILL you need to log on tomorrow morning for the answers?

Friday 28 June 2024

Mid-Life Crisis Songs #111: Keep Taking The Biscuit

Last week, I bemoaned the fact that I came away from my recent Billy Bragg gig feeling ever so slightly short-changed, for which I blamed myself more than Billy. Afterwards, I was reminded of a Lloyd Cole lyric...

The Young Idealists
Careering through the markets to the Mall
Venturing that we could have it all
Still supposing we could make a difference
And then the markets fall
And the heavens open
And there's no synergy at all
The synergy is broken
So maybe now I'd take that wholesale revolution
We were talking about
Maybe now I'd take a future we can breathe in


...and once again, I felt like I was getting too old for all this shit: gigging, nightlife, being out in the world.

So when it came time for my second gig in less than a week, Half Man Half Biscuit at the same venue where Billy had left me wanting more, I found myself having another little existential crisis. It didn't help that I'd been out the night before to see Sam performing in a choir concert at Huddersfield Town Hall, and that I had to get up early the following morning for a football tournament that took up most of Saturday. Did I really want to spend my Friday evening standing on my own among a crowd of middle-aged men wearing T-shirts Mark Radcliffe would not approve of? Much as I love the Biscuit, I had serious second thoughts.


But I forced myself to go, and I'm glad I did. Because while I found it hard to connect with Billy's idealistic devotion this time round, Nigel Blackwell's cheeky Birkenhead cynicism was enough to banish the mid-life crisis for a couple of hours. As soon as he and his gang walked on stage to a singalong of Rhinestone Cowboy... it felt like I belonged.


Like Billy, Nigel is as entertaining between the tunes as when he's actually singing... unlike Billy, I never felt like I was failing to live up the expectations of the man on stage. Instead, he left me much to ponder...

Have you ever seen Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen and Dave Grohl in the same room?

Was that really Jodie Comer in the corner?

What do they call the sliding tray device used in overnight garages to pass things through to the cashier (or vice versa)? 

The answer to that last one is a Chuckle Brother, in case it was going to keep you awake tonight.


I came away with a T-shirt, a smile, and a temporary abatement of the existential dread. That's about all I can ask for these days...



Thursday 27 June 2024

Title Fight #13: Pun-ishment

I do like a good pun in a pop song. Elvis Costello used to be the king...

You may not be an old-fashioned girl
You're still gonna get dated

Elvis Costello - Girls Talk

There's a shorthand typist taking seconds over minutes

Elvis Costello - Green Shirt

You lack lust... you're so lacklustre.

Elvis Costello - Possession

And Billy has had his moments too...

You're a dedicated swallower of fascism...

Billy Bragg - Accident Waiting To Happen

However, getting a good pun into a song title is much trickier than hiding one in the lyrics of your song. Rock music is full of dreadful puns - much as I might try to defend the reputation of REO Speedwagon, there's no excuse for their 1978 album title, You Can Tune A Piano But You Can't Tuna Fish.


Although it does contain one of their better songs...

And the less said about Melon Collie and the Infinite Sadness, the better...

Smashing Pumpkins - Mellon Collie And The Infinite Sadness

Meanwhile, I've seen it suggested online that the song Bruise Pristine by Placebo is a pun on Bruce Springsteen. Not a very good pun, if that's actually true.

Placebo - Bruise Pristine

Of course, Nigel Blackwell knows his way around a pun...

Half Man Half Biscuit - Dickie Davies Eyes

Half Man Half Biscuit - Excavating Rita

Half Man Half Biscuit - Tess of the Dormobiles

However, there is one song title that beats all challengers when it comes to the title of Greatest Pun Ever... and I'm not talking about this...

Randy Hanzlick, MD (Dr. Rock) - I'd Rather Have A Bottle In Front Of Me (Than A Frontal Lobotomy)

No, I'm talking about this forgotten classic from Johnny Cash's former backing group, The Statler Brothers. The great thing about this song is that when you hear the title - You Can't Have Your Kate and Edith, Too - you figure there's no way the song is ever going to live up to it. And then it does, with a hilariously touching tale of two-timing and jealousy and the mildest curses you'll ever hear, considering what this guy is putting up with. If I were him, I'd be using words a lot stronger than "you rascal, you!".  



Wednesday 26 June 2024

Self-Help For Cynics #39: Test Subject



I did an online test via Psychology Today to see just how angry I am - and here are the results...

You may have problems managing your anger

Your score indicates that you likely struggle to recognize triggers, calm down, communicate with others, and process your emotions in a healthy way; your anger may sometimes turn into aggression.


Well, I mean, I guess that's not telling me anything I didn't already know... but it's still scary to see it written down. (I thought I'd been quite moderate in my responses too.) 

Still, my overall score was 71 out of 100, which means I'm just dipping a toe into You may have problems managing your anger and I've only just risen above Could do better. I'm not sure that's cause for huge celebration (especially as I took care to moderate my responses) but you know me - I'm a glass half full kind of guy...


Oh, but the boffins at Psych Today weren't finished yet. They had advice too - lots of it!

It’s important to learn how to manage anger, because continual anger, and the stress hormones that accompany it, can harm your physical health. Unmitigated anger can also lead to problems in one’s career, finances, and relationships.


This started me wondering just how my physical health might be affected, and I realised the main thing is: I'm knackered. Partly that's the long commute and the hectic business of being a parent and a home-owner... but could it be related to my anger as well? 

Yes, according to a report I found by some more boffins, this time from Kent State University...

Too much adrenaline can exhaust the capacity of the brain to manage stress. Fatigue, illness, and chronic pain can follow.

It makes me tired, just thinking about that. 


What else did the Psych Today computer have to tell me?

Anger or aggression plays a role in several mental health disorders, such as intermittent explosive disorder, oppositional defiant disorder, conduct disorder, and borderline personality disorder. It may also be involved in manic episodes, ADHD, and narcissism.

Well, I've ruled out the last three, but the rest are distinct possibilities. I like the sound of Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Isn't that just refusing to be part of the crowd?


Certain personality traits are linked to the tendency to become angry, research suggests. These include high neuroticism and low agreeableness.

✔️✔️

Anger tends to result from a combination of three factors: the trigger event, the personality of the individual, and the individual's appraisal of the situation.

This is the kind of sentence that makes me just go: No shit, Sherlock.


Anger can be directed outward or inward. Anger expressed outwardly may take the form of yelling, meanness, or physical aggression. Anger expressed inwardly may take the form of suppression, withdrawal, and self-criticism.

So I'm mostly an inwardly angry person, unless I'm confronted by an Audi driver.


There are many avenues to improve anger management, including therapy, support groups, and individual coping skills.

Which is this series in a nutshell! Welcome to my individual coping skills blog. More next week...


Tuesday 25 June 2024

Namesakes #91: The Fifth Column

We've got Reds under the bed on this week's Namesakes. Which Fifth Columnists will be a SMASH hit with you?

THE FIFTH COLUMN #1

"Joe Egan and Gerry Rafferty were a duo known as Stealer's Wheel when they recorded this Dylanesque, pop, bubble-gum favourite from April of 1974 that reached up to number five, as K-Billy's Super Sounds of the Seventies continues..."

So says the wonderful Steven Wright in Reservoir Dogs. And if Steven Wright had his own radio show, I would listen to it a lot more than I listened to Steve Wright In The Afternoon. But I digress...

Before they became Stealer's Wheel, way back in 1966, Paisley's Joe Egan and Gerry Rafferty (along with Dennis Bell) were known as The Fifth Column. This was their only single...

The Fifth Column - Benjamin Day

THE FIFTH COLUMN #2

Canadian post-punk band from the early 80s with a feminist agenda, a political edge and a fiercely independent streak.

The Fifth Column - Donna

THE FIFTH COLUMN #3

All the way from Blackpool in 1983 came these post-punk Fifth Columners with a smile on their face... for now.

The Fifth Column - Laugh While You Can

FIFTH COLUMN #4

Proper female-fronted DIY punk from Cricklewood in 1985, with Moggy on guitar.

Fifth Column - Deppresionaire

That's not how I'd spell... etc. etc.

THE 5th COLUMN #5

US new wave / indie band from 1987 who clearly had been listening to Talking Heads. This is the b-side of their only single to be found on discogs, the a-side appears to have blown away with the sand of time...

The 5th Column - Rivet Man

FIFTH COLUMN #6

While these guys, in 1988, had clearly bought a few Pet Shop Boys records...

Fifth Column - How

THE FIFTH COLUMN #7

Finally, some lo-fi acoustic stuff from Athens, Georgia in 1988...

The Fifth Column - Pearl

Some disappointment at Top Ten Towers that I was unable to find the abrasive death metal band from Queensland now calling themselves The 5th Column, having changed their name from Maggot Infested Fuck Pit. There were a few other 5th Columnists I couldn't locate, but none left quite the same hole in my heart. 

But which Fifth Column would persuade you to join... and which would you grass up to the authorities?

Monday 24 June 2024

Celebrity Jukebox #129: Donald Sutherland

Martin and Khayem already paid their respects to the late Donald Sutherland, and there's little I can add to their fine tributes... except a few songs that mention him by name. Starting with this fine tune from a band with a terrible name. Don't let that put you off.

Martin paid particular attention to one of Donald's finest roles - the 1978 remake of Invasion Of The Body Snatcher, as pictured at the top of the page. And here it is in a song...

They're Body-Snatchers. Life is imitating art now
And Donald Sutherland, I guess I'm playing his part, now
That everyone is out to get me

Barstool Prophets - Paranoia

Meanwhile, these guys are probably watching Don't Look Now...

The scene where Donald Sutherland
Got hot between the sheets
Had really got her going
So you turned away to sleep

Flyte - Echoes

And Bill Callahan finds solace in Donald's voice...

A Donald Sutherland interview comes on
The truck radio
He apologizes to all he's loved and sired

Bill Callahan - Winter Road

Over at Dubhead, Kayhem mentioned Donald's guest appearance in a Kate Bush video, in which he plays the part of German psychiatrist and philosopher Wilhelm Reich. Here's a little bit more about that dude... 

Red fascists kicked him out of Oslo
Donald Sutherland
Portrayed him in a Kate Bush video
Bitter love, preaching human dignity
Wrote a book about Nazi sexuality

Turbonegro - Ãœbermensch

Apparently Donald initially refused to lower himself to taking part in a silly pop video... until Kate Bush turned up at door in person. And then he changed his mind. Can't imagine why...


Sunday 23 June 2024

Snapshots #349: A Top Ten Songs About Schoolyard Games


Remember the days of the old schoolyard
We used to laugh a lot,
Oh, don't you remember the days of the old schoolyard?
When we had imaginings and we had
All kinds of things and we laughed

Cat Stevens – (Remember The Days Of The) Old Schoolyard 

Here are ten songs that might remind you of games played in the old school yard...


10. The cast of Lost.

Missing Persons - Mental Hopscotch

9. Don't suck old sweets.



8. Cabernet Sauvignon.


It's made with black grapes...


7. Keep drinking and you'll become one.



6. American G.I. gets lost in the subtext.


GI Joe gets lost in the subTEXt.


5. Deano takes it easy with a brand new key.


Dean Martin takes it EZ with Melanie...


4. Proving Del Amitri wrong.


Del Amitri said that Nothing Ever Happens. These guys would disagree.


3. One Frou, near the top of Frank's New York ascent. 


She was one half of Frou Frou, and top of the heap!


2. Straight out of The Bible.


He was the lead singer of The Bible.


(They used to call it Sleeping Tigers when I were a lad.)

1. Big Daddy, found near the Statue of Liberty.


Big Daddy was Shirley Crabtree. Liberty Island is adjacent to Ellis Island in New York.
That should keep you busy till next Saturday morning.

Saturday 22 June 2024

Saturday Snapshots #349


Here's a confession: I didn't have Sky TV when I was younger either. When the BBC stopped showing The X-Files, I had to save up and buy the DVD box sets. I didn't have a big fancy camera like Rishi to take my snapshots with either...

Who are the stars of popular music pictured below?

How are their songs connected...? 


10. The cast of Lost.

(Lost was another show I had to watch on DVD, Rishi!)

9. Don't suck old sweets.


8. Cabernet Sauvignon.


7. Keep drinking and you'll become one.


6. American G.I. gets lost in the subtext.


5. Deano takes it easy with a brand new key.


4. Proving Del Amitri wrong.


3. One Frou, near the top of Frank's New York ascent. 


2. Straight out of The Bible.


1. Big Daddy, found near the Statue of Liberty.


Fortunately, you won't need Sky TV to get the answers - they'll be here tomorrow morning.


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