When I began the Celebrity Jukebox, it wasn't just for celebs who had passed away. Living legends were also featured. Nowadays though, it's just a place to celebrate those who have left us. Sadly, this means I now have to revisit this edition from 2022. Rest in peace, General...
“Kneel before Zod!”
For most of my generation, our first encounter with Terence
Stamp was as the evil General Zod in Superman II. The Grauniad called him “the
master of the brooding silence”, and he certainly sent shivers down my spine. Gene Hackman’s Lex Luthor was a pussycat in comparison.
I was surprised General Zod didn’t get referenced all over
the place, but only Eminem (who’s the same age as me) was prepared to kneel
before him.
Terence Stamp had been around for a couple of decades by the
time he played that memorable supervillain, making his screen debut in
the movie Billy Budd, an Oscar-nominated performance that obviously made some
impact on a young Steven Patrick Morrissey…
Morrissey also used an image of Stamp in The Collector as
the cover of the third Smiths single, What Difference Does It Make?
Stamp
originally refused permission for the picture to be used, but relented in the
end… possibly after he’d seen Morrissey’s alternative.
Pete Townshend from The Who has a younger brother called
Simon who has occasionally play with big bro’s band, as well as ploughing his
own lonely solo furrow. Here he is with a track called Highness, which begins
thus…
I am what I am
I just happen to be related to the king
…before named dropping Bowie, Eddie Vedder and Rod Stewart,
as well as… yes, you guessed it, Terence Stamp.
48 Cameras are described on their bandcamp page as “Collectif
international à géométrie variable”, which means they come from all over the
place, but mostly Belgium. This is from their 2006 release After All, Isn’t
Tango The Dance of the Drunk Man? It sounds like an orchestra tuning up to me, but what do I know? It's probably art.
After all these years of myth-making, the TV show, the family, the self-mockery and the colossal caricature (not to mention biting the head off that bat), I readily accept that there are two types of people who know much more about Ozzy than I ever will: the dedicated heavy rock fans (I dabble, but I'm not a connoisseur) and those who know very little about music at all... but just enjoyed the Show. (And by that, I don't just mean The Osbornes.)
I'll let you in on a little secret through... whenever I come across an old Ozzy track I've not heard before, like the one above, I dig it. Because I've always had a soft spot for metal that isn't too metal. Really, it's just pop music with louder guitars.
If nothing else, Ozzy was a Show. And beyond that, he was the very best kind of rock star: one who never took himself too seriously... or at all seriously. That's the way he came across to me, anyway.
As is customary in this feature, I went looking for songs that might mention the dearly departed. And only then did I realise just how far Ozzy's influence stretches... and how much bigger he was in the States than in his home country. As you'd expect, some of these songs are quite loud...
And while I'm pretty sure this reggae hit from the 70s wasn't about The Prince of Darkness... it would be nice to imagine he might have been an influence.
When it came to choosing my favourite Ozzy tribute song though, there was no contest. Especially as the lead singer of this band once left a comment on my blog. Here's B4S with a song about the passing of time, and all its sickening crimes...
Superman used to represent "Truth, Justice, and the American Way"... but many are questioning whether that's still relevant, and the press have put that point to the new movie's director, James Gunn, a man who has clashed with Donald Trump in the past.
“I mean, Superman is the story of America,” Gunn says. “An immigrant that came from other places and populated the country, but for me it is mostly a story that says basic human kindness is a value and is something we have lost.”
Superman has also been called a "strange visitor from another planet", that planet being, of course, Krypton. I couldn't find any songs named after Kal El's home planet, but there were quite a few that mention its most famous (and deadly) mineral...
No: where he's from doesn't matter. At his best, Superman is an example to us all. To be better people. I'm not even a big Superman fan - I much prefer Spidey or Bats. But when he's done right, I still appreciate the moral to his story.
Sadly, in December 1963, Pat Hare made this song a reality when he shot his girlfriend and a policeman who came to question him. He spent the last 16 years of his life in prison, where he formed the band Sounds Incarcerated.
I was largely unaware of the story of Alan Bates and his fight to clear the names and reputations of hundreds of Post Office employees. The recent TV dramatisation starring Toby Jones came as quite the eye-opener... and I'm still reeling. It's the sort of story that proves reality can be far scarier than fiction. If it wasn't true, I wouldn't believe it. Surely there must have been...? Why didn't...? What sort of people...? How could they...?
Words fail me.
Here are some songs that feature the Post Office. The warm and welcoming local high street institution that we all grew up with... not the evil, autonomous Mega-Corporation that took it over.
Robert Arthur "Tut" Taylor Sr. was a champion and preserver of old time bluegrass music who once sold a Hank Williams guitar to Neil Young. Here he reminds us of a Post Office to be proud of...
Buccaneer is from Jamaica, but his real name is Andrew Bradford. He was stuck in the Post Office back in 1994.
As soon as I started thinking about songs featuring the Post Office, two sprang immediately to mind. The first is just a mondegreen though. Still, if Michael really was singing...
Keep on to the Post Office
Don't stop till you get enough
...then there wouldn't be a better song to support Alan Bates's 20+ year fight.
I should have featured the former Mayor of Cincinnati on the Celebrity Jukebox following his untimely demise back in April... but it seemed like too big a task. The name Jerry Springer has become synonymous with a certain kind of lowest common denominator trash TV, so it's an easy shorthand for songwriters to drop in if they want to diss the worst elements of society, the ones happy to air their soiled undergarments and then have a big ruck in front of millions, thereby fulfilling Andy Warhol's 15 minutes prophecy. But I think there was more to Jerry than all that - he started out as an adviser to Robert F. Kennedy, before becoming a lawyer and then a major public figure... he even considered running for President. And let's face it, he couldn't have done a worse job than the Orange Manchild. As for his notorious TV show, Jerry clearly had a sense of humour about the whole thing (unlike his loathsome UK counterpart, Jeremy Kyle), happy to join in when others were poking fun at it (and him), most notably in Richard Thomas & Stewart Lee's hilarious Jerry Springer: The Opera.
Speaking of rappers, here's a guy who could easily have been a recurring guest on Jerry's show...
I strangle you to death then I choke you again And break your fucking legs till your bones poke through your skin You beef with me, I'mma even the score equally Take you on Jerry Springer and beat your ass legally
"Partner is the "mature" effort of two best friends named Josée Caron and Lucy Niles. Together, with Rock as their trusty guide, they explore a variety of themes in an attempt to understand the meaning of life." Which must be one of the worst artist biogs I've ever read. Shame really, because they make a spendid racket, and tell cool stories too...
When I was a kid I used to fake sick Luckily, my mom and dad were Pretty easy to trick
I was biding my time Until the house was all mine To do the one thing I really wanted to
Which was watching daytime TV While there's no one home to watch me I'm hanging out with Maury He's doing a paternity test Are you the father? Well, it's anybody's guess And give me Jerry Springer Judge Joe Brown, Judge Judy, and a TV dinner I guess the best things in life come free Like watching daytime TV
Bret Michaels was the lead singer of Poison. Despite that, this made me chuckle...
One day Jack came over to apologize He told me, my ex which is his new girlfriend was out every night Jack said I think she's been cheating with my new friend Jim Say you love her too bad cause now she loves him Pulled a Jerry Springer on me now your outta luck My new girlfriend thinks you all suck
When you find out things about yourself That you hadn't ought to know When your grandma calls and books you On the Jerry Springer show And you find out you and your wife of ten years Just might be related Brother, life's not over it's just Simply complicated
There were many, many, many more lyrical mentions of Jerry Springer... but I'm trying to be a little more selective and only link to the ones I like, or I figure one of you guys might dig. Like this little beauty...
Today's winning tune comes from a band I was very into around the turn of the Millennium. Hard to believe it's nearly 25 years since this was released. It's a song in which the lead singer professes his love for the actress Claire Danes, named after the TV show that made her famous (though it also mentions her star-making turn opposite Leonardo DiCaprio in Baz Luhrmann's Romeo & Juliet).
I went on Jerry Springer To confess my love to you You said I didn't have a chance And there was nothing I could do You told me I was crazy And wished that I was dead. You threw a chair right upside my head
For most of my generation, our first encounter with Terence
Stamp was as the evil General Zod in Superman II. The Grauniad called him “the
master of the brooding silence”, and he certainly sent shivers down my spine. Gene Hackman’s Lex Luthor was a pussycat in comparison.
I was surprised General Zod didn’t get referenced all over
the place, but only Eminem (who’s the same age as me) was prepared to kneel
before him.
Terence Stamp had been around for a couple of decades by the
time he played that memorable supervillain, making his screen debut in
the movie Billy Budd, an Oscar-nominated performance that obviously made some
impact on a young Steven Patrick Morrissey…
Morrissey also used an image of Stamp in The Collector as
the cover of the third Smiths single, What Difference Does It Make?
Stamp
originally refused permission for the picture to be used, but relented in the
end… possibly after he’d seen Morrissey’s alternative.
Pete Townshend from The Who has a younger brother called
Simon who has occasionally play with big bro’s band, as well as ploughing his
own lonely solo furrow. Here he is with a track called Highness, which begins
thus…
I am what I am
I just happen to be related to the king
…before named dropping Bowie, Eddie Vedder and Rod Stewart,
as well as… yes, you guessed it, Terence Stamp.
48 Cameras are described on their bandcamp page as “Collectif
international à géométrie variable”, which means they come from all over the
place, but mostly Belgium. This is from their 2006 release After All, Isn’t
Tango The Dance of the Drunk Man? It sounds like an orchestra tuning up to me, but what do I know? It's probably art.
I've read comics all my life. I can't afford to buy them anymore, so I just read them online through a monthly subscription app. Stream them, I guess. Then again, when I started buying comics they were 10p each. Nowadays they're over three quid a pop - I don't know how modern collectors do it.
Two things got me into reading comics. One was the 70s Spider-Man cartoon, the one with the immortal theme tune. But as much as Spidey became my number one hero, he wasn't the star of the first comic I owned. That was Hulk Comic, which my mum bought me because I loved the old TV show starring Bill Bixby and Lou Ferrigno.
Ferrigno was a body builder who initially became famous when he featured in the 1975 documentary Pumping Iron alongside a young Arnold Schwarzenegger. (Scharzenegger was considered for the role of the Hulk, but lost out in the end because he was three inches shorter than Ferrigno.)
Having lost almost 80% of his hearing as a child, young Lou retreated into a fantasy world of super-hero comics and body-building to avoid the bullies. Excellent preparation for his time as the Incredible Hulk... and for being Michael Jackson's personal trainer for over 20 years.
You can pretty much guarantee that anyone who's known for being a tough guy will be name-checked in about 300 rap songs, and that's certainly true for Lou. You'll easily find him associating with everyone from Ice Cube to Eminem to Busta Rhymes, plus a bunch of other guys even hardcore rap fans probably never heard of.
Lou Ferrigno's name features in more song titles than anyone else I've so far investigated for this feature... although none of them are by anyone you've ever heard of. Don't believe me? Try these (or don't, I won't be offended)...
And that's just the tip of the iceberg. There's plenty more out there if you like scraping barrels.
By this point in my search I was starting to get desperate. What were the chances of finding any Lou Ferrigno songs in my own record collection? Well, as it turned out... zilch. The closest I got was an unreleased Weezer b-side featuring Rage Against The Machine's Tom Morello on guitar...
I remember being round at my next door neighbours, taping this song off one cassette onto another.
Thanks. I've got you sharing The Smurfs and Sam making me listen to Baby Shark. As if life wasn't bad enough.
Show him the Smurfs Go Pop album.
I think I'll stick with making him listen to the Guardians of the Galaxy soundtrack again.
I would have thought you were post cassette.
No way, one of my favourite toys as a kid was the Talkboy (TM). It's the thing Kevin has on Home Alone 2 where you can speed up or slow down the playback.
From Tiger Electronics.
I just used to put a penny on the LP.
I also have a lot of cassettes now.
Of course. Because pointless tat comes with Hipsterdom.
Is that slang for going to the toilet?
What, pointless tat? I'll have you know I have very good direction.
You can get plenty of tapes on eBay for dirt cheap.
People do big clear outs. There's never any bidding wars or anything.
I've just started buying up cheap CDs I used to own, then sold when I was skint (and CDs still had value). Now I can get them for a couple of quid each.
My tape player is French as well.
Of course it is.
I donated all my CDs about 5 years ago.
I know. But I'm never going to be able to afford a vinyl collection and I even sold my turntable. CDs are now the cheapest option... except for anything released in the last 2-3 years which is extortionate and never drops in price.
Whereas I don't have anything to play CDs on. Even the laptops in our house don't have CD compartments.
I did buy one of those things that lets you convert old cassettes into mp3s. I've just never had time to use it. I also have lots of old mini-discs that I have a similar intention for.
Mini discs skipped my generation. They were too expensive and by the time we were old enough to buy them, the MP3 players were out.
[They were only a thing for about 3 and a half minutes. But it was when I worked in radio, and we were convinced they were the future after they replaced reel to reel.
I bought a Zune with my first pay cheque.
WTF...?
What? The Zune rocked. It was indestructible.
What did it do?
Played mp3s. With the most unintuitive user interface ever.
I bought a CD player with my first pay packet. Then spent ages taping CDs so listen to in my dad's car. I taped Diamonds & Pearls, the album, when I got it. Put it on repeat to fill the C90. Only I'd pressed repeat one track only. So driving to work that night, I listened to 40 minutes of Thunder. It took me ages to realise what I'd done. I just thought Prince had recorded a reeeeeeally long song.
I bought a CD player by skipping eating lunch at school for three weeks so I could use the lunch money to buy it. £20 Alba CD player.
That sounds like a plot from Grange Hill. They'd call in a social worker if you did that nowadays.
Most kids at my school didn't eat at lunch. There was a McDonald's at the end of the road and we were near the city centre so most kids saved it as we couldn't leave during lunch.
So you just sat in the playground and watched the drive-by shootings...
It was a Catholic school so it was a few stabbings. And a lot of teenage sex.
But you all felt very guilty afterwards.
The guilt was ever present. You knew you'd fucked up when you got sent to see Fr Adrian over the assistant principals.
To be fair, he was a nice guy.
Just made you do a lot of prayers.
Perfect song for you...
Settle a debate.
Pink custard at school.
It was just pink, not strawberry flavoured, yeah?
I don't think it was strawberry flavoured but it didn't taste like normal custard. I love normal custard but I hated red custard and green custard. Chocolate custard was ok.
Green custard and red custard. Did you go to private school!?!
Grotbags was the head teacher. I thought you didn't eat school dinners anyway...
What did green custard taste like? Apple?
Horrible. There is only one true custard.
Birds or Ambrosia?
Yellow.
All you other custards are just imitating.
Cold or warm?
And I mean refrigerated, not room temp.
Hot. Like coffee.
Red hot dessert, cold custard.
Freak.
How is custard even allowed for you? It's not vegan.
Alpro. Or Birds packet mix.
Sigh. Custard must be hot. End of.
My other half has it hot. Have to keep half in fridge, half in cupboard for her to heat up.
At least there's one sane person in your household.
Me.
There are two exceptions... Crumble... and Christmas pud.
At least you're not part of the Brandy Sauce Brigade.
Brandy has a place in lemonade. Not a cool drink. But a tasty drink. Like dirt cheap lemonade.
Even when I drank anything, I drew the line at brandy.
It was excellent as a 14 year old in car parks.
What would Fr Abraham say?
Adrian? He's still a good friend so he'd probably just tut and shake his head at me...
Rather than me introducing Sam to songs from my record collection, he's introduced me to one from... well, not his own record collection, but one garnered from his circle of friends, at least.
Old Town Road by Lil Nas X really shouldn't work. Country and rap don't mix, surely? And getting Billy Ray Cyrus in to sing the verses...? I love country music, but Billy Ray? The Achy Breaky Heart guy? Father of Miley? Nooooooooo!
And yet, I like Old Town Road a lot. It's just a fun pop song.
(Or is it?)
Now, being that I am of an age where I really shouldn't be able to trust my own opinions on contemporary pop music, I figured I better ask another young person. Unfortunately, the youngest person I know to talk to, whose opinion I (occasionally) trust is Ben.
Apologies if this becomes another one of those conversations...
Little Nas. Billy Ray Cyrus. Old Town Road. Discuss.
Personally? It's OK. Technically? It does a lot for moving contemporary rap forward, showing that those SoundCloud and sadcore rappers can get a mainstream audience with a song with pop sensibilities but not "sell out" or lose artistic credibility.
Similarly, it's a move that shows where hip hop is currently as a social movement by accepting Lil Nas and his sexuality as a prominent member of the community, and not just as a critical darling but a minor person in the community (i.e. Frank Ocean).
That's OK then. I will let Sam keep listening to it.
I like country music, and a country/rap crossover sounds horrible on paper, but this makes it work... and even redeems Billy Ray in the process.
Yeah, the kid is probably one of the best role models the genre has had since Lupe Fiasco.
That's a great name. Like Clem Fandango.
Well, thank whatever god you want that Sam found Lil Nas X for country rap as opposed to Kid Rock.
Kid Rock rules!
The white supremacy? Or the pretending to not have grown up on a massive estate that his mummy and daddy owned?
I spent an hour last night trying to find a radio edit of an Eminem song (other than Lose Yourself) that I could play to Sam. But even the radio edits are too offensive for a 7 year old.
I don't think Eminem works that way, unfortunately. I had one of his CDs that was the edited version. It sounded like he was scatting.
Mos Def might be a better rapper to introduce Sam to. Or Ab Soul. Show him The Book of Soul. You may want to check it for language first but it is definitely good rap. Then you can lead into Kendrick who is one of the GOATS as they have a group together called Black Hippy...
I'm sure all those rappers are very good, but I'm trying to introduce him to music from my life, not find new stuff. He's done a good enough job of finding Lil Nas's Brokeback Mountain song.
But you can make memories listening to a genre of music neither of you are knowledgeable about together.
I'm sure that'll come later.
I just realised that Sam has been into that gay pirates song by Cosmo Jarvis for years.
Not sure he's ready for Man On Man yet. Then again, he's not ready for Arab Strap either... or half of Prince's catalogue.
Arab strap needs a 30+ warning.
Arab Strap have a new album out. I wonder how many c-words are in it...
Blackpool's Section 25 give us our image this week, a post-punk band who have been in the go since the late 70s and are still going... having recently been sampled by Kanye West, of all people. Here's Looking From A Hilltop.
Before we begin with your suggestions for Number 25, a quick reminder of Ezekiel 25:17, for anyone who doesn't know their Bible verse (as rewritten by Quentin Tarantino).
Oh, and let's get the Christmas songs out of the way too, shall we?
That's always allowed, George. How could I disqualify those sideburns and the ultimate drinking & driving pop song? Although google informs me that the lyrics go like this...
Always got time for the DBTs, Lynchie. Channelling the Stones on that one, I think.
Now here's C to bring all us old farts into the 21st Century...
I must put in a good word for young Liverpool lad Louis Berry and his cracking song 25 Reasons. It's only a couple of years old but has that 60's R'n'B thing going on, with a pinch of Dr Feelgood too. Go for it!
Imagine that. A time when the Bobster wasn't even 25! That has featured here before. So I'm sure I must have done the "If he's sitting on a barbed wire fence, that'll explain why his voice sounds like it does" gag. If not, you can have it for free.
One more from The Swede... even though I'm starting to feel like Jez must have done in the most ridiculous excesses of The Chain (coming back soon, apparently).
Dang! I blame the time zone difference here in Canada, but when I awoke at 6:00 a.m. to get an early bid in for Dukes of Stratosphear's 25 O'Clock and Zager and Evans' In The Year 2525, I found I was a few hours behind Martin. No problem, I think to myself, I'll give it some more thought, and get the rest of my bids in during my lunch hour. Would't you know it, when I go to check at lunch there are fifteen comments now, and Rigid Digit has taken another of my sure-fire guesses in Mandela Day.
So I'll start instead with a couple clever covers. How about They Might Be Giants' cover of The Dukes of Stratosphear's 25 O'Clock? I know TMBGs get a lot of love around here, so let's go with that, for the steal...
That Ian Brown cover is my favourite. But back to Douglas...
Strangely (?), I could find no one who took on a cover of Simple Mind's Mandela Day, let alone offering any kind of hope for "improvement" on the original.
You can't improve on perfection, Douglas. Apparently.
So that leaves me with one original, and not for the first time, I find myself offering from among the oeuvre of one Paul Heaton that deal with his take on aging. How about "Prettiest Eyes" by the Beautiful South, which contain the following seasonally appropriate reference to Christmas:
Let's take a look at these crows feet, just look
Sitting on the prettiest eyes
Sixty 25th of Decembers
Fifty-nine 4th of Julys
Not through the age or the failure, children
Not through the hate or despise
Take a good look at these crows feet
Sitting on the prettiest eyes
Luckily, I have a few more years before I have to worry about any of that myself.
In the end, while it could have been Zager & Evans... or Chicago... Johnny, Mott or The Beautiful South... this week's winner's trophy actually goes to George.
Yes, George.
Who's have thought it?
But his final suggestion trumped all other contenders...
Tramp by Otis Redding and Carla Thomas. Just before the things with the Cadillacs there's a 25 cent lyric...
That's right, you haven't even got a fat bankroll in your pocket...
You probably haven't even got twenty-five cents
Greatest duet ever recorded? Could be.
I can buy you minks, rats, frogs, squirrels, rabbits, anything you want, woman!
Thank you all for your help. But if you think 25 was a big post... wait till we get to next week! Try not to get too carried away. I might just go with the really obvious one. (Or the really obvious one to me.)
Oh, one final thing. Unless they're amazing suggestions, I'm going to stop allowing lyrical 24s (and so on) as we get nearer number one. Let's face it, there are way too many. So you'll have to be really persuasive if you want to sell me on a lyrical reference from now on. Sorry.
