Thursday 30 June 2022
2022 Contenders: The Right Song At The Right Time
Wednesday 29 June 2022
Celebrity Jukebox #3: Peter Lorre
Tuesday 28 June 2022
Memory Mixtape #19: Video Shop
Compared to a lot of my friends, we didn’t get a video recorder
till quite late – probably 1985 or ’86. Not soon enough to record the first
series of Moonlighting when it aired, but I taped and kept every episode from the
second season on. An even bigger thrill was in store at the weekend...
By the time I was 15, I was regularly baby-sitting on a
Friday or Saturday night for my brother or sister’s kids, so a trip to the
video shop beforehand was a must. I’d usually grab two or three films: a
blockbuster (small ‘b’ – we didn’t get a Blockbuster near us till the 90s), a
teen movie (I must have watched Ferris Bueller fifty times before it became
available to buy) and the worst 80s horror flick I could find. I worked my way
through all the Halloween & Friday The 13th movies and their
ilk, developing an abiding love for the slasher movie, though I never really
dug Freddie Krueger. I mean, it was all just a dream!
There is no greater symbol of 80s nostalgia than the video rental shop. Within a decade, video had been replaced by DVD, video shops
had been replaced by online DVD rental (remember how Netflix started out? DVDs
mailed to you in the post!) and within the blink of an eye, we were all swamped
with choice fatigue by the streaming platforms. Everything you could ever want
to watch available whenever you want to watch it (except when it’s not). Things
were so much simpler back in the good old days…
I don’t have anything particularly revelatory to add to this post, no specific anecdotes to illustrate the excitement of a Friday night trip to the video shop, when compared to the mundanity of flicking through endless online options. Still, this delightful little time capsule from Moxy Früvous, released back in 1993 at the height of the video rental boom (hard to believe, but DVD didn’t come along till 96/97) does the job for me…
Don't be too confused by the
little reviews
On the back of the box, just pick
up the boxes, all the boxes you can use
The hipedi-hoppest videos in the
land
Maybe something foreign, maybe
something panned, maybe something formerly banned
Perhaps it's something you can
watch with friends, or something that inevitably lends
Itself to shapely curves and bends
of exploited women and their friends
Perhaps it's "New York, New
York" with Liza Minnelli and Mickey Rourke
No. That's not right... It was
Robert Deniro, everyone's favourite video… hero
Monday 27 June 2022
Celebrity Jukebox #2: Ursula Andress
If you can name more than one Ursula Andress role, you're better than me. Still, if you're going to be famous for only one part, at least make it iconic. There's no doubt that Ursula's bikini-clad entrance in Dr. No went down in history... to the point that they even had Daniel Craig parody it in his first Bond film. Which was probably the best bit of any of his films. It was all downhill from there.
Likewise, I knew of only one song that featured the first ever Bond girl... though it turns out she has more than one song named after her. The one I didn't know, mercifully, was this: from a Nu Metal band so obscure, I can't even find them on iffypedia...
That's what she says...
While I'm crying with a gunshot on her bed...
On and oh, she's shooting near to me
And I'm bleeding on her bed
And she doesn't care...
On and oh, she can clean her sheets,
She could erase her head,
With detergent
I'm really hoping that English isn't their native language, otherwise there's no excuse for those lyrics.
Slightly more palatable... but only just... is Ursula's lyrical appearance in the 90s Broadway musical Violet, described as "the story of a young disfigured woman who embarks on a journey by bus from her farm in Spruce Pine, North Carolina, all the way to Tulsa, Oklahoma in order to be healed." I'm guessing it's pretty worthy.
You should ask that preacher for some Ursula Andress legs.
VIOLET:
No, I think my legs are fine.
MONTY:
No, but rising outta the ocean in that white Dr. No bikini...
VIOLET:
What's a matter wit my legs?
MONTY:
Well, nothing. They're long.
VIOLET:
Well why did you bring them up at all?
Sunday 26 June 2022
Snapshots #246: A Top Ten Diamond Songs
A Diamond Geezer introduce a Top Ten Diamond Songs... though there were quite a few more I didn't have room for in the jewellery box.
10. Flying fast over MacArthur Park, Hadley claims to be Solo.
Saturday 25 June 2022
Saturday Snapshots #246
10. Flying fast over MacArthur Park, Hadley claims to be Solo.
Friday 24 June 2022
Celebrity Jukebox #1: Robert Mitchum
Thursday 23 June 2022
Mid-Life Crisis Songs #85: To Be Frank
Wednesday 22 June 2022
Cosmo
Tuesday 21 June 2022
Mid-Life Crisis Songs #84: Just Like That
Monday 20 June 2022
Monday Morning Blues #4: Post Father's Day Blues
Sunday 19 June 2022
Snapshots #245: A Top Ten Farm Songs
10. Vigil was about these.
There was a recent TV show, starring famous typo Suranne Jones, called Vigil. It was about submarines. In the UK.
9. Found ten rules, lost 19th letter, my aim is true.
Moses found the ten commandments, but lost the letter S. My aim is true is from Alison.
8. Roy, Rachael and Rick (?) enjoy the sunrise.
Roy, Rachel and Rick were characters in Blade Runner. At least two of them were Replicants.
Dawn of the Replicants - Hogwash Farm
7. Advice given about getting over the wall.
Counsellors give advice. Stiles help you get over a wall.
The Style Council - Life At A Top People's Health Farm
6. Nobby lad.
Anagram!
5. Instructions to not remove something from the ship's wheel.
Leave (it) on the helm!
Levon Helm - Poor Old Dirt Farmer
4. Unlike Nick's, this lot didn't go bad.
Nick Cave has Bad Seeds.
3. Gr8 joy.
Ecstacy!
XTC - Love On A Farmboy's Wages
2. Homer's Bonnie Prince.
Bonnie Prince Charlie joins the Simpsons.
Charlie Simpson - The Farmer & His Gun
1. Chris, Steve, George and Ricky call it Aciiiiid!
Chris Martin, Steve Martin, George Martin and Ricky Martin like a bit of House music.
The Housemartins - Me & The Farmer
Saturday 18 June 2022
Saturday Snapshots #245
Welcome, all you Goodmen and women. Thank you for joining me for another game of Saturday Snapshots. This is not 'Nam, this is Snapshots, there are rules. And the rules are - identify the ten popular music stars below, then work out what connects their songs.
10. Vigil was about these.
9. Found ten rules, lost 19th letter, my aim is true.
8. Roy, Rachael and Rick (?) enjoy the sunrise.
7. Advice given about getting over the wall.
6. Nobby lad.
5. Instructions to not remove something from the ship's wheel.
4. Unlike Nick's, this lot didn't go bad.
3. Gr8 joy.
2. Homer's Bonnie Prince.
1. Chris, Steve, George and Ricky call it Aciiiiid!
If trying to figure out the answers has you entering a world of pain... come back tomorrow morning.