Snapshots Spillover: A Few More F Names

A few songs I had left over from this weekend's Snapshots, starting with the lady above...

Capital Cities - Farrah Fawcett Hair

And on we go...

ZZ Top - Francine

The Very Sexuals - Finn

Don McLean - Sister Fatima

Femme Fatale - Freya

Gary Walker & The Rain - Francis

Tina Peel - Fabian Lips

Fred Wedlock - Franklin

And we'll finish with these guys, who would definitely have featured had they not appeared on SS quite a bit over the years...

Mid-Life Crisis Songs #134: Honeymoon

We were lucky that Sam and I had misaligned holidays this Easter, so while he's back at school this week, I'm still off... allowing Louise and I the rare luxury of getting away to the Peak District for a couple of days peace and quiet. (Sam is being looked after by appropriate adults, in case you're on the phone to Child Services.)

So this is what passes for our Honeymoon. Appropriate (and inappropriate) tunes will follow...

Elvis Costello & The Attractions - The Long Honeymoon

Homer Banks - Before The Honeymoon

Roy Clark - Honeymoon Feeling

Bob Hope To Die - Honeymoon

Bruce Springsteen - The Honeymooners

Be Bop Deluxe - Honeymoon On Mars

City Boy - Honeymooners

Magazine - The Honeymoon Killers

Kim Carnes - Gypsy Honeymoon

Gorky's Zygotic Mynci - Honeymoon With You

Robert Earl Keen - Gringo Honeymoon

The Wake - On Our Honeymoon

Bill Callahan - Honeymoon Child

Jackie Leven - Honeymoon Hill

Robert Palmer - Honeymoon

Langhorne Slim - The Honeymoon

Daniel Takes A Train - Honeymoon

Always - My Honeymoon Hell

Paul Hampton - Two Hour Honeymoon (Definitely the most bizarre thing you'll hear today!)

The Cruel Sea - The Honeymoon Is Over

I will, of course, be following the advice below to the letter...

Don't ski naked down Mt. Everest

With lilies up your nose

Don't punt up the Ganges in a vest

And holler 'Thar she blows'

Don't fish for tunny in Meat Madras

With blotting pads as bait

Don't converse with shrimps of higher class

About the church and state

Don't dance the polka in a dhoti

Arid whistle the right of Spring

Don't recite Hamlet's soliloquy

While munching onion rings

Don' t plant a stickleback in a field

On St.Augustine's Day

Don' t sharpen your sword and beat your shield

And somersault up a brae

Don' t build a pyramid on the pole

With Frosties packets and glue

Don' t serve rubber bullets in a bowl

And call it Irish Stew

Don' t change all the water into wine

And walk on the Dead Sea

Never sing the Song of the Golden Rhine

With an augmented flea

Modern Life Is Rubbish #7: Only The Names Change

This post was inspired by a new song from Stephen Wilson Jr., an Americana artist I’ve only recently discovered. He’s worthy of further investigation if this sort of thing is your bag.

Anyway, the chorus informs us, “There ain't a lot of boys named Gary these days”, a reminder of how birth names fall in and out of fashion. (Amusingly, they’ve got the actor Gary Sinise to star in the video… although it doesn’t end well for him.) This got me thinking about the names of the kids Sam goes to school with… versus the ones I went to school with.

I have a nephew called Gary. He’s about ten or twelve years younger than me. But there are no Garys in Sam’s school. Neither is there a Neil or a Sean, the names of my other nephews.

I started to think about the most common names of kids I grew up with.

Sam doesn’t know any Richards. No Ricks or Rickys either. And while he probably knows a few dicks… there are definitely no Dicks.

Billy Bragg - Richard

He also doesn’t go to school with anyone called Paul.

Landspeed Loungers - Paul

Steven? Stephen? Steve? Stevie? Not a one.

Billy Reeves - Steve

Andrew… he knows one Andy. There must have been a dozen in my school.

Fantastic Negrito – A Boy Named Andrew

Most shocking of all though… Sam doesn’t know anyone called David.

No Daves!?!

Everyone knows a Dave – surely?! Two of my best mates are called Dave – and I only have three and a half friends.

Boomtown Rats - Dave

No Darrens, no Phils, no Jasons, no Brians, and definitely no Kevins.

The Undertones - My Perfect Cousin

He does know a heck of a lot of Georges though… he told me he could count 15, but he might have been exaggerating. Slightly.

Edwyn Collins - Gorgeous George

Other common boys’ names in Sam’s school?

Harry.

Sham 69 - Hurry Up, Harry

Arthur.

The Kinks - Arthur

Albert.

Essential Logic - Albert

Isaac.

Bear's Den - Isaac

Frank.

The Monochrome Set - He's Frank (Slight Return)

Eli.

Three Dog Night - Eli's Coming

Alfie.

Dionne Warwick - Alfie

(Sorry, Cilla's version goes right through me.)

The weird thing is, I didn’t go to school with a single one of those. In fact, if you’d asked me when I was a kid, I would have told you they were all old men names. Harry Bamforth was an old farmer who lived across the fields from us. So was Arthur Lockwood. And Frank Shaw. Albert Tatlock and Alf Roberts were old blokes on Coronation Street. Eli and Isaac were names I only read about in Old Testament RE lessons.

I wonder if, in another 20 years’ time, the classrooms will be full of Garys, Darrens and Daves again? There probably won't be many Donalds... but I could be wrong.

A final word today from Nigel (no Nigels in Sam's school either)...

A woman who described herself as "a little bit 'Bridget',
A little bit 'Ally', a little bit 'Sex and the City'"
And chose to call her baby boy Fred
As a childishly rebellious attempt at a clever reaction
To those who might have expected her to call him Julian or Rupert
Bit of advice, call him Rupert, it fits, and besides it's a good name
Don't be calling him Fred or Archie
With all its cheeky but lovable working class scamp connotations
Unless you really do have plans for him
To spend his life in William Hills waiting
For them to weigh in at Newton Abbot

In case you're wondering - yes, there will be a follow-up to this post about girl's names.

Probably next week some time.

Snapshots Superman Songs Spillover (#2)

We closed Monday's collection of Superman songs with a track by Cinerama. Comic book fan David Gedge also used the name of the most bizarre Superman foe as the title of his other band's second album: Bizarro by The Wedding Present. Sadly, he never wrote a song about Bizarro... but these guys did... 

The Monochrome Set - Mr. Bizarro

And this isn't too far off...

Straw - Weird Superman

All of which brings us to another post of songs featuring the Man of Steel...

Meat Loaf - Man of Steel

...and his friends and foes. Starting with one for Brian!

Tullycraft - Superboy & Supergirl

Actually, Supergirl appears to be far more popular with songwriters than her young male counterpart... who'd have thought it?

Donovan - Superlungs, My Supergirl

Johnny Cougar - Supergirl

Reamonn - Supergirl

Kate Miller-Heidke - Supergirl

The Fugs - Supergirl

The Troggs - Supergirl 

(That cover's from the 90s, when mullets were big.)

When he's not being Superman, Kal El goes by another name, that of mild-mannered investigative reporter...

Klark Kent - Don't Care

That's not how he spells it. 

Klark Kent was an alias for Stewart Copeland of The Police, recording a song that Sting didn't want for the day job. John says, "Stewart Copeland’s debut album Klark Kent was a belter."

Clark Kent works for a newspaper called The Daily Planet. On Saturday we featured a song by the title by Arthur Lee & Love. Here's another one...

Mark Hollis - The Daily Planet

And that's where Superman met the love of his life...

The Flys - Lois Lane

Farrah - Lois Lane

Weird coincidence department: all the bands I could find who wrote a song about Lois Lane (along with Sunday's Franz Ferdinand) began with the letter F.

But Lois wasn't Clark's first love though. That title would go to...

Rouge Pompier - Lana Lang

And he even had a fling with a mermaid once. Her name? Lori Lemaris. Can you spot a pattern here?

Not everybody with the initials LL loves Superman though. Let's not forget his arch enemy, Lex Luthor, a man who's jealousy of Superman might yet be explained that nobody has ever written a decent pop song in his honour...

Elvis Costello - Dr. Luther's Assistant

That was the best I could come up with, with the wrong spelling... and he's not even a doctor! No wonder he's such a bitter, twisted sociopath...

Luthor isn't Superman's only foe. We mentioned Bizarro earlier, and Braniac earlier in the week. Then there's the Kryptonian supervillain memorably played by Terence Stamp in Superman 2, General Zod...

Billy Talent - Kingdom Of Zod

And let's not forget the badguy who killed Superman back in 1992...

The Shirelles - Doomsday

Evelyn Thomas - Doomsday

Final question for today... what do you get if you put all of Superman's worst foes together in the same room?

The Superman Revenge Squad?

That'd be a good name for a band, don't you think?

Are we done with this now?

Not quite yet...

Listening Post #13: The Dead Walk

I took Sam Trick or Treating last Thursday. It's not something I derive a whole lot of enjoyment from - "we never had all this malarkey when I was a kid", etc. etc. This time was a little different though, partly because (for once) it wasn't raining, but mostly because of the performance of the above couple, who went above and beyond in their dedication to All Hallow's Eve.

The man was dressed in a labcoat, smeared with blood, crouched over a mocked up corpse that was laid out on his drive, "eating its entrails". When unwary Trick or Treaters approached the house for sweets, he staggered out into the street moaning like an extra from The Walking Dead. Some kids screamed and ran away from him, but he kept up the act until his wife (dressed in a "Zombie Killer" T-shirt) shouted at him to "get back over and clean up your mess". To which he complied. They were both firmly in character and I've seen a lot of zombie movies with far worse acting.

Made my Halloween, so it did.

I did a Top Ten Zombie Songs way back in 2012. But here are a few more, not included on that list.

Harry Belafonte - Zombie Jamboree

Jan Davis - Watusi Zombie

Green On Red - Zombie For Love

The Pop Group - Citizen Zombie

Caroline Trettine - Human Zombie Blues

Disco Zombies - Disco Zombies

Billy Taylor & The Teardrops - Wombie Zombie

The Hooters - All You Zombies

The Monochrome Set - Love Zombies

The Young Werewolves - Zombie Car Chase

Faith No More - Zombie Eaters

The Flaming Lips - If I Only Had A Brain

And, especially for Ernie...

The Zombies - Time Of The Season

Saturday Snapshots #340: A Top Ten Caribbean Songs

Snapshots invites you to a Caribbean beach today, all expenses paid. I figured Barry Bloom and the Gibson Brothers would give this week's link away, but I had to avoid the really obvious songs...

Typically Tropical - Barbados 

The Beginning Of The End - Funky Nassau

Billy Ocean - Caribbean Queen 

(Although I'm fascinated by that last one, particularly the snazzy grey sweater that Billy wears in the video which appears to have a rip in the shoulder. Couldn't someone have bought him a new one for the shoot?)

10. Classical superhero meets Alex The Frozen Chimp in top gear.

Bach-Man! Alex Turner! Over-drive!

Bachman Turner Overdrive - Jamaica

Amazingly, that's the first time BTO has ever featured on Snapshots. But... you ain't seen nothin' yet!

9. Top of the Corner Shops.

The Kings Of Convenience - Cayman Islands

8. Flowery copper.

Bobby Bloom - Montego Bay

7. Badgers paint their homes for camouflage. 

Badgers live in setts. Badgers are black and white, so for camouflage they would live in...

The Monochrome Set - The Puerto Rican Fence Climber

6. The kids were just crass... with God-given ass.

Lyrics from Ziggy Stardust. The missing line is, of course, "he was the Nazz".

The Nazz - Meridian Leeward

5. All the Bee Gees' kids were boys.

The Gibbs' sons were all brothers. (For the benefit of this clue, at least.)

The Gibson Brothers - Cuba

4. Nice Guy, and he's loaded.

Nice Guy Eddie has lots of money.

Eddie Money - Trinidad

3. Ache as I say twist.

Twist the letter in "ache as I say" to reveal...

Isaac Hayes - Aruba

2. Irony & carbony martial arts ranking. 

Steely Dan - Haitian Divorce

1. Found onboard golden yachts.

Found onboard golden yachts.

Enya - Caribbean Blue

Back to dull grey Blighty Snapshots next weekend... and it'll probably be raining.

Saturday Snapshots #140 - The Answers

Easy, riders - no need to Speed. The answers are here!


10. Between 11.59 and 12.01, approximately, the flying poison hits.

The Airborne Toxic Event - Sometime Around Midnight

9. Add a diamond to mercury to create the smartest creatures in the sea.

Neil Diamond & Freddie Mercury...

Fred Neil - Dolphins

Classic.

8. Ex-otter steals cars.

"Ex-otter" is a very simple anagram.

Roxette - Joyride

7. Tiny News-man hits rocky patch.

Huey Lewis & The News?

Baby Huey - Hard Times

This featured on this blog a couple of weeks back, but this edition of Saturday Snapshots was compiled before that.

6. Munster & Allen meet Mary Poppins in New York.

Lily Allen. Lily Munster.

The Lilys - A Nanny In Manhattan

5. Hotrod boychild warns ships about adoring blooming herbs.

Eddie & The Hotrods.

Eddie's son?

Lighthouses warn ships.

Etc.

Etc.

I'm writing the answers on Thursday night and predicting that Alyson got that one from the photo alone. She wasn't the first, but she did end up supplying an important correction...

Just an observation but as I wrote about the song Love Grows by Edison Lighthouse quite recently I noticed that Tony Burrows isn't part of the line-up in that picture. They were a band made up of session musicians and their only big hit was when Tony was brought in on lead vocals. He had also been part of 2 other bands at the same time so had 3 singles in the Top 10 at the same time. He ended up being a 5 times 'one-hit wonder'.

Edison Lighthouse - Love Grows Where My Rosemary Grows

4. Black and white TV shows only repeats of Blind Date.

Cilla Black was the presenter of Blind Date. Apologies if that clue didn't cross the Atlantic.

The Monochrome Set - Cilla Black

3. Conceited carnival, 5am.

Vanity Fair - Early In The Morning

2. Sad river falls on Hollywood.

The Blue Nile - Tinseltown In The Rain

1. Beachy Headphones.

Beachy Head is a cliff.




Baby wants to play Saturday Snapshots again?

Come back next week.

The United Kingdom of Song #25: Eton

Eton the town is far less famous than the private school that's based there, an upper class breeding ground of famous actors, politicians and pig-fanciers. Not many famous musicians attended Eton... it's not particularly rock n roll, is it? The only famous musical almunus I could find was Frank Turner... which might explain his rather odd political beliefs. No, he's not a Tory... but he's not really the lefty punk rock rebel you might expect either. He's a libertarian anarchist, apparently. He basically thinks we shouldn't have politicians at all... and in the current climate, I think quite a few people may be coming round to his way of thinking.

Anyway, here's a few songs that mention Eton...

The Monochrome Set - The Ruling Class

...which surely has one of the best opening verses ever...

My old man's a Viscount
And he wears a Viscount's crown
He buys me Cardin trousers
Of a tasteful shade of dark brown

And then goes on to add...

My old man's an Earl now
And he wears an ermine gown
He sends me an allowance
To spend in Eton town

Elbow - Usually Bright

The fella next to me up there
An Eton educated broker
The happiest man you'll ever meet
Sadly, I’m not even joking

Mott The Hoople - Pearl 'n' Roy

Now I'll tell you something
It seems like the rich dudes live in the sun
And if Eton be a democracy - well I'm gonna get me some

Idles - Never Fight A Man With A Perm

A heathen from Eton
On a bag of Michael Keaton!

And that's it. I can't think of any other Eton songs, can you?

What's that?

Oh... this one...?

Sup up your beer and collect your fags
There's a row going on down near slough
Get out your mat and pray to the west
I'll get out mine and pray for myself
Thought you were smart when you took them on
But you didn't take a peep in their artillery room
All that rugby puts hairs on your chest
What chance have you got against a tie and a crest?

My Top Ten High Street Retailer Songs Vol. 1

A visit to the cinema on one of the nearby retail parks earlier this week confirmed that Toys-Я-Us has finally gone the way of the dinosaurs. I felt a bit sad about this, not through any loyalty to a huge American company which was too lazy to spell its name properly (or get its letters the right way round), but because I often popped in there if I had ten minutes to spare before a movie, to see if they had any toys Sam might be interested in that weren't extortionately priced. This got me thinking about all the big high street names we've lost over the last few years, and once again I felt a twinge of nostalgic sadness for the stores of olde that we'll never see again. Many of them have been immortalised in popular song though. Here are ten great examples (of songs, not stores)...

10. They Might Be Giants - Toddler Hiway 

A second appearance this week for TMBGs, with one of their earliest tracks, taken directly from their 1985 demo tape for inclusion on their self-titled debut album. Just 26 seconds of goodness...

In the mornin' sun 'round seven o'clock

The parking lot fills around Toys-Я-Us

And my little girl, she will get away

Ride her bike down Toddler Hiway

Take your Close'n'Play

Toddler Hiway

9. Manic Street Preachers - Sculpture Of Man

The shop most famous for selling that poster of a tennis player scratching her bum causes the Manics to go on an anti-consumerist rant...

Wills and Harry dressed in drag

Standing over the sodomised body of their mother

Would make a beautiful poster in Athena

8. Andy Bell - Electric Blue

Sadly, the Army & Navy Store was Erasured from existence some time ago, and you probably don't want to dig too deeply into why Andy Bell was a frequent customer...

Eyes wide electric baby

All dyed in cobalt blue

Stole from the Army Navy store

Army Navy store

My dominatrix baby

Dolled up in rubber tube

Hey have you done me lately?

7. The Monochrome Set - Two Fists

Sold all their shops to WH Smiths 20 years ago. Three years earlier, The Monochrome Set wrote this...

I know you're as hot as hell and the summer is high

You've got a mind to make love but that means

Someone must die

And I can see what's coming like a rusty nail

It fits right into your world view like a wind in a sail

But that's what love is about or what else am I here for?

I guess I'll wait in John Menzies then I'll go back for more

6. Scritti Politti - Mrs. Hughes

I used to hate going in BHS when I was a kid. "It's too hot," I used to tell my mum. I'm not sure if it was too hot, because I never went in there as an adult. Then one day, it wasn't there anymore. Only Green remembers it now...

Tell me again and I'll touch Mrs. Hughes

You've got her confidence you get to choose

I can hardly refuse

Down the town center where somebody died

By British Home Stores just sitting outside

Looking self satisfied

But the point was beside

5. X-Ray Spex - Warrior In Woolworths

Poly Styrene pays tribute to the home of Pick n Mix. I had less problem with being dragged into Woolies as a kid. Bought some of my first records there too.

Warrior in Woolworths

Humble he may seem

Behind his servile innocence

He plots and he schemes

See also The Jam - Saturdays Kids...

Saturday's girls work in Tescos and Woolworths

4. Nick Heyward - These Words

Nicest pop star I ever met. Have I said that before?

Homebase, on the other hand: just too bloody expensive to survive.

I love Elvis

She loves Woodstock

I love Homebase

She loves sunblock

How many times can you make a stand

To fall from the highest of all you've said and done?

3. T-Rex - Misfit 

Long before McDonalds, there was Wimpy. Marc Bolan was buying his burgers there way back in 1966!

Wimpy bar misfit

I don't wanna be

Like Billy the kid

Left hangin' from no tree.

See also Jethro Tull - Up To Me...

Take you to the cinema

And leave you in a Wimpy Bar 

You tell me that we've gone too far 

Come running up to me

2. The Specials - Man At C&A

Even nuclear war does not phase the man at C&A.

I'm the man in grey, 

I'm just the man at C&A

And I don't have a say 

In the war games that they play

See also Half Man Half Biscuit - Venus In Flares...

The man behind the mask at C&A’s was quite polite

He said that when I wore my mac I wouldn't have to fight

1. The Freshies - I'm In Love With The Girl On The Manchester Virgin Megastore Check-out Desk

What Frank Sidebottom did before he became Frank Sidebottom... hung around the Virgin Megastore all Saturday...

It has to be said that if you were a young lady when I was growing up, then 10 points were immediately added to your sex appeal if you worked in a record shop. Whether you would actually want to appeal to the sort of losers who spent all their Saturday afternoons flicking through the racks... well, that's another matter entirely.

Nobody is allowed to mourn the Virgin Megastore for one simple reason: Richard Branson is a dick.



Any old stores in your record collection? Or have the all closed down?

My Top Ten Frank Songs

Planning a Top Ten Frankenstein songs for Halloween, I was amazed to see how many great records there were about people called Frank. In fact, I could easily have filled a Top 20. The Monster will have to wait...


10. The Give It Ups - Let's Be Frank

A cool little indie pop song of the sort you didn't think they made anymore. Download it free and legal from the bandcamp link above.

(In case you're wondering, The Give It Ups narrowly beat The Monochrome Set onto this chart. It was an extremely close call.)

9. Longpigs - The Frank Sonata

It's a shame that the Longpigs are mostly remembered these days as "the band Richard Hawley played guitar in". They deserve far more recognition. Although god knows what's going on in this rather X-rated promo...

8. Cake - Frank Sinatra

You can't go wrong with a nice slice of Cake... in tribute to the greatest Frank ever?

And while we're on that subject...

7. Suzanne Vega - Frank & Ava

It's not enough to be in love.

6. Morrissey - Our Frank

In which it appears Morrissey has cut himself while shaving his eyebrows. These things happen.

Oh give us a drink
And make it quick
Or else I'm gonna be sick all over
Your frankly vulgar red pullover

See also Frankly, Mr. Shankly, of course.

5. Sister Sledge - Frankie

Few records take me back to 1985 like this one.

Do you remember me?

4. Simon & Garfunkel - So Long, Frank Lloyd Wright

Thanks to the kind person who posted this on youtube, I've just discovered the "true" (?) story behind this song. Apparently it was Paul Simon's farewell to Art Garfunkel (himself an architecture major at university).

So long, Frank Lloyd Wright
All of the night we've harmonised till dawn
I've never laughed so long

3. The Lemonheads - Frank Mills

Another Brooklyn resident, this Frank was in consideration for that Top Ten too. A cover, it turns out, of a song from the musical Hair.

He has golden chains on his leather jacket,
and on the back, are written the names Mary and Mom and Hell's Angels.
I would gratefully appreciate it if you see him,
tell him
I am in the park with my girlfriend,
and please tell him Angela and I
don't want the two dollars back, just him.

2. Bruce Springsteen - Highway Patrolman

In any other Top Ten, Bruce's tragic tale of two brothers on opposite sides of the law (one of whom is called Frank) would have been number one. See also Frankie.

1. Tom Waits - Frank's Wild Years

My favourite Tom Waits "song". If you've never heard it before, please take 1 minute 48 seconds to discover why Tom Waits is one of the best storytellers in the music industry...




Let's be Frank... what's your favourite Frank song?