Positive Songs For Negative Times #87: I've Come For My Award

Dear International Academy of Digital Arts and Sciences,

Considering your Committee decided not to give me the Webby Award For Blogging Excellence for having written my amazing blog for almost 14 years now (not to mention the even amazinger blog I did for 6 years before that!), I no longer feel an obligation to think purely of blogging, although it will always be predominant, but can now think about what is good and proper for the people of Top Ten Towers.

I have done more for blogging than any other person since the internet was built in 1975 – in fact, I was blogging before that and using carrier pigeons to deliver my hand-scrawled music reviews to all my readers – and I was only three years old at the time. In fact, I landed a boat on the blogosphere long before any of your committee even knew what boats were and this was truly the most amazingest thing because 3 year olds can’t normally fly boats. It’s time the blogosphere did something for ME! The World is not secure unless we have Complete and Total Control of the blogosphere.

Thank you.

WRH.*

(*I wrote this post pm Tuesday. By Wednesday night, parts of it were out of date. That's the trouble with trying to write satire these days - unless you get it out there immediately, the Orange Dictator will have changed his mind again. I'm writing this addendum at 9pm Wednesday night. I fully expect that by the time it goes live on Thursday morning, he will have invaded Iceland, sent missiles to Mark Carney's golf club, and pledged to knock down all the wind farms in Europe. I give up. I'm going back to writing about music.)