You can't have failed to miss the latest desperate plea for attention from the deluded mind of the once great SPM, entitled A SOUL FOR SALE. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.
Rol: I'm waiting for Morrissey's reply to my offer. £5.54 and a vegan pastie. Reckon I'm in with a shout.
Ben: I considered throwing a quid at him.
Ben: And a boiled egg sandwich.
Rol: Does a boiled egg sandwich trump a vegan pastie? Damn you for using your insider knowledge!
Ben: That's what they had to eat with him, wasn't it? I think I read an article a few years ago that he made them all eat only boiled egg sandwiches when they were touring the early years in the van. I think it was an interview with Rourke.And he was saying it smelt worse eating the sandwiches than the farts it would make them do.
The 'eaves' business email address has been switched off due to the colossal response to Morrissey's announcement of his wish to pass his "Smiths" interests over to an investor. Although Morrisseys' love for the songs of the Smiths era will never waver, he is tired of the disagreeable and vexatious characters involved in "The Smiths" business. After thirty-eight years of insults and abuse, Morrissey has had enough. All (or most) of the 'eaves' emails will be answered in time.
That's good. I await my reply.
In all seriousness though... those songs are priceless. Such a pity that the one man most desperate to tarnish their memory is their co-creator.
Often, when I'm forced to discuss this subject, I end up quoting the lyrics to Rubber Ring...
The passing of time and all of its crimes
Is making me sad again
The passing of time and all of its sickening crimes
Is making me sad again
But don't forget the songs that made you cry
And the songs that saved your life
Yes, you're older now and you're a clever swine
But they were the only ones who ever stood by you
Today though, this one seems far more appropriate...
Madness in (formerly) great ones must no unwatched go.
Another query to help start conversation, courtesy of Richard Herring's essential book, Emergency Questions...
Do you have a favourite towel? What is your best story about it?
While I'm not sure that I have any stories about towels, I do have very definite opinions about what makes a good towel... and it's not a new, fluffy one.
I'm firmly with Larry David when it comes to towels...
"Towels are better when they're washed over and over again, like a pair of jeans, they dry you a lot better."
Are you with me (and Larry) on the benefits of a nice rough towel? Or do you buy new towels every 6 months because you like them fluffy as heck but don't care whether you're actually dry or not?
Any other towel-related opinions and anecdotes will be gratefully received...
Jim from Dubai has been a regular visitor to this blog for some years now. I've always welcomed his comments, and the fact that he boosted my international readership beyond Portugal and the USA. Recently, Jim was one of a few people who helped me track down a copy of the song Obvious by Dean Owens' band Smile for the biggest edition of Namesakes to date. As part of our ensuing conversation, I asked him if he fancied a guest post, wondering if he might tell us a little more about the life of British music fan in Dubai. Well, Jim delivered, and I'm privileged to offer his guest post below, along with a selection of tunes of his choice...
Checking in on blogs like yours, The Vinyl Villain, and another few have kept me interested in music during my time in Dubai.
Before I moved here I grew up in Glasgow and used to go to regular gigs and was always listening to and buying music, but since I moved here in 2000, you can probably guess, the music scene here is very poor.
To be honest, I was always a bit of a homeboy, I loved Glasgow and the music scene back in the late 90s / early 2000s and it never crossed my mind I would work in another country. Then right out the blue one of my colleagues who I had worked with who had moved to Dubai with the same company called me to ask if I fancied a move to Dubai. Back then Dubai was not the metropolis it is now, I had hardly heard of it. I was single at the time and spoke to my family and friends and everyone said to me I may regret it in the future if I didn't take this chance so I gave it a go and almost 24 years later I am still here. I am now 30 years with the company, a large US communications company who supply cables and communications products for data centres and stuff like that.
One of my reservations for leaving to come to Dubai was I would miss the music scene, hearing music, and buying records. Remember, back then there wasn't YouTube, streaming or accessible music to listen to, so I knew I was giving that up.
Unfortunately, the music scene in Dubai at the moment is pretty poor. There are no regular decent music nights and not really any bars that play good music (well, music that I like anyway). There are some really great bars and there are new bars opening nearly every week, however most of them play a similar type of music which is generally bland dance / DJ type music, R&B, Hip Hop. Many will have bands that play regular overplayed rock music... also the cost of a beer is generally between £10-£13!!
During the 24 years I have been here, there have been some great music nights and I have met some folks who have a similar taste in music so there are some of us here.
When I first arrived in Dubai, I didn't really know anyone and I was staying in a hotel for the first few weeks. I was not one for going out to a bar by myself but when you are in a new country and it is the weekend you either stay in or you make the effort and go out for a few beers. Luckily, the first year or so I was here, there was a pop music quiz in one of the bars and one thing I love is a music quiz.
I went by myself and stood at the bar. There were a lot of teams, mainly British folks, but even though I missed the first round as I got delayed and arrived a bit late, I still won the quiz. I went back again the next week, again stood at the bar by myself and again won the quiz. When I went back the third week, a couple of lads came up and spoke to me, British lads who liked their music, and I ended up joining their team. One of the lads, Steve, is still my best mate in Dubai and another real music obsessive. He is still in Dubai. We have been to many gigs here over the years and we still burn CDs to each other with whatever music we have been listening to. I remember one time, we were all up at Steve's house before going into town, and he played this. I had never heard of The Strokes at this time, but I loved this song and it started my love of all things Strokes.
Myself, Steve and another lad, Calum, liked our quizzes and our music, we quickly found that we all had a love of The Associates and the song Party Fears Two, so when we went to other quizzes as the 3 of us, our quiz team name became Party Fears 3, and 24 years later I still use that name for any quiz nights we go to. If there are 4 of us, we are Party Fears 4; 5, Party Fears 5, etc. Everyone here just knows us as Party Fears, but almost no ones knows the meaning of it.
The first big music night here that really appealed to me was an Indie night that ran for about 5 years from about 2003 to 2008. It was called Twisted Melons and was the last Friday of the month. It started with about a dozen people, but once it got running there were normally over 100 people there. Great night, great music, as you can probably guess, the likes of Happy Mondays, Stone Roses, New Order and the like, but the for first hour or so they played some unusual stuff we had not heard of, so this was also a good way for me to hear some decent new music.
My favourite memory of Twisted Melons is Young Folk by Peter, Bjorn and John. I remember hearing this for the first time there and loving it. I spoke to the DJ to ask what it was and I have loved it ever since.
As Dubai is such a transient city, people come and go with their jobs and unfortunately the DJs left Dubai and Twisted Melons finished.
A few years later, in one of the small pubs in the old part of the city, one of my friends started a Northern Soul night which was great. A small pub venue with around 50 odd people all generally British folks between 40 to 60 who loved the music. I admit I was not the biggest Northern Soul fan, my wife Jude had a lot of old Kent label albums on vinyl and loved this music. I got to like it more over the years. The one song that gets me immediately on to the dance floor would be The Night by Frankie Valli.
A bit of talcum powder on the floor and everyone having a wee boogie, great while it lasted, but again the DJ moved on and that night stopped.
There was a band we used to go and watch who played one of the pubs once a month. They were called The 1990s. They played mainly Brit Poppy type music, Oasis, Kings of Leon, Kaiser Chiefs, also things like the The Kinks, Stones, the Jam and stuff. This was always a great night but due to Covid, many of the lads lost their jobs or moved on, so again it finished.
Over the past year, the Dubai Vespa and Lambretta Club have had some good music related brunches, normally on a Saturday afternoon from 12.30pm till around 5-6pm. It starts off with Northern Soul but soon moves onto late 70's / early 80's stuff like The Jam, Specials, Clash, Madness, Bad Manners and the likes, which gets the place going, then moves onto Indie / Brit pop with the likes of Oasis, Blur, Pulp, Primal Scream and stuff. Unfortunately, there were only three of these days in the past year, they really need to have more of these days / nights. There's one song that gets everyone on the dancefloor once we're all suitably lubricated...
There have been a quite a few bands who have played here over the years but these are mainly older acts such as:
The Stranglers (without Hugh Cornwell), then Hugh Cornwell playing solo, so we have seen the Original Stranglers line up just not on the same night or stage.
The Human League, a few times.
Madness
Bryan Ferry
The Wonderstuff
Simple Minds, a few times.
Billy Ocean
James
The Stone Roses
Suede
The Lightning Seeds
Neil Finn (doing a mixture of Crowded House and Split Enz)
80's Rewind Festivals (with the likes of ABC, Midge Ure, From The Jam, Nick Heyward, Marc Almond, Tony Hadley, Altered Images)
Ska Night (Neville Staples doing The Specials stuff, Pauline Black doing The Selector stuff and Ranking Roger doing The Beat). Jude got her photo taken with Ranking Roger. She was really heartbroken when he passed away a few years ago.
About 10 years ago they also had a mini Indie type festival called Sound City. It was over three days and we had the likes of Happy Mondays, The Farm, The Doves, Human League, Super Furry Animals and many more.
Here in Dubai, we end up going to see bands or artists we may not have gone to see in the UK as we don't get many decent people coming here so we end up going with friends to see anyone half decent.
I met my wife Jude here in Dubai, she is from Birmingham and loves music, she grew up on a diet of Ska and the likes of The Specials, The Beat etc. back in the late 70's early 80's.
Dubai is a tough city to meet someone as it is such a transient city, around 85% of the population is expatriate and most people tend to be here for a short period of time, job permitting, so I was very lucky to meet Jude and especially as she is a big music fan too.
We got married in 2015 in the UK and went to the Indietracks festival near Derby for our honeymoon (before going to Italy), with my mate Steve and his wife Kat from Dubai, he was my best man. We went to Indietracks twice - the first time, two of my favourite Indie Pop bands, Helen Love and BIS, were playing so that was the main reason we went.
I was speaking to one of the guys on the stalls selling records and told him we came from Dubai specially to see Helen Love and BIS and he arranged for me to meet Sheena from Helen Love before they went onto the stage. She was very nice, very nervous and it was great to have a chat with her. They put on an amazing show, was one of the highlights of the weekend.
We have also been to a few places on our travels to see some bands:
Budapest, to see Placebo. Jude is a big Placebo fan, so when I saw they were touring Europe and specifically Budapest on her birthday, we went for a few days. Budapest is a great city and the Placebo gig was great. This was the highlight...
Hamburg, to see Sparks. I have always loved Sparks, the fact that Ron and Russell are still releasing albums and touring well into their 70s is incredible, I have every Sparks studio album, well over 20 of them, some hit and miss but overall a great body of work.
The thing we loved about this gig was the venue which was Mojo's.
We knew the venue was at the top of the Reeperbahn, so we went to check it out on the day we arrived, just so we knew where it was. Using Google maps, we were standing exactly where the venue should have been, but we couldn't see any sign of it. After a while we noticed what looked like a huge drain on the pavement, and it had a kind of "M" shape embossed on it, so we thought maybe it might be underground. We came back the night of the gig and right enough, the pavement had opened up and there was a stairway leading underground. We were amazed, it was a great night and one of the best venues I have been to.
As much as I love This Town Ain't Big Enough and The Number One Song in Heaven, which they played on the night, I have plumped for a song which unfortunately they did not play...
New York, to see Silversun Pickups. Jude retired last year. She is a huge Elvis fan, so I promised I would take her to Graceland once she retired. We spent two weeks in the US, a few days in New York, Memphis with Gracelands, Sun Studios and the amazing Stax Studios which we spent hours in and we finished off in New Orleans spending our nights in the various soul bars there.
While in New York, we saw that The Silversun Pickups were playing at The Webster Theatre and managed to get tickets. I only really knew a couple of their songs but we were happy to get to a gig whilst there. We have since bought their albums and really like them. The stand out track and another one of my favourite songs is Lazy Eye, from the opening riff as it builds up until it explodes, top tune.
And in August last year, we went to Bangkok to see The Strokes (and also The Bangkok Beatles, who are brilliant).
I hope there will be more in the future.
Overall, Dubai is a great, vibrant city to live in, with sunshine most days of the year. However, for five months of the year, it is too hot and humid, 40-50 degrees most days. During this period it's too humid to be outdoors, especially in the evenings.
You asked if I ever get homesick. Sometimes I do, especially missing my family and friends, but I have been here for so long now and met many good friends and that helps a lot, I have also had family and friends visit over the years. It's a nice place to visit, especially during the UK winter months.
The one thing I do miss is when I see gigs or bands advertised playing in the UK and I am out here and realize I am missing so many great nights, that's the one thing I miss.
PS: I know you said you previously worked in Radio. My minor claim to fame was back in 1997, my boss entered me for Music Brain on Radio 1. It was a music quiz by Mark Goodier that ran the whole year and I was lucky enough to win it. I was on it three times during the year and the final was just before Christmas. I was delighted to win it as I love a good music quiz. It was a kinda precursor to Pop Master I suppose, as it was a year before Pop Master started and only ran for one year.
I can't thank Jim enough for this post. When I asked him if he fancied doing a guest post, I had no idea he'd put so much into it. I'm sure you'll agree it makes for a fascinating insight into the adventures of a British music fan abroad, with a great selection of tunes to go along with it. Thanks again, Jim - you're a star!
Future is uncertain The past is fading away Future is uncertain The past is fading away I remember laughin', I can't remember what I was laughin' about And I remember cryin', I can't forget what I was cryin' about That won't fade away
Are you one of those people who checks their route on Google Earth whenever you have to go somewhere new, following the little Google car down every street, looking for car parks and petrol stations and supermarkets where you might be able to stop for a wee?
If you have to buy something new for your home, do you research it for hours, reading Which? Best Buy reviews and google feedback? Are you obsessed with making certain you’ve found the best possible price out of all the retailers that stock it… and is it definitely in stock? What if you have to return it? Does that retailer have a good track record for customer service?
If you’re going on holiday, do you try to plan a timetable for the whole week? Where you’ll go each day, where you’ll eat, the routes you might take between destinations… and all the stuff I mentioned in the first paragraph?
In her book Don't Feed the Monkey Mind, Jennifer Shannon identifies three basic assumptions shared by all anxious people: Intolerance of Uncertainy, Perfectionism and Over-Responsibility. They relate to specific personality types – some people will have far more of one than the others, but all anxiety sufferers will sample the delights of each assumptive buffet at one time or another.
When people who are intolerant of uncertainty are exposed to a little bit of uncertainty, they also have a strong reaction: they worry, and do everything they can think of to get away from, avoid or eliminate the uncertainty.
If you’re invited to a party, does the very idea fill you with dread? Who will be there? What should you take? (What will other people be taking?) What time should you arrive? Is it better to be fashionably late… or might that be considered rude? Is it better off just to make your excuses and not go in the first place?
I'll have a shower Within the hour I'll smash another cup Please don't start saying that Or I'll start believing you If I start believing you I'll know that this Party Fears Two And then phone my brother up
Life is uncertainty. We don’t know what will happen tomorrow, next week or even in the next five minutes. But our monkey brain (remember the amygdala?) hates uncertainty. How can it keep us safe if it doesn’t know what the threats are or where they might be coming from? And it’s not just threats to our life and wellbeing it’s trying to protect us from, but the threat of exclusion from the tribe… hence the party fears mentioned above.
Difficulty tolerating doubt can lead to compulsive checking behaviours like making sure doors are locked and appliances are turned off. You’ll tend to overplan things; even weekends and vacations have a to-do list. And when the list doesn’t get finished or things don’t go as you planned them, you become upset and have difficulty enjoying the moment.
We’ve got a freezer in our garage. A few years back it was accidentally switched off and we had to throw all the food away. Now, whenever I’m closing the garage door, I complete a ritual in my head where I say, “lid down, green light on” to make sure the freezer is OK. Often, even though I’ve done this, I still have to lift the garage door back up and double check. I have to be certain. “Lid down, green light on” has now become a mantra and I've found myself saying it at other times two. This morning it was when I arrived at work and was checking I had everything I needed before I left the car park.
If you can’t stand uncertainty and do everything you can to get rid of it, you might have noticed a problem: it is IMPOSSIBLE to get rid of all uncertainty in your life.
What this means for you is that all the work that you are doing to get rid of uncertainty is useless, it just doesn’t work. If it did, you would probably not be struggling with anxiety and worry.
So what is the solution?
If you can’t get rid of uncertainty in your life, the only way to manage your intolerance of uncertainty is by learning to be more TOLERANT of uncertainty.
One thing I’m learning about dealing with mental health issues – particularly those relating to the pesky monkey in our amygdala – is that often the best way to fight them is to act as though you don’t have them. Intolerant of uncertainty? Act as though you’re not. Go to the party and deal with whatever might happen, including any smashed cups. Who cares if you got the cheapest price on that essential purchase? You just got an evening back that you would otherwise have wasted on price comparison sites. Remember life before Google Earth? When we found our own way to places, with the occasional help of a map?
Easier said than done in a lot of cases, and there are times (like my garage freezer) when it pays to check. But the more you force yourself to deal with uncertain situations, the more your storytelling brain will write stronger neural pathways that allow you to cope with the unexpected.
That’s the theory, anyway…
And it's the damage that we do and never know
It's the words that we don't say that scare me so
There's so many people to see
So many people you can check up on and add to your collection
But they keep you hanging on, until you're well hung
Leonard Cohen is holding a camera in this picture. Oh yes he is. You just can't see it very well. And he's waiting for a miracle...
As we're all waiting for Snapshots #300 next week, this seemed appropriate. You may be interested to know that I have done TWO Top Ten lists of Waiting Songs (compiled while we were waiting for Sam's birth, ten years ago). And none of the songs on those lists feature here. Although Foreigner almost did.
I manage one of these Top Tens about every three years (although this one is slightly late). I collect them as I go along and when I've got enough for a Top Ten, I unleash them on the world.
In previous volumes, folks have entertained themselves by seeing how many they can get from the lines alone before clicking on the links to see if they're right. That might be a little harder this time...
Rol: I went into a local newsagents to get some Formula 1 cards that Sam is collecting. Didn't get any. Instead, I got a 5 minute lecture on how he's been a newsagent all his life and he doesn't stock trading cards because he's seen too many kids throw away money on them and blah blah blah blah blah. It was like something out of League of Gentlemen.
Ben: He sounds more like he hates kids. Probably doesn't like them in his shop at all.
I remember the days of collecting stickers for my Beano Panini sticker books and my Simpsons one.
Running around the house desperate to do chores, no matter how small, so I could get another 30p and run to the shop to get another pack.
I'm so old it was Empire Strikes Back.
That dotard in your newsagent's doesn't know what he's on about. I still have my two stickerbooks. Can't bring myself to throw them away because of the memories of putting it together. I only ever see it when I'm moving but it sparks pleasant memories and I spend a good ten minutes looking through. I still remember which ones were so rare and the excitement of finding them.
Yeah, I still have a couple of mine too.
It was a hilarious scene though. He was still lecturing me as I left the shop. I wish I'd said to him, "how many newspapers are you selling these days, mate?"
You should have gone full bell-end and started mimicking him in the most obnoxious voice with exaggerated hand gestures...
I love miserable shopkeepers though. I still remember the local coffee shop I dared to go in at 3.30 (he closed at 4). He audibly groaned as I walked in and said, "I hope you don't want coffee 'cos I'm cleaning the machine now."
Still, we need to support our local businesses!
Definitely. But it's definitely helpful if they aren't dicks.
You work in customer service in an age where you can get almost anything delivered. All I need is a smile and I'm sold.
Did he at least have a mini freezer full of 10p Mr Freezes?
I wasn't about to start inspecting the things he chose worthy of selling: too busy listening to what he wouldn't sell. I bet he had some dodgy magazines behind the counter. He's probably not heard of the internet.
I really want an ice pop now.
One thing that I really miss as a vegan is a choc ice
I can get Magnums and shop own brand ones and luxury style non dairy ice-creams that mimic a Magnum but I want a choc ice.
Something that has no pretensions.
In a paper bag, usually broken. Cheapest shit on earth. I want that.
We had dairy free ice cream this afternoon.
It was horrible
What brand? There's some shockers.
Poncy ice cream shop that's opened up in the centre of the village. Only sells DF.
Homemade?
I guess so. Sam liked the bubblegum flavour, but the mango I had was minging.
Gritty and ice shards?
No, it was smooth enough. Just tasted artificial. I like a nice sorbet, but this wasn't it.
Can't comment as haven't tried it. But I'd say that's less to do with non dairy and more to do with the flavour that the shop uses. Poorly made vegan ice cream usually is gritty or has ice shards in because non dairy milks have xantham gum in to thicken and stop separation which if you don't freeze it properly separates the water and turns it into some weird ice.
Left a nasty taste in my mouth, can still taste it now. Like those drinks full of aspartame.
That'll just be the flavouring. Probably used a low sugar one. Ugh.
I really want a choc ice now.
There's a Top 10 songs for you. Ones that mention choc ices. Or ice creams. No repeating dishes. i.e. no two sundae songs.
I know Kano had a lyric somewhere with Choc Ice in...
All ice cream songs. Failed miserably on choc ices.
Needs to be more specific.
E.g. Cone.
Sundae.
Knickerbocker Glory.
Choc ice.
Solero.
Strawberry split.
I'll need more time for that.
I'm sure Kelis must have a song about licking ice creams...
Just trying to challenge you...
I will accept cone and waffle cone as two separate ones.
Also a tub of ice cream.
Not something like "two scoops" as that doesn't define the sort of ice-cream.
Magic Whip is the worst Blur album. So I'm not going there.
I'd completely forgot that one exists.
If you struggle, I will also accept half of them to be ice lollies, but they must refer to the product itself and not just use the word. I.e. "fab" and "zoom" must refer to the ice lolly Fab and not an adjective and zoom must refer to that bitching ice lolly and not the verb.
Louise hated when I introduced Sam to the Banana Splits.
Love the Banana Splits. When I was about 7 they reran their Saturday morning show on cartoon network. With all the skits and the shows within them.
I can't say I ever got the appeal, beyond the theme song.
I think it's the chaotic nature of them.
Especially when every other presenter was trying to be more cool.
Even at an early age you were rebelling against the system.
I think I've said but I loved the slapstick nature of The Three Stooges, Mr Bean, Tom and Jerry. And this was a set of shows that were presented by these silly creatures. The go kart bit always cracked me up.
